A/N: Woo Hoo- over 6000 hits. Thanks for reading. Here's the next chapter with Kili and Dis.
DISCLAIMER: While I wish I owned all things Middle Earth, I do not; nor do I profit from them.
Chapter 9: First Reckoning
When I wake sun is filtering through the window and Fili is not in the room. My eyes still burn from all the tears and my throat feels raw. I run a finger over the scratches on my hand realizing that yesterday hadn't been just a bad dream but very, very real, as slight twinges in my feet remind me.
My growling stomach informs me that I have not eaten a full meal in over a day. It's already late enough that Thorin will be at the forge and Fili at his lessons. Since I can't hear Mum rattling around in the kitchen, I assume she has gone out on some errand leaving me on my own.
I throw off the covers hoping that they've at least left me some breakfast. Cautiously I wiggle my toes then flex my feet. They ache, but they don't seem too bad. I'll only go as far as the kitchen. As I try to stand, the pain lancing through my feet remind me just how reckless I had been yesterday. I gasp as I quickly sit back down on the bed shaking my head. This doesn't bode well for walking.
Suddenly the door opens and Mum enters.
"Kili, what's wrong?" She asks before she fully surveys the scene. Then she fixes me with the icy blue Durin stare. "You tried to get out of bed and walk didn't you." It was a statement and not a question.
Then I remember Oin's threat: 'your feet don't touch the floor for ten days.'
I groan as I flop back on the bed. What am I supposed to do for ten days? Ten days! I'll go crazy. I can't stay still that long.
"Well?" Mum's question pulls me from my thoughts. Even though we both know the answer, I guess she wants me to admit it.
"Yes, Mum," I reply glumly dropping my head so that my hair can hide my disgusted expression.
"And what did Oin say?" apparently Mum is going to make this as painful as she can.
"Ten days," I answer, "but..."
Placing her fingers under my chin she raises my face until I look directly at her.
"No, Kili," Mum shakes her head. "Oin said ten days and he meant it, so you'd better just resign yourself to it because, if I have to, I'll help him tie you to the bed."
I gulp at her threat, but know from her expression that she will not brook any backtalk. I merely nod. I know I'm infamous for not staying still and for thinking that bed rest instructions do not apply to me. That may present a problem this time. While I seriously doubt Mister Oin would actually carry out his threat, I'm more than certain that I do not want to face my mother's wrath.
Then I see the slight upturn at the corners of her mouth. Surely she would not laugh at me. It's going to be pure torture- staying in bed with nothing to do. I won't find out until later that Oin's threat is mostly bluster. He says ten days but will be happy if I manage just five without abusing my feet any more.
Mum drops her fingers from my chin and leaves the room but quickly returns with a tray of fruit and cheese with bread, sausage. and tea. I grin my thanks and dig in; but instead of leaving Mum busies herself tidying the room while I eat. At least she intends to have me fed before she confronts me about yesterday. Accordingly, I take my time trying to prolong this respite as long as I can.
I finally finish and Mum whisks away the tray placing it on the table. Her face readily reveals that she is aware of my stalling. She sits at the end of the bed facing me. I pull my legs up tailor-style careful of my bandaged feet, and drop my face, nervously picking at the covers...
"Kili," she begins softly to get my attention.
I expect anger, disappointment, or exasperation in her tone, but I hear none of these. Instead, Mum's voice is calm and almost remorseful.
I look up. The glare is gone from her eyes, replaced by a look of acceptance ... and regret. I am confused.
"Fili, told us about what happened."
I close my eyes and shake my head feeling my cheeks begin to flush. I don't know whether to be embarrassed or angry.
My brother betrayed my confidence, and now Mum and Uncle Thorin both know about my shame and weakness. I should have known Fili would tell. He probably thought it would be easier for me if I didn't have to go through the recitation again. Maybe he's right, but he should have told me first. It still feels like betrayal, and that hurts, especially from Fee. Now all the feelings from yesterday threaten to grip me again like a vicious circle and I cannot let that happen.
Whoever made up that old rhyme, 'sticks and stones don't break dwarf bones, and words can never harm me,' was just plain stupid. I'd much prefer to take a beating on the practice field than to hear their filthy insults. I don't care if they're just words. I don't care if my family thinks they're wrong, because I can't make myself believe that there is no truth to the taunts. Mahal, I feel my eyes starting to burn again. I would have thought after all the crying yesterday, I could have no more tears. Once again, Kili's wrong.
Mum gently puts her hand on my knee.
"We've had this talk before," she begins reminding me that these disparaging comments are nothing new.
She's right; I've heard the slurs for years, from the time I was just a wee dwarfling. I thought I had come to terms with the fact that I am not the perfect specimen of a male dwarf. No, that would be my big brother, the golden lion, who fights with two swords... and knives, who wears braids even in his moustache, who is the Crown Prince, Thorin's pride and joy. And I'm content with that; I never want to be crown prince, or king. I don't even want to be Prince Kili with all the responsibilities. I just want to be me, just Kili...Although I do wish that Thorin could be proud of me just once, like he is of Fili.
Once again Mum breaks my train of thought.
"Listen to me," she instructs. "There is no truth to the things they said. You are not too tall; Thorin is taller than you. And while you may be thinner than most, remember, you were born so early that you didn't have all the muscle and fat that a newborn dwarrow should have. You're still growing and just haven't caught up yet."
If I haven't started to fill out in 60 years, I doubt I ever will.
Mum moves so that she is sitting next me but at a slight angle. She places her hand on my chin and turns my face up to hers. I see her through lashes damp with unshed tears. Her gaze is piercing.
"And this 'half-elf' problem has to stop," her voice takes on a sterner tone that I am not expecting. "Every time someone has called you that we have assured you that it is not true. Yet, you still let it bother you. Let me see if I can explain it a different way."
"I don't care if you never knew your father. You are Kili, son of Vili. You were born the day he died. And I defy you to find anyone who will deny that Vili was a good dwarrow." She pauses, waiting for me to acknowledge this. Swallowing hard I nod assent.
"So now, explain to me just how you could have been fathered by an elf when Vili was still alive until the day you were born."
I stare at her my eyes going wide at the implications of what she is asking as well as the fact that we were even having this conversation.
"Do you think I didn't love your father? Do you honestly believe I was unfaithful to Villi, especially with an elf?" She practically spits the last word.
Her question is like a slap to my face. Of course I have never really thought about it this way. I have always just taken the slur to be a reflection on me, not even considering what it implied about Mum.
"No," I cry, "I would never think that about you." I lean over into her arms. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you." And now I am crying because I realize that I have been so selfish. It's always been just about me.
"It's all right, Kili, I know you don't think that," Mum holds me close. "I just didn't know any other way to get you to quit letting these ridiculous slurs hurt you so much. It's not about what they say, those are just words. It's about what you know to be truth. Your father was an honorable dwarrow and he died defending this village and that includes the very ones who taunt you."
Mum holds me tight stroking my hair, while she continues, "I love you. We all love you. And it hurts us when thoughtless dwarves say these things about you. If we could spare you from these insults, we would do anything it took. Always remember that you are one of Durin's heirs and we are very proud of you."
I can only nod as she pulls back from the hug to press her forehead to mine. When she sits back, Mum raises a hand to brush away the tears that have stained my cheeks.
She rises and taking the tray crosses to the door before turning back towards me smiling. "And any dwarrow-lass that thinks you're ugly, doesn't deserve you, mizimuh nidoyith.
A/N: That's Dis down and Thorin left to go (chapter 11). As always, thanks for reading and reviewing. Your comments are greatly appreciated.
Mizimuh nidoyith- my darling baby boy.