Chapter 2
The Detective Convention.
"Valkyrie," Skulduggery Pleasant said slowly.
Valkyrie narrowed her eyes, "Yes?"
"I want you to stay home while I go to the crime scene at Riddle's house, where he got murdered."
"What?" Valkyrie moaned.
"I'm just looking out for you." Skulduggery defended himself. "It's difficult for a young girl like you to see such a dreadful sight of a dead body."
Valkyrie stared blankly at him, her eyebrow raised and her arms folded.
"For your information, I have already seen a dead person, and a alive dead person and a massive zombie and magic and men made of paper, and an overgrown spider. So if you excuse me, I like to go with you."
"Ok, ok, you don't have to tell me all the times I have put you at risk. Besides, I only wanted to have a bit of peace and quiet from you. I'm only human…well a skeleton to be more precise."
"So, I can come with you?"
Skulduggery turned to her from driving, "Of course. You said you always win. So you have."
"Brilliant, my first crime scene."
Skulduggery started tapping the wheel with his bony fingers.
"It's not pretty, Valkyrie. And it's certainly not a trip to the park. Maybe show a little more consideration that a man has been killed." Skulduggery said seriously.
Valkyrie felt a bit ashamed, and dropped her head. "I know. Sorry."
"It's Okay. You're only simple, I know."
Valkyrie punched his left arm. When she did, she thought that her own fingers were harmed more than Skulduggery's arm. His was so bony, if felt as if she punched a stone instead.
"Ouch!" She yelled.
Skulduggery roared with laughter.
"Now, you're not serious! Show a little consideration that you hurt a little girl."
"Now, now, Valkyrie." he wagged his gloved finger at her.
They drove through the city of Dublin and entered the countryside. They rode on narrow roads with fields either side of it. Tractors ahead of them slowed them down, and Valkyrie had to restrain Skulduggery from beeping the horn continuingly. When they emerged at a cross road, Skulduggery did the most unusual thing. He drove straight on and drove through a hedge that was between two roadways going apart from another. When Valkyrie was sure they were about to collide into the high bush, the car seemed to go through the hedge without any contact and on the other side of it was a road. Valkyrie let go of the glove department, after her previous scare, and looked around her. The road was more wider and there were cottages either side of her. It was different to the Sorcerer streets in the city, they were more rural, more humble and quiet. Like where a pair of old people will spend their pensions after retirement. This was where retired, old sorcerers lived. Away from the politics of the Sanctuary, away from the hustle and bustle of city life. Some elderly Sorcerers where out now, watering their garden plants, a majority using their hands for water instead of a watering can.
Valkyrie saw them stand up straight, staring at the unfamiliar Bentley driving slowly down the red brick road. Unconsciously, Valkyrie started singing in her head, 'Follow the red brick road. Follow the red brick road.'
Then, when realising that she was singing a song from 'The wizard of Oz', she brushed it out of her mind, embarrassed.
"Is this where Jerome lived?" She asked.
"Yes, but not with the neighbourhood. He was a quiet man. Kept his nose in his own business, and kept people out of his own. He was a strange, isolated man. An enigma."
"So, where did he live?"
Without saying anything, Skulduggery pointed up ahead.
Valkyrie followed his finger and saw a hill, and on top of that hill was a fortress. Valkyrie's mouth dropped open. It looked out of shape in the quiet, ideal countryside village. It was made out of stone and tall, walls surround the main building. Valkyrie had no doubt that he was very private. Skulduggery drove up the hill and then stopped when they came across a wide drive way with a tall iron bar gate that lead to the house or 'fortress' as Valkyrie preferred. It had spires towering above and had thick blocked grey outer walls with red banners hanging over the side of it. On the banners had the gold letters JR stitched in them. Skulduggery stopped the car just in front of the gate, and whined down his window. Built in the wall next to the gate was a metal speaker box. Skulduggery pushed the button above it and a booming voice escaped through a small speaker.
"Who's this?" The voice sounded a rude, Valkyrie thought. Skulduggery cleared his throat.
