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LadySharkey1 rocks my world by being the most amazing, kick-ass beta I could ever imagine.

Chapter 28

Where big revelations keep on coming…

"You're awfully late!" Esme had a hard time containing her glee as she not-so-subtly questioned me after I'd extricated myself from my daughter's almost deadly tacklehug.

"Mind if I use the bathroom first?" I tried, not that it was a complete lie. I mean, I had been on my way to the bathroom when I stumbled into a carefully laid Esme-ambush.

She cocked her head to the side, her eyes narrowing as she stared me down. "As long as you come right back. No detours. No fleeing."

"Yes, ma'am," I ruefully promised, before dashing off towards the restroom. I spent longer than I needed in the safe confines of the small space, wondering what the hell I was going to tell Esme. Hell, for the most part I didn't even know what I thought about what had happened in the woods, let alone put my thoughts into somewhat eloquent sentences.

What I did know… I felt more optimistic than I had in ages.

Even though we hadn't really talked about much, I felt that the fact alone that we had talked without the safety of keeping our conversation limited to our daughter and her needs was a huge step forward.

Sure, things were not anywhere near the way the used to be, and part of me still doubted they ever would be, but this was better than I could have hoped for.

"So?" Esme eagerly pressed, lying in wait just outside the door to the bathroom.

"There isn't much to say, really," I deflected, hoping she'd get the hint. "I was upset when I came here, because things didn't really work out with Liam, and he followed me into the forest to let me vent."

"And?" Somehow Esme knew that wasn't all there was to my story, her eyes shining with hope as she all but vibrated with constrained excitement.

"And we talked a little…about stuff happening in our lives and so on." I shrugged, not wanting her to get her hopes up, but not really trusting my own jumbled, yet hopeful, feelings, either. "It was good."

"Good!" Esme beamed, wrapping her arm around my shoulder. "I can't tell you how good it was to see the two of you walk in together just now. I know there's still a lot of hurt between the two of you but, for a moment there, it almost looked like the old days."

"It felt like it too," I admitted, my anxiety leading me to shrug free from Esme's grasp. "How's Charlie doing? Was the Cullen family sleepover a success?"

"She's great!" Esme chuckled as we walked into their backyard together. "Between the four of us we even managed to get Carlisle to sleep in the tent with us!"

I gasped. "Really?" I had a hard time picturing Carlisle Cullen camping out in a tent in his own backyard. Knowing how deep that poker seemed to be stuck up his butt sometimes, he'd probably insist on wearing a tie and a dress shirt while tucked into his sleeping bag.

"You know as well as I do how persuading that daughter of yours can be when she wants something!" Esme answered, giggling girlishly. "And with Alice adding her best puppy eyes, they rendered Carlisle quite defenseless."

"So how did he take it?" I wanted to know. "To be honest, I have a really hard time even imagining him sleeping on an air mattress!"

Esme chuckled. "I'm sure you do…but, did you know that when he and I first met, he used to be quite adventurous? Driven, yes, and ambitious almost to a fault, but before the kids came, we used to do stuff like this all the time." Smiling, she added. "You know I love that man and I will until the day I die, but sometimes I do look at him and wonder when that stick lodged so far up his backside that he lost the power to just let loose and have fun."

"I supposed that happens when you get more and more caught up in serious responsibilities," I mused. "I know I couldn't handle doing the job he and Edward do; having to make snap decisions about people's lives and knowing that one moment of inattention could literally kill someone!"

"Neither could I," she admitted, "but with it, also comes the danger of that responsibility shooting straight to his head—The God Complex—I don't know if you've heard of it?" When I nodded, she went on to add, "And beside that, Carlisle has always been his own harshest judge. I remember always having to slow him down back in college or I would have never seen him. He'd get so caught up in his work at the hospital that he only stopped to sleep or eat. He wanted to be the best and to become it, he'd determined that he wasn't supposed to miss a single thing that could bring him more knowledge, and to get his name circulating in all the right circles."

I nodded again. Some of what Esme was telling me, Edward had already shared with me years ago when he was still trying to decide whether he truly wanted to follow in his father's footsteps or if it was all too much.

"The trouble is, though, that he tends to measure everyone in his life in the same manner," Esme concluded with a hint of sadness. "It makes me wonder sometimes what would have happened if we didn't move here. Would he have been a different man if he had been allowed to grow into his potential as a doctor?"

"You don't blame yourself, do you?" I asked, my voice betraying the shock I felt.

She shrugged. "It's very tempting at times."

"Does it really solve anything, though?" I questioned. "There's nothing we can change about the past. Nothing good ever came from staying stuck up on the 'what ifs'"

"Even if changing it might have meant that you and Edward wouldn't have broken up?" she challenged.

"As much as I'd love to live in that fantasy, that's still all it will ever be," I replied. "If there's one thing I've learned from the way things have spiraled down the drain between me and Edward over the past couple of months, it's that you have the make peace with the choices you've made in the past and adapt to their consequences as best as you can. If you don't, people will only end up getting hurt in the end."

