42 A magician's work is never done
Cuddling to the soft and silken furs of his bed, covered by the blankets up to his nose, Merlin lay in blissful dreams at last. He was smiling happily, his former sadness ousted by warm and merry pictures in his mind.
A few metres away, Gaius was softly snoring away. He too was safely lost in Morpheus' soft and loving arms.
The night was pitch-black, and very quiet. Peaceful. And tranquil.
Some murmurs from one shed or another. The silence of deep and harmless sleep from the others.
Quietly muttering to himself, Merlin turned in his dream and snuggled even deeper into his blankets.
Until he suddenly jumped to his feet, with his heart racing in his throat and all his hairs standing on end in nameless terror.
Outside, the voice of an angered giant raged through the sleepy camp: "GAIUUUUS! MERLIIIIN! Where the hell are you, you useless, treacherous lot! Come here at once!"
"What on earth…" a gobsmacked Gaius muttered, trying with shaking hands to pull his blanket around him for at least some sort of weak and feeble protection against what could only be a force of nature broken loose.
Alas, too late.
The force stormed into their quarter like such forces do - uninvited, unwelcome, and completely unsympathetic. "GAIUUS" Uther hollered once more, and "MERLIIIN", as if they weren't there, just one or two steps away from him. "Ah, there you are" he then stated the obvious. "What did you think when you spurred this big-headed oaf, this stubborn mule, this sad excuse for a sensible man that is my son into committing high treason?" He stemmed both fists into his hips and waited for an answer that did not come, as the two accused criminals had no idea whatsoever what on earth he might be be talking about.
At least, Merlin had no such idea.
When Gaius had rubbed the sleep from his eyes, he shook his head. "I take it that Prince Arthur chose this very night to talk to you about Count Antek's last will and testament?"
"Last will and test…." Uther choked on the word and on his tremendous, blinding anger. With great effort, he pulled himself together long enough to blurt out the rest of what he had to say. "Testament? My arse. What did this insolent pup, this measly soul of a Llanfair bastard have to make testaments for? How dare he? Cendred's Kingdom is mine by right, to do with as I please, and that's that!" Very satisfied with his own infallible logic, Uther folded his arms in front of him, and glared and huffed all possible resistance away before it could come up.
He should have known that it would not work. With Gaius, it never did. "My Lord" the healer said as soothingly as possible. "It is late. We're all tired. We should discuss this thoroughly, in the morning. Or even better, with the royal council of Camelot, after our return…." which was as far as the old man came.
"RETURN?" Uther shouted, once more at full steam, "what return? My most august son informed me, me, his father and King, of all people, that he's going to leave Albion. I can have it all, his wife, his son, whom I apparently intended to take away from poor, misunderstood and underappreciated Arthur Pendragon from the very start, the only thing I CANNOT have is the rule over a Kingdom which I justly and lawfully conquered, and that's that." Uther stopped because he had to breathe.
"My Lord…." Gaius tried again, but Uther had taken all the air he needed to go on: "Do not 'My Lord' me, you put Arthur up to this. I should have you both in the deepest dungeon, this instant!"
"There's no dungeon available.." Gaius argued most sensibly, and yet, if he hadn't been so deadly tired, he would not have said that.
"I KNOW THAT!" Uther roared.
"May I say something?" Merlin intervened.
"NO!" Uther and Gaius roared in unison and Merlin decided then and there to keep out of the rest of the discussion. Perhaps by listening he could find out what this humbug was really about.
That was, however, a futile enterprise, as the two older men knew exactly what they were talking about, they just weren't interested in anybody else understanding anything, and this disinterest included included each other and their mutual understanding. They both started a shouting match that sent the rest of the camp into total limbo, even the Druids who'd heard the like before, some years ago, from Uther and Arthur.
"Neither Cendred's men nor the Llanfair followers will ever willingly accept you, Uther" Gaius shouted for the third or fourth time. "On how many fronts do you want to fight at the same time? And at your age!"
"LEAVE MY AGE OUT OF THIS!" was Uther's reply, and it didn't enlighten Merlin on anything, not one bit.
"Morgyan would be perfect, why the hell can't you see that, Pendragon" Gaius yelled; unfortunately he did not mention for what she would be so perfectly perfect.
"Morgyan?" Uther asked back with cutting sarcasm. "The wretch refuses to hear of it, you hear me? Wants to go to the continent, into some kind of …. covenant… Coventry, whatever…"
"Convent" Gaius corrected irritably. "It's called a convent and they would not take her anyway. What utter nonsense!"
"See" Uther triumphed. "My thoughts exactly. What should a coffet want with her anyway? Whatever they're doing there all day….."
"Praying" Gaius retorted. "Mostly. You need to a Christian by the way."
"Technicalities" Uther waved that away. "I could make her into anything, give her any title she craves, but she, she …. and you know what, Gaius? Do you know for whom she wants to go to this coffet…."
"CONVENT!" Gaius shouted painfully.
"Whatever" Uther said again, quite exasperated himself "she wants to go there for Antek's sake. For his lost and lonely soul, or such lunacy. Apparently the silly girl had a real crush on the man. Of course I and her brother thought it a mere, fleeting infatuation but it was…."
"Love" Gaius interrupted. "She loved him and now he's dead. If she wants to give him peace in his grave, she should heed his last wishes. He wanted her to have Llanfair as her own. His last and only gift to her; he wanted her to have the one thing in this world that was ever really dear to his heart, the Llanfair heritage. Tell her that, only that, and see what she does!"
"Is that what they're quarrelling about" Merlin thought disbelievingly. "Some stupid matters of inheritance? Let's call a lawyer, and go back to our beds!"
"I will not tell her that" Uther shouted.
"Why the hell not?" Gaius shouted back.
"Because I have no intention to give up Llanfair or anything that is rightfully mine. I cannot even begin to fathom what brought these childish, unimaginably dim-witted ideas into my son's head. But wait, I do know. It was you! I should have you arrested and thrown into a dungeon, this instant!"
"You already said that, Uther" Gaius retorted, and it was the last straw that broke the royal camel's back.
"You're banished" Uther said, all of a sudden very calm and very cold. "I'll never set eyes on you again but on your last day on this earth under the axe of my executioner. And this is my last word on the matter." He turned, a sharp gesture of the hand "Merlin, you come with me."
The warlock hesitated. Was this serious? Was Gaius….
"Merlin, move your arse to me, or I swear you're going to have it cut off, right by the neck!"
"Go, Merlin" Gaius said. "Arthur will have need of you."
These words, and Gaius friendly, if a bit strained, smile was all the persuasion Merlin really needed. If anyone could explain this to him it was Arthur. And Camelot's Court Sorcerer was in dire need of some explaining. Not that speaking to Arthur after their last row was any more pleasant a perspective than talking to the sulking Prince's enraged father. But with the term "banishment" and "executioner" attainted to Gaius, Merlin had run out of options, so either the one or the other Pendragon it had to be.
"Merlin!" Uther said, and he wanted to talk on, but couldn't. He had stopped so suddenly that the bewildered warlock had walked right into his Royal Majesty of Camelot. The King and the former peasant boy landed in a heap on the ground.
"If there is anything I can do to help, let me know" Guinivere said drily.
"Damn it …. woman …. if you please…." Uther was panting desperately. Merlin didn't weigh much, but what little weight he had was presently carried by one elbow alone and this elbow had found its resting place in the Pendragon's royal, yet not young stomach pit.
Guinivere took Merlin by the collar of his nightshirt and one arm, and she pulled with the surprising strength nobody ever thought she possessed. Merlin came back to his feet.
"Thanks, girl" Uther said as he once more stood on his own pair of leather boots. "Thanks a …. what are you doing here, woman? At this time of night? Should you not be with my grandson?"
"What for?" she answered bluntly. "As my husband wants to take to the world to live the life of a tragic figure, I'm going to be dis-married. As you are going to take hold of my little baby, I'm going to be dis-mothered. I might as well go tonight." And indeed, she was carrying some small luggage and her saddle.
"Don't you dare….." Uther said ".. what's this nonsense about being dis-anything. Where on earth should you go but back to your menfolk? The one's your husband, damn it. And the other's your son. And I'm your father-in-law."
"Yes, but I no longer know which is which. Now go away and let me get my horse."
"Gwen" Merlin said, but was instantly silenced by Uther's sharp hiss. "You'll take your little butt back to your child, woman, where it belongs, before I get really angry."
"That's right, you tell her" Arthur shouted as he ran towards them. "As I'm no longer able to talk some sense into my own wife."
"I'll not be your wife for much longer" Guinivere shouted, just as Uther said "Oh look, the fool of Camelot" and Morgyan, who had just come in Arthur's wake, yelled "wait for me, Guinivere, we want to come with you."
Cendred, however, holding his sister's sleeve, was gratifyingly silent. His face looked like Merlin felt – totally at a loss.
From now on, the conversation became somewhat hard to follow.
Merlin tried his best to figure it all out, but it just wasn't possible. As everyone yelled at anyone, physical violence seemed eminent, and the late moon watched it all like an impartial but also quite powerless observer, Merlin gathered that they were somehow still talking – if one could call it that - about the late Count Llanfair's inheritance which in some inexplicable way was interlinked with Arthur's marriage, some misunderstanding of Gwen's about her husband's eminent death (really, Merlin thought, Arthur's death? That's a trifle overdoing it, isn't it?), Little Thomas' immediate future as the new Crown Prince of Camelot and, most of all Morgyan going to the continent and becoming Queen of a County (or was it Countess of a Kingdom?), all at the same time.
The warlock could make neither head nor tail of it. He listened, clueless, until Arthur roared at his father: "The Kingdom is NOT rightfully yours, as Cendred is still alive!"
"Oh please" Uther sneered "look at him. An empty shell!"
"Antek was Cendred's liegeman!" Arthur insisted "It's his prerogative to give Llanfair to anyone who takes his fancy!"
"Cendred's done for!" Uther bellowed "Ancient history."
"Watch your mouth or I'll…." Morgyan snapped and pulled her blade.
"Cendred is alive!" Arthur said again, grabbing Morgyan's arm.
"I could easily change that" Uther shouted and unsheathed his sword, too.
It was in that second, that Merlin had one of his infamous epiphanies. He still had no idea what this was about, but if Arthur insisted that Cendred being alive was at the core of the matter, and Uther agreed to that albeit to nothing else – then, for the loyal, trustworthy Court Sorcerer of Camelot, only one course of action was possible.
With both arms spread wide, his eyes firmly screwed shut and his face a grimace of fear, Merlin jumped in front of the bewildered Cendred before Uther could use his weapon or Morgyan could come to her brother's aid, or Arthur could - heaven forbid - attack his own father.
"Silence!" the warlock roared.
Unbelievably, his command was obeyed.
Only when nobody, really nobody, moved or spoke or even breathed, the warlock realized that he had erroneously used his dragon lord-voice.
For fear of having deafened them all for life, Merlin opened his eyes a bit. Everybody looked healthy enough, if a trifle gobsmacked.
Merlin stared at Uther's sword. Only millimetres before the warlock's face the shining blade hung suspended in the air, frozen in mid-strike, ready to cut a hapless culprit into halves.
"Your Majesty" Merlin breathed, cautiously, oh so very cautiously, "if you wouldn't mind…."
"What?" Uther asked, still shaking his head to clear his ringing ears. "Oh…. sorry…." he then said, and put his weapon away.
But, after more than twenty years of ruling an unruly kingdom, Uther knew an unwarranted but welcome opportunity to correct a stupid mistake when it jumped into his face. He cleared his throat and made perfect use of the one-in-a-million chance that the others were still rattled by Merlin's thunderous interjection. "As I was going to say" he declared dramatically "as Cendred is unfortunately temporarily unable to perform his kingly duties, and as his beloved sister the Princess Morgyan has expressed her will to refrain from the management of politics and the Kingdom, I'm de facto the lawful ruler of King Cendred's realm, and I therefore declare that…."
Usually, Uther becoming melodramatic gave anyone the clue that he would have his way, no matter at what price.
But not today.
Arthur growled madly, and with that, the roaring and verbal melee was about to start all over again. All persons present took in air and opened their mouths.
Merlin took his one and only chance, and this time he used his dragon-voice deliberately. "King Cendred is NOT permanently disabled. I'm going to heal him." He folded his arms before his chest, forced a stern look on his face, and scowled for better effect. "I have spoken!"
Uther cocked a questioning brow. "Have you?" he said. "And who are you, dear boy, that I'm obliged to consider your opinion on the matter?"
"Last time I checked I was Camelot's Court Sorcerer!"
"Last time I checked I was Camelot's Court King!"
Merlin was thinking on his feet. "And we all know that the King of Camelot is the most just, the most righteous and merciful ruler in all Albion" he blurted out, "and as such you'd never deny your fellow King a chance to regain his royal honour and dignity."
"Ah" Uther made, his fists stemmed on both hips. "I would not?"
"No, Your Majesty." Furtively, Merlin checked his surroundings for an escape route.
"Just, righteous and merciful, eh? You're sure you're talking about me?"
"Yes, Your Majesty."
"Father….."
"Shut up, Arthur. You were saying, Merlin?"
"I am going to heal King Cendred's mind so that ….. the great and mighty kingdoms of Albion can come back to the prosperous and peaceful friendship they've formerly enjoyed."
It was in that moment that Cendred picked two lice out of his mane, smiled happily, put them into his mouth and ate them. He licked his fingers afterwards.
The others, all but Uther, stared at him, then at Merlin and finally, with hot cheeks, at the ground beneath their feet.
King Uther, however, drew a deep breath, grinned, hit the warlock on the back, and said: "Well, my boy, I wish you luck. Something's telling me you're going to need it."