Mrs. Everdeen hummed quietly to herself as she stirred a pot of stew on her stove. The sweet scent of plums danced with the savory aroma of the lamb swimming inside the metal pot. The humming inside her mind was drowning out by Primrose's off-key piano fingering of Beethoven's "Ode to Joy." She appreciated Johanna's efforts in teaching Primrose the piano, but the girl lacked the musical prowess of her father. The ivories clunked out of rhythm and bounced off the freshly painted walls.
Her older daughter came thundering down the stairs and whipped quickly into the kitchen. Her gray eyes, identical to her father's, were large as she inhaled the smell of the dinner being cooked. Recognition as well as pleasure were evident in her gaze as she walked over toward her mother and peeked into the large pot. "You're making my favorite."
Mrs. Everdeen raised a frayed blonde eyebrow toward her daughter. "You said you were staying home for dinner so I thought I'd take another stab at this." The previous attempt to cook Katniss's plum and lamb stew had turned dinner into a pot that had to be thrown out, frustration and a boxed pizza.
Katniss's face briefly registered fear before she spoke again. "I promised Jo I'd go to her club tonight to see her perform." The story had actually gone something more like Katniss begging Johanna to let her come and watch her band play. After a lot of cajoling and several interruptive but persuasive kisses, Johanna had finally relented.
Her mother stopped stirring the stew and placed the sticky wooden spoon on the edge of the counter. She turned her body to face her daughter and crossed her arms over her chest. "Katniss. You promised your sister and me you would stay home tonight. Prim was very much looking forward to spending time with her sister whom she barely sees."
Katniss scoffed and backed a step away, leaning against the dinner table. "Barely sees? I brought her to school every day."
"And school ended three weeks ago and we haven't seen anything but your shadow since then."
The young brunette immediately became defensive. "So I'm not allowed to see my girlfriend?"
"I never said that," Mrs. Everdeen countered in a calm tone, reaching behind her to hold her palms on the edge of the counter. "I'm just saying you made a promise. One that I think Johanna would understand if you kept."
"But Mom," Katniss said in a small whine, "Jo never lets me see her sing or play. I finally convinced her to let me in there and now I'm going to stand her up? Because Prim wants to play Clue with me? We can play Clue anytime."
"And you can see Johanna any time," Mrs. Everdeen replied, keeping her voice even. Katniss was a fairly patient child but every so often her father's petulant streak awoke inside her. She'd get the same darkened gray eyes and narrow them, holding her position like a Greek phalanx until the other side relented. "You have spent every day with her since school ended. I think maybe you ought to have a little time apart."
Katniss looked as if she had scalded her. The mere thought of being forced away from Johanna like a thorn in the bottom of her foot. "Are you grounding me?" Katniss hadn't been grounded a day in her life. She had never done anything worth being punished for. The look in her mother's eyes seemed to indicate the answer was yes.
"Don't make me force you to stay with your family." The seemingly never-ending chasm of patience Mrs. Everdeen possessed began to run dry. Not without reason, of course. Katniss and Johanna had spent nearly every day together since becoming a couple. While she harbored no resentment toward Johanna - in fact she greatly enjoyed Johanna's company and positive influence on Prim and Katniss - things were moving a little fast. Katniss felt far too seriously about her.
This was her first relationship, her first love. The first always seems to cut a little deeper than the rest. Your skin isn't hardened to love yet so you allow that person to run you right through. She anticipated heartbreak for Katniss if she didn't temper their relationship now. "I can't believe you're being serious right now. You can't force me to stay home."
Mrs. Everdeen sighed. "Katniss, I don't want to punish you for wanting to spend time with your girlfriend. I'm asking you to be reasonable. Johanna plays at the jazz club every week, as you've said. She will be there next week. And you can go next week, when you haven't already made a promise."
Katniss crossed her arms over her chest, jutting out her hip. "And if I go anyway?"
"Then I will speak to Polly Mason and you and Johanna will see less of each other. I'm sure she'd like to see more of her daughter as well."
Her daughter's mouth went agape. "I can't believe you. Because I want to go out this one night, I'm being punished. You can't control how much time I spend with her. That's not fair."
"Life's not fair," her mother shot back angrily. Gray eyes enlarged in surprise. Her mother never took a cross tone with her, ever. She felt like she should back down, the instinct of being overwhelmed coming from days of hunting. She and Gale would traverse the woods and come across something too large to take down and they'd have to retreat. But Katniss felt her blood boiling inside her and she didn't back down. Mrs. Everdeen's countenance softened. "I know you want to see her. But relationships aren't about spending every moment together. It's enjoying the moments you do have. Your father and I didn't see each other every day."
"And now he's dead. Don't you wish you had?" The slap that resounded through the room made the off-kilter piano playing from the other room cease. Katniss's face stung, burning red hot not only from the hit but also from the anger and the humiliation. Katniss couldn't even remember the last time her mother had hit her. Maybe she never had.
