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LadySharkey1 rocks my world by being the most amazing, kick-ass beta I could ever imagine.
Chapter 18
Taking a big leap of faith into a puddle of shit.
Being the master schemers we were—not—Esme and I were downright giddy by the time Edward made it into the kitchen.
And, okay, the wine might have helped.
"Go wash up while we finish things here," Esme ordered as soon as Edward stuck his head through the door opening. It didn't escape my notice how her voice had lost just the slightest hint of its usual warmth. "You should be able to find some fresh clothes in the closet in your old room."
As I watched him walk away, part of me was brimming with hope at this new chance to get Edward back—get the old Edward back, because the new one, I didn't like him all that much, to be honest.
And that was part of what the problem was here. With everything that had happened over the past couple of weeks, I had a hard time reconciling the image Esme had painted of him as a man who'd fallen under the spell of the wrong woman with the hard, harsh and, at times, even cruel man I'd had in front of me.
The boy I used to know was not a puppet but the man I'd been seeing lately definitely wasn't the Edward I knew.
Right, now even my mind is running in circles. I have to fucking end this before I spin completely out of control and then what? Give Voldemary the chance to present herself as the sane one?
No fucking way!
And then there was the other thing; the fact that he'd seemed to go out of his way to hurt both me and my—our—baby girl over the past couple of weeks when, during the whole decade before that, things had just been great.
The rational part of me could fathom that the only reason I'd gotten hurt in all of this was because I'd waited too long to win him back, and that it was pretty much my own damn fault, but as for Charlie?
No, there was no part of me that could understand how he could have been so cruel and neglectful to her.
"Is Alice coming back for dinner?" Just then, the subject of my gloomy and bordering on slightly murderous thoughts sauntered into his mom's kitchen without a care in the world, grabbing a few slices of tomato from the cutting board before pulling a cold beer from the fridge.
Esme shook her head. "She's staying over at Maria's."
"Ah." Just from the look on his face I was able to figure out that Edward would have liked to have his sister present as a buffer against the two angry women he was facing alone.
Could I really blame him?
I guess not, but that didn't mean I didn't want to.
"So, Angela's not coming?" I asked, as Esme left the room to set the table after gently brushing off our offers to do so. I wasn't sure why I asked because no part of me gave a flying fuck whether or not she would be there or not. No, that's not true. I want her to be here so that I can scoop her eyes out with a dessert spoon before slowly roasting her bleeding, skinny ass over Esme's stove.
I doubt Esme'd mind.
It was hard to read Edward's face as a few wet locks of hair had fallen in front of his eyes but the tone of his voice spoke volumes when he muttered, "She's gone to Seattle for the weekend to visit her parents."
All was definitely not well on cloud number nine.
It might have been particularly vicious of me but, even though I didn't think I'd want Edward back even if he offered himself up with a pretty pink bow tied around his dick, his announcement gave me no small amount of pleasure. It's just like that two-faced, cowardly bitch to go running off to Daddy the minute shit starts hitting the fan.
"I'm sure she couldn't wait to get out of town." I somehow managed not to snicker as I thought about how news of what had happened had traveled through town like a wildfire, spurred along by the fact that Charlie had shared her story with the class during group discussion on Monday. From then on out, the Stanley's had picked up the gossip…which was pretty much the same thing as having it broadcasted all over the six 'o clock news.
Hell, even Victoria Halston had come by the shop to thank me for taking the attention of the old biddy gossiping squad away from her and her philandering husband for a change.
Edward shook his head, his eyes hard as the sought out mine. "Don't do that."
"Don't tell me what I can and can't do," I snapped back, barely restraining myself from hurtling half the kitchen furniture at his head. "That bitch hurt my kid. It's not like I'm badmouthing her over nothing or acting like a spurned lover or something. Or do you forget what happened?"
"Of course not." From the way his body shifted I could sense his fists were balling at his side; a sign that he was getting frustrated to the point of explosion. Good. Let him explode, I'll match his anger tenfold.
"If she has any sense in her brain, she'll stay in Seattle," I went on, pushing the envelope a little by being completely honest. "I was serious when I told you I don't want her around Charlie anymore."
"And how do you see that working out, Bella?" Edward snarled.
"Frankly, I don't give a flying fuck about how you're going to make that happen," I snorted. "As long as it happens, because I'll definitely go to court to protect Charlie if I ever find out you're bringing that bitch around my kid again."
"Our kid," Edward insisted. "And don't I get a say in this?"
"You had your say." I shook my head, tears of anger already burning in the corners of my eyes. "But you lost your right to make demands or even complain when you went against our agreement—against Charlie's wishes—and left her with that woman."
Esme chose that moment to walk back into the kitchen. The 'oh dear' look on her face as saw the two of us facing off like a pair of angry lions quickly morphed into the determined, professional mask of the therapist she was at heart as she herded us into the dining room.
