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LadySharkey1 rocks my world by being the most amazing, kick-ass beta I could ever imagine.

Chapter 14

When sparks turn out to be as elusive as a hand full of sand.

"You look gorgeous!"

I blushed, happily offering Liam my arm after I'd locked the door. It seemed my shopping trip with Rose earlier that week had definitely paid off. And for once I was wearing stuff I actually felt comfortable in, instead of something borrowed that was way out of my comfort zone. I had to admit it was kind of nice for a change.

"Thanks!" I answered, the gravel crunching under the thin soles of my new, ballet flats. "You don't look too shabby yourself!"

And boy was I right! For an all American outdoorsy type of guy, Liam definitely looked good in a suit.

Not as good as him, though.

Stupid! Stupid! Why did you have to bring that up, huh? Didn't we agree not to talk, mention, or even think about him tonight?

Pushing all thoughts of Edward aside, I plastered a smile onto my face as I sat down in the passenger seat of the car. The e asy-listening music played softly from the car radio made me chuckle inwardly as I thought about how Edward was going to react when he found out I'd willingly sat in a car and listened to that crap. Wait a minute…I thought you weren't going to think about him?

Crap!

"I hope you don't mind the mess," Liam apologized, inclining his head towards the mud-stained car mats and dirty boots thrown on the backseat. "With being a sales rep for a saw mill, most of my business takes place in the woods so it can get a bit mucky every now and then." Chuckling apologetically he threw the car in reverse and backed out of the parking lot, his body leaning into mine as he looked back instead of using his rearview mirror.

I kind of liked it; his scent spicy and outdoorsy. So manly.

I'd missed it.

"I had wanted to have it cleaned before heading over but, as always, things took longer than I expected at work, so…" he trailed off, steering the car onto the 101.

"I don't mind," I quickly put his mind at ease. "Believe me, if I'd been scared of a bit of mud, I'd have gone crazy years ago with my daughter being the tomboy she is!"

"That's good to know!" Liam chuckled relieved. "So, she likes the woods, huh?"

"Yeah." Nodding, my lips widened into a smile as I thought about Charlie running amuck in the thick, dense forests behind my parents' home. "I think she would have a thing or two to say to you about chopping down trees!"

"Hey! I don't chop them down myself!" Liam playfully defended himself. "They are already cut up and ready to go when I get there… But yeah, walking through the woods sometimes, I can see why people think it's a shame we're cutting those trees down. I mean, sure, we're planting new trees and all, but there's something so awe-inspiring about walking beneath those giants."

"It makes you feel small, doesn't it?" I nodded along, having experienced that feeling so many times. "I grew up in a house backing onto the forest and I have to admit my daughter didn't exactly get her tomboy ways from a stranger, but even today it still gets to me…every time."

"You're very lucky to grow up in a place as green and safe as this," he mused, shooting me a swift sideways glance. "I remember growing up in Portland that I always had to stick to our own backyard or a nearby park for my outdoor excursions. It's green but it's not the same."

I agreed vigorously. "It's why I've never wanted to leave, not even when it seemed like it would cost me my relationship and my career potential." I sighed, remembering the feeling of despair of those years; a little baby in the cradle, a soul mate that seemed to be drifting away more and more, and my professors telling me my talents were wasted on my small home town. "I knew that if I moved, I'd never have the chance to give Charlie the same kind of childhood I had and I wanted that so much for her…no matter how much it would cost me in the end."

Thinking about my daughter, I knew I'd been right; Charlie would have hated growing up in the city, without the freedom to run around in the woods and collect all kinds of disgusting pieces of flora and fauna to put under her microscope. She was an outdoor girl to the bone, just like I had been.

Still, sometimes I wished…

"You did a great thing for her," Liam assured me. "I'm sure that when she's older she'll appreciate the sacrifices you made for her. I know I'd probably do the same if I had been in your shoes, though I can't imagine becoming a parent at such a young age." He smiled, wanting to let me know he meant that just as a point of interest, not to insult me as so many others had done before. "What was it like?"

"To find out I was pregnant at sixteen?" I asked, smiling as the memory of those days drifted back into my mind. "I was so scared at first—it was like the world as I knew it had been turned upside down, but once I'd come to grips with it, I realized that it was just one of life's challenges to be met head on." My smile widened as I continued. "As soon as she was born, I knew I never wanted to change the outcome, no matter how hard it was going to be. She was it for me; my whole world."