Esme sighed wistfully as we both overlooked the backyard where Edward was running around, chasing after a squealing and giggling Charlie. "I just wish things would have been differently between the two of you."

"So do I," I replied truthfully, the knowledge that my own part in our history had sealed this bitter fate made my heart even heavier than it already felt like.

Grabbing a drink, I joined Alice on the huge lounge set. I needed a little lightness to counterbalance the dark and, even if Alice had somehow traded her usual chipper outlook on life for a more dramatic one, I was sure a good dose of teenaged drama would do the trick as well. "So, what's new with you?"

"Jasper broke up with Maria!" she exclaimed jubilantly.

"No shit!" I grinned, knowing that this was the news Alice had been eagerly awaiting since freshman year. "The boy finally came to his senses?" Jasper had been one of her best friends since childhood. Like Edward and I, they had pretty much grown up together and shared most of the important landmarks of young life together. But, where things between Edward and I had naturally evolved beyond friendship and into romance, Alice had hit a serious stumbling block when Jasper's eyes had caught the shapely Latina form of Maria Delgado two weeks into their freshman year.

She nodded furiously. "That and he caught her fucking the school quarterback in the locker room."

I shook my head, wondering how this kind of stuff kept happening throughout the years when everyone knew that the chances of pulling off cheating at a high school undetected was slim to none. "First: watch your mouth, young lady! I don't think your mom would like hearing you talk like that!" I gave her a pointed look to which she had the courtesy of answering it with a slightly nod. "Secondly: poor guy! That's a rough way to find out."

"I know!" Alice nodded, her normally already big eyes grew huge as she stared at me. "The whole school was talking about it for days!"

"Did you talk to him yet?" I sat back, taking a leisurely sip of my drink as I basked goodness of the early spring sun.

"He didn't seem that upset by it," Alice mused, pulling her coat a little firmer around her. "And when we talked the other day, he seemed almost relieved. He told me that it had been a long time coming anyway. He just didn't want to hurt her feelings by breaking up with her."

I huffed. "Men! What is it with them and sticking around in a bad situation just because they can't be bothered with a breakup?" Deep down inside, I knew I should be asking myself that same question. After all, hadn't I stuck with Liam for so long just because the idea of moving on was so enticing to me that I didn't stop to notice that things weren't right?

"I know, right!" Alice nodded "I told him that when he was done moping, he should finally pull his shit together and ask me out on a date."

I practically fell off my chair from sheer shock, my glass almost toppled to the floor as I gasped. "Wow, Alice! What did he say?"

She shrugged. "He said he'd keep it in mind."

"Wow!" I repeated dumbly, wishing I had her courage.

All too soon, it became too cold for us to remain outside, so we retreated inside where Esme had laid out a formidable spread. Piling my plate up high with deliciousness, I took my seat next to my daughter, who barely allowed herself the time to chew as she scarfed down her meal before launching into a very elaborate account of the time we spent apart.

"…and even Grandpa Cullen liked sleeping outside. He said that it was a little cold and he liked his own bed better, but it was nice to all be together!" she concluded, her eyes huge with excitement as her legs swayed in the space between the seat of her chair and the floor.

"She had a blast telling everyone ghost stories late at night," Edward chimed in, sharing a bit of his potato salad with Charlie as she held up her plate to him like a hungry, little baby bird.

"I don't think Grandma liked them very much, though," Charlie giggled with a smirk so like her dad's. "I hope she wasn't too scared."

I didn't believe her one bit, my little prankster.

"I think we would have known if she was," Edward told her, falling for her innocent act. I smiled. "Besides, she had all of us to keep her safe. I'm sure she slept as well as you did, but why don't you go and ask her?"

Charlie nodded, before dashing off to claim an empty chair beside her grandmother as Edward and I watched her with bemused smiles.

"How did you sleep?" I wondered after a while, knowing our wonderful little girl wasn't exactly the most peaceful sleeper in the world.

"I have bruises in places no man should ever be bruised," he groaned, "but it was worth it, though. We had a blast…even my dad did."

I chuckled. "I still can't imagine him in a tent!"

"I don't think he slept any more than me," Edward replied smugly, "but for some reason, he took it all in stride. It's like he's finally starting to realize that playing the bully will only make you end up bitter and alone."

"Wise words," I mused ruefully.

"I know, right?" Edward snorted. "But then again, I've had a lot of time to reflect on things over the past couple of weeks and I have to admit that this whole 'thinking things through before you act' stuff is really growing on me."

I tried to smile good-naturedly, knowing he'd intended it as a joke. Still, the scars from his unadvised actions still stung too badly for me to just laugh it all away.

"Too early?" he concluded from my obvious lack of reaction.

"Yeah." I nodded, sighing as I brushed a few hairs away from my face. "I know it's kind of hypocritical of me, since I haven't exactly been without fault either, but yeah…"

"I completely understand," he replied seriously. "There are days when I just…" He was interrupted when Charlie ran back, her hands barely balancing a huge bowl of ice cream as she announced that dessert had been served and that we should all go in while there was still some left.

