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LadySharkey1 rocks my world by being the most amazing, kick-ass beta I could ever imagine.

Chapter 30

And to complicate things even further…

The first couple of days after our conversation, things were a little weird between Edward and me; not so much that we were arguing or that anyone would even notice anything different about us. It was just that we'd both left our feelings so completely bare when our friendship was still in such a precarious state that somehow the balance between us had shifted.

For the better, that much was true, but it still took some getting used to it.

After our conversation, I felt like a huge weight had been lifted off my back. Nothing had changed; I was still guilty of breaking up a very good thing and making both of us suffer the consequences of that bad decision for years. However, the fact that we'd spoken about it—finally—meant so much to me. In a way, the air had been cleared. Yes, I carried the blame but he knew why I'd done it, which, I hoped, had put things in perspective for him.

It was another brick in the huge wall of secrets and unspoken resentment that had been chipped away.

Slowly but surely we were getting somewhere; some place in the region of who we used to be before things went awry and, as much as part of me still wanted to be wary of this new development, for the most part, I welcomed it with open arms.

Being around Edward again without having to constantly be on my guard was like being able to breathe freely again even though the air had been cleared between us, there was still the matter of our feelings to address. I didn't have the slightest idea of how to do that when I didn't even know what I wanted to happen between us.

A few months ago, the answer would have been simple: I wanted him.

I wanted us.

After everything that had happened, my feelings for him had started to get as tangled as the snakes in Medusa's hair. A part of me still craved him, though there was an equally big part that told me to run like the wind before I'd let myself develop any romantic feelings for him again. Then, there was the largest part of me that was so happy and relieved we were friends again that I was scared shitless of ever risking our friendship again.

For my own sake, but most of all for Charlie's.

"I just wish I knew…" I sighed, drawing a strange look from Emmett as I realized I'd spoken my thought out aloud. "Never mind me," I mumbled. "I was just thinking about some stuff."

"Don't think too hard," Emmett answered lightheartedly. "You'll give yourself a headache." He snickered at his childish joke.

"I wish things worked that way." I grimaced, longing for a more stress-free life—hell, I'd settle for even a day at that point!

"Rose was right." Emmett shook his head, holding up the birthday cake he'd been perfecting for my inspection…not that he needed it. "You do need a vacation."

"Maybe," I sighed, "but I've never been away from the bakery since taking over the shop. At least…not for more than a day or two, here and there."

"Then I'd say a break is more than overdue," Emmett insisted. "Really, Bella, you should take Rosie and me up on the offer while we're still able to make it. God knows what things will be like in a couple of months after McCarty Junior is born."

I let out another sigh as the idea of getting away from Forks and everyday life started to sound sweeter by the second. "I know…"

"Or Rosie and I can just change the locks on you so that you'll be forced to take a break," he threatened jokingly. "But in all seriousness: doesn't Charlie have her spring break coming up in a few weeks?" He waited for me to nod before he went on. "Take her on a little road trip or fly down to some sunny spot to catch some rays. It would do you both some good."

"I know." I knew he was right. As much as I loved my town and the people in it—though admittedly I was more fond of some of its inhabitants than, let's say, the old biddy gossip club—but after more than half a decade I needed a little break from it all. "And I know the shop's in good hands with the two of you taking care of it. It's just that…"

"You have trouble letting go," Emmett finished for me.

"Yep." I sighed as I finished the glazing on a tray of cinnamon buns before they could be brought into the shop in time for the lunch rush. "But I think it's time for me to start trying. Who knows? I might even like it!"

"I'm sure you will," he insisted. "And Charlie, too."

I smiled, knowing he was right about that one. Charlie had been on short trips with me, Edward or her grandparents but she'd never been further away from home than Seattle. I knew that if I took her on a short trip to some sunny, tropical place, she'd have a blast. She might even get to go snorkeling and see all those bright, exotic fish she'd been raving about ever since she'd been old enough to watch the documentaries of National Geographic Channel and realize what they were all about.

I'd have to discuss it with Edward first, though. Perhaps he'd also made some tentative plans for Charlie's break and even if he hadn't, it was only fair that we divide our time with her evenly. But even if I could take her away to some fun place for a couple of days to get away from our normal lives, it would be good.

I could see that clearly.

Staying in the same spot all the time, it was so easy to develop a sort of tunnel vision. I was dedicated to being a good mom, a good boss and a good business-owner, but I could see that there was more to life than that. And maybe some distance would give me a new perspective; both on the three core tasks in my life but also on my existence as a whole.

By the time I'd finished up at the bakery for the day, a very excited Charlie had been dropped off after a play date with one of her friends after school, and while she prattled on about her friend's new puppy, I cut up the vegetables for that night's dinner.

"When is Dad going to be here?" she asked, munching on a slice of tomato as I dunked the rest of it into the salad bowl, the marinara sauce simmering in the pot on the stove as I waited for Edward to arrive before I started the pasta.

After Angela-gate, Edward had been starting to come over for dinner more and more, both because his shifts at the hospital mostly left him too exhausted to do anything about dinner, and because he loved the opportunity to spend a little bit more time with Charlie outside of his allotted time.

At first I'd been more than wary, still remembering the pained look on Charlie's face after Edward had betrayed her trust and left her alone with Angela after promising he wouldn't, but after a while, I'd grown to look forward to his visits almost as much as our daughter. He really was a changed man. I could see it both in the way he was trying so hard to make up for his past mistakes, but also in the way he carried himself; he was more relaxed and at peace with the world since his private life had shifted into easier waters.