"This is Detective Skulduggery Pleasant and I have my assistant Valkyrie Cain. We are here to investigate the death of Major Jerome Riddle." he replied simply. The man on the other side of the speaker paused, as if he was thinking. Then he said,
"Oh, I 'eard a lot 'bout ya. Awight, better cum in 'en." Valkyrie recognised his cockney accent and wandered why a London Sorcerer was here. But she supposed the death of Major Riddle was very important and the whole Sorcering world would have been panicking. She wandered, while the buzz sounded and the gate opened up for the Bentley to drive through, that Tanith may be here. But she suddenly doubted it and remained looking through the glass. The car climbed up a wide path, with forest either side of it. It was certainly dark and the atmosphere was eerie. She never thought such a man of peace would live anywhere so sinister.
"Are you the only one investigating the death?" She turned her head towards the skeleton next to her.
He stared back, Valkyrie didn't know how she knew, but she sensed he was amused.
"First of all, he was murdered, and secondly, this is a world wide catastrophe and detectives everywhere wouldn't be kept away from this scene."
"So, you got competition then?" Valkyrie smiled.
"Valkyrie?" he stared at her as if she was the dumbest girl in the world. "I don't have competition, I am the best detective in the world."
"Even if you say so yourself?"
"Especially said so from myself. I am, of course, the smartest detective in the world also."
They both laughed and didn't stop until they entered the clearing in front of the estate-like house. The front yard was covered with fancy expensive cars that Valkyrie only saw in movies and on the television. They were the type that drove the Prime Minister or the President around the place. Black tinted windows, bullet-proof glass, super strong metal, tough tyres, and very, very stylish. Even Skulduggery's Bentley looked normal and runned down compared to these. Valkyrie and Skulduggery stared at the amount of detective cars out in the yard. Parked on the greenery, under tree's and even one car, most probably owned by a paranoid detective, was parked in the late Jerome's own garage. Skulduggery himself couldn't believe the amount of cars that were out here. He slowed down the speed of his car and skidded to a halt, his jaw dropping.
Valkyrie turned to him smugly.
"Seems an awful lot of detectives out here, Skul. You're sure you are better then all of these?"
"Please," He said, still looking at the cars with a mix of awe and horror. "I bet they haven't even seen a walking, talking and a handsome skeleton before. And look at me, I am a walking, talking, and extremely handsome looking skeleton."
Valkyrie shook her head.
"You can't be so optimistic forever, you know?"
Skulduggery moved the car and turned the wheel, looking for an extra space for his Bentley. "I can try." And this time, Valkyrie heard the first hint of doubt in his voice.
They both climbed out of the car and slowly walked towards the high, heavy looking oak door into the house. Skulduggery casually strolled with his hands in his pockets and let Valkyrie pull a lead that rang the sound of the bell for the door.
Within a millisecond an elderly man with white thick hair dressed in a penguin suit answered the door. When he saw who it was he rolled his eyes and mumbled to himself, "Not more flaming detectives."
Skulduggery chuckled at him and tilted his hat to him, letting Valkyrie enter first. When Skulduggery went through, he held out his hand to the manservant politely and introduced himself.
"Detective Skulduggery Pleasant, here to solve the murder of Major Riddle."
The servant didn't take his hand and instead eyed him with a look of disgust on his face and stared him up and down. "Yes, I know who you are…skeleton." he finished bitterly.
"Charming." Valkyrie called at him sarcastically.
The servant turned towards her, seeing her for the first time. His eyes opened wide, finding how young she was.
"Where is the world going to? A skeleton and a school girl trying to solve the death of my master." he cried in despair.
Skulduggery raised his finger, "We are standing here, you know? Listening to everything you say."
The rude servant gave Skulduggery a stare that could of killed him, then gave up and sighed and led them to the living room.
To Valkyrie it looked like a medieval museum. Armour suits stood in the corners and a wide stone fire place was the biggest thing in the room. Swords, axes and other vicious weapons hung on the walls. And Valkyrie pondered why a much loved, peacemaking Sorcerer would be so sinister? That same word entered her head again.
But the room was very big to place all of the detectives inside the room. Skulduggery stopped dead in his tracks as he looked about the other detective's faces. Valkyrie gasped.
Wow, I just entered a detective convention, she said inside her head.
