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LadySharkey1 rocks my world by being the most amazing, kick-ass beta I could ever imagine.
Chapter 11
I'm the bigger person, yet again.
"…you know I love you, Angela."
Just like that, any enthusiasm I'd had over our conversation vanished like snow before the sun. My body hazily found its way to the back door as I scrambled for air before proceeding to fling myself over the back porch railing and dump the contents of my stomach between two of mom's rose bushes.
Next year would tell if partially digested turkey dinner would serve as a miracle fertilizer for her award winning roses.
Or not.
Leaning against the sturdy wooden porch my dad had built during the summer when mom was pregnant with me, I let the cool air blow some order into my troubled mind as I tried to organize my mind.
He loved her—well you already knew that, didn't you?
He was the one who asked her to move to Forks—well, there goes your one-step-away-from-being-Fatal-Attraction-Glen-Close theory.
He saw a future for the two of them together—what the fuck does that mean?
Of course I knew what that meant. In the long run that would mean plastering the fakest of fake smiles on my face as I dragged my bitter old self to the wedding of Mr. and Mrs. Edward Cullen and grow even more fake and bitter. The years following the wedding of the century, I'd get to watch their perfect little green eyed, fair skinned brats multiply all over town like fucking rabbits.
For some reason I couldn't fathom Voldemary stopping at just one kid; even if it was just to upstage me in the mom-department. She already looked like fucking Snow White so she'd probably want seven just to complete the whole picture perfect Disney family.
The only comfort I had was the knowledge that no way was my girl ever going to be a bridesmaid in their wedding unless they found a way to put her in a suit. And with Angela real-girls-only-wear-pretty-dresses Weber as the bride, the chances of that happening were slim to none.
"Is that you, Mommy?"
I'd composed myself just in time for both my Charlie's to come back; the younger one beaming like a full moon as the older Charlie walked right behind her with a proud smile on his face. "I was waiting out here for you guys to get back," I lied. "Did you have a good time, baby? See any animals on your walk?"
"Just a couple of rabbits and an owl," Charlie pouted, "but I think I saw a deer stalk off somewhere in the distance even though Grandpa doesn't believe me."
"She told me I needed glasses." Dad chuckled, teasingly pulling my baby girl's hood over her face. "But you know the rules, buttercup!"
"You're no fun!" Charlie grumped, knowing that the 'Charlie rules' clearly stated that an animal sighting only counted when all parties involved had seen aforementioned beast.
"Are you ready to go home, sweetie?" I offered, knowing that between her moonlight walk and the excitement of the holiday, she'd probably be out like a light.
Charlie merely nodded as she pushed her hood back down, which, to me, was indication enough.
"Okay then." Grabbing her hand I tugged her back inside the house, her hand cold within mine as we headed straight for the coat rack. "How about you go put your coat on and say thank you to Grandma while I go see if your dad is ready to tag along."
"Is Daddy coming home with us?" The hope in her sleepy voice broke my heart, especially after what I'd overheard earlier.
"Just for a bit," I answered, watching as her face fell. "He and I need to talk about some parenting stuff."
"Okay." She nodded, dragging her feet into the kitchen to kiss my mom goodbye as I quickly spoke to Edward, agreeing that he'd follow us home so that he got to tuck Charlie in; a pleasure he had to go without so much that I couldn't really deny him.
It was only thirty minutes later that Edward and I sat next to each other on the sofa as we awkwardly sipped our coffee while trying to think of things to say to break the painful silence. It stung, knowing how only a couple of months ago we'd have been jumping through topics to talk about.
But that was before her.
"So…" I finally offered, stumping on my follow up as we trailed off into silence again.
"Yeah," Edward offered, stretching his lean frame along the back of the couch. "I finally got to meet Humphrey."
I grimaced. Humphrey was the 'compensation-hamster' Charlie and I had settled on after the Voldemary every-girl-should-have-a-pet disaster. The agreement had been that she got to have one as long as she took care of it and made sure that little rat-understudy stayed in her room. "So what did you think of the little rodent?"
"I guess he's okay as far as pets go." Edward shrugged. "And they are asleep most of the day anyway, aren't they? So they don't really get in your way and seeing as they're confined to their cage, they bring the messiness down to a minimum."
"I suppose your new…girlfriend hasn't turned you into an animal lover yet?" I grimaced, the chunks rising in my throat as I forced out the word 'girlfriend'.
The look on Edward's face was confirmation enough and I didn't completely manage to suppress a giggle as he spoke. "She's threatening to bring some of her dogs back with her from Seattle."