She sniffled and grabbed her messenger bag from the kitchen chair and slung it over her shoulder. Soundlessly she left the room, ignoring her sister's inquisitive and terrified expression on her way out. Gray eyes looked across the yard glossily toward Gale, who was sitting in the driver's seat of his hand-me-down pick-up truck. Spots of rust dotted the washed out navy exterior, a spray of dirt on the back panel near the wheels. It rumbled against the loose gravel driveway noisily as Katniss drew near.
"Hey Catnip you ready to go?" His arm slung on the outside of his driver's side door, as is holding on to the door to keep it in place. Suffice to say, Gale was very excited about Katniss's relationship with Johanna. He had known Johanna his whole life and admired her bravery and pluck. Also, Gale didn't have to worry about some idiot boy getting Katniss pregnant or mistreating her. It assuaged his overprotective nature.
Katniss nodded and climbed into the passenger's seat. She buckled the seat belt and stared forward out the windshield at the front of the Hawthorne's garage door. A seldom-used but very worn basketball hoop drooped over the top, the net worn away years ago from the constant "dunking" of the boys. Gale registered her silence with a nod of his head and backed out of the driveway, making his way toward the neighboring town.
Gale and Katniss had a relationship rooted in family, but they connected because they were similar souls. Gale was quiet, contemplative, sometimes explosive in his personality if you got him on the right topic, but could communicate just as easily without words. Sometimes they'd spend entire days together without speaking. He wasn't bothered that Katniss was idly staring out the window. He was bothered that she looked nearly on the verge of tears. Crying was not something Katniss did often. Gale had only seen it about twice in his entire life, both at funerals. She wasn't the type of girl that cried when her feelings were hurt or when she watched something sad. She didn't cry when she saw Bambi or The Notebook. She didn't cry when she fell from a tree branch twelve feet up from the ground. She had a hard shell.
Take me out tonight where there's music and there's people who are young and are alive.
"Do you want to talk about it?" Gale asked as they neared the club, idling at a red light. The engine shook the cabin as they sat there. Katniss shook her head. "Is it Jo?" Katniss shook her head once more. "Good."
In spite of herself Katniss smiled a little. As if there was anything Gale could do if it was Johanna. He pulled to a stop in front of the old club, offering Katniss a smile. "Thanks for the ride," she said quietly, struggling with the door handle before the door popped open and she jumped out of the lifted truck. "Jo will give me a ride home."
"All right, Catnip. If you need anything call me." Gale's engine roared to life as he sped away toward the interstate. Katniss turned to face the building's facade and tried to steady her emotions. She didn't want to walk into Johanna's dressing room a wreck and distract her. She smoothed out her pleated purple skirt; it was Johanna's favorite that she wore. Not only because it was Johanna's favorite color, but also because it came above mid-thigh and was the shortest skirt Katniss owned.
Driving in your car because I never want to go home. Because I haven't got one anymore.
The loud noise of drums and brass instruments blared into Katniss's face as she entered the club. Bogey gave her a hearty wave from his station behind the counter. Katniss waved back and strode toward him as he clapped his hands. "Well my my, Miss Everdeen, don't you look like a picture?" He took off his newsboy cap, revealing his cropped gray hair as he placed the plaid material over his heart. "I don't know if I should let you back there. Lookin' like that Jo-annie may never come out of that dressing room."
Katniss smirked at the adorable nickname that she was sure Johanna didn't want her to know. "Don't you worry, I'll make sure she's out on time. She's in her room?" He nodded and smiled, about to speak again until his attention was brought to the door by another friendly patron calling his name. Katniss made her way toward the back of the club, walking down the familiar hallway until she got to the unmarked dressing room.
She knocked hard as she heard the muffled but loud strains of music coming from inside. A smile appeared on her face as she heard Johanna's impatient grumble on the other side of the door. She placed one hand on her hip and slid the other up the door frame, looking as "come-hither" as she could. Her light cardigan rode up her stomach, exposing the tanned skin of her abdomen.
"What do you -" Johanna cut herself off as she took in the tempting sight of Katniss. Chocolate eyes dragged from high-heel to hairline and without much conscious thought she wet her lips. The corners of her mouth lifted up into a smirk. Katniss had a way of making even the most mundane of outfits look sinfully sexy. The unassuming way she wore them, the perfect fit of her hips against the fabric; Johanna was sure there was not another human being alive who possessed that talent.
"Oh gee whiz, Johanna Mason. I'm just your biggest fan!" Katniss drawled at the doorway, pretending to fan herself with her hand. Johanna stood silent, her smirking visage allowing Katniss to continue. "If I could just have one minute of your time." Johanna beckoned Katniss toward her with a curled finger, shutting the door behind her once Katniss entered. Her eyes stared hungrily at her skirt until Katniss came up close to her and lifted her gaze. Gray eyes traveled the length of Johanna's outfit - a pair of skintight leather pants, a roughed up pair of Doc Martens on her feet and a forest green button-down blouse that was rolled up to her elbows. "You look so hot."