I wasn't exactly sad to let go of this particular avenue of conversation. It was a discussion I knew we needed to have—our cards needed to be laid out on the table, once and for all—but I wasn't ready for that, yet. Over the past couple of weeks I'd cooled down a lot and gained some much needed distance and perspective, but was it enough to deal with things calmly? I wasn't sure.

And I wanted to be confident before I agreed to that talk.

I owed it to him.

And me.

Leaving father and daughter to their sweets, I grabbed a cup of strong, black coffee and headed outside; the sunny pleasantness of the afternoon having tapered off into the crispness of a spring evening. With the way my day was going, I was in real need of a bit of solitude and the coolness of the air to clear my head. Not that I was allowed to enjoy them for long, though, as a door opened behind me only minutes after I'd settled into a patio chair.

"You look a lot better than the last time we saw each other," just about the last voice I was expecting to hear, sounded from behind me.

"It was one in the morning and you were picking up your son after he'd stumbled his way over to my apartment in a drunken stupor!" I answered. "I challenge you to look your best in a moment like that!"

"It wasn't meant to be an insult," Carlisle backtracked. "Though I suspect my clumsy way of saying it did make it sound like one. I apologize."

"It's okay," I muttered, as a laden silence fell down over us like a heavy blanket.

"It's…umm…," Carlisle finally opened. "I'm glad to see your life has settled back into slightly calmer waters now that Angela is out of the picture again."

Shocked to the bone, I almost choked on my own spit as my head whipped to look at him. "You… I don't understand?" I stammered.

Carlisle nodded and stared out into the receding light as he started to explain, "Over the past couple for weeks, my wife and I have enjoyed some very open and much needed conversations about the path our lives have taken and the way our actions have defined that route." He paused, taking a sip from the glass of wine he'd taken outside with him. "It's made me see how I've made some very costly mistakes in my life, and those around me."

That was not what I expected, my mind went from one surprise into another as Carlisle went on. "For all my life I have striven to do what is best for me, as well as my family, but, as I've come to realize now, in doing so, I've treated both you and my son very poorly in the process."

"You have never accepted me," I whispered, the old pain resurfacing again.

"You're right," he acknowledged. "I made the mistake of projecting my own unfulfilled dreams onto my son. In doing so, I pressured him to follow in my footsteps and choose a life I know he never would have picked for himself."

"I tried to get him to follow his own dreams," I mused as he paused to take a sip of his drink. "I knew that, at that time at least, his heart wasn't into a career as a surgeon. He wanted to do something outdoors…work with animals or in forest management."

"I know," Carlisle answered. "That's why I tried to push him away from you. I wasn't too happy with the two of you getting together in the first place—your ties to this town were too strong to ever give it up for a life in the city—and when you tried to change my plans? I saw you as a threat to everything I worked so hard for."

"I can imagine," I mumbled. It was nothing I hadn't pieced together myself over the past couple of years but hearing it from his own mouth? It was The Twilight Zone surreal. "And then I had to go and get pregnant and put a definite 'X' through all of your plans!"

He nodded as he probably remembered the tension and arguments between him and his son that had followed after we'd told our parents about my pregnancy and our intention to follow through with it. "If I'd just listened to Esme and allowed him to choose his own path, he would have been happy. But no, I had to go and pressure him to do something I knew his heart wasn't into." Shaking his head, his voice dropped. "I all but destroyed him…"

"I'm as guilty of that as you were," I confessed, my voice strained with the overwhelming regret I felt, both for him and myself, but most of all for Edward. "I was the one who buckled under the pressure and broke things off."

"But would you have done so without my interference?" he insisted.

"Who knows?" I shrugged, putting my empty coffee mug on the arm rest of my seat. "I'm not saying your actions weren't wrong or anything, but there's no knowing what would have happened if you hadn't. We might have made it, married each other, and had more kids, but there's also a chance that things might have gone sour between us for some other reason. Before we broke up, we were already struggling to find time for one another between our classes and taking care of Charlie."

"You're right," he agreed, "but that doesn't mean I shouldn't be ashamed for the very active part I played in your breakup and the difficulties you've both had to face because of it. Over the years you've proven me wrong on so many levels…" He paused, his eyes locked with mine as he continued. "You're a great mother, Bella, and a terrific business owner. You've grown into a more admirable person than I have. If I hadn't been so blinded by my own hopes and stubbornness, I would have seen that you make a better partner for my son than any other woman ever would, no matter how good she looks on paper."

He didn't wait for me to reply, instead I was left with the calm that always follows even the fiercest of storms as my poor brain tried to scramble back together again after Carlisle's confessions had basically rocked it off its foundation.

Even late at night, long after I'd taken Charlie home and tucked her safely into her own bed, I still struggled to believe all of it had been real. After years of giving me the cold shoulder, Carlisle had finally, in his own way, apologized for the way he treated me and the role he played in the demise of Edward and me. But, as realization slowly started to dawn on me, a more important question sprung to mind.

Where did it leave us?

Thoughts?