She marvelled at how each detective and his assistant was different to the one next to the other. One pair wore traditional robes, another wearing a Sherlock Holmes style outfit. Valkyrie almost burst out laughing, staring at him. She traced her eyes again, and caught an eye of one, unpleasant looking man who wore a tuxedo. He reminded her more of a MI5 agent than a detective. And then there was a younger pair who wore hoodies and jeans, wanting to blend in with the public. She came across a woman detective, to Valkyrie's relief. She was very pretty with red short spiky hair, and wore leather, dark clothes. She was a punk, but was Valkyrie's far by yet, favourite detective. She saw Valkyrie looking and gave a polite smile towards her. She smiled back. Again, all the detectives varied in age, height, built, style but everyone of them had something in common, they were Sorcerers.
But they were all facing one man, they merely looked at Valkyrie and Skulduggery entering the room. They had their attention on a man that stood before the roaring fire in the fire place. He was short and plumb shaped. He wore a tweed suit that was very tight on him and he had a red face. He had a mousy, thin comb over and thick dark eyebrows. He moped his face from sweat with a red poker dot handkerchief and removed his round glasses, whipping them. After he placed his glasses back on the arch of his nose, he noticed the new comers.
"Ah, here you are! That's the lot?" He asked the servant in a high pitched shrill of a voice.
He nodded grudgingly and stalked out of the room, muttering curses under his breath.
Skulduggery came towards the stranger and shook his hand. Valkyrie remained behind.
"It's very good to see you once again, Mr Pleasant." The man was very excited meeting the detective and stared at him with awe.
Skulduggery was very overwhelmed and gratified at the man's enthusiasm. "It's good to see you again, Mr Envy."
Mr Envy continued to shake Skulduggery's gloved hand and Skulduggery had to cough to remind him. Envy seemed to finally notice and let go quickly. There were some muffled chuckles from the detectives at Mr Envy's behaviour. He smiled at Skulduggery adoringly and then only manage to notice Valkyrie behind Skulduggery's shoulder.
"And who is this?" he moved across to Valkyrie. All eyes were on her now, and she shuffled on her feet uncomfortably.
"I'm Valkyrie Cain, Skulduggery Pleasant's assistant." Mr Envy pulled his glasses low and stared over the frames, squinting at her with beady eyes.
"My, my. How old are you, Miss Cain?"
Valkyrie sighed. How long will this be an issue?
She disguise her annoyance by smiling at him. "I'm thirteen, but soon to be fourteen." she added quickly.
"I'm Rowan Envy, in charge of this case." He said quickly, wanting to ask something else instead. "Oh, so who are your parents? Do I know them?" He kindly asked, although he was much older, he was very short and Valkyrie had to talk down at him, which made fresh giggles in the room. "Any good blood lines?"
Valkyrie didn't know what to say. She was a Sorcerer, but her parents weren't. She thought for quite awhile. She had the Ancients blood in her veins but was she allowed to say? To her, being an Ancient descendant seemed very dangerous and she could be targeted. She already rose a god from the grave. What else could she do? She didn't know what to say. Fortunately, seeing Valkyrie's mind wandering, Skulduggery jumped in and helped her out.
"Er, Valkyrie is a niece of a late friend of mine, Gordon Edgley."
Mr Envy merely nodded, not familiar with the name Gordon Edgley. He turned his face back at Skulduggery with magnified blue eyes behind his round spectacles. He seemed to crane his neck up to Skulduggery because he was so short.
"Oh? Well, she looks like a very intelligent young lady."
Valkyrie expected Skulduggery to disagree. Especially after all the teases he gives her being dumb, but he didn't.
"Indeed. I think she is probably my best assistant yet."
Valkyrie didn't knew she could raise her eyebrows so high before. She stared at him incredulously. Envy shook her hand suddenly and shook it almost as enthusiastically as when he shook Skulduggery Pleasant's.
"It has been charming to meet you at last, Valkyrie. I should expect to see you more often."
Valkyrie's cheeks blushed, taken aback by the man's kindness. But she wished that the attention on her would subside quickly because she could feel loads of eyes boring into her.
Envy continued to shake her hand for some time, and an angry, obvious fake cough was sounded from the detective wearing the tuxedo Valkyrie had seen earlier.
"If you don't mind Rowan, but we have a mystery to solve here."
