I'm Sorry
Chapter 6
Appearing in her bedroom Regina lays Emma down gently on the bed then casts several spells. One to prevent Emma from being able to leave the house either on foot or magically. Keeping Emma in a restful, restorative sleep. 'Child proof' the bed and bath room to remove anything Emma might try to hurt herself with. One to link Emma's magic to her own, feeding her strength and healing. The last spell to thoroughly bathe and redress Emma in her own clean clothes. Okay, Emma is taken care of for the moment. Time to talk to Henry.
It was the aromas that woke Emma. Sausage, tomato and garlic. Freshly baked bread. Stretching out her arms accompanied by a jaw cracking yawn, it occurs to her that the crypt did not have a bed. So there were no incredibly soft sheets nor fluffy pillows. Prying open an eye, the light here was different…more of it…like late afternoon. Both eyes open now, sitting up and earnestly looking around what is clearly a bedroom. Not her bedroom, though. Pulling at the top, she recognizes it as her own worn tank top. Checking under the sheets, her favorite pair of pale blue boy shorts. The panic she expects for waking up in a strange bedroom hasn't come yet. Shrugging a shoulder, Emma gets out of bed and spots her shirt, bra, jeans and socks folded neatly on a chair. Taking the few steps to reach her clothes, Emma sees into the en suite. Deciding to use the facilities before dressing, she steps in. The nearest sink belongs to the owner of the bedroom with several hygiene items on the counter. By the second sink is a brand new tooth-brush in its box, a tube of toothpaste, hair brush, lotion, deodorant…someone went to a lot of trouble. Finished and feeling oddly refreshed, Emma dresses idly wondering where her boots are.
Opening the bedroom door, stepping into the hall the mouth-watering scents are stronger and she knows exactly where she is. Regina's house. That is Henry's bedroom. The guilt of robbing Regina of her happiness, losing her trust brings her to her knees, along with her failure to pay for those sins.
Regina is aware that Emma is awake and moving about. Wondering whether to go to her or wait downstairs, her decision is made for her by the resounding thud of Emma's knees hitting the floor and the magical connection relaying the emotions now out of control.
Hurrying from the kitchen to the upstairs landing Regina kneels and gathers Emma into a firm hug.
"Shhh, it's okay. I've got you." Regina whispers while her hands gently make soothing circles along and across Emma's back. Holding Emma while she sobs, Regina starts rocking and hums a melody that she used with Henry when he was upset.
Some minutes later the sobbing has tapered off to tears and hitching of breath.
"I don't deserve this." Emma stammers out.
"Hush, Ms. Swan. When you have collected yourself, dinner is ready."
"I've made your shirt all wet." Almost her normal tone of voice.
"It'll dry, as will yours. If you're ready?" releasing her hold on Emma, Regina pulls back to look into her eyes. But Emma is hanging her head. Softly touching Emma's chin, using as little force as necessary, Regina pulls Emma's head up. "It is okay."
Helping each other stand, they make their way downstairs. Regina gestures for Emma to sit at the dining table and continues on to the kitchen.
Their meal is shared quietly with Emma focused mainly on her plate.
"Thank you, Regina, for well…everything. I'll help you clean up and then go." Picking up her plate and silverware, Emma starts to rise.
"You are welcome, of course. You may dry, if you wish. But you are not leaving until we talk, Ms. Swan. Be that today or tomorrow or the next day." Said not with the usual bite. More like the tone reserved for Henry.
Not waiting for a rebuttal, Regina gathers her own dishes and heads for the kitchen.
Regina packages up the leftovers waiting for Emma to join her, knowing she is still sitting at the dining table sorting through her emotions. The advice from Archie was to keep Emma in a safe place both mentally and physically while encouraging her to talk. Figuring out how to do that was Regina's problem.
It wasn't until Regina was loading the dishwasher that Emma wandered into the kitchen. Adding her plate and silverware, Emma turns to check for the pots and pans that have to be washed by hand. Noticing that half of the sink is already full of soapy water, the countertops clear, Emma starts washing the first item she touches.
"Where is Henry?" a good, safe question.
"He is spending the night at a friend's house."
"Good. Is he okay?" left unsaid but clearly communicated- what does he know?
"A bit upset that I sent him off tonight. He knows I found you. That you tried to hurt yourself. Not the specifics, of course. I assured him that we would all be together tomorrow."
"I guess…okay. Anything else that you want washed?" Emma has not turned around, won't look at Regina. Instead she sidesteps over to wipe down the counter tops and stove.
"No, I think you took care of everything. Would you like a drink? I believe I'll have one, join me?" A drink or two, but no more, might help Emma relax.
"Sure, whatever you're having is fine. I'll just rinse these pots and stuff, let the water out. In your office or the living room?"
Emma putters about in the kitchen as long as she can, hearing low, soft music playing in the living room and the scent of a fire burning. With nothing else to wipe down for the fifth time she gives in.
Entering the living room she notes a few dim lights, lit candles and Regina curled up on one end of the sofa, staring into the small fire crackling away, her hands toying with small tumbler of amber liquid. A matching tumbler on the end table at the other end marks where Emma is expected to sit.
Sitting down, resisting the urge to gulp down the drink, Emma takes a sip and a deep breath "So, what do you want to talk about?" Her eyes drawn to the dancing fire.
"What do you remember from our discussion at the crypt?" Regina can see how tense Emma is from her reflection in the mirror over the fireplace.
"I don't know…everything, I guess." Fiddling with the shoelace wrapped around her wrist.
"Then you know I am okay with what happened at the diner. I hold no ill-will towards you, none at all. I thought you were busy with your parents, your new brother and that pirate. It never occurred to me that you would hurt yourself for me."
"I am…devastated that I hurt you, horrified that I took away your chance at happiness, all the trust is just gone. I want you to be happy…you more than anyone in Storybrooke, possibly all of Maine deserve it and I…must pay, somehow. Make it right. I just don't know how." Emma's voice gets quieter the longer she speaks but the pain lacing the words, in her heart, vibrate in the room. Regina is sure she is crying again although Emma is hanging her head, staring at her lap, her hair hiding her face.
"Emma." Emma's head snaps up from looking at her lap. "I need you to really listen to me. I was hurt, I cannot deny that, but I am okay now. I have been for a while now. Robin was not for me, not here. Not now. He may have been years ago, I don't know. I want to choose my mate, not have someone shoved down my throat. I do trust you, I have never stopped trusting you. There is nothing you must pay for. You have to forgive yourself."
"Do not tell me what I have to do." Emma retorts.
Ah there she is, the Emma I have come to know. Good. "You are right, of course. I misspoke. I imagine you feel enough pressure from everyone to fulfill their expectations for your role as Sheriff/Savior/Daughter/Princess. I understand how trying to live under pressure like that pulls you in several directions at once until something inevitably gives. I should have said I wish you would forgive yourself." Regina soothes and backpedals.
"Okay. Good talk. Can I go now?"
"If you don't want to talk anymore tonight, that is fine. But, Ms. Swan, you are not leaving this house until I am certain that you will not attempt to further hurt yourself. You have already gone to great lengths to punish yourself over this incident and I don't believe this brief discussion will suffice."