"When it's raining, you won't find me complaining..." -When I Think About Angels by Jamie O'Neal

Dear Dad,

I have decided that I miss Maine, but I really want to try staying in the UK for a while. It has really grown on me, and I want to get to know the Muggle side of it as well as the Wizard. Don't worry about Voldemort: I'm going to pretend to be a Muggle. Please don't be mad. I really don't want to make you mad. I'm better at defense than the seventh years here, and you know how good I am at pretending to be a Muggle. I know how abrupt this sounds, but I can't seem to formulate my thoughts in a way that makes sense and is persuasive. I've tried to write this letter so many times, and I just need to come out with it. Please understand, I want to know if Voldemort wins this war: I don't want to just hear about it when he comes flying across the Atlantic. And if he wins I swear I'll fly home and we can hide out in the mountains where they'll never find us.

Please just let me do this.

Love,

Grace

I got a Howler the next morning. Draco took one look at it, grabbed my arm and pulled me out of the Great Hall as fast as he could. We fell into a broom cupboard just before it went off, raging in our ears for all it was worth. It finished with a sad, "I guess this is your decision and your mother and I respect that, but if you don't stay in touch we will come back for you."

I looked up at Draco, who was staring at the left-over scraps of envelope angrily.

"I'm sorry! I knew it would be a Howler. Why did you pull me from the Great Hall? You should have stayed and kept eating, you know you don't eat enough-"

"They're letting you stay." I stopped babbling to stare at him. That's why he was mad?

"Um, yeah, sounds like it."

"They shouldn't let you stay. They should be coming her and forcing you out of the country. What are they doing? What are YOU doing?" he was practically snarling at the end, staring at me like I was the devil incarnate, which was ironic, considering he was working for Voldemort. His eyes were surrounded by the bags under his eyes, and I just wanted to put my hand to them, to beg him to get more sleep, eat more, take care of himself. It was distracting, considering he was yelling at me.

"What?"

"You. Should. Not. Be. Allowed. To. Stay." He swept out of the cupboard before I could say anything else.

Margo and Charlie met me at the door to the Great Hall, clearly worried about me.

"Did he eat you?"

"Did he kiss you?"

They stared at each other, horrified by what the other had said. I started giggling, and after a beat they joined in. I endured a few moments of Draco-centric teasing before I ran off to my first class. It wasn't fair how easily I noticed all of the ways he needed help when I needed to have the wits to argue, or how easily my friend knew how to push the buttons that would bother me the most.

It rained all day. I sat at a window and stared out at the rain, getting a thrill every time I heard the thunder. I was so engrossed with the rain and my thoughts that I missed Pansy and Goyle sneaking up on me.

His hand landed heavily on my shoulder, and he pushed me off the window ledge while Pansy spouted verbal abuse at me for going near Draco ever. I stood and looked at her blankly until she stopped.

"You done?"
"Don't you dare speak to me like that. Someday I am going to join my family with A Very Powerful Wizard, and you will still be a pathetic Slytherin wannabe." At my impassivity she screamed, back-handing me in the face, leaving four parallel scratches. Goyle glared daggers at me while Pansy shuddered with her rage. I took one last look at both of them before I sped away from the pair.

Once I thought I was far enough away I started running, not stopping until I had managed to get to the Hufflepuff dorms. Margo had shown me where they were, and I guiltily used my Slytherin badge to scare a third-year into letting me in. Margo took one look at my face and dragged me out into the rain and under the closest bunch of trees. She knew I found solace in the rain, and I couldn't help but feel grateful that I found a friend as wonderful as her.

"What happened? Are you alright?" Her hands went to my face and my hair and back to my face, her worry making her frantic. I winced as she touched the scratches. Thunder rolled, making us both jump.

"I'm fine, I'm fine, I promise," I said as I gently removed her hands from my face. "Pansy and Goyle just roughed me up a little bit. Apparently I'm not good enough for Dra-anyone to talk to me. She got all up on her 'I'm-almost-a-Death-Eater' high horse-" I stopped, shocked at what I was letting come out of my mouth. Margo was staring at me like I was about to go into a trauma-induced rage, the fear etched into her face.

"D-D-Death Eaters? There are Death Eaters here?" She started shivering from the rain, backing away from me.

"No, nonononono!" I grabbed her, hugging her to me to try to give the shaking girl some comfort. "Dumbledore wouldn't allow Death Eaters here, it's not even possible for them to cross the barrier around Hogwarts. And none of the students are Death Eaters yet. I promise everything is safe here. I promise. It'll be alright. They can't do anything to us here." I kept talking until she stopped trying to escape the death grip I had on her, until she relaxed enough to remember that I wasn't just a Slytherin, I was her best friend. Until the thunder moved far enough away that the rain started to let up.

We finally went back indoors, both soaked and chilled to the bone. I walked her to her dorms to make sure she got there safely.

"I'm sorry I freaked out. We went out to help you and you ended up having to help me," Margo apologized with downcast eyes, surprising me. I'd forgotten how we'd come to be outside.

"No, it's alright. I just needed someone to talk to me. About anything. Enough to get my mind off of it. You did a great job at that," I teased, letting her know that I wasn't scarred emotionally by anything that had happened.

"I definitely did a great job at that!" she laughed hollowly. We hugged and she went inside to dry off.

I turned from the door to trudge into the cold wet dungeon to dry off, smirking at the irony of it all.

I don't know why I thought he wouldn't notice. I'd been trying not to think about him, and it never occurred to me to hide my face. I should have—everyone noticed. I saw some seventh-years coming towards me, and I almost ran to the girls dorm to avoid the Slytherin Inquisition that I had helped with too often. I couldn't tell them what had happened: this wasn't done by a non-Slytherin, and if Pansy was going to be a Death Eater I didn't want to give her more reason to hate me.

He was sitting on my bed when I opened the bed-curtains and climbed in, eyes hardening the instant he saw my face. He lunged at me and pulled me onto the bed, closing the curtains and casting muffliato and lumos. I landed lying down, stunned, staring at him as he finished casting and moved to sit next to me, grabbing and pulling me up to kneel in front of him.

"Um.." I started, ready to protest his use of force, when he grabbed my chin, his eyes raking up and down my face, then up and down the rest of me.

"Who?" he asked. I stared at his eyes, surprised by the intensity with which he was looking at me. I couldn't breathe. He was angry again. I was so tired of people being volatile.

I ripped my chin from his hold, angry now myself. I moved to lean against the headboard, daring him to object. He just stayed where he was, continuing to stare at me with his intense eyes, so I refused to look at him. I looked at my hands, at his knees, anything but his face.

I watched his body move towards mine, anger coming across in every gesture, in his posture. He sat next to me, still facing me, and grabbed my chin again.

"What is wrong with you today? You get these, come back to the House soaking wet, and won't tell anyone what happened," he snapped.

"I dunno Draco, maybe I ran into Voldemort," I snapped back, too angry with him and my day and stupid Slytherins to care that he was upset that I was hurt.

He narrowed his eyes at me, the anger radiating off of him threatening to suffocate me.

Suddenly I was too tired to fight. I'd been fighting myself all day, fighting not to lash out at Pansy and Goyle, fighting to keep myself from spilling any more secrets than I needed to, fighting to keep my friendship with Margo. Fighting to keep from outing him. Every single one of my problems today led back to him.

I slumped out of his hold, and pulled my knees up to my chest. "It's been a long day."

"You scared your brood," he said softly, smirking.

He moved slowly, pulling his robe and his trousers off, then lifting up the side of the covers that I wasn't sitting on. I got the hint, and crawled under the covers with him. It was like I was feeling from a distance. I was confused, but the feeling seemed to be from an observer, not from me. I lay down, staring at him, watching his hard eyes glimmer for me just a little as he reached across and pulled me to him, my arms between us and our legs just barely touching. He caressed my scratches with unexpected gentleness before moving his arm to my waist and whispering nox. I let myself relax as I felt him relax, feeling oddly secure, and glad I didn't give any secrets away today. To Margo, Pansy, Goyle, or him.