Valkyrie noticed he had a strong American accent. His assistant, who was by his side closely, wore a bowler hat. His New Yorker voice muttered to his partner. "You tell 'em, boss."
The detective smirked triumphant and smugly.
Valkyrie already made her decision that she didn't like that detective one bit. She hoped that she and Skul could beat the American, and find out who killed Major Riddle first.
Mr Envy scowled at the detective's snide comments. Turning his back on Valkyrie and Skulduggery he clapped his hands to the room full of Sanctuary employers.
"Right, have I got all of your attention?" His high pitch squeal rang around the room. The Sorcerers replied by mumbling for him to get on with it.
"Well, as I arranged, the body has been moved into the bed chamber which has been made into a morgue and professor Kenspeckle is with the body." Skulduggery and Valkyrie looked at each other. Valkyrie knew that Kenspeckle wasn't a fan of Skulduggery Pleasant. "We have also kept the crime scene untouched and everything there is in place."
He paused looking almost sadly at the crowd of detectives. But then shook his head as if to compose himself and continued. "As you may already know, this is very serious. Who knows what would happen if the Warlocks found out this information. They could use that for their advantage and brake the treaty knowing that what ever Jerome Riddle had promised about being equal will never happen. And sure, Major Riddle was a inspiring man of the Sorcering world and very powerful, which to his death, would be a punishment of death also.
"This is a very important case, more important than any other you ever have encountered. Do remember that we're all here to help each other, to solve this with each other. Not a competition. And, as they always say, two heads are better than one."
Valkyrie hated the phrase, as they always say. Who were they? Anyway she put that aside and concentrated on what happened next.
It seemed the entire room started protesting, oblivious that they had to cooperate with other detectives around the world. These professionals didn't trust others, and certainly liked working by themselves. Valkyrie already knew that this would end very badly. Among the disagreements between the crowd, one detective hated the idea most of all.
"What! Are you serious?" the American cried in rage. He strode over Mr Envy with wild eyes. "Do you know who I am?"
His assistant followed behind him folding his arms across his wide chest. Envy started fumbling over his words as they came closer to him.
"Well, er…I don't, er…really know…who…you…are, detective." He played around on a loose button on his jacket, not wanting to face the angry American.
"What?" This time the American's voice was more gentle and quiet, seeming surprised that Envy didn't have a clue who he was. He stopped in his tracks and held out his arm quickly stopping his assistant also, that stuck to his side like glue. His partner bumped into it surprised and turned his head to his partner.
It was all quiet in the room as the detectives all stopped arguing and concentrated on the three men in the middle of the room. Then Envy's timid, small voice stopped the awkward silence.
"Erm, I wouldn't mind though, if you would like to introduce yourself, if you wish?"
It was quiet again, and the crowd was still and silent, seeing what would happen next. Suddenly, after Valkyrie grew bored on the tense atmosphere, the American detective gave out a shriek of hysterical laughter. The whole room jumped at his reaction.
"No matter. I assume everyone in this room is familiar with the name Hugo Spite." He turned expectantly to the group of detectives and their number two's.
Everyone, except Envy and Valkyrie all gasped and started figuring out who the person was. It seemed they all were familiar to the name Hugo Spite. To their reactions, Hugo could've been a movie star. They stared at him with awe and inspiration. And some even came up to him and shook his hand, and apologised to him for not realising the famous Hugo Spite. But one pair didn't move to him, but instead looked at him with complete loathing, and crossed their arms. Valkyrie saw that it was the red haired woman detective she had seen before. Her partner also frowned at the crowd gathering around Hugo.
After everyone was done greeting him and talking to him with wide eyes and stupid grins across their faces, Envy stood there trying to remember a 'Hugo Spite.'
Then Hugo laughed and stepped toward the little man and patted him on the back.
"It's Okay, ol' fella. I never usually show my face."
Envy continued to frown.
Valkyrie was too focused on Hugo's face that she hadn't noticed that Skulduggery approached Hugo. He held out his gloved hand to him. Hugo saw him and took it, not taking his eyes off Skulduggery's face.
"Ah, so you're the famous Detective Skulduggery Pleasant?" Hugo said with his clipped Northern American voice. He sounded friendly, but a hint of sarcasm remained in his tone.
