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LadySharkey1 rocks my world by being the most amazing, kick-ass beta I could ever imagine.

Chapter 29

The eye of the storm.

Charlie and I left the party soon after Carlisle's confession. Unable to keep up the pretense of being happy and unburdened by the past after so many revelations in one day, I quickly collected a very uncooperative child and drug her off to our apartment under the pretense of 'bedtime'.

By noon the next day, Charlie's anger had abated enough for her to talk to me again—not that I particularly minded the quietude her irritation afforded me since I had a lot on my mind.

Carlisle's confessions had shocked me to the core; the fact that he'd spoken those words at all had shocked me. In all the years I'd known him—and that was pretty much as long as I'd lived—I'd never known the man to be introspective, or even willing to admit his own mistakes. He was a hard task master and the undisputed general of his troops, no matter how unwilling his wife and kids sometimes were to follow his demands.

I'd never in a million years expected his apology since I'd always been convinced he didn't feel an ounce of remorse for the role he'd played in me and Edward breaking up.

I laid awake all night, reliving those days; the strain his rejection had put on our relationship from the start and the added weight of his disappointment when it seemed like Edward was going to throw away a bright future in medicine to stay at home with me and the baby.

It had made me feel so guilty and inadequate; the perfect hatching ground for his words, even if at the time they hadn't even been meant for me, to hit their mark.

But then again, I'd taken the easy way out.

I gave up, when I should have come out fighting for the one thing—the only certainty—I'd always had in my mind as well as my heart.

That Edward and I were meant to be.

Who really was the guilty party in all of this? Carlisle for planting the seed and nurturing it carefully and patiently so that he could see it grow and harvest it at the right time, or my teenaged self for allowing him to play me so perfectly? I was weak enough to break a good man's heart over something we could have settled so easily between us if only we'd just been open and honest with each other.

With the perspective I'd gained, it was much easier to see that there were two players in this game instead of one. There wasn't a bad guy; just a whole lot of plans gone wrong and even more good intentions turning into disastrous events. Even though I was still convinced that most of the blame for recent events lay with Edward and his inability to both stick to the rules and listen to what everyone around him was saying, I was no longer blind to my own flaws, either. Especially in the end, when I was so far into my anger and disappointment that I completely lost sight of the man behind the terribly wrong decisions.

The man I used to call my best friend and my lover.

Edward did not make it easy for me to do so, but I had to admit I didn't exactly make it easy for him to mend his ways either. I'd only wanted to see his flaws on how he had failed us…without stopping to think about what I could have done better.

Perhaps if I'd have been more centered on slowing down and talking with him rationally, and less focused on my own pain, we could have solved our issues with less collateral damage being created.

The next morning came with the very welcome distraction from Rose and Emmett, newly returned from their honeymoon and full of stories.

"Seriously, Bella! When was the last time you had a break from all of this?" Rose argued after she'd finished recounting seven days of soaking up the sun on a tropical beach and getting up to all sorts of activities with Emmett. Mostly of them naked kind. Barf.

I shrugged. "I can't remember. I think I took a few days off a couple of years ago when my dad took us all to Seattle for that big police gala."

"If you can't remember it, then it's been too fucking long!" Rose insisted. "Seriously, you need some down time on a beach with a hot guy wearing next to nothing holding your fruity drink with an umbrella in it."

"And where will Charlie be while I'm sexing up random hot guys?" I reasoned, though the idea did sound rather enticing. The hot guy, not so much, but the idea of getting away from Forks for a bit and catching some rays while doing just nothing for a few days? Yeah, I could definitely get on board with that.

"I'm sure Edward would love to take care of her for a couple of days and, if push comes to shove and he has to work, I'd be more than happy to organize a sleepover. It's been too long since we had a non-girly girl's night."

"I'll think about it," I promised, shocking myself when I realized I wasn't even lying.

Emmett smiled, clapping his huge hands on my back. "If there's anyone who's earned a break it's you, Bella. And besides, the shop will be in good hands. You know that, right?"

I nodded. "I wouldn't have even entertained the idea if I didn't know that. You're an asset to this bakery, Em, and I'm glad to have you back. I've missed you."

Ruffling my hair, Emmett smiled as he replied. "Awe, Bells, I've missed you too!"

"Liar!" I snickered, knowing the guy had probably been way too busy enjoying his new wife to even think twice about a small bakery in a dreary little town.

Rose winked at me as the chime of the door bells drew her back into the shop while Emmett and I poured over the list of tasks to be completed and divided them equally between the two of us.

