The Journal of Merlin

by fariedragon

This is what I imagine Merlin would write in his journal. I named his journal Freya in memory of his love Freya. I do not own BBC Merlin nor any Arthur legends. Slight Cannon Deviance Lancelot, Gwaine, and Arthur live. IrethOfMirkwood is my BETA and so my Story has been Deleted and Reupdated. I my plan is biweekly updates school permitting.

2. Chapter 2

This entry was written shortly after Balinor's and Freya's deaths. These entries will not be posted in chronological order but in the order they are "told" to me.

This book was given to me by my father, Balinor; he bought it in the last town we travelled though before he died. It was the second and last treasured gift I was to ever receive from my father. I have a lock in the shape of a dragon on it with a dragon's claw as the key. Brown leather engraved with words of the old religion "Draca Sunu" or Dragon's Son.

If magic ever becomes legal I will give this book to my apprentice. That is if I ever get one. As it is I use this gift for writing my memories and creating spells. All Warlocks need a grimoire and this is mine.

Father, why? Why did you step in front of me? Why did you leave Ealdor? Why?

Freya you meant so much to me. Yet you were killed at the hands of Arthur. I feel like I am cursed to live my life alone and lost. Forever. I cannot share these feelings with Gaius for he endures enough already. What am I to do? I need to confide in someone or something. If Arthur ever found this book it would be grounds for execution. I have so many people counting on me to fulfil a destiny that I do not want. Protect the Once and Future King, return magic to the land, tame the last of the dragons, prevent Mordred from killing Arthur, and the dreaded list goes on. How am I a boy of 19 summers supposed to do all of this? I feel as if the world is caving in around me and all I can do is hope I don't get crushed. I wonder what Gwaine would say if I told him? Leon? Whoever I told would most likely end up banished, tortured, or worse killed. My friends mean too much for me to put them at that risk. I refuse to tell them for their own sake as well as mine. Freya what do I do. As I write this I watch the waves lap greedily at the many jagged rocks, and my thoughts surge to you. Your bravery and courage are my rock. I will be brave just as you were brave and face my fears as you faced yours. Freya, my love, guide me in my quest. Help me restore … (Tears silently mare the page.)... magic to the land. Freya …..I cannot write more for my hand shakes at the memory of you, My love. May your soul find peace where it could not in life.