Author's Note: I love the positivity from all you commenters. You're keeping me motivated! Accountability, y'all...it works! Wow, I just used "y'all" in a non-ironic way. I think I can officially call myself a Southerner now.
As promised, I have a longer chapter today for you. This is build-up before the proverbial rock bottom, which is coming in the next few chapters.
Olivia unlocked her door and she and Alex entered her apartment. In contrast to Alex's welcoming Upper West side digs, Olivia's apartment screamed "single bachelorette pad". It had sparse decoration, and looked almost like no one lived in it. Olivia had always wanted to make it more "homey", but she never had time to do it.
"I'll only be a few minutes," Olivia said, as she proceeded towards her bedroom to pack for the weekend.
"Mind if I get a drink of water?" Alex called out to Olivia.
"I don't think I have bottled, but grab a cup from the cabinet closest to the stove," Olivia responded.
Alex went into the kitchen and took a glass from the cabinet. She turned on the tap and filled her glass. She was about to retreat back to the living room when a few large garbage bags piled in the corner caught her eye. The rest of Olivia's apartment was incredibly neat, so the pile of bags surprised her. "I hope this isn't what I think it is," Alex thought.
She felt awkward doing it, but Alex took a look inside the bags. Unfortunately, her suspicions were confirmed. Inside, she discovered dozens of assorted beer and liquor bottles.
Alex was shocked by the sheer amount of alcohol Olivia must have consumed. This trash pile looked like the cleanup after a frat party. She tried to calm herself. "This has to be several weeks worth of alcohol," Alex reasoned. "She'd be dead if she drank all this in the past week. And I really don't think Liv would lie to me."
Alex sank into a kitchen chair. Olivia's drinking problem was much more severe than she had originally thought. Even if those bottles represented a month of drinking, it was still much more than any healthy person would consume.
Alex couldn't ignore this. She and Olivia had to deal with it right then and there. "Liv, can you come in here, please?"
"Yep. I'm pretty much done packing. Be right there," Olivia replied.
Olivia went to the kitchen and paused when she saw Alex with the bags. She looked sheepishly at the floor. "Oh...you found those. I...I can explain."
"Look at me, Olivia." Olivia lifted her head until she was looking directly at the attorney. Alex's piercing blue eyes seemed to cut right through her.
"I'm going to ask you a question, and you need to be completely honest with me. Outside of yesterday, have you had a drink since last weekend?"
"No," Olivia insisted. "I swear. It's just...once the bottles started piling up, I was embarrassed. I didn't want any of my neighbors to see me throwing out all these bottles. I was planning on getting rid of them in the middle of the night. But I was so paranoid that someone would see me that I haven't been able to bring myself to do it."
"When did this start, Liv?" Alex's voice was soft and full of concern.
"I'd say...about a month and a half ago was when the garbage started piling up. But the heavy drinking had been going on for at least a few weeks before then," Olivia confessed.
"Barring that, do you see how many bottles you have here? You do realize that this is way too much alcohol for one person to consume? Right?" Alex inquired.
"Yep. I knew then and I know now," Olivia affirmed.
"Do you have any other alcohol in your apartment, Liv?"
"Nope. Honestly, all the alcohol I've bought has been consumed almost immediately. I hate to admit that, but it's the truth."
Olivia took a seat across the table from Alex. "It started off with a few drinks in the evening a couple times a week ...you know, after a rough day, just to take the edge off. Soon I found myself drinking every night. And I needed more and more to feel the same effect. I couldn't get enough."
Olivia started to cry. Alex moved her chair next to Olivia and rubbed her back.
"I thought I could control it. I really did," Olivia sobbed. "I can't believe I let it get this bad."
Alex wrapped Olivia in a hug and kissed the top of her head. For a few minutes, she just held Olivia as she cried. "It's ok, Olivia. Addiction is a medical condition. It's not a character flaw...and it's not your fault."
"Thanks, Alex. But it is. I should have never let it get this far. I should have never been weak. I know better. I lived this with my mother. I'm so pathetic...I don't know why you even want to be around me," Olivia sniffled.