I couldn't blame her. There was only so much damage you could do with a table knife whereas I had it on pretty good authority that her kitchen drawers packed some serious heat.
And boy was I tempted!
The promises I'd made to her only an hour or so ago was all but forgotten after Edward had returned to his former assaholic behavior; dismissing my worries and complaints as he remained stuck on his own damn high horse.
Well fuck you and fuck the horse, too!
"How about we have some food first, before we start discussing the things that need to be straightened out?" Esme offered, probably thinking that having the two of us in some varying degree of food coma would diminish the chances of things ending up in total carnage.
We both meekly followed behind her; my enthusiasm to play nice was so far below zero that I found it hard to even engage in the small talk Esme tried to keep alive throughout our meal. Hell, with him at the table, sitting across from me with an equally scowling look on his face, I had a hard time even getting food into my mouth, let alone speaking.
At some point, Esme must have concluded the battle was completely and utterly lost, because we hadn't even finished our desserts before she addressed the huge elephant in the room.
"Now," she paused, putting her spoon down, "the reason I've asked the two of you to come here tonight is to see if we can't work things out between us." Folding her hands in front of her she let out a deep breath before she continued. "So far, you've always been able to settle the more difficult aspects of parenting like friends and, although I'm very aware that right now friendship might be the last thing you're feeling, that doesn't mean we have to let it go as far as to involve lawyers and judges."
I nodded, knowing that would be my final solution as well since it would probably mean more upheaval in Charlie's life. But that wasn't to say I would hesitate for one moment to take that step if I thought it was necessary. "The only thing I'm concerned about is Charlie's safety and happiness. If we can work out how to safeguard that without involving the courts I'd jump at that."
"So would I," Edward agreed, which was kind of a foreign sensation since there seemed to be so little we agreed upon these days. "It's just that I feel it's downright impossible to meet all the demands Bella's making."
"Are you calling me unreasonable, Edward?" I snapped. "How dare you! Especially knowing these demands don't come from me but from your daughter. Hell, it seemed like the other day you were even agreeing with me! So what's up with that bullshit?"
"I was as shocked as you were the other day," Edward barked back. "Of course I want Charlie to be happy and to feel safe whenever she's visiting me but the stipulations you're making are just impossible to meet. I mean...Angela's my girlfriend. How can I promise to keep Charlie away from her indefinitely when Angie and I might be living together soon. How do you see that working out, huh?"
"Edward!" Esme warmed, as she saw her fuming son lean further and further across the table.
"As I said before: I don't give a rat's ass about how you make it work with your girlfriend," I answered his question, sarcastically mocking him. "Charlie doesn't want Angela around her and, after what that bitch did to my daughter, I don't even want her within fifty feet of my kid, let alone in the same room. And I have to admit I'm completely disappointed you don't feel the same way." My eyes were shooting fire; the overwhelming power of my anger and disappointment burning hot as I went on. "What kind of dad are you to her anyway, if you want to put her in a situation where she can end up getting hurt over and over again?"
"Bella." I could feel the calming cool of Esme's hand on the sleeve of my sweater as she tried to tone things down a notch or two, her free hand raised to stop Edward from whatever sharp comeback he'd been meaning to make. "I want you both to sit back and count to ten here. I didn't invite you over to throw insults around or threaten each other. I want you to talk and listen to what the other has to say—really listen."
With her voice boding no argument, we both reluctantly did as she said; taking a deep breath as we sat back, sulked, and glared at each other.
"Now, as I see it, the main point of disagreement here is the fact that Bella doesn't want Angela to be around Charlie after what happened. And Edward, you think this cannot be done, due to the fact that you're in a relationship with Angela and you're entertaining plans of living with her. Is that correct?" Esme, detached and factual, just like a true therapist.
We both nodded. I bit my lip to keep form lashing out again and he was doing pretty much the same.
"Bella." I turned towards Esme as she addressed me. "Can you tell me why you're so vehemently against Angela having contact with Charlie?"
I had to bite back a snort. It wasn't like anyone in this room didn't already know why, but because Esme was trying so hard, and maybe because I could kinda see what she was trying to do, I humored her. "After the second time she hurt Charlie's feelings, I feel like I can't safely leave her with Edward, knowing Charlie's going to be around someone who hurt her not once, but twice. Besides, Charlie doesn't want to be in the same room as Angela—she's scared of her and I believe she has every reason to be."
"There's no—" Edward raged, only to be silenced by a scathing look from his mother.
"You'll get a chance to speak in a moment," she ordered, her voice calm but amazingly commanding. "It's your time to listen, remember?" She waited for her son to nod contritely before she addressed me again. "Would you be willing to compromise on this matter?"
"No." My answer was immediately and decisive. "I feel I'd be betraying my daughter and the trust she's placed in me to protect her from harm if I did."
"Edward," Esme addressed, angling her body towards the other side of the table. "How does this make you feel?"