Soon enough, both of us set to work. Me on resuming the work I'd been pouring my heart into ever since I started at six in the morning, as Emmett was setting up his workstation. After all, those quiet early mornings were the time when I loved my job the most. Not so much when my alarm went off at stupid-o' clock but when I got to wake up quietly in the middle of my own little empire; a cup of coffee to my right as I set up my station and started work.

It was in that solitude, when my whole little world was reduced to just me, the bakery, and my mixing bowl, that I felt most at peace with myself.

"How's Charlie doing?" Emmett inquired after a while. "Is she nervous about tonight's game?"

"You remembered!" I squealed, once again feeling warmed by Emmett's friendship. "She's not really nervous yet, but I think once she meets up with the other girls, it will come." It was a big game tonight for my girl; the one against their arch-nemesis from Port Angeles, the very team that had beaten them every single year for over a decade.

This year, though, my little baby girl headed a team made of pure win, which meant that they actually had a fighting chance, or, according to Charlie, they were going to slaughter their opponents. In the nicest possible way, of course.

As I dropped my baby girl off, even their coach seemed to be more upbeat than usual, which was saying something since he was one of those people who had a perpetual frown between his eyes and had only visually smiled twice for as long as I could remember.

He was a great coach, though, and very good with the kids in spite of his lack in the smiling department. They all adored him and he created an amazing atmosphere for the team out on the field. That was all that mattered to me and Edward.

"Do you really think they stand a chance?" Edward asked as he joined me, still clad in his scrubs and obviously coming straight from the hospital to catch his daughter's soccer game.

I shrugged. "They're doing great this year, so who knows? Port Angeles does have a good team, though, but l have it on good authority they've gotten a little too sure of themselves lately."

He chuckled, digging in as soon as I'd scooted the basket of snacks in his way, his laughter trailing off into a deep moan as he bit into a pastry. "Oh, shit, this is so good!"

"Thanks!" I smiled proudly, enjoying the way he inhaled my food. "It's a new creation…I was trying out some new stuff this afternoon so you get to be my guinea pig."

"Well, you should really start selling these," he mumbled around another bite, almost biting off his own fingers as he licked them clean of the remnants before digging in for another treat. "It's fucking delicious!"

"Don't they feed you at the hospital?" I wondered, laughing at his eagerness as he tore into a croissant filled with cheese and ham.

He shook his head, his face an insane mixture of pleasure and disgust as he explained, "It's not like the food is really bad but when you eat the same damn stuff almost every day, it starts to get old real fast."

"I bet." I nodded, our conversation momentarily stalled as we cheered our daughter on while she and her teammates ran onto the field.

"Seriously, Bells," he went on, after we'd sat back down again. "You should think about setting up some sort of delivery service. If you play your cards right and change the menu every now and then, you'd make a fortune with food this good!"

"I'll keep that in mind." I grinned, making a mental note to actually look into it. "So how are things going at work? Are you still busy curing the sick and injured citizens of Forks?"

"Always," his smile turned into a confident grin as he sat back, his eyes constantly watched our girl as he talked. "When I moved back here, I didn't know I was going to be as busy as I am. I mean, I did all my internship in Seattle so I didn't really know what to expect when I came here."

"You really thought it would be just a few people with runny noses and kids who fell from trees?" I snorted. "You should know better. I mean…you grew up here!"

"I know!" He groaned, sitting back. "Living in a bigger city, it's so easy to lose track of what small town life is all about. I mean, I still knew it was the most ideal place for a kid to grow up—especially when that kid's our Charlie—and, of course, I knew about the mechanics of living in a town like Forks, but I forgot that with the logging industry and many variations on outdoor adventures, there's always a steady stream of people looking for treatment in the ER. On top of the usual ailments, that is."

"I cannot imagine what it must be like to do what you do," I mused, as below us the whistle of the referee kicked off the game. "To make decisions about life and death!"

"It's tough sometimes," he answered, nodding his head, "but that's why we have very strict rules in place. It's to protect our patients as well as ourselves. Besides…it's what I'm trained to do…what I'm ready for."

"I admire you for it," I confessed, speaking completely from the heart. "Even with all the training in the world, I could never bear that responsibility."

"Just like I could never shoulder the weight of keeping a business afloat, or the creativity to design some of the cakes and pastries you conjure every day," he mirrored, holding up one of the last snacks left in the basket. He'd cleared the lot. "Each person has his or her own talent, whether it's laying bricks or curing cancer, and every job and talent has its own importance."

