Chapter 3
It wasn't quite so simple as 'just going', but within two weeks, arrangements had been made and the two were on their way, Mithril and Ronan—Aragorn's horse—packed with provisions and Sa't reluctantly submitting to a saddle.
"Oh, stop heckling me with your eyes, boy. I've been riding without a saddle for four thousand years. You can't expect me to be happy about having to use one now."
Aragorn laughed, "You sound like an Elf, little one."
Sa't shook her head, "Elves. What next? I still can't get over the fact that myths in my world are common knowledge here."
"I cannot imagine a world such as you describe," Aragorn admitted, shaking his head. "It sounds both wondrous and terrible."
"It is," Sa't murmured. "The pyramids, while impressive now, were truly beautiful, once. Egypt flourished under the Inundations of the Nile, and there was peace in the land."
"But the world changes, and changes quickly. Egypt now is not what it was then; in my childhood. Mertseger is long forgotten. Wsyret, Wsyr, and R' mentioned only in history books and as myth and legend, not even under their proper names. The journals I wrote in my youth… placed on display, pieces of my life open for any with the knowledge to read. It is…"
Sa't closed her eyes, trusting Mithril to find his own way, "You must understand, Aragorn… my kind do not live together. We do not… congregate, but for the Gathering. And the Gathering…" she shook her head, unwilling to speak of it, "We are foundlings, all. No one knows where we come from. We are merely found and taken in by mortal families."
"And mortals die."
She missed the wince, as she had not yet opened her eyes, "We watch as everything around us ages and dies, over and over."
"The closer we become, the more it hurts when the ones we love are taken away."
"But to live alone… is to invite madness." Sa't's eyes opened, and she smiled bitterly, "We may be Immortals, but we are human, still. And humans… were not meant to live forever."
She fell silent for a time, and Strider risked a question. "Is it worth it?"
Sa't laughed, "Ai," she shook her head slightly, "Long have I known this truth: It is better to have loved and lost, than never to have loved at all. Is it worth it, you ask?"
"If I could go back, knowing the outcome, to the moment I first met Karen—the closest thing I will ever have to a daughter—I would not change the choice I made to take her in. I would not change a moment of my time with her, even knowing." Sa't smiled, and though her eyes held grief and a little bitterness, there was an honesty in them he could not tear his gaze from, "Is it worth it? That is something for each to decide on their own. But for me, yes. Always. It is worth it."
There was silence for a long time after that, before he chanced another question.
"What do you mean, 'the closest thing you will ever have to a daughter'?" He immediately regretted asking, "Forgive me—I should not have-"
"Iie, my kind cannot have children. As I said; no one knows where we come from. We are simply found and taken in… usually. There are times when a Pre-Immortal grows up on the streets, but that is thankfully rare."
Aragorn nodded, not pursuing the line of questioning that could potentially prove painful. "Children are rare among the Eldar, due to their immortality."
Sa't gave a short bark of laughter, "I always thought the lack of children was the price of our Immortality. But… how my kind exists at all, I cannot fathom. It is not few children, Strider—it is no children."
He shook his head slightly, equally baffled. "I cannot tell you."
"So," Sa't changed the topic abruptly, proving that it did indeed sting, if only a little, "Tell me of your world. Where are we?"
"This part of the land is known as The Wilds…"
xxxx
For the most part, their time spent travelling was peaceful—even boring. Sa't soon found herself falling back into her habit of humming to herself, something she had often done while working, even as a child.
Aragorn, curious, prompted her to sing.
So she did.
Looking back at the beginning of this
and how life was
Just you and me and love and all of our friends
Living life like an ocean
But now the current's only pulling me down
It's getting harder to breathe
It won't be too long and I'll be going under
Can you save me from this?
'Cause it's not my time, I'm not going
There's a fear in me and it's not showing
This could be the end of me
and everything I know, ooh, but I won't go.
I look ahead to all the plans that we made,
And the dreams that we had,
I'm in a world that tries to take them away,
Oh, but I'm taking them back
'Cause all this time I've just been too blind to understand
what should matter to me
My friend, this life we live, it's not what we have
It's what we believe
It's not my time, I'm not going
There's a fear in me, it's not showing
This could be the end of me,
and everything I know
But it's not my time, I'm not going,
There's a will in me and now I know that
This could be the end of me
and everything I know, ooh, but I won't go.
I won't go!
There might be more than you believe,
There might be more than you can see…
But it's not my time, I'm not going,
There's a fear in me, but it's not showing
This could be the end of me
and everything I know.
But it's not my time, I'm not going
there's a will in me and now it's gonna show,
This could be the end of me,
And everything I know
There might be more than you believe
And there might be more than you can see…
But I won't go, oh no I won't go…
(Not My Time by 3 Doors Down)
Sa't let the song die, struggling to keep back the emotion. That had been one of Karen's favorites, and strangely fitting for her current situation.
"Forgive me," Aragorn's voice broke through her half-reverie. "I did not mean to cause you grief."
Sa't shook her head, "Not you. Not even the song… not truly. Though it was one of Karen's favorites… defiant to the end. 'This could be the end of me," she translated for his benefit. "'and everything I know. But I won't go.'" She sighed, "But for all the defiance in the song… there isn't much in me right now. I'm tired of living this life, of losing everything I care for."
Gray eyes glanced to her in sharp alarm.
"Not precisely what I meant," she murmured in response to the look. "I do not fear the Final Death… but nor do I seek it."
Alarm changed to puzzlement, "Final Death?"
"Ah…" Sa't murmured, "I'd forgotten I haven't explained."
So she began, telling him of her brand of Immortality, of the First Death and what it meant. Of the Game and the Gathering.
When she finally finished, he was staring at her in something that could very well have been called horror.
"That is…"
Sa't shook her head as he trailed off, "Barbaric, among other things," she agreed, "but enough believe to make it impossible to ignore. Both my teacher and my student fell to The Game." She added sadly, "Most do, as it is… difficult to kill us by accident."
"How can your people live like that?"
"… There are those who believe in it," Sa't admitted, "and those who simply use it as an excuse to kill. Enough that those of us who would live otherwise… have no choice if we do not wish to be bound to Holy Ground." She sighed, shook her head, "I avoid The Game when I can and there are many others like me, but… sometimes we are given no choice if we are to protect the ones we love. Headhunters don't care who gets hurt along the way, so long as they can get their next Quickening."
Aragorn shook his head in disgusted wonder, "That is… a travesty of life for your people."
"I know," Sa't sighed again, shifting slightly in her saddle, "and I have done my best to change it where I can, but The Game is older than I, older and far more deeply rooted. It has taken much from me, and I would see it ended if I could, but… My people answer to no law but that of The Game. We have no ruler, answering only to ourselves and our own honor. Though it is a terrible thing, The Game rules my people. I cannot change this; certainly not from here."
"I begin to understand your skill with your blades," Aragorn stated wryly.
"It was needed," Sat nodded once, "Now… tell me of the Elves you are taking me to see?"
Aragorn didn't protest the change of topic, instead regaling her with tales of his youth in Rivendell.
Sa't let the words wash over her, grateful for the lighter turn of conversation, listening as her new friend described a people of great beauty and wisdom, a city of wonders such as was only found in fairy-tales on Earth.
And she smiled.
xxxx
First time I've ever put an entire song in something that's not a songfic. I was in a mood. Anyway, I'm hoping it doesn't ruin this chapter… leaving it in because it triggered part of the chapter, and I wasn't entirely sure how to go about changing it. Anyway, see you guys later, and Merry… whatever holiday you celebrate.