"Pissed off," Edward laughed incredulously, brushing the back of his head in a way that made his hair stand up in all directions. "I feel like whatever would have happened between Charlie and Angela, good or not, this was always going to be the outcome. Sure, what Angela did the other day was messed up, but she's really sorry about it and willing to do whatever it takes to make amends and make sure it doesn't happen again. But if nobody gives her a chance to show how much she cares already…"
Esme cocked her head as he let his voice trail off, her long, slender fingers folding as she seemingly, carefully, thought out the wording of her follow-up question before she voice it. "But what about Charlie? Do you take her feelings into account, as well?"
Edward sighed, rubbing his eyes before he spoke. "Of course I do. I want her to be happy as much as Bella does. It's just that sometimes I can't help but wonder if she's being influenced in her opinion of Angela."
"That's ridiculous!" I cried out, jumping up from my chair as the urge to slap him had never been stronger in my life.
"Bella, sit down." This time I was on the receiving end of Esme's look; the force behind it compelling me to comply even against my will. "Just like Edward did when you were talking, you need to listen to what he has to say." After concluding I was back in cooperation-mode, she turned back to Edward. "Can you elaborate on that a little?"
He shrugged; his demeanor part resentful, part wary. "It just seems like I've been fighting an uphill battle all along, ever since I brought Angela with me from Seattle. Everyone around here seemed determined to see her fail and so it happened…like some kind of sick, self-fulfilling prophecy."
Ah, so that's the angle Voldemary's been spinning! In that moment I could see what Esme had been saying about Angela being a master manipulator. In the time between the incident and our talk, she somehow managed to spin this whole story into another 'misunderstanding' and make herself out to be the victim. And if there was one thing I knew about Edward, it was that he had an uncanny penchant to go all 'knight in shining armor' whenever he thought someone needed one.
Well, misunderstanding my ass!
Where were he and his fucking armor when my daughter needed them?
"Bella, is there something you want to say about this?" Esme asked, her eyes warning me to stay calm and act rational even through that might have been a tall order.
"That he's wrong, perhaps?" I snorted. "Sure, I may not have exactly been over the moon when you told me about you and Angela but I'd never sink as low as to put Charlie against her. In fact, I think Edward knows that what he's saying isn't true. I mean, back in the beginning, before any of this happened, Charlie thought that Angela hung the moon! They were bonding over animals and all sorts of things, no matter what I might have thought about it. It was only after Angela started screwing with Charlie's mind that the dislike started."
"Edward?" Esme asked, giving him the chance to react again.
"At least she admits she disliked Angela from the start," Edward concluded smugly, his eyes fierce with determination as they looked straight at me. "Angela told me from the beginning you were trying to sabotage us but I wouldn't listen. We were friends, right? And I was foolish enough to believe that you wanted me to be happy."
"Of course I want you to be happy, you jackass!" I cried, not really caring if it was my turn to speak or not. "I want all of us to be happy—but Charlie most of all. Do you know how much it hurts to see her doubting herself? Or how it killed me to know that your relationship with her had sustained damage because of what Angela had done? I might not have liked the idea of Angela—or anyone else for that matter—being a third party in our parenting, but I was determined to give her a shot for all our sakes."
"Did you really, Bella?" He challenged me as his mom sat there watching us like it was the Wimbledon final. "Or were you just waiting for your chance to push her away? To break us up so you could step right in?"
"And what if I was?" The words were out of my mouth before I could stop them, my hand flying to my throat as I realized what I'd just said…what I'd just almost admitted to.
"You've got to be fucking kidding me!" Edward chuckled humorlessly, shaking his head. "Now you tell me you want me back?"
"I've always wanted you back," I whispered, tears burning in my eyes.
"Well, you sure have a pretty funny way of showing it!" he cried, his chair toppling backwards as he shot out of it like his ass was on fire. "Do you know how many years I spent waiting for you, not wanting to believe your words when you broke up with me?" He shook his head again, his eyes wild with anger and something else I couldn't quite put my finger on as he rounded on me again. "At first I told myself you just needed some time to yourself…to choose your own path…only to come to the same conclusion: that we were meant to be. That no matter which direction we went in, we'd always end up together."
"I did that, too," I muttered, feeling the shame of my decision all over again. I'd chosen wrongly back then. I knew it then and boy did I know it now. "I regretted what I said to you the minute you walked out that room but, at the same time, I felt like I was holding you back from your potential—from all the amazing things you could do with your life if you hadn't been tied to Forks. I just didn't think…"
"And that was always the problem with you, wasn't it?" He snorted deprecatingly. "You never thought about anyone but yourself. Well, it's too late, Bella." He took a few, long strides in the direction of the door before turning around again. "You wanted me to go out and make something of my life? Well, I did it. Are you happy now?"
No, I wasn't. I sighed, tears burning in the corners of my eyes.
In fact, I was as far away from happy as I'd ever be.
Thoughts?