Author's Note: I really think I have some kind of curse on me. This past week I've been in a car accident (I'm fine, 100% not at fault), completely broke my phone, and hurt my back exercising. I'm ready for the tide to turn, Universe!
This is the start of Olivia's treatment plan. She has a long way to go, but remember: the slowest runner is still lapping everyone sitting on the couch.
A small, red haired woman stood in the doorway to Olivia's room.
"Ms. Benson?"
Olivia looked towards the door. "That would be me. Please call me Olivia."
"Sure, Olivia. I'm Dr. Forrester. I was asked to speak to you by the admitting doctor."
"Yes, I've been expecting you." Olivia was not looking forward to this session, but she knew she couldn't refuse professional help anymore.
Alex and Abbie both rose from their seats.
Alex extended her hand. "Alex Cabot, and this is our friend, Abbie Carmichael. Pleasure to meet you doctor."
Abbie shook Dr. Forrester's hand as well. "Nice to meet you, doctor. I guess this is the part where you'll be asking us to leave," Abbie smiled.
"It would be best if we talked privately, yes."
"We understand," Alex replied. "We'll see you in a little while, Liv."
"Thanks," Olivia responded.
The two other women left the room. Dr. Forrester pulled a chair towards the bed and sat down.
"So, Olivia, why don't you tell me what brought you to the hospital last night?" Dr. Forrester began.
Olivia shrugged. "I drank too much. Ended up with alcohol poisoning."
"I see. Have you had trouble controlling your alcohol consumption in the past?"
"Not in the past. But lately, it's become harder to control." Olivia stared at the wall behind the doctor.
Dr. Forrester nodded as she took notes. "Has anything happened recently to prompt an increase in your drinking?"
Olivia struggled to formulate an answer. "It's...it's more of a culmination of several different things over the past couple of years. I...really don't know where to begin."
"Just start anywhere," the doctor encouraged her.
"I'm a detective for the NYPD. I work in sex crimes. I've seen some of the most...disgusting...depraved...pure evils - horrors that no one should ever have to go through. I've done it for a long time and it's really starting to wear me down. But that's really just the tip of the iceberg..." she trailed off.
"Go on."
"Well, maybe I should start at the beginning. My beginning, I mean. I was conceived through rape. My mother didn't know her attacker, and she never got justice. The attack permanently damaged her. She was an alcoholic. Growing up, sober times were few and far between. She was highly critical...emotionally abusive, I guess you could say."
"It must have been incredibly difficult to grow up under those circumstances." Dr. Forrester remarked.
"You think?" Olivia sarcastically answered, but quickly regretted it. "I'm sorry...I didn't mean to take it out in you."
Dr. Forrester shook her head. "It's OK. These issues are not easy to talk about. Where is your mother now?"
"Dead. She was drinking and fell. She hit her head and never woke up."
"I'm sorry."
"Me too. I always thought that I would one day get through to her, you know, get her to stop drinking. But, yeah...obviously that didn't happen." Olivia could feel herself getting upset. But she was also surprised that she found it so easy to open up to Dr. Forrester.
"It sounds like there's more," Dr. Forrester prompted.
"There is. I joined the NYPD after college and worked my way into the Special Victims Unit. I wanted to get justice for victims in a way my mother never could. And I do, but it's all so futile. There will always be another rapist, another pedophile, another trafficker...It never ends."
Olivia continued. "A few years ago, I wanted to see if I could find out who my father was. I guess I wanted a sense of closure? Or maybe I wanted to lash out at him for destroying my mom? I don't know. Anyway, I did find a match...to my brother. Turns out that my father is dead. My brother didn't seem like a bad guy at first. I thought maybe I could finally have a real family relationship. But my brother turned out to be just as bad. There is one other major event that happened...it's something I hate to even admit out loud."
Dr. Forrester sat in silence.
"I...I...Wow, I went to therapy for it and I still can barely get it out." Olivia closed her eyes and took a deep breath. "I...was...sexually assaulted. It wasn't too long ago. I was undercover in a prison...luckily, one of my squad members got there before it got too out of control."
"And you went into therapy after that?"
"Yes. And it...somewhat helped, maybe? But it won't change the fact that I was a victim. I should have been able to fight back. All that training, and for what? I couldn't help myself."
"Olivia, I'm not going to blow sunshine up your ass." Olivia's eyes widened. She'd never heard a doctor speak that way. Maybe that's why she liked Dr. Forrester so much. She seemed less like a therapist and more like a normal person.
Dr. Forrester went on. "Sometimes life sucks. Bad things happen to good people. And it sounds like you've been dealt a crappy hand. And I can understand why you've been drinking excessively. It's a coping mechanism. It's not ideal, but it's an easy way to make you feel better. For a little while, your problems cease to exist."
"Pretty much."
"But Olivia, drinking is not going to make any of your problems go away. Almost killing yourself isn't doing you or anyone else any favors."
"I know."
"Do you have any other family? A significant other?"
"No family. But Alex, who you met before, is my girlfriend." Olivia couldn't help smiling a bit when she thought about Alex
"I saw that. She must make you really happy. Has she noticed your drinking problem?", Dr. Forrester asked.
"Yeah, she's been taking care of my dumb ass. She insisted that if I screwed up once more that I would see a counselor. So...here I am."
"A support system is critical, so I'm glad she'll be with you on this journey. But it can also be draining for the significant other. Are there other people who would be in your support network?"
Olivia nodded. "Abbie, the other woman you met, is a wonderful friend. I'll also have the full support of my squad and my captain. They're the closest thing I have to a real family."
"Good. I have my recommendations if you're ready."
"Ready as I'll ever be," Olivia replied.
"Ok. I think for now, you can manage with outpatient treatment. You don't seem to be so out of control that you need to be in a facility. I have my own practice if you'd like to see me, or I can recommend someone else," Dr. Forrester started.
"You know, I've actually felt much more comfortable talking to you than I've had with other therapists. I'd like to see you," Olivia insisted.
"Just remember that when you're in my office and you want to strangle me," Dr. Forrester chuckled. "I'm going to challenge you, and you're probably going to hate me during a few sessions. But it's all part of the healing process. My goal is to get you to be completely alcohol free."
"That's the plan," Olivia responded.
"Good. Next, I recommend you take a leave of absence from work. You've given so much to others, but now it's time to take care of Olivia. I want you 100% focused on your recovery."
"I don't know, Doc. I mean, what am I going to do without work? I'm scared...scared that I'll have too much free time. I never drank while I was on the job. What am I going to do with myself?"
"I definitely appreciate your concern. But you need a safe, non-toxic environment to fully take control of your treatment. First of all, you'll be seeing me every weekday for the next couple of weeks. So that 'doctor' peer pressure will help. Second, we are going to plan out your days so that you can stay sober. Finally, I'm going to ask that you set up accountability check-ins with Alex and your other friends."
"If that's what you think is best...then yes, I'll request a medical leave."
"Excellent." Dr. Forrester stood up and reached into her bag. "Here's my card. Call the office to set up your appointment tomorrow. We'll figure out the logistics from there."
"Thank you, doctor. Truly, I mean it."
"You're welcome. See you tomorrow, Olivia." Dr. Forrester left the room.
Olivia laid back in the bed. Her heart was racing and she was sweating. She knew this was the right step, but she was nervous.
"Can I really do this?" she wondered.