10. Error of judgement

Inwardly sighing Gaius thought that watching a royal Pendragon's impatience and inner torment had formed too big a part of his life. If he had known this to be a inherent part of a Court Physician's task he'd have paid more attention to the lectures of the old soul healers, back on the Blessed Isle.

This time it was the younger of the two who was pacing to and fro through the beautiful, cosy little bedroom like a captured predator in a cage.

"Arthur, as much as I appreciate what you've done for me, there's no need to stay with me. Surely you would want to join the others? After all you've a lot to celebrate; your freedom and most of all your father's miraculous rescue. And Merlin's."

"Yes, sure." His face pale and with a frown somewhere between anger and sadness the Prince hardly looked like a man in a festive mood.

On and on went the pacing, lithe and lissom as a cat, all muscles tensed. Gaius admired the strength and the unwitting elegance of these movements that no longer told of the horrid injuries the old wolf of Llanfair had inflicted on his prisoner. If only the soul could heal as easily as the body - things might be much easier for Arthur Pendragon.

Not for the first time Camelot's Court Physician wished he could find a potion against the odd mixture of stubbornness, pride, rashness on the one hand and true and genuine dedication and affection on the other. The special Pendragon blend of character treats was a blessing as well as a curse; it always had and most probably always would cause trouble between father and son. As much as between close friends.

"Then why do you not join the others?" Gaius insisted, if most kindly. "I'm sure Merlin would like to talk to you." He paused for a moment before he went on, unsure if he was right in breaching a confidence. "The boy thinks you're avoiding him on purpose and he's taking it hard."

When the tormented face turned towards him, blue eyes visibly searching for some understanding the healer inwardly braced himself. He knew that look from earlier years. From the child that had once rampaged the Camelot nursery for no other reason but that he had been incredibly lonely, only to regret the havoc he had caused immediately afterwards. Later on the boy had not turned to his father with his troubles but to the Court Physician. Up to today Gaius was glad that Uther had never found out how much his only son had confided in a servant over the years of his childhood.

Looking every inch the confused boy he had once been Arthur slumped down in a chair and rubbed his face. "I wonder why Merlin should not be grateful for me leaving him alone. After all it has been my fault that he was sold to those brutes. And as for my father..." unable to keep still for long the Prince jumped back to his feet and the pacing went on until Gaius' head swam a bit. "If it hadn't been for my stubborn stupidity he'd still be back home. To think that all his men have died, that you were almost killed and that these filthy pigs had him abducted only because I had wanted to put my foot down..."

"Nonsense" Gaius replied with some heart felt conviction. "How were you to know that Antek would betray you like that?"

"Obviously everyone else knew" Arthur said bitterly. "Merlin warned me not to trust him, and so did Leon, even Guinivere did, more than once. But naturally I had to know better, putting everyone at risk, even my own wife and child. A fine King I will make one day, won't I? I cannot even tell friend from foe!"

Gaius began to feel uncomfortable. These confessions went too far; as sure as rain Arthur would regret opening his heart like that soon enough and the Crown Prince's regard and affection was too precious to the healer to risk losing them due to Arthur feeling ashamed of revealing himself like that.

"Frankly, Sire, I think you shouldn't tell all that to me but to the people in question." Having said that, the physician drew strength from what he knew about somebody else's inner torment. "Two days ago we arrived here. 'Thanks for the sword, Merlin' and nothing else, not one word. You see him approach and you go away at once. He doesn't deserve this from you, he really doesn't."

"When he gave me the sword and turned away I thought this had been it. A gesture of farewell so to say. Not that I'd blame him for finally leaving me. He's had more than his due share of tribulations ever since he first came to Camelot and we did preciously little to make it up to him."

This did it. Enough was enough and Gaius would not allow it to go any further. If there had ever been a moment to put some of the authority he had gained during the Prince's childhood to the test, it was now. So he inhaled deeply and pulled all his courage together. "Arthur, after all we've been through these last 18 months I hope you will forgive an old man for speaking his mind. Almost always in your quarrels with your father I've been on your side but not any more. Not when you take them as an excuse to wallow in self-pity. Maybe you have made a grave error of judgement when you trusted Antek but you cannot undo that. You can only improve the future, not the past. So I'd say you go to your father and the two of you make it up with each other, this time for good. He has accepted your marriage now. What more can you ask for?"