"Olivia, you are an amazing woman. You're intelligent, brave, and compassionate. Not to mention hot." Olivia gave Alex a small smile.
Alex continued. "I'm lucky to have you. We all have our demons to face. Yours just happens to come in the form of a bottle."
"It's just so hard, Alex. I want to drink constantly. The thought is always there, lurking beneath the surface."
Alex saw an opportunity to discuss counseling again. "Liv, have you thought any more about what we talked about this morning? A substance abuse specialist could really help you."
"I honestly did think about it today. And every brain cell I have is telling me that it's the right thing to do. But emotionally...I can't. I just can't bring myself to go into counseling."
"Liv, don't you always urge victims to seek counseling? I understand that this a different type of situation, but a professional can really help you make a positive change."
"I fully admit that I'm a hypocrite. But I want to work through this on my own. My promise still stands though. If I slip up again, I'll go to counseling."
"What if I go with you?" Alex offered.
Olivia shook her head. "I know you're trying to help. And you are. Just knowing that you're here for me is tremendously helpful. But I don't feel comfortable going to counseling. I've done it before and it never felt right. If I just avoid alcohol, I'll be fine. Really."
Alex decided to drop it. Olivia was being completely sincere, and she did reaffirm her promise to seek counseling if things got bad again. "Ok. Now what do you say we get out of here?"
"Sounds good to me," Olivia said.
"But first, let's get rid of these bags. We'll give you a fresh start. And who cares what your neighbors might think? I highly doubt they'll be looking through your trash."
"I think that's a great idea, Alex."
The two women gathered up the trash and Olivia's overnight bag and left the apartment. They threw the bags in the dumpster and stood outside of Olivia's building.
"I love these warm late spring evenings," Olivia commented.
"The city is absolutely gorgeous during this time of year," Alex agreed. "Why don't we walk around a bit before going to my place?"
"I'd love that." Olivia grabbed Alex's hand and they started walking.
The two women arrived at Alex's apartment two hours later. They had decided on takeout barbecue since it fit in with the weather.
Alex brought out place settings and Olivia arranged the food onto the plates.
"I haven't had barbecue in ages. Good call, Liv. Speaking of barbecue, guess who's coming to New York next week?"
Olivia laughed. "There is only one person I would ever associate with barbecue...and that's because she would be lecturing us on how Texas is the only state that should legally be allowed to serve it. Abbie?"
"Yep. Seems like she'll be working on a case up here for a few days. She emailed me and asked if I'd like to meet her for dinner. You're welcome to come of course."
"That sounds good. I haven't seen her in ages. I didn't realize you two were that close though."
"We weren't really close when we worked together, but we always got along. Our friendship actually deepened when she moved away. Funny how that happens. I see her every so often when she's in New York," Alex replied.
"Yeah, we hung out a few times. She's quite a firecracker," Olivia said. "It will be nice to catch up with her."
"I'll let you know the details, Liv." Alex picked up her fork. "Now, this may not be Texan, but it smells delicious. Let's eat!"
Olivia and Alex stuffed themselves with the food. A little while later, they found themselves on the couch, food comas fully kicked in.
"Hey, are your Mets on tonight?" Alex asked. "We can watch them if you want."
"This is why you're the best girlfriend ever. I'd hug you, but I'm too full to move."
"I understand. I feel like I'm about to explode." Alex handed Olivia the remote and she turned the channel to the game.
"Oh, come on! Losing three to nothing in the second inning? This team is a joke. Forgive me in advance, Al, you may hear some profanity soon!"
Alex gasped in mock horror. "My virgin ears can't handle that! G-rated insults only!"
They both laughed. Olivia turned her full attention to the game. Alex soon found herself getting into it, especially since Olivia was so passionate about the team.
By the end of the game, Alex understood the subtle nuances of baseball a lot better. Olivia had patiently explained all the action to her. Alex had to admit that baseball was a lot more interesting now that she knew what was going on.
"What a great night," Alex remarked. "This is what I love most...just being with you." Alex leaned over and kissed Olivia. The kiss deepened and got progressively more intimate. They were soon making out like teenagers. Olivia's hands were canvassing Alex' body, exploring new and exciting territories. Alex couldn't concentrate on anything but how nice it was to be in Olivia's arms, feeling her everywhere on her body.