"Wow," I gasped, snickering at the confused look on his face. "I guess that thing they say about doctors developing God complexes is wrong, huh?"

"I dunno." He shrugged, avoiding my gaze as he followed Charlie, even when the ball was on the other side of the field. "I know a lot of my colleagues probably wouldn't share my opinion but I guess that's the small town guy in me. Growing up around here, you soon learn that the importance of someone's job isn't measured by the expense of their training or the wages they earn."

"You know? That's the same thing my dad always told me," I mused, marveling at the comfort I felt while chatting with him by the sidelines as we both watched our kid play.

The rest of the game passed much like the first few minutes had; stresses reminiscing while cheering on our girl as her team started out fantastically only to lose in the end when some snotty kid from the other team managed to get the ball past our goalie.

Charlie was still all smiles, though, as she joined us for our post-game pizza ritual, not only because she'd played an amazing game, but also because this was the narrowest margin they'd lost by in half a decade.

That was as good as a win anyway, as far as I was concerned.

Charlie's never-ending stream of words halted only as she stuffed another slice of food into her mouth. And even then, the pieces of poorly masticated food were highly visible as she babbled on.

She was out like a light almost the second I'd made sure she was securely strapped into the back seat, Edward hovered behind me as he waited to say his goodbyes. "Hey, do you have time to follow me home?" I asked, not wanting to force my baby girl to wake up more than really necessary. "I don't think I can carry Charlie all the way up the stairs anymore and I don't want to wake her up." To make the offer slightly sweeter, I added. "I promise coffee and sweets as a reward for your labor."

"Well, when you're offering your sweets…" Edward grinned, tossing his car keys from one hand to the other. "Of course I'll follow you."

Between the two of us, we managed to jostle Charlie from my car and get her upstairs, changed and into bed without waking her up too much. "She looks so beautiful when she's sleeping," Edward mused as we both lingered on the threshold. "Almost like an angel." His love for her evident in his tender expression as he looked at her snuggled in her blankets.

"Don't tell her you said that!" I joked, both of us laughing at the face Charlie would make at being called an angel. "Even though I think you're absolutely right."

Smiling at the sight of my sleeping daughter one last time, I turned on my heels and ventured into the kitchen to fix us some coffee while Edward settled into the living room. After a quick trip downstairs to snatch some of the day's leftovers from the bakery, I made my way with a full tray of coffee stuff in hand only to catch Edward staring pensively at a picture frame he'd plucked from the mantel.

"Which one are you looking at?" I inquired curiously, leaning over his shoulder to see that he'd taken one of my favorite ones; a picture my mom had taken of the three of us napping together. We looked every inch the happy little family, even though what the picture didn't tell was that Charlie had kept us awake all night, crying her poor little eyes out and had driven Edward almost to hysterics during the day when she still wouldn't stop crying. We'd all been exhausted by the time she finally crashed and so we'd slept right along with her.

His hands trembled slightly, his voice full of emotion as he spoke, "Do you ever think about what might have happened if we'd stayed together?"

I nodded, sighing as I sat down beside him. "All the time." Closing my eyes, there was one brief hint of a moment in which I debated whether I was really going to do this; if I was really going to have this conversation with him. But then, as I realized how long it had been overdue, the words came pouring from my mouth before I could stop them. "I may have learned to live with my mistake, but that doesn't mean I don't regret it…because I do… almost the second I had made it."

He gasped, the reproach and hints of anger in his eyes stinging even though I knew I deserved both of them. "Then why did you?" he finally asked. "I knew things weren't always great because both of us being so busy and stuff…but I never saw it coming."

Taking a deep breath, I took a moment to carefully organize my thoughts before I voiced them. I knew how important it was that I get this right…for both of us. "It's true that the craziness of being a mom on top of finishing high school left us with so little time together that I was starting to feel…disconnected." I waited until he nodded, acknowledging that he felt it too, before I went on. "But it wasn't just that. It was more…something that had started a long time ago."

"It was my dad, wasn't it?" he spoke, so softly it was almost a whisper.

"Yes and no," I answered truthfully. "It's true that your dad's rejection of us made me feel insecure but even if he hadn't been there, I think I would have felt bad about holding you back—even if we didn't have Charlie."

"You weren't holding me back," he was quick to argue.

"I was," I held firm. "Even before we found out about Charlie, you were always trying to put yourself down. You were a brilliant sportsman and an even better student but you quit the baseball team to spend more time with me because you thought I was lonely. You wouldn't even think about going to one of those amazing colleges on the East Coast because we both knew I'd never get in there in a million years."