Skulduggery nodded, and said also. "I hardly say famous, you're certainly are more famous then me, Hugo. It's good to finally meet you."
He parted hands, but kept talking.
"Yes. Well, I only show my face when a very important case occurs. This is certainly a big shock to our world."
Skulduggery grinned, "You think you can solve this case?"
"Who wouldn't say I couldn't?" He gave a smug but radiant smile. He soon had the majority of women assistant's swooning and charmed by him. Valkyrie however, thought that he was repulsive and cocky. She grimaced at him.
Skulduggery too, looked like he had made up his mind that he didn't think the detective was pleasant. This time, when he answered, his voice was less polite.
"You think you could solve this case alone?"
"Mr Envy explained that if we wanted to solve this case, we must stick together. Not go individually."
Valkyrie backed Skulduggery and he smiled at her, happy that she was thinking the same thing he was thinking.
Then a new voice sounded from behind her, "Exactly."
Valkyrie saw the woman detective walking through the gathered Sorcerers. She came to the front with Valkyrie, Skulduggery, Hugo and his silent assistant. Hugo noticed her and scowled at her looks. His eyes traced over her bright, red, spiky hair, her piercings and her baggy black clothes.
She totally ignored him and held her hand out for Skulduggery.
"I am Elsa Wild. I work with the Detectives Institute of the Sorcerers in France. I agree that we should work together. It's a pleasure to meet you at last." Valkyrie recognised her strong French accent.
Skulduggery took her hand that was covered in silver rings, gladly.
"The D.I.S.F? I've been there once. Very nice people, although I didn't know a word they said."
She smiled a toothy smile, then finally turned to Hugo. He still wore the look of disgrace on his face.
"So…Hugo Spite. Think you're too good for us do you?" She crossed her arms across her chest tightly.
"I am the highest paid and most successful detective here. But I wouldn't say better, maybe more fortunate."
This caused a stir in the detective assembly and whoever praised Hugo before, certainly changed their mind after his comment. Hugo's assistant looked darkly at them. Hugo cried in frustration and called to the detectives.
"I am very sorry that you heard that the wrong way. But I work better alone. Do you want to know who killed Major Riddle?"
Before the crowd turned into an angry mob, Envy's small voice piped up from behind Valkyrie.
"Can we settle an agreement? Seeing as we're acting like school children."
They all grudgingly nodded and became quiet, waiting for his proposal. Valkyrie heard Hugo sigh quietly in relief.
"How about Detective Spite work on his own without any disruption while we try to solve the mystery ourselves together without his help?"
They were silent for a moment, thinking about his suggestion.
"I thought this wasn't a competition?" Valkyrie said. This made it even more intense, a group of detectives trying to beat a more, supposedly better detective. This was simply asking for trouble.
But then Detective Wild stepped closer to Hugo. "Okay, lets do it. Maybe we'll make that head of yours fit through that door soon."
The room felt the tension between the smart American and the punky French woman. Skulduggery tried to get between them.
"If it is the only way to be able to stay civilised, then I suppose it could work." he told Envy. Then he said out to the assembly. "Put your hand up if you agree?"
Every hand went up, even Hugo's. Skulduggery nodded, satisfied and continued. "So, is it about time we worked together and solved the crime?"
There was a chorus of 'yes's' across the room. Skulduggery certainly held the crowd and was a good leader. Valkyrie realised why he was such a strong leader in the secret war and why they'd won it. She tried to observe his gesture, his voice. She hoped one day she could be a leader, a fighter, a much loved ambassador like Skulduggery.
When the chorus subsided, Envy stood in front of the bunch of them.
"Right, well I think the only way we could do this is go one at a time. Skulduggery, Valkyrie, Miss Wild and Theodore can come in first. " Then he spoke quietly to Skulduggery, "His body is upstairs. You sure you want to let Valkyrie see this?"
Skulduggery thought about it for a while and nodded, "She tougher than she looks."
And with that the four of them opened the door. To their surprise, the servant was kneeling at the door with his ear pressed against it. As soon as Skulduggery saw him tumble to the floor, he stood up and walked hurriedly.
"Which first, the body or the crime scene?"
Valkyrie stopped and answered, she knew where they first wanted to go.
"The body."
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