"It's your own damn fault," I quipped, my amusement serving as a sufficient cover-up for a blow I'd been waiting to deliver. "At least she's got her own place so she can keep them there." I didn't know why I said it. It must have been so sort of weird masochistic streak I hadn't known about before Edward had made his way back into town. I mean, what other reason could I possibly have had to bring up the one question that would have him drive the stake even further into my heart?
"Yeah, but how long's that going to last?" He groaned, probably at the prospect of having one of Voldemary's mutts in his house, not at the prospect of living with that woman. "When we move in together she's going to have those animals all over the house because there's no way in hell she'll go along with keeping them in some sort of outhouse or something."
"It's that serious, huh?" How I managed to speak and keep myself from doubling over in heartache was beyond me but somehow, by some Herculean effort, I managed it.
"Yeah," He nodded, briefly closing his eyes before they captured mine again as he went on. "We're both very serious about making this work—with you and with Charlie, of course. Angie…she's trying so hard, but maybe a little too hard at times. It's probably why I totally flew off the handle the other night, though the fact that I'd just come off a hard shift may have had something to do with it as well."
"My timing was once again impeccable." I smirked, offering him an apologetic look. "I shouldn't have ambushed you like that but your reaction…it really hurt to see you jump to Angela's defense so quickly, without even stopping to realize how this has affected your daughter."
"I know," he sighed, looking truly remorseful at that moment. "I felt like such a jackass once I'd come to my senses again but it was just…I'd had a miserable shift at the hospital and then, on my way over, Angela called me and she was really upset about the fact that she might have hurt Charlie's feelings and how you would probably hate her now." I internally rolled my eyes. Well played, indeed. "I know she comes across as really confident and outgoing but deep down she's a really tender soul who works her ass off to make everyone around her happy."
I barely resisted the urge to snort. Tender soul, my ass! The look on his face, however, told me my snarky comments wouldn't be appreciated at that moment. And when I normally wouldn't have hesitated to throw in my own two cents when it was just me involved in all of this, I knew that it was in the best interest of my kid to just plaster a fake, empathic smile onto my face and go along with him as he went on. "Anyway, after hearing how upset she was, something just snapped inside of me when you started talking. Not that it excuses my behavior in anyway. I mean, if there's ever something about our daughter that you think needs my attention I want you to feel free to bring it up whenever you see fit, without me all but biting your head off."
"That would be nice," I deadpanned. "How are we going to make this work?"
"Talk, I guess?" he offered, scratching the back of his head as he grinned sheepishly, "though perhaps in a way more constructive to actually achieving shit."
"Okay." I nodded. I liked where the conversation was going. "So do you want to do it now?"
"I guess." He shrugged before chuckling.
Cocking my head to the side, I watched with a bemused smile as his chuckling morphed into full-on laughter. "What?"
"This is just like the night we lost our virginity!" Edward managed to pant out in between guffaws. "Remember? You had prepared everything down to the last minute while I was just scared shitless of cumming before I'd actually gotten it in."
"I know!" I'd snickered. Our first time hadn't exactly been a spontaneous, go-with-the-flow kind of thing. With both sets of parents watching our every move, we'd known two weeks in advance that the night had been coming. After all, how often did one of my dad's night shifts coincided with my mom staying overnight with my grandmother after she'd had an outpatient procedure at the hospital?
Not often.
Then his dad was working, as usual, and after one well placed lie about Edward staying at a friend's house, and, as they say, the rest is history.
Oh, and it wasn't technically a lie; I was his girlfriend!
Determined to make the most of our few hours of sexual freedom, I'd actually gone out and made a list of all the bases I wanted to round that night. Hell, if I'd had the time and the skills I probably would have made a complete storyboard with sketches, too.
"And here I was getting completely bummed out when things didn't work out the way I'd planned!" I snorted, remembering something that had me standing in the middle of my bedroom buck naked and stomping my foot because Edward had wanted to skip a few bases and head straight for the main event.
"We had some fun that night too, though," Edward mused, his voice softer.
"Yeah." I could feel my cheeks blushing at the memory of what it had been like, that first time—and the second—which had followed pretty soon after. Because, I mean, we were on a pretty tight time schedule after all.
Being with him had been so amazing that it was no surprise the bastard had ruined me for all other men. We were such great friends from early childhood; the intimacy between us when we did finally become one had been almost starling. It was so powerful.
So beautiful.
"Anyway." Edward sighed and I only noticed how we'd unwittingly inched closer together as he shifted his body away again; the void left me feeling cold and empty. "As much of a ninety degree angle this is from what we were just talking about, I think we should really talk it all out before either of us falls asleep."