"That's not true…" he argued weekly.

"Really?" Arching my brow, I shook my head. "I'm no dimwit but I'm not exactly Ivy League material." I sighed. "Even if I hadn't gotten pregnant, I think we would have struggled to get past that. I knew you belonged in a great school rising to your potential no matter what major you chose. If you would have stuck to Seattle, there would have always been this little niggling voice in the back of my mind, telling me I was holding you back from where you really belonged, from the place where they could really make your talent shine."

"But that's all moot, anyway," Edward countered, "because we did get pregnant, and I chose Seattle, but you still broke us."

"I'm not trying to justify my decision," I explained, "but what I am trying to say is that even if your dad hadn't been the one who, in the end, sealed my decision, there would have been hard times up ahead anyway."

Edward looked up as if he'd been slapped, his eyes brimmed with fire as they snapped toward me. "What do you mean 'dad sealed the deal'?"

I sighed. Apparently that was one thing Carlisle hadn't talked about during his family conversations. "A week before we broke up, I overheard an argument between you and your dad in which he confirmed pretty much what I already knew: that you were on the early acceptance list for Dartmouth but had chosen not to go through with it because of us. You were blowing your chance because I'd been too fucking stupid to even remember to take all my birth control pills!"

Even though my reasoning from back then sounded so silly and insignificant, I still felt the frustration that had accompanied them so keenly I had to jump up, my breath coming in gasps as I paced and ranted. "I know it's stupid. Looking back, I've wondered so many times how I could have been insane enough to let your dad ruin my life but, back then,…"

"We were both stupid and immature." He sighed, rubbing his hands over his tired face. "I remember that particular argument with my dad very well—even if I had no fucking idea you overheard it. He was railing about how I was throwing away my talents and how unhappy I'd be in the end if I settled for less than I was capable of…." Shaking his head, he continued, "He's always thinking in terms of what looks good on paper, not what's good for me. What he didn't see was that I'd be miserable if I ended up on the East Coast when I could have a perfectly fine degree in Seattle."

"But you were talking about not going to college at all!" I pressed.

"And would it really have been so bad if I waited for another year so that I could be here for my daughter? And you?" he insisted. "I saw how much you were struggling and how it was slowly starting to tear us apart. I knew that if I left, it would be the end of everything I'd wanted most in my life."

"And then I sent you away," I muttered. "I jumped to conclusions without thinking…without talking to you."

"And so did I," he spoke, letting out a deep breath before he concluded, "We both sucked at communicating. I don't know…maybe it was because we were still so young or because we were both completely worn out from taking care of Charlie. Our recent track record isn't exactly spotless, either, though. I should have talked to you about the college thing."

I nodded. "And I shouldn't have kept my concerns to myself."

"But if you regretted it, why wait ten years before you said something?" he then asked, voicing the one question I'd been dreading all along. "It just doesn't make sense to me."

"At first, I felt I had to stick by my decision," I started to explain. "I'd made my bed and I thought I had to lie in it…but there was more. I stubbornly wanted to prove that I could make something of myself; that I could be someone worthy of you. I thought that I could only accomplish that by being away from you…silly me." I sighed, the weight of so many years of silence falling away as I rambled on. "Then, I could see you were starting to settle into life in Seattle…that you were enjoying yourself on campus and finding new friends and interests. I didn't want to disturb your life again, not after all of the upheaval I'd already caused…and I was afraid…" Hugging my own body, I was scared to look up as I let my words drift in the air between us.

"Of me?" he asked surprised.

"Of losing the balance we'd found, but mostly of losing you as a friend," I replied, locking my eyes with his, silently letting him know I was serious. "I wanted you back all along but I was so torn up about it and…and I waited too long."

Closing his eyes, he leaned his head against the back of the couch. "If only I'd known, " he whispered, softly shaking his head as he opened his eyes. "I spent so much time just looking at you…wanting to see a sign, anything that let me know I still had a chance to bring my family back together. But I never saw it and, in the end…"

"You moved on, like it was only natural you should," I finished for him. "The irony of it is, though, that the minute I do grow some balls and decide it was time to win you back, you told me you had a girlfriend."

He chuckled wryly. "We always did have the lousiest timing in the world, didn't we?"

And just like that, the heaviness was lifted from the room, leaving an air between us that was more clear than it had been in years.

And me more utterly confused, but at the same time more blissfully hopeful than ever.

Thoughts?