"I can't imagine ever feeling something like that." Slowing the car, he veered off the road, the gravel crunching underneath the tires as he entered the long lane leading up to the restaurant. "I mean…I love my family and friends, and I once I thought I was in love with a girl back in college but something like that?" He shrugged.

"I used to feel the same way," I chuckled, remembering how it felt to hold that little bundle of human being in my arms that first day and finally know what my mom had been talking about.

"Tell me about her," Liam urged as the car rolled towards the beautiful timber building, illuminated by what must have been a million fairy lights. "You mentioned she was a bit of a tomboy?"

"A bit?" I giggled allowing some time to get out of the car after Liam had parked it before I continued. "She hates dolls and dresses and pretty much everything else other girls love. I guess…she's always been a very independent spirit; drawing her own plans for life without being bothered by other peoples' expectations."

"Just like her mom." Liam's remark made me blush, that tingle of excitement fluttering a little fiercer in my stomach as he placed his hand on the small of my back. It was a feeling I'd missed without even knowing it; contact…closeness to another human being who wasn't a friend or a relative.

I liked it.

"Not so much!" I snickered. "I sometimes wish that my biggest problem was whether or not I'd be a wimp if I didn't make it all the way to the top of the tree when most of the boys could. And anyway…I wish I could be like her and not give a damn about what people thought about me."

Usually, I didn't, but in this one case…I just wished I could walk up to Edward and tell him what I really felt. But I knew I lacked the guts to go balls out and throw the truth on the table. If only because I knew so much more was at stake than just my heart.

"I think in an adult that kind of behavior would be considered a little egocentric," Liam argued, giving his name to the hostess. "I mean, isn't society built on people actually caring?"

"You may be right about that," I mused as we settled into the companionable and far less taxing chitchat that usually accompanied dinner dates.

And, just like the first time, I had a great time.

Talking to him was just easy. He was kind, intelligent and we both liked the same things but not so much so that it made talking about them boring. We were just…compatible, I guessed.

But still…

As much as I really, really wanted to feel that spark—that little bit of magic that turned you into an addict within the blink of an eye—it just wasn't there. We were friends, great friends even, and part of me had the feeling that if we'd ever evolve into something more we'd be happy and content. I could see it all in front of me; a nice house, him getting along great with Charlie and my parents and warming up my bed at night with a satisfactory sex life and maybe a few more kids.

But was that enough?

Could I settle for satisfactory when I'd know what it was like to be on fire?

Of course you can! A little voice inside me barked out. You chased that fire once and look where it got you? A single mom still hung up on an ex with a new girlfriend who claims to 'never have felt as in love' as he feels when he looks at the bitch! And you know what that means, don't you? It means he never loved you like you loved him! So quit whining you idiot! Go for it!

How those words had kept haunting me! It was like I—we—had never existed; like everything I ever thought I had with Edward had been a mirage.

But had it?

Did he really speak the truth or had he been just as caught up in everything as I had been? The major difference, of course, was that we hadn't been caught up in the same thing.

I couldn't believe it was the truth.

Or, more truthfully, I didn't want to.

"Where did you just go?" And just like that, the ghostly, imagined face of Edward morphed back into the very real and slightly worried looking face of Liam.

"I'm sorry." I blushed, taking a sip from my coffee. "I guess I got pulled into a sordid back alley of memory lane."

"Let me guess; the ex?" There was no blame in his eyes, nothing to suggest that he realized the ex he mentioned was still very much sitting at our table. Well, except for his words.

I nodded. "I'm sorry. It's probably the worst thing to do when you're on a date; thinking about your ex. But a lot of stuff happened over the past couple of weeks and…"

"You're forced to think about him more often than you'd like?" Liam offered. "Not that I like it or anything, but I can see how having a kid together means you have to keep in close contact."

"We're still very close," I explained. "Or at least we used to be until a few months ago. I'm not sure we still are sometimes, but yeah…he's around a lot and I can understand if that's just a little too much to handle."

"Not if you're over him," Liam spoke, quickly and decidedly, an undertone of worry slipping into his voice as he added. "Are you?" he asked cautiously.

I knew I had to tell him the truth, even if it meant throwing the door shut on a world of possibility. "To be honest? I don't know." I sighed, watching as disappointment settled on the face of the man in front of me. "But I think I can be…I mean, if I didn't see a possible future for us, I never would have agreed to go out with you."

"Good," he nodded, still wary, but more hopeful. "But do you think you can explain that a bit? My head's kind of spinning right now."

And so I told him—everything, from my hope as Edward's return to Forks was announced to my intense disappointment when I found out who he was bringing. It felt so good to just be able to talk about it with someone who wasn't a part of the whole situation.