"I know." I had a hard time keeping my disappointment out of my voice as I steeled my shoulders again. We needed to get back to harsh reality when just then, for a moment, it seemed like the old Edward—my Edward—had been back again. "Uh, so, going on what I heard your mom say the other day, you and Angela discussed what happened? I mean...beyond her being upset about it?"
He nodded. "After I'd let it all sink in and realized what a jackass I'd been to you and Charlie. I'd been so preoccupied with making sure Angie was okay that I realized I hadn't taken Charlie or you into account." Shaking his head, he let out a deep breath. "I was really fucking ashamed of myself when I realized what a jerk I'd been so, after I'd had some sleep, I filled Angie in on what happened and tried to make her see how important the ground rules of parenting you and I have set are to us and to Charlie."
"And?" I prompted, shifting impatiently as I bit my lip to stop myself from lashing out like some bitter harpy.
Looking up, there was no hostility or denial in Edward's eyes as he explained, "I know it may not have looked like that to you or our daughter, but Angela meant no harm, Bells." He sighed, running a hand through his hair. "Sure, she's a little set in her values that she may not be exactly what you and I were brought up to believe, but she never intended to hurt Charlie's feelings."
"I get that, I really do," I argued, "but can't you see that by meaning no harm she did, indeed, do harm?" Sucking in a sharp breath I tried to calm myself as my protective instinct flared up again. "I know it all probably came from a good place, but if Angela can't see how much her well-meant suggestions have hurt Charlie, then I don't know what to do here." Actually, I know very damn well what to do, but saying it will only bring more trouble, so I'll keep my mouth shut, for now, if you keep that bitch away from my little girl. "This can't happen again, Edward. For both our sakes, but most of all for Charlie's."
"I know," he nodded, though I could see his frame tensing up ready to fight. "I think that after talking to Angie, she understands that maybe some of our parenting tactics might not be what she would think is right, but they are our decisions and she has to abide by them whenever she's around Charlie."
"And she agrees on that?" I wanted absolutely no room for doubt.
"Yes," he answered solemnly. "I know you've been very careful with sending Charlie over during the past two weeks, what with all the phone calls and the cell phone, but that won't be necessary anymore. She's safe with us, I can promise you that."
I sighed, wishing I could believe him. "I'm sorry, but it's going to take more than that for me to trust you again." I sighed, rubbing my brows to press away the fatigue that seemed to have snuck up on me all of a sudden. "You weren't there when she came home that night. She was so quiet it scared the hell out of me. I never want to see that again, Edward. Especially not since she doubted the very thing we are both so proud of: her independent spirit."
"I know." Like with me just before, a deep sigh permeated the air as he weighed his words carefully. "And I'm not angry or anything, though I have to admit I might be a bit disappointed because…"
"Because?"
"Well, it's important to me that both of you get along with Angela," he finally admitted, unaware that when it came to me, he was simply asking for the impossible. "As I said, things are getting serious between me and her, so I want her and Charlie to really get to know each other and get along. It was another part of why I reacted so strongly the other day—I know what's at stake here and I don't want things to get awkward or strained between me and my daughter."
"She really loves you, Edward," I muttered, grabbing his hand as, for a moment, I really felt for him. I mean, look at him, sitting there like a lost little puppy caught in the middle of a war zone! But then I remembered what was at stake for me and my girl. "This is as new to her as it is to all of us, but unlike the three of us, she doesn't have the benefit of being a grown up and getting a full say in all of this. The least we can do is listen to her and take her seriously, even if what she's saying isn't what we'd like to hear."
"Okay, you're absolutely right." He nodded, stretching his arms out along the back of the sofa. "I can definitely do that."
"And I think we need to talk more," I went on, picking up more confidence as my plan began to unfold. "Perhaps get together every week to keep each other up to date? We were always friends, before all of this, and I'd hate to lose that just because our lives have changed."
"I'd like that, too, Bells," he spoke eagerly. "I really meant what I said just now about how important it is that not just Charlie, but you as well, got along with Angie. You're my best friend in the whole damn world, Bella, and I never want to risk that. Not for anything."
"Then you will always have me," I assured him, my heart broke even further as I mustered a friendly smile on my face.
I could be his friend.
No, I would be his friend, even if it killed me to have to stand by and act happy while he moved on with his life and I remained stuck in a dream I knew would never come to fruition.
For Charlie, I'd make friends with the devil himself if that's what it took my make my girl happy.
"Now, friend," he chuckled, the devious smirk I knew and loved so well was back on his face as he leaned in conspiratorially. "Care to tell me all the little secrets in your life?"
I smiled, sharing some of the more insignificant stories of my life as we talked together most of the night. I knew then and there that the question wasn't so much if acting like his friend was going to kill me.
It was when.
Thoughts?