"So do you, darlin'." Katniss blushed a little. She loved when Johanna called her that. She got this bit of a country drawl in her voice and it was super attractive. She brought her lips to the other girl and kissed her with closed lips, but applied a lot of pressure. Johanna slowly ran her tongue along Katniss's lower lip before the taller girl pulled away.
Oh please don't drop me home. Because it's not my home, it's their home. And I'm welcome no more.
She flickered her gray eyes down to the other girl and smiled. "I can't wait to get you out of those pants later."
Johanna chuckled, weaving her fingers through Katniss's hair and pulling her in for another kiss. "That's going to be quite a feat. Fortunately for me," her hands traveled down Katniss's body until she met with the hem of the skirt. She trailed her fingertips upward until she met the lacy edge of Katniss's panties on her hips, "You made this pretty easy for me."
"Nuh uh," Katniss countered, swatting Johanna's wandering hand away from her pelvis. Johanna gave her a petulant pout and Katniss grinned. "Not until after your show."
"But Katniss," Johanna outright whined and stomped her foot. Katniss barely restrained the amused grin on her face as her girlfriend crossed her arms over her chest. "I need to nimble up my fingers in preparation." A mischievous smirk appeared on Johanna's face as she tried to grapple with Katniss's skirt and was swatted away again.
"I agree, but I think you need to 'nimble up your fingers' on the piano in preparation for me," Katniss replied, wrapping her arms around Johanna's waist and pulling their bodies close. She enjoyed the fit of their bodies together. Her hip bones settled on top of Johanna's pelvis, her thighs nestled against Johanna's, her breasts just barely grazing the other girl's. A perfect fit.
Johanna's pout finally melted into a grin and she nodded, lifting her head up to capture her girlfriend's lips in another kiss. "Deal."
To die by your side is such a heavenly way to die. And if a ten ton truck kills the both of us, to die by your side well the pleasure, the privilege is mine.
Katniss found her seat in the audience; a specially reserved table with a flute of champagne and a small placard with her name on it. It was near the front but off to the side in front of the piano which was to the right of the stage. A few of the patrons cast her some skeptical looks, clearly miffed by her young age and great seat. Katniss did as she did every day in school - ignored the stares and hoped to see Johanna soon. Her gaze went around the room until she hit an unmistakeable sight: Effie Trinket. Her bright purple wig made her stand out among the other patrons, as did her atrocious make-up.
Bogey, now dressed sharply in a three-piece suit came on stage to a light round of applause. "Welcome Ladies and Gentlemen to the highlight of the week. These guys and gals have been giving us those old tunes we love with a new flair every week. And givin' some new tunes some old flair! And maybe it's my old age talkin' but every week it sounds fresh!" The crowd gave him a lighthearted laugh and he in return gave them a short nod. "It's my pleasure, my privilege and my duty as owner to introduce The Tributes!"
Katniss's eyes stayed on Effie as the band came on the stage to a loud round of claps and hollers from the audience. Effie seemed particularly excited so Katniss followed her eyes until she saw him. Mr. Abernathy. He picked up the large guitar on the stand near the far side of the stage and wrapped it around his back, giving a small wave to the audience. Two men emerged from behind the large red curtain and picked up a saxophone and a trumpet each, testing out the valves and buttons without making a noise.
Johanna entered silently from the right, sitting down at the piano and taking a swig from a bottle of water the stage crew had set up on top of her large, black piano. A man Katniss didn't recognize sat behind the small drum kit and a tall woman stood behind Haymitch and a large double-bass. The blonde man nodded and the band began to play to the delight of the crowd.
There's just one place for me, near you. It's like heaven to be, near you.
Katniss couldn't help but stare at Johanna. The way her fingers moved effortlessly across the keys, alternating between tinkling and slamming them with such ease it looked like she could do it with her eyes closed. The brunette lifted the champagne glass to her lips and sipped, letting the bubbly liquid slide down her throat and warm her belly. She remembered back to when she was first falling for Johanna, watching her hands manipulate the clay in pottery class. She recalled the way Johanna had played her father's old piano with the same ease and focus that her father had. Maybe that was partially why she was so drawn to Johanna. Her determination, her musical talents, her short temper, it was all reminiscent of her father. The Freudian implications of that aside, Katniss knew she had never felt for anyone what she felt for Johanna.
Her mind went back to what her mother had said. I think maybe you ought to have a little time apart. How could she when every moment she spent away from Johanna felt like a part of her was missing? Was it truly because this was her first love? Katniss wasn't sure how anyone could tell the difference between first love and true love because they felt the same.
Times when we're apart I can't face my heart.
She couldn't imagine loving anyone they way she loved Johanna. And the other girl felt the same. As her fingers danced across the piano she looked from her sheet music - which she barely looked at anymore - to Katniss, giddily watching her from the front seat. The nerves that had plagued her every day until that night dissipated into thin air as she saw the loving way she was