He was like he Edward I'd always known, and with that came a whole bunch of confusing emotions I was nowhere near ready to address.

"I don't know," I replied honestly, "he said his shift ended at six but you know how these things go. If his patients still need him, he has to stay a little bit later—"

She nodded, dashing off downstairs as soon as the doorbell rang interrupting my explanation; the excited voices of father and daughter flowing through the house long before they made their appearance in my kitchen. "I'm sorry I'm late," Edward announced, looking more worn out than I'd seen him in years. "It was a rough day and…" He paused, rubbing his face. "Anyway, I'm here now."

The slump of his shoulders and defeated look on his face were all I needed to send Charlie out to feed her hamster and set the table, buying me a little time to try and find out how to fix him. "What happened?"

He shook his head. "You know? Sometimes I really hate my job!" Stretching, he leaned against the counter, opening the fridge to take out a bottle of beer with a startling familiarity that made my heart flutter just a little. "I've been on my feet for more than a day and I don't think I really helped one single person."

"Are you sure the people you treated agree?" I remarked skeptically, all too familiar with his tendency to sometimes really put himself down.

Taking a long swig from his beer, he bought some time before he explained, "Graham Yorkie died today."

I took a sharp breath as flashes of memories of the old man sitting on a bench outside the supermarket flashed by. He'd been a fixture in this town's makeup for as long as I could remember and even though old age and disease had long ago kept him from shuffling to his usual stakeout post in the mornings, everyone in town knew the man.

And he was gone.

"His daughter brought him in this morning after he'd fallen out of his bed during the night. Turns out he'd had a stroke and was pretty much dying by the time he arrived in the ER and since he had a DNR so there was nothing I could do for him except make him comfortable and hope it would be over soon." He sighed. "He died about half an hour ago…"

"I'm so sorry, Edward," I whispered, acting more out of instinct than rationality as I reached out to give him a hug. "That must have been so hard to see!"

"I went by his room every chance I got but I had other patients to see, so I wasn't even there when…" His voice faltered, his hands balled into fists behind my back. "And it's not like he's the first patient of mine that died, it's just…He's Old Man Yorkie, you know?" He dropped his head onto my shoulder and sighed, exhaustion and frustration catching up with him.

"Yes, and I'm sure you did everything you could to make his last hours as bearable as possible," I insisted. "I know you, Edward," I whispered. "You're an amazing man who gives everything you can to fight for the people you care about, whether it's us or your patients."

"What if that isn't enough?"

"It has to be." Wriggling out of his hold, I stepped back so that I could look him in the eye as I went on, "If doing your best isn't enough then nothing will be. We all have to deal with loss in our lives in some way or other…you perhaps a little bit more because of the profession you're in. I know this one came really close to your heart, but you have to let it go, Edward. I know you did what you could for him and I know it's easier said than done, but you have to accept that you're a doctor, not a miracle worker."

"I know." Closing his eyes, he let out a deep breath, his control slipping back into place as he forced a smile onto his face. Right on time before Charlie came in, stopping dead in her track with a huge grin on her face when she noticed our proximity.

"The table's set," she finally managed to announce, her smirk so wide it could have lit up a room.

"The pasta will be ready in a minute." Hiding my blush by bending over the stove, I starting the finishing touches to dinner. "How about you two go take your seats while I finish up in here?"

All through dinner, Charlie was watching us like she was watching the Wimbledon final; with equal parts anticipation, focus and tension in her face. There were no interesting new developments for her to pick up on, though. Unless the passing of plates of food or the mellow conversation around the table could give her some clues about what was going on.

Hell, I didn't even know it myself! What I did know, though, was that being here, with the three of us, felt better than anything had in a long time and it stirred a longing deep inside of me that I'd thought had been dead and buried for some months.

It scared me.

It excited me more.

Edward helped Charlie get ready for bed while I did the dishes and made us some coffee, both of us rejoining in the living room for an almost familiar routine of talking over coffee.

"So how did your day go?" Edward inquired as he stirred some creamer into his coffee.

I shrugged. "As planned, I guess? Emmett wants me to take a break, though. He says I've been working non-stop for too long."

"I agree with him." Edward chuckled at the look on my face. "What? How many times have you taken even a day off? Once? Twice?"

"I know." I sighed, taking a sip from my steaming mug. "And the idea isn't even looking that unappealing at the moment. It's just…where the hell am I supposed to go? And how am I going to organize this?"

"When are you planning to go?" Edward asked. "Do you want to take Charlie with you? Because I'd be more than happy to take her for a week and my mom would be happy to chip in for the days when I'm working."

"Thanks." I smiled, knowing that if I'd chose to go down that route, Charlie would be assured of having a happy and awesome week. "I'm not sure if I want to leave Charlie behind for a week, though. She deserves a little break from Forks as much as I do…maybe even more so."

"So, you're looking at Spring Break, then?" he asked.

I nodded. "That's where I was stumped. I didn't know if you were making plans for her as well, and I didn't want to take her away from you."

"Well actually…" he let his voice trail off, the mischievous look in his eyes making me both wary and oddly excited at the same time. "Through some of my dad's connections, I've been able to score a spot at a big medical conference in Hawaii, and since it's during Charlie's Spring Break, I was wondering if you'd be okay with her joining me. Now, in my head at least, I was planning to ask Alice to tag along to keep an eye on her when I'm busy, but…"

"But?" I managed to squeak out as my mind started to tie the little pieces of his plan together.

The mischief that had been so apparent in his eyes double in force but there was also something more…something vulnerable as hopeful as he went on. "Wouldn't it be a great idea if you and Charlie both tagged along?"

Thoughts?