After a few minutes, they came up for air.
"Wow, that was... just wow." Alex said.
"I'm with you," Olivia agreed. She smiled and held Alex in her arms. "I could get used to this."
"And you should. Because I don't plan on ever letting you go, Liv."
The two women sat in contented silence. Neither wanted to be the first to break contact, but Alex's bladder started to scream at her.
"Ugh...bathroom time." Alex got up from the couch. "While I'm at it, I'm going to get ready for bed. I assume you'll be joining me after?"
"I've graduated from the couch? Yes!" Olivia exclaimed.
"You have, but I don't want to rush into sex. I want our first time to be perfect. So there will be minimal play time in bed, Ms. Benson."
"I totally understand, Alex. We'll both know when the time is right. I do expect lots of cuddling though."
"Of course. That's not optional. Now, I'm going to get myself ready."
After Alex left the room, Olivia walked around. She looked at the family pictures, the books, and the knick knacks Alex had decorated with. Her apartment was so warm and inviting, and Olivia wanted to soak up every detail.
She continued her journey around the room. Olivia walked over to the china closet and gazed inside. She doubted that Alex ever used the fancy dishware that was showcased. Her eyes then rose and stopped on the top shelf. A bottle of unopened red wine sat in the center of some wine glasses.
Olivia tried to look away, but the wine was like a magnet. She went from being completely content to agonizing over wanting a drink in the span of ten seconds.
"I don't even like wine that much. Why am I craving it?"
"Because I'm nothing but an alcoholic loser, just like mom."
"That's not true. I'm just having a hard time. I'm not going to drink anything."
"That wine has probably been sitting there for ages. I bet Alex wouldn't even notice if I opened it."
"Alex isn't stupid. She would certainly notice."
"I promised I wouldn't drink. If I do, I'm gonna have to see a counselor. I'd rather set myself on fire than talk to another shrink. "
"Why is this so difficult? Why am I obsessing about this?"
Olivia was sweating. She started pacing around the room, hoping to distract herself.
"Liv, I'm all set. You can-" Alex stopped in mid-sentence. She ran over to Olivia and pulled her into an embrace. "Hey, hey. What's wrong?"
Olivia shook her head. "Alex...I need you to hide that wine bottle in the china closet. I noticed it and started having cravings."
Alex could have kicked herself. Earlier in the week, she had arranged to put her wine collection in storage, figuring that it would be too much temptation for Olivia. But Alex had forgotten about that bottle of wine in the china closet. It was one of her favorites, so she usually kept a bottle out for herself. "I'll do one better." Alex said.
She took the bottle and led Olivia into the kitchen. Olivia watched as Alex poured the entire bottle down the drain.
"You didn't have to do that, Alex. You could have just hid it."
"No. I want you to feel safe here, Liv. I don't want you to have any unnecessary temptation. There's no more alcohol in my apartment, so you don't have to worry. And listen...I'm proud of you. It could not have been easy to resist trying to take a drink. Now, go get ready for bed. We're missing out on snuggle time."
"You are a sap, Cabot. But thank you. I'm looking forward to that too."
Olivia took her bag into the bathroom and dressed for bedtime. Alex made sure the doors were locked and then retreated to her bedroom.
A few minutes later, Olivia climbed into bed. She took Alex into her arms, and they both adjusted themselves until they were comfortable.
"This is where I belong," Olivia said out loud.
"Yep, Liv. I want you next to me. Always." Alex responded. "This feels so natural, like I've finally found what was missing."
"You are even sappier than I thought. But it's adorable. And I feel the same."
"I just hope no one else ever hears this. II'll never live it down. Now let's get some sleep."
"Goodnight, Alex."
"Goodnight, Liv."
Alex closed her eyes, but found it hard to go to sleep. Olivia had knocked out quickly, and was in a deep slumber. Alex was deeply troubled by Olivia's reaction to the wine. It wasn't normal. Addiction was taking over Olivia's life. Alex was going to continue to gently push counseling onto Olivia. Hopefully soon, she'd be able to convince Olivia to at least try it.