The Llanfair heritage – Dragon Hearts II
4. Some wounds don't heal easily
Tentatively Merlin opened the door to Arthur's rooms. His heart sank when he found his friend staring out of the window with an angry frown.
With a small glint of hope he hurried to the window and looked out. Maybe something in the court yard would explain the threatening face. Nope! No such luck! Must still be the quarrel with Uther then.
"Arthur? I'm back!"
"Is that so? How will the King ever cope without you?"
"Now come on, that's not fair! This wasn't my choice!"
Other than Merlin had expected Arthur backed down. "All right, all right, I'm sorry."
"Would you say that again, please?"
"What?"
"That you are sorry! I mean, I am just a poor underpaid manservant and all rare things are valuable and as an apology from you is one of the rarest things on earth I just thought...!"
"Merlin!"
"Now that's more like it" the wizard thought relieved while he watched the Prince chuckle. But then he spoiled it. "How come you're here, Sire? I thought you'd be with Guinivere right now, after all you can't stay the night with her because of the grand dinner the King is giving."
Arthur darted around as if he had been bitten by something. "Why should I be with Guinivere? To tell her that my father is willing to accept her as my whore but not as my wife? And for this dinner, they can all rot in hell before I go there!"
Never before had the wizard seen his royal friend that threatening, at least not towards his friends. To others, yes, but not to Merlin. Inwardly the magician sighed with relief when the Prince hit his fist against the wall and turned away in obvious frustration. It took Merlin some effort to overcome his apprehension but then he put his hand on Arthur's shoulder. It startled him to feel it shake under the padded jacket.
"What is it? Arthur? Why do you feel so strongly about this dinner? You have daydreamed yourself through your father's state occasions before. What's so special now?"
"The guests" Arthur said. Not for the first time since their close escape from Blackrock Castle Merlin saw him wrap his arms around his body as if he wanted to shield himself from something that lurked in the darkness of his memories.
"The guests! Oh well that explains it. Surely nobody could expect the Crown Prince to attend a dinner at which guests are present!"
"I have attended a dinner they graced with their presence before" Arthur said very softly, lost in memories. "They came to Blackrock special, for the spectacle of a Crown Prince serving at Llanfair's table. He had me chained and my hands were shackled. I could work, but I couldn't fight, not when I was forced to my knees, not when he slapped my face, not when he..." Arthur rubbed his throat as if something disgusting was creeping over his skin. "Must have been noble to behold though, as Cendred's assembled nobility enjoyed themselves that much."
Merlin felt a chill run down his spine. "Does your father know that tonight's guests are the same people who..."
Arthur nodded. "I am sure that this is exactly why he is so anxious I attend. He thinks I'll have to brave it out any road, so why not now? Only this time I can't. I used to think that I could face anything; brave out anything because that's the way he wanted me to be. I know he still wants it but I can no longer deliver. So he will cast me away soon enough."
Merlin was terribly frightened by the words as well as by the flat tone in which they were spoken. "He would never cast you away. He loves you! What do you take him for?"
"I take him for the man who sent me into Llanfair's hell hole to teach me a lesson in humility. Now he can't complain of getting what he wanted."
"What do you mean by that? You can't really think he knew what was going to happen? You didn't have a clue either. Or do you want me to believe you really thought he'd hurt Gwen if you had tried to escape on the journey to Blackrock?"
Arthur turned around and fully faced his incredulous friend. "When my father told me that he'd let her suffer if I offered any resistance I believed every word he said. Why should I have doubted his threat to be genuine? Gaius has been tortured by my father's orders and so have you."
"I thought you and your father had made it up" Merlin said very meekly. The reminder of his spell in Camelot's rarely used torture chamber had been most unwelcome. He had almost succeeded in repressing the memory.
Pendragon shrugged helplessly. "I thought so too. I wanted to believe that we are truly reconciled. But somehow...When I see him I always think of the day he told me I was to go away. That I was a traitor, a dead loss as a Prince and as a son. That he'd prefer to see me as Llanfair's slave over forgiving me. I keep thinking what he will do next time we don't see eye to eye in anything. To me, to Guinivere, or to you."