As the Prince kept silent at that and lowered his head, Gaius fought the urge to rise and take him in his arms like he had done when this young dragon had still been little. But he was not little any more. It was no good pampering him, his father had spoilt him for that any road. "Forget the foolish talk of never setting foot into Camelot again as long as he's King, Sire. Your father has made many mistakes, but he kept Camelot safe as your inheritance. We all have made sacrifices and we all deserve that you take it some day in the same good faith in which it will be given. To you and to your son."

Gaius smiled cautiously into the astonished and somewhat embarrassed face which was now turned towards him. "Come back to Camelot with us, Your Highness. Please. It's high time to go home. For all of us."

Arthur fought with a lump in his throat. Each and everything his father had ever taught him called for a most noble, most haughty answer while all that was his real self called for a close hug. In the end the inner battle terminated with a two sided defeat. "If you think so, Gaius..." wasn't an exactly regal thing to say and it wasn't an especially gratifying or endearing remark either.

But for someone who had known him all his life it was more than enough to heave a sigh of utter relief. "You are making the right decision, Sire. Especially as it isn't an easy one."

If someone other than Gaius had said that, it would have been an empty flattering which most probably had earned the speaker a vicious reward. But coming from the healer Arthur appreciated it as genuine, and at face value. "Do you think that we all would want to go back to Camelot? There still is someone whom I earned some time in the hands of some people trading in young magicians."

Gaius shrugged dismissively. As this seemed to be the night of truth, so be it. No matter how wise it usually was to tread carefully in telling the truth to Princes, he could hardly avoid it now.

"Merlin's once told you that he'd be glad to be your servant until the day he dies and he meant every word of it. There is nothing, absolutely nothing you could do that would make him turn away from you unless you push him away. And, honestly, My Lord, you are doing exactly that right now. If you do not explain things to him soon, you may really lose him. I fear you'll have to think of something like an apology, Sire."

Gaius had no idea how very right he was, especially in this precise moment.

Merlin had sworn a most solemn oath to himself that this time it would be for Arthur to make the first step but naturally this proved to be too big a task. Ever since they had arrived in Arenboarth's new village – if 'village' was an apt denotation for the rural but not primitive, even somewhat luxurious dwellings the Druid tribe now lived in – the Prince's carefully maintained distance had worn out his warlock-friend's resolve.

Now, much to his own chagrin, Merlin found himself approaching the chambers Arenboarth had given to Arthur and his family for the duration of their stay. Wisely the Lord Druid had thought it better to accommodate the King in another house, at the far end of the village, after their last confrontation had left both Pendragons with sore throats – and hearts.

The young warlock's hand had already closed around the doorknob when he suddenly felt a surge of his original anger rise in him. He let go of the knob and turned round resolutely. No, not this time. For once the royal prat should come to him, not the other way round.

Admittedly, Merlin didn't feel too good when he furtively made his way to the house's ground floor where the still recovering Gaius was presently residing. But there was nothing for it. Much had changed between Merlin and the others from Camelot, especially between the warlock and Arthur's knights, who nowadays tended to treat the 'conqueror of Blackrock castle' as an equal. However, in times of need Camelot's unofficial Court Sorcerer still felt the most secure with his old healer friend. And just now the presumably almighty warlock was nothing more than a youngster in dire need of emotional comfort, as always when he and Arthur had a serious quarrel. Somehow this seemed to happen more and more frequently, at least since Antek and the whole devilish Llanfair breed had come into everything.

On his arrival at Gaius' doorstep the warlock looked virtually crestfallen and a not too small amount of self-pity made him look like a lost kitten which had been kicked out into the rain for too long. "Gaius, I swear this Pendragon clotpole will be the death of me yet" he said miserably before his second foot had actually made it inside the room. "You know, to him I don't exist any more. He's avoiding me, all haughty and arrogance. Ungrateful prat!"

From his cosy seat in the sunny, well cushioned window sill the healer gave his young friend a punitive look and pointed his chin towards a corner behind the angry magician, a warning gesture that was completely wasted on the addressee. "Merlin, you shouldn't say such things right now."

"And why not?" was the most indignant reply.

"Because he fears I could take offence" an all too familiar voice said from behind. "Other than you, Gaius knows how to treat a Prince."