I felt lighter.

"Holy shit!" Liam concluded after I'd finished, his frame sagging back in his chair with a little thud as he rubbed the slight scruff on his chin. "I can see why that occupies your mind. Hell, I'm amazed you're still walking around with your head screwed on right with all the stuff happening in your life!"

I shrugged, a little awkward with the whole situation when I'd finished my story. "I manage."

"You don't just manage!" he praised. "I mean, to go through that without ending up in jail for at least two counts of assault…I don't know if I should be in awe of you or shake some sense into you!"

Chuckling wryly I played with the little puddle of molten ice cream on my dessert plate. "Sometimes I'm kind of torn between those two, myself. It's all such a mess that half the time I don't know what the hell I'm supposed to be feeling."

"How about 'glad to be sitting here with nice man who wants to make you forget about all that stuff?'" He joked, though I suspected that in reality he was much more serious than the tone of his voice suggested.

"Of course!" I smiled; though inside of me, I could feel the unease growing both because of the future he offered me and the fear of letting that slip through my fingers. God, I want to be happy. If only I could find a way to make that happen…

But since I didn't want to end the night in total misery, I managed to put the same light note in my voice as I added, "How about you? Did all my gloomy thoughts and baggage scare you off yet?"

"I'm still here, aren't I?" he shrugged. "But what I want isn't so important right now—though make no mistake, Bella, I really want you. It's what you want that matters more right now. This would be a mistake if you're not ready to move ahead and, from what you told me just now, I'm kinda starting to doubt you are."

"Join the club," I breathed, pressing my lips together in a disgruntled grimace. "Honestly? I have no idea if I'm ready or not. I want to be, but..."

"You're torn," his disappointed voice finished for me. "I get it, I really do…even if it kinda sucks."

"God, you have no idea!" I snorted at the accuracy of his words. "I do want to try, though, even when I know that might not be enough for you. I want to be more…to be free again." At that moment, with what I wanted most so far out of reach I could barely see a blip on the horizon, I knew it was the truth. If I couldn't have what I wanted, then I had to fight to get what I deserved.

And bit might have been selfish and naïve but, dammit, I deserved to be happy.

His grin made my heart beat a little faster as my smile widened to genuine joy. "I was hoping you were going to say that!" he grinned, looking as relieved and happy with the outcome of our conversation as I was.

Though part of me was jubilant and very proud of myself from pushing through in my battle to move on, the unsettled feeling in the pit of my stomach remained, even as Liam drove me home again and said his goodbye with a chaste but passionate kiss by my front door and a promise to call me the next day, when I knew what Edward's schedule was going to be like.

Or, in other words, when we could have our next date.

His kindness and understanding never ceased to baffle me and, as I lay in my bed that night, I couldn't stop thinking about how I'd found a great guy; one I wouldn't hesitate to bring around Charlie if things kept progressing the way they were.

I mean, he had to be a saint to put up with the shit he'd learned that night and still want me.

Right?

Not that I wasn't intensely grateful but…was that even normal?

Chuckling, I knew Edward would never have had the patience or the inclination to wait it out until the shadow of his predecessor had lifted; his character being much more cocky and impassioned than Liam's was.

Add that to the long list of differences between the two men.

And maybe that was one of the things that attracted me to Liam; the fact that he and Edward couldn't be more different if they tried. Perhaps that was the thing that was going to help me through this…help me get over Edward.

In the end, sleep came much faster than I could have imagined and, for once, my night managed to pass without nightmares or disturbingly erotic dreams about a man who probably didn't think twice about me. It just past too soon, as the incessant ringing of the doorbell woke me up far too early on a Sunday morning, especially when I was all alone in the house.

"Coming, I'm coming!" I growled, rubbing the sleep from my eyes as I trudged down the stairs. "Geez! You'd think the house was on fucking fire or something!"

Whatever stern reprimand I had for whoever had dared to disturb my peace and quiet died on my lips, however, the second I opened the door.

Because there, standing on my doorstep was a crying, and very upset Charlie, flinging herself in my arms the second she saw the door open.

"Baby!" I breathed, stumbling backwards as her small but strong body collided with mine. My heart rate spiked with worry as I stealthily checked her for outward signs of harm while she sobbed into my shoulder. "Are you okay? What happened?"

"Angela!" Charlie cried. "S-she tried t-to f-f-force me to go to c-c-church with her," Charlie sniffed. "She told m-me I would go to h-h-hell if I didn't."

Thoughts?