"Arthur, this is nonsense! Twice he offered his own life in exchange for yours. When you thought that I was going to sacrifice his life in order to save yours you wanted to kill me. You told me so yourself. Now you can't make me believe he doesn't mean anything to you?"
The Prince ran his five fingers through his hair in exasperation. "Look, Merlin I don't really understand this myself. When I thought he was going to die I was more desperate than ever before in my life. But now we are back home, save. He just wants to go back to normal and I can't do that. And I can't stay here. I am going away and Guinivere will come with me, with or without my father's consent. Question is, will you?"
Merlin paled at the thought of what this could mean for his friend. Arthur was going to throw away his whole future, the great destiny which was his birthright. If he ran now in the dead of night neither he nor his father would ever as much as think of reconciliation. This time the breach would be final.
"Where would you want to go?" he asked hesitatingly. "I mean, who would take us in, except for using you to his own ends or turning you in, hoping for a reward from Uther?"
Arthur smiled a bit, despite the sick feeling in his stomach that had hardly left him since he had come home. "Don't worry, I am not thinking of leaving Camelot altogether, I just think my father and I need a break. I'll go to Blanchefleur Manor. You and Gaius would like it there; it's Druid country and I guess they will be back, now that they are no longer persecuted. If Gaius would like to come too, that is."
"It's in the border region?" Merlin asked incredulously. "But that makes it part of Antek of Llanfair's new estate. You persuaded Uther to give it to him after he had lost Blackrock and King Cendred had cashiered his fiefdom and outlawed him."
"And that's exactly why I think we could live there for a while without my father's always watchful eyes following my every move. Antek is my friend, as good as you."
"Arthur, you're nuts. Antek is a dumb ass and a coward. He just stood by when his father put you through the wringer; and who was the one who forced you into servitude? Oh yes, now I remember, it was young Antek."
"You don't know what you're talking about. You weren't there at the time, Antek only tried to…."
"But I was there at the time, that's what you can't get into this thick head of yours" Merlin yelled angrily. "I saw and heard it all, I heard him lying to you, blackmailing you until you gave in to his demands because he had left you no other choice. You have a rare definition of what friendship might mean, My Lord!"
With considerable effort, Arthur refrained from answering to that with his fists. Or with a severe punishment. Sometimes it was much too easy for a superior to end an argument that way. He had learned that the hard way. The very hard way. Count Anwar had been in the habit of keeping his captive gagged for days for one defiant word. "Let's not argue, Merlin. My decision is made. My father will no longer rule my life. Things will never again be as they have been before. It's no use to pretend otherwise."
"You know I'll come with you wherever you go." Merlin said. "That goes without saying. But you know…."
"What?"
"If you don't attend this vexed dinner, your father will have your hide before you can do anything. The King will go nuts if you don't come to the Great Hall tonight."
"All right, all right, I'll come and I'll try my very best not to strangle any one of these creatures, if that is fine with you. Okay?"
Secretly the King admired his son for his composure when the very men who had seen him in his deepest humiliation now bowed and sucked up to him; trying their utmost to pretend that Arthur's captivity in Blackrock had never happened. The King had often been proud of his son but never as proud as on that evening.
As for Arthur, he was going through purgatory. When the inevitable final handshakes were due, he almost vomited. Immediately after his father had dismissed him the Prince ran upstairs and scrubbed his hands and arms, then his entire body frantically. But even then he thought he'd still feel the grease and stench of the men's touch on his skin.
Merlin had seen it coming all evening but finally he only stood and watched his friend, not knowing what to say or do.
The King, however, went to bed smiling, blissfully ignorant of what his casual decision 'to get it over with' had caused. So it came to pass that Uther thought he had all the time in the world to think Geoffrey's plans over carefully.
A week later the news of Arthur's secret wedding ceremony with Guinivere knocked the feet off under Uther's body. By the time he realized that Arthur had no intention of returning to Camelot but had led his entourage towards the border regions, shying away from a final confrontation with his father, it was too late for anything.