To his burning shame the warlock felt his face grow hot with embarrassment when Arthur approached him from behind the door where he had been standing. With well feigned casualness the Prince slapped Merlin's neck when he passed him. Gently, very gently, but for the other young man's state of mind, it was enough.

"Don't slap me." Roughly Merlin pushed Arthur's lingering arm away before it could go round his shoulder. "To you and your noble friends I may be nothing more than a dog but I'm not. Why aren't you with Antek anyway? He must be desperate to scrap his way back into your good grace."

"Merlin, stop it" a most worried Gaius tried to intervene before something was said which could not be taken back without even more hurt and loss of face, but it was no good. Merlin had too much of an inner conflict to bear, an unbelievably intertwined mixture of offence, jealousy, longing to be on good terms with his friend once more and the wish to laugh all awkwardness away. Now that the cause of it all was standing in front of him, the warlock's injured feelings got the better of him. He had no intention of giving in without at least a small victory to mollify his hurt pride and self-esteem.

So, with an angry shake of his head, Merlin continued to yell at an already very pale and withdrawn Prince, instinctively searching for some words which might hurt as much as Arthur had hurt him. And he found them. "You know, I think you'd be thick headed enough to forgive this Llanfair scum once more if he made pretty please. Naturally I'd rather eat dirt before I'd do such a thing but you have always had a weak spot for boot-lickers. Flatters your supercilious ego, doesn't it, especially after you have made a fool of yourself and almost got us all killed."

Merlin had blurted that out before he had held council with his better judgement.

Gaius knew that he hadn't meant half of it. Unfortunately, Arthur's intuition did not go that far. Only for an instant his face showed what he really felt before it became a closed door, a restricted area of a most regal reservedness. The kind he would have shown to an enemy who had him cornered. Merlin knew that expression very well. Somewhere inside him a voice whispered that he might have gone too far this time.

"Fine" Arthur said after an awkward spell of horrified silence. "If that's what you think of me I doubt we have anything more to talk about." With a face virtually grey with mortification and shame he swept past the warlock who was too busy sorting out his own mixed feelings to do anything about it.

Arthur had hardly escaped out of the room when a book flew by and against the wall, missing Merlin's head by a hair's breadth.

"Whoa, hold it, Gaius. What was that for?" If Merlin was to be judged by his wide uncomprehending blue eyes alone he was the incarnation of insulted innocence.

Naturally this could not fool the healer one bit.

"What the hell has gotten into you?" Gaius shouted. "Have you taken complete leave of your senses or what?"

"I hate it if he does that" Merlin replied, rather lamely now that Gaius' genuine wrath was very obvious. "Slapping me and all that."

"Slapping you, my foot. He hardly touched you. You had no cause to fly at him like that."

"Yes, I had. You know I had. Two days ago we came here, two whole days and he didn't even look at me. He ignored me, talking to Arenboarth, talking to Leon, Mirella, to you and all the others, to each and everybody except me and his father. I could have been swallowed whole by some questing beast for all he cared."

The physician let his shoulders and head sink down, not knowing whether to laugh or to cry. Between all the sword fights, magical attacks, abductions, blackmail, political manoeuvres and other close calls which seemed to be the normal life of these two, he as well as almost everybody else tended to forget how young they both still were. Finally the healer decided that the second half of the coin needed as much careful handling as the first half had only minutes ago. The kind of careful handling that cannot be given from a distance, and he tried to get up.

"Gaius, don't. Arenboarth said you must not get up for at least another two days."

Looking into his ward's anxious eyes Gaius felt his last remaining anger melt away and he took Merlin's wrist to pull him down to sit at his side. "Didn't it occur to you that Arthur might feel guilty for what happened to you and his father? He's almost killing himself with self-accusations because he trusted Antek with your life and the lives of his family. You know his accursed pride; he needed all this time to muster enough courage to come to you and apologize, especially after the earful about his stupidity he got from Uther on our way here. And you chuck him out before he can say a thing."

"So much for getting some comfort from someone who's on my side for a change" Merlin thought. "How come that nobody ever sides with me?" It was almost – almost! – enough to silence his own guilty conscience which had begun muttering that, for once, it had been him who had behaved very stupidly.

Gaius saw the deep angry frown on the younger man's face, persistent in spite of all the better knowledge underneath it, and sighed silently. There was no talking sense into him now, that much was obvious. "Well, let's hope that he will be calmer in the morning" he gently said. "Now that the danger has passed."

Merlin, feeling more than a bit sheepish, was all too ready to believe in that. "I think things will be better once he has stopped blaming himself for the peril Uther and I have been in. Don't you think so?"

"Yes, I do!" What else should Gaius have said to that? It was what he himself hoped with all his heart. Heaven forbid that Prince and warlock would really fall oút with each other permanently.

The warlock shrugged helplessly while his signature smile lit up his whole face. "You know how it is. It's impossible to be with him but it is also impossible to be without him."

Resolved to change the subject Gaius said "by the way, I'm still at a loss to understand how you and Uther came here in the first place. As the King is burying himself in his quarters, would you mind explaining things slowly and patiently to an old man?"

As he had hoped, this kept the usual lopsided smile on the warlock's face. Trustingly Merlin pulled his legs up to the window sill and settled down for the narrative. He had grown accustomed to telling his adventures to Gaius over the years and had actually taken some liking in the act.

"Well, there's not so much to tell, really" he began.

"I'd bet, from your preparations" Gaius thought fondly.

"When Uther and you had left, Arthur informed Gwen and me that he had decided to leave Blanchefleur for good. Not to go back to Camelot but somewhere else, wherever his father would choose he said. He wanted to tell Antek during a two days' hunt the bloody Llanfair bastard had planned for the same afternoon. Naturally neither I nor Leon and his lot were invited. They rode out, Antek, a whole bunch of his men and Arthur, all alone. As soon as they had passed the gates for good, Antek's other men came for me. They had me down in the cellar, bound and gagged in no time."

Despite his valiant attempt to sound casual and indifferent he shuddered under the memories. Gaius' comforting hand on his back didn't do much to calm him.

"You see, I couldn't fight back. The drinking water in my room must have been laced with something. I was dizzy and all; and I felt sick even before they came for me." It still gave him the creeps, that much was visible from the goose-flesh on his arms.

"It took half the night for them to come back. I had no idea what had happened to the others. Arthur, Guinivere, even the little one, I did not know whether they were alive or dead. The soldiers untied my feet, but nothing else, and dragged me out. It was pitch dark in the court yard. There were some men, huddled into their cloaks and hoods. They gave a fat leather purse to the Llanfair guards and received some parcels in return. One looked like a wrapped up book, others would have contained other items. After some talking they threw a second purse at the Llanfairs and grabbed my arms. It was then that I finally understood that I had been sold, together with all the other stuff they had bought."

Unknowingly his nervous hands began to play with the blanket. "I was so scared; the drug seemed to lose all effect in an instant. I tried to shove them away with my thoughts, something I can easily do, usually. But this time it was as if my magic dripped off their skin. With the gag in my mouth I couldn't use a spell. I tried to struggle but they had a knife at my neck in an instant. I had no other choice but to follow them. One of them, it must have been their leader, mounted his horse behind me and we rode off. I have no idea how long we were under way but suddenly the leader's horse stumbled and fell, dragging us both down with him. Some wild looking creatures jumped out of the shrub, howling madly. The other strangers chased off, I think their horses must have been thoroughly spooked. I sure was. Spooked, I mean. The man who had been holding me rose to his feet and pulled his sword. He uttered some kind of spell but it didn't work. He tried to grab me again but I managed to roll out of his reach. Before he could come after me the savages had him surrounded. He wielded his sword, kept them at bay, but he was vastly outnumbered. Finally he lost hold of one of the parcels, the one which looked like a book. The others he stuffed under his coat before he turned and simply ran away."

A bit of the fear and anguish of this night still resided in Merlin's features when he continued. "I waited for the attackers to pursue him but they did not. Instead they came to me. I feared I'd jumped from the frying pan into the fire. When I first recognized Marwon and some of the others from Arenboarth's tribe I was sure it was wishful thinking. It took them some time to convince me that they had really freed me."

"Must have been some celebration afterwards" Gaius tossed in gingerly; only mildly surprised as Merlin shook his head in strong denial.

"Nobody felt like celebrating that night" the warlock said softly, a bit lost in his vivid memories. "For all I knew Arthur and the others were dead or captured, perhaps traded off as much as me, like some cattle in the market. Besides, Arenboarth was in an awful mood, really unbearable."

"I know he didn't treat you exactly fair Merlin when he expelled you from the Druid tribes for what you did to old Anwar of Llanfair but..."

"... I had had no idea he could ever be like that" Merlin interrupted his old friend as if the healer hadn't spoken at all. "His hands were shaking while he unpacked the parcel and when he found it was only a folder with a bunch of handwritten documents and notes he swore blasphemously. I had never thought that he'd know this kind of language."

As he felt compelled to say something by Merlin's questioning face Gaius smiled ruefully. "The last time I heard him swear was some thirty years ago, into the face of another young adept who had been caught sleeping while it had been his duty to guard the Lord Druid's personal library. I admit, an angry Arenboarth is a very intimidating sight."

Merlin made a face and continued. "You could say that. And he did not calm down all night, for a time I thought he'd do himself an injury in his blind wrath. It was Marwon who told me on the way to the village that Arenboarth had been keeping Blanchefleur under constant surveillance for some time, as well as the road to Camelot. So the Druids had been aware of the attack against the King, albeit they came too late to prevent it. Marwon said that Uther's abductors had disguised themselves as Cendred's men, with crest and all, but that Arenboarth was absolutely sure that Cendred had nothing to do with this attack. Anyway the Druids had succeeded in scaring them off, much the same as they did with my captors. Marwon also told me that all in Uther's escort had been killed."

With the original shock of the news of Gaius' death washing over him again, Merlin's hand searched for that of his old mentor. Gently the healer returned the anxious squeeze, glad that the curt and rough but as always very effective treatment Arenboarth had given him on their arrival had cured him almost completely. Obviously his ward had worried more than was good for him about Gaius' injuries.

"I can't tell you how happy I was when I heard from Antek that you had been wounded and that you were in Blanchefleur with Arthur and the others. He babbled something about it when we captured him" Merlin went on, his sprightly features now displaying the relief he had felt. "Anyway, Arenboarth kept rambling on about something that had to be found under all circumstances. Apparently this Rashnijaan is very important to him, whatever it is."

Gaius' hands suddenly went limp and fell away from Merlin's body. "The what?" he whispered.

"It's called Rashnijaan. I asked him what it might be and why it is so important but he refused to tell me. I asked Mirella but she had never heard of it either. I'm sorry but I have no more of an idea what all of this has to do with us and Antek or who these mysterious abductors might have been than you have. Seems as if not even Antek himself knows anything. Arenboarth has pestered him with questions, even with a spell of forced truth as far as I know, but he got nothing out of our dear Count of Llanfair."

Only now Merlin realised that he had lost his audience's attention. Gaius was staring into nothingness. He definitely looked like a man who had seen a ghost.

"But look what I'm doing here" the warlock said most embarrassedly. "I talk and talk while you need to rest. It's not as if we'd lack the time to continue this later. The good news is, Arenboarth has asked me to stay. Can you imagine? All of a sudden he wants to take me back as his apprentice."

The warlock paused, waiting for a reaction from his friend. After all, Gaius had been more than a bit disappointed when the Lord Druid had been adamant that Merlin was not allowed back to the Druids for his magical training, even if it was not Arenboarth himself who would give it to him. The healer hadn't said much about his rejected requests but it had been clear that he had begun to feel that Merlin's powers exceeded his abilities to teach magic by far now and that he would have liked to see his ward's outstanding abilities in the hands of a more capable teacher.

"The Druids even want Arthur and his family to stay, after Uther's been seen safely back to Camelot" Merlin said tentatively when Gaius kept silent. "Arenbaorth says to give father and son a break from their constant quarrelling but I think it's for Mirella's sake. She is his only daughter after all, even though she married a knight against her father's wishes. She's with child now. Leon told me only this morning. He is beside himself with joy..." the warlock's voice faded away. Anxiously he looked at the old man who suddenly appeared to be very fragile and vulnerable, except for the hand that had closed over the young magician's fingers once more, this time pressing them with surprising strength until the bones creaked.

Merlin was unsure of what to do. He did not want to go on pestering his obviously still weakened friend but he would not escape the strong grip by force either. So he just went on talking. "Don't you think that this might be why Arenboarth wants Arthur to stay here for a while? I mean, where his Prince leads, Leon will follow. He always does."

Slowly Gaius' gaze came back to the young man's face. "Yes, Merlin" he replied quietly. "And so will you."