A/N: This is the second chapter i'm uploading tonight. I think the chapter speaks for itself. I hope you like it. I know it's been a really really long time waiting for this, but i'm hoping now that it's over and done with, I can move onto the other storylines I have planned. Just as a really early warning, to anyone that likes Sebastian, there are later chapters coming up that really bash him. Just an early warning. Few chapters to go yet though. Hope you enjoy. JusticeIsn'tEasy0083. D.
Chapter Eleven: Long, Long Way to Go
Alot had changed at William McKinley High. The halls were painted white, with the lockers being red and a large Titan's banner hanging from the rafters. It was so different to what they were used to. Kurt couldn't help but cringe as they headed down the halls, towards where they had spent most of their highschool life... back in the choir room... with their favourite teacher, singing the songs they either liked, or despised... and given Mr. Schuester's taste in music, it was usually the second option. Finn was looking at the display cabinet with their National's trophy, and picture of the whole Glee Club beside it. They hadn't wanted anything more in their lives, than they had to win National's that year. Their senior year... the last year they'd all be together in the one school. Blaine and Quinn walked silently beside one another, a small, content smile on Quinn's face, as the cafeteria came into their view. Finn pushed through the doors, grinning when it looked like nothing at all had changed. No one in the world could ever understand the innocence this room still holds... the cafeteria... Should they be so lucky as to bump into one of their former teachers, they can always say they've accomplished what they had set out to do. Quinn grabbed Kurt's hand and pulled him towards Coach Sue's office, giggling and walking as fast as an eight month pregnant woman can go without going into premature labour. They reached the office, only to enter, and realise that it's nothing like it used to be... there are no trophies, pictures of Sue... the old Cheerio's picture is gone... it's like half of her life had been erased... Kurt kissed Quinn's cheek, and she smiled, heading back out the door, and into the hallway.
'Do you remember, that day we were late for Glee, and we stood out here, wondering what the world had in store for us all those years ago? Santana said that she was going to be the next Nina Clark or someone... Brittany wanted to dance... so much is different,' Quinn said, standing where she had been all those years before, with the exact conversation she was talking about
'I do remember that you wanted to know whether Rachel would jump into the path of an oncoming bus, and ruin her chances on Broadway... Quinn Fabray...' Kurt replied, smirking...
'Rachel kind of grows on you when you don't live anywhere near her for a few years,' Quinn replied, winking
'I wanted to be more than I was in highschool... I remember, the first day of college... it was harder than people made it out to be,' Finn replied, smiling and following the group back towards the auditorium...
To their surprise, the Current Glee Club was rehearsing a new rendition of an original song Schuester had written years ago. They were also surprised to see that it wasn't Will taking the Glee lesson; it was Ms. Pillsbury... or Mrs. Schuester... Finn, Blaine, Kurt and Quinn snuck in, and sat down in the third row, watching the stage as twelve highschool students sung their hearts out immediately pointing out their two leads, and all the clubs love triangles and squares, without batting an eyelid... Blaine was impressed, and chuckled as Quinn whispered into his ear that they reminded her so much of their time in Glee, that it was almost like they were back up there belting out the notes to a sappy ballad... and then, just like that, they were... for three minutes of their lives, they were back on that stage, and they could be anyone they wanted to be... there would be no judgement, no love triangles, no fighting... there would be nothing but their friendship and the power of music behind them, propelling them forward... Kurt didn't think about it like that... he saw it as kind of a redemption of what he had lost... he felt compelled to tell Blaine everything... be damned the consequences... so getting up and walking out mid way through performance probably wasn't subtle, but at least it got their attention... Blaine found his boyfriend pacing the corridor out the front of the auditorium...
'In senior year, I had this ridiculous notion that I would go to NYADA and become this famous Broadway star, living the high life, and not giving a shit about the former life I used to have... that all changed Blaine... I lost everything... my dignity, my voice... my dreams... it was a stupid mistake... I had been running late for Glee, and Tina, Rachel and Finn had gone ahead, I stopped at my locker to get something out... I didn't even hear them sneak up behind me, but I turned around, and suddenly I was face to face with Dave Karofsky... he was the Neanderthal behind most of the attacks, but on this particular day, he had two other footballers with him, and there was just something in his eyes... something that scared me more than anything... he had a good choke hold on me... I couldn't breathe, and just before I was about to pass out, he let me go, and I fell to the ground... the kicking wasn't that bad... I didn't really feel it, but I felt the knife... it was literally as people say... a knife to the back... I lost all motion then... and in that moment, I had willed whatever to happen next, to be a safe haven... maybe I could have seen my mother again... maybe there was a better place on the other side... but Finn was worried about me, and he came out to find me... I was lying on the ground, in front of my still open locker, bleeding to death, with no notion of where, who or why I was where I was... and Finn and the rest of the Glee Club came out... that's the last thing I remember before waking up in a hospital Bed at Lima Memorial, unable to talk, or move any part of my body,' Kurt said, leaning against the wall, trying to hold back the tears that were threatening to fall.
'Kurt...'
'Don't feel sorry for me Blaine... I've done alot of things in my life that I can chalk up to going through that particular event... but then I think back to what Puckerman had said this one day in Junior year, during one of our annual boys vs. Girls competitions, and I wonder what would have happened if I had of gone to spy of the Dalton Academy Warblers... if I had of taken the advice of the guidance councillor, and the glee teacher... maybe it wouldn't have happened the way that it did... maybe I would have met you before I was supposed to... we don't talk about the past Blaine because it hurts too much. It hurts to know that your best-friend's life is hanging in the balance, and it's the fault of a closeted homophobic footballer and his clones... 'The designer had been leaning against the wall, hands flat, legs stretched out... Blaine moved to take his hand, and Kurt pulled him through the school, back towards the Glee room, over to the location of his old locker... the location of the attack...
'I was three metres from the safest place in the school Blaine... to have that barrier taken away from you... to sit in the back, in a wheelchair, unable to move, to sing... to participate... I lost so much on that day Blaine... but I don't plan on losing you... or Holly... if that means I have to tell you that I love you then I will... you should know that already, but for arguments sake... Blaine Anderson, from the moment you stepped into my life, you've been the one person to make the pain and hurt and anger go away... you've been the person to help me realise that I don't have to be afraid anymore... you're the one that I love. I love you... and I know that Holly does too... hell, my father loves you... if I've learned one thing from you Blaine, it's that always being strong, and hiding behind a tough exterior leaves you feeling drained and alone... you've broken down my walls... not many people are able to do that...' Kurt replied, looking up to meet Blaine's eyes, noticing the tears forming and the smile on his face, before he was pulled into an embrace from his boyfriend...
As the bell rang, and students began piling out of their classrooms, Kurt and Blaine found themselves being joined by Finn, Quinn and Mrs. Schuester, who had the brightest of smiles on her face. She hugged each of them, spending the longest time holding onto Kurt, who simply smiled and let the former guidance councillor hug him, however appropriate or inappropriate it may be. After what seemed like an hour, but was only about two minutes, Emma let go, and stepped back, taking in her former pupils, tears in her eyes. She linked her arm with Kurt's, and led them back towards the main office, where they hadn't noticed before, but their former Glee Club teacher, Mr. Schuester was sitting behind the large mahogany desk, with the name plaque PRINCIPAL SCHUESTER in front of him. he looked up, not believing his eyes, as Emma smiled, and pushed them forwards, turning to Blaine and introducing herself, as Will hugged his former students... each of them had different stories... Will told them about his promotion to principal, and Emma's decision to let go of Guidance Councillor and focus on History and Glee. Finn told him about getting back with and marrying Quinn, and on becoming a father, whilst Quinn relayed the same story, but with more elegance and detail... Kurt just took it all in, watching his brother and sister-in-law as they conversed with their old friend... he couldn't help but think back to the time when he'd wished that Will was like that with him... able to just maintain a conversation about something as normal as the morning sports, or the news... Kurt wasn't into anything like that, so his conversations with Mr. Schue were limited to petty arguments about solo's, song choices and costumes... back when he was naive... back when things were just simple...
Finn told them about Mercedes, Sam, Santana, Brittany, Puckerman, Rachel... Artie... Tina and Mike... about all the former New Directions, and about their success in the outside world... Will just listened intently, laughing at the right time, and giving his input when he needed, and then it was silent, and all eyes were on Kurt, and suddenly the attention he wanted wasn't so welcome anymore... not for years, had he wanted people to pay him that kind of attention... give his standing in society, that went out the window years ago... he stood, and let Will hug him the way you would someone you hadn't seen in years... He turned to Blaine, and then back to Will
'I have a five year old daughter,' Kurt said, and Will's eyes went wide, almost to the point of bulging out of his head... Kurt pulled out his wallet and showed the picture of his daughter, on the playground with Blaine holding her
'Also a partner I see,' Will noticed, smirking
'Yes, Blaine... he's keeping your wife company Principal Schuester,' Kurt said, smirking at his former Glee teacher, who just chuckled and wiped the tears from his eyes before pulling Kurt into another hug..., it was the forgiveness he'd been looking for from his former countertenor... the forgiveness he never thought he'd ever get...
'Thank you Kurt... thank you for telling me that,' He said, pulling the three former New Directions members into a group hug, even convincing Blaine and Emma to join in...
They join the two teachers for lunch in the principal's office, because Will is waiting on an important call from a student's mother. Finn doesn't seem to mind, picking Emma's brain on what's been happening with the Glee Club over the last five years. She tells them with much enthusiasm. It's wonderful to hear someone that in love with the job that they do, even Blaine can contest to that. They never had a Glee teacher, just a council of upperclassmen, consisting of Wes, David and Thad, who chose their songs, arranged their rehearsals and out of class performances. Not that it was a bad system; just less chances to do something... spontaneous... you were never one to stick to that Rule Blaine. Remember the whole "Teenage Dream" fiasco of sophomore year? Blaine chuckled to himself, as he remembered... there had been something different about that day, like something would change... but then it was just another normal day, and the went on to do their impromptu performance, and spent the rest of the day working the sectional's numbers, and talking about upcoming performances... Emma had been so excited about telling the story, that Blaine had drifted back to his highschool days... back to when he was expressing himself through music... you mean the way that Kurt can't anymore... that's when the real impact of Kurt's monologue in the hallway had hit him... he has the chance to live his dream... to make the album he's always wanted to make... the possibility of that for Kurt... well there is none... he said it himself... he's unable to sing... a tear sprung to his eye, and he gripped Kurt's hand a little tighter, pressing a soft kiss to his cheek, and causing the other occupants of the room to smile.
Finn just had to ruin their moment by asking about Coach Sue. Quinn had been surprised to walk into the office, and find it void of everything is used to be. Will looked around at the three, before clearing his throat and taking over the story. He told them that Sue had found solace in the fact that she had a child, and she became this whole different person. When she found out she was sick, she thought it best to retire from Cheerleading, and Coaching, and spend her remaining years, with her baby girl, away from the criticism and hate she was getting in the last years of her tenure. Kurt wondered what on earth Will meant by the last years of her life... but his question was answered... she was dying... sick of the world... sick of herself... her past life had come back to do just what she had been afraid of... haunt her. Kurt suddenly found himself wishing he had been more kind to the former coach. Noticing the sudden change in his attitude, Will suggested going to visit her. She has been waiting just as long as he has for Kurt Hummel to forgive her, for not being there to save him on that day... Kurt kindly pointed out that no one could have saved him, but that he would pay a visit to his former cheerleading coach, which unfortunately was an unknown fact to Blaine, until Quinn opened her mouth. She just laughed at the look on Blaine's face, and when Kurt finally gave in, and joined her, it was like it had been... the good memories of highschool... even though mixed in with the bad... stood out...
Kurt had expressed his want to visit Sue, as they were leaving McKinley. Quinn had stopped by the choir room one last time, taking in the moment, hands on her stomach. Soon, she would have a beautiful baby, and her life will really have started... Quinn has the upmost belief that her life will be perfect, the moment she holds her baby in her arms... Kurt can agree with that... holding your child, even for a moment, is like being reborn... it's almost enough to save you... almost... they headed back towards the car, talking amicably about Mr Schuester's promotion to principal, and just how different their former highschool really was, compared to the last time they had been there... Rachel wanted to see the school, she and Puck would be back for Puck's sisters graduation soon enough, she would see it then... as Finn started the car, and Kurt climbed in the back, there was a sudden moment, where he really felt it... the heaviness in his heart had lifted just a little... Mr Schuester had thought, all these years, that he was the one Kurt blamed... it wasn't true though... to be honest... the one he's blamed all these years is the woman they're going to visit... the former cheerio coach... if she hadn't have kept him and Mercedes back to talk about the possibility of them rejoining the cheerio's, he would have gotten to Glee before the bell, and he wouldn't have ended up in a wheelchair, unable to sing or pursue his life's dreams... that's probably the hardest thing to admit to anyone, that he blames Sue for what happened... really, it wasn't anyone's fault... just Karofsky and his hatred for himself and Kurt... well, everything Kurt stood for... everything he secretly wanted to be, but couldn't... it was fear... that emotion in the eyes of his attacker... it was fear...
'Quinn, a few years ago, you asked me who I blamed for the accident. I didn't say anything, but you thought it was Schuester. I don't blame Mr. Schuester,'
'Who do you blame then Kurt?' Quinn asked, surprised, but having a fair idea of where it was heading
'I blame Sue,' Kurt replied, almost in a whisper...
'Oh Kurt...' Quinn said, understanding now his need to visit the former coach...
The house was small, just big enough for two people. As Finn parked the car out the front, and Quinn took in the abode, she realised that it was nothing like what she thought Sue would ever live in. given the current situation, it's better than can be expected. Kurt was the first one out of the car; he was halfway to the front door by the time the others joined him, Blaine linking their hands, thankful when Kurt didn't pull away. Finn was nervous... he had never gotten along very well with Sue in highschool, now that the woman was on the verge of death, and would be leaving her little girl all alone... he couldn't help but wonder if it was all worth it anymore... the fighting between their Glee Club and her cheerio's... he wondered what the point of any of it had been anymore. They were surprised when a little girl, no older than Holly, opened the door, smiling cheerfully, and shouting "MOM" at the top of her lungs... Kurt never imagined anyone calling Coach Sylvester mom... nor mother... he just couldn't picture it... until he caught a glimpse of the former coach of the cheerleading team... she was different than the last time they'd seen her. Her hair was longer, but you could tell she was sick... her complexion was pale, and she was using the wall for support, holding herself up. Quinn was the first one to speak, it seems that Sue hadn't noticed the others, hugging Quinn when the woman stepped forward... That was okay with Kurt... he was still working on what he was going to say... he couldn't lay the blame on such a sick woman... could he?
They were following Quinn inside moments later. The house was lovely on the inside, perfectly Sue Sylvester. There wasn't any doubt that this was the time of her life, she needed the most. Away from the monsters of McKinley, just here, with her daughter, and herself... Blaine was looking around, head moving so fast, Kurt thought it might implode... Finn didn't seem that interested in the surroundings; instead taking in the photos on the mantel piece... they entered the lounge, and were instructed to sit by Sue, who headed into the kitchen. Kurt didn't move to take a seat, he had to stand... he had to get out what he needed to... they both wanted forgiveness... maybe he was more willing to give it, than she would be to accept it... Blaine wasn't watching him; instead he was in conversation with Quinn about the Cheerio photo hanging above the fire place. Quinn made note that Sue's daughter's name is Robin. Apparently, it had been a lifelong dream of Sue's or something... Kurt didn't believe that... but nonetheless... Sue returned only moments later, a tray with biscuits and tea, sitting down, and telling everyone to help themselves. She either isn't paying attention, or deliberately ignoring Kurt... and he's not sure whether that pisses him off, or sits perfectly fine with him... only one way to find out...
'We won't be staying long,' Kurt said, and all eyes went to him
'Porcelain... I was wondering if I'd see you before I leave the land of the living...' Sue said, smiling softly, unusual for who she used to be
'Yes well, it was an internal debate that has been going on inside me for five years. Perhaps if I'd known you were sick, I would have come sooner...'
'Still blame me Porcelain...'
'No... I forgive you... it hurts too much to hold onto all that pain...' Kurt replied, and Sue looked up at him... for the first time in his life... it wasn't with an ulterior motive, just with... happiness? Shock?
'Kurt, you've come so far in your life. I read about you, and hear about you on the news... you did good... I'm proud of you,' Sue said, standing and moving over to Kurt, before pulling him into a hug... which he reluctantly slumped into...
For what was only meant to be a short visit, turned into three hours. They had spent that time talking about everything and anything. Sue told Quinn that motherhood would be the best change to her life... and told Finn that he's smarter than she gave him credit for... Kurt asked what was going to happen to Robin after she left... Sue had made arrangements with Emma and Will for them to take care of her on a permanent basis... up until she was eighteen... Kurt smiled, happy that the daughter of Sue Sylvester would be in the hands of people who will love her for who she is... Sue had told them of her last years at McKinley, before she retired, and was replaced by someone much younger and "less qualified" than she. Quinn and Kurt chuckled, knowing that their coach was still in there somewhere, and thanking her for all she did for them... she told them that she wasn't going to cry, because someone told her once, that crying is the way a person views your inner fears... it makes you vulnerable... Kurt looked up at her... remembering the day he told her that like it was yesterday... he was blaming people... her specifically... she was crying in the hospital, and he was pissed off, he just said it... it was the first thing he said since being admitted... she didn't know he was serious...
As they drove away from the house, Kurt couldn't help but wonder if they had done all they could for her. She only had a couple years, if not only months, left. Robin would soon be living with the Schuester's, and there would no longer be anyone left to blame for what happened to him in highschool... he wouldn't have a reason to hide anymore... it would mean that everything that happened, was real, and that he had gone through it... suppressing those thoughts... those feelings... the barrier had broken... between the highschool, and Sue's house... everything Kurt had worked so hard to keep out, came crashing in... And he let it... he let himself feel all the things he should have felt back then... Finn stopped the car to Kurt's demands... in the middle of a deserted road, heading back into Lima... Kurt got out of the car and walked around the other side so he couldn't be seen... Quinn told them other two to stay where they are, knowing that right now, what Kurt needs, isn't a brother or boyfriend... it's someone who doesn't have any trouble telling things he might not want to hear... the glass half-full to the emptiness that Kurt's feeling right about now... the designer is standing in the middle of nothing... just staring out over the horizon, but the tears are evident on his face... Quinn doesn't go too close... just within Kurt's eye line... he really wants to tell her to fuck off... it wouldn't offend her... she'd understand why... but he doesn't have the energy... he doesn't have the will to turn to the blonde woman he calls his sister-in-law, and tell her to go back to the car...so he does the next best thing... he picks up a rock and hurls it into the bushes... screaming... Kurt doesn't scream often... well not as much as he used to... he's twenty-five years old... not meant to be screaming... but it's his release...
After a while, the screams turn to sobs, and Kurt crouches down, letting Quinn hug him, sobbing into her jacket, knowing that Blaine and Finn will be watching the whole thing from the car, and wondering what on earth Kurt is doing... he's lost it... gone completely mad... Quinn doesn't say anything, just hugs him, and rubs his back, comforting... he's mumbling nonsense into the bright blue jacket Quinn is wearing, but on some level field, she can understand everything he's saying... the obvious ones... "I don't want to hurt anymore" and "Why?"... I think they've all asked that question alot over the years... Why Kurt? Why that day? How could it happen to someone like Kurt? but they know why... they know, they just haven't been able to admit it to themselves... this is the first time in five years Quinn had seen her brother-in-law act like this... give in fully to the emotions that he's feeling without fear of judgement or consequence.
'Shhh Kurt, it's okay. We all love you, and we're here for you,' she whispered softly into the designer's ear
'I l-love y-you t-too Quinn,' Kurt replied, through the sobs, and it was enough to make Quinn start crying...
'You've never said that to me before Kurt...'
'You can thank me later,' He replied, and Quinn chuckled, the atmosphere becoming normal once more around them...
A/N: The title of this chapter is taken from the Def Leppard song of the same name. I listened to it whilst writing chapters ten and eleven. I think it fits in pretty well. Fabulous song though. Next Chapter: There is a wedding coming up, but it's not Klaine's... not yet anyway... Other than that, the court case is the next major storyline. More secrets will be revealed... including the identity of Holly's biological mother... I've started a poll on my profile, check it out and let me know who you think it is... all will be revealed... JusticeIsn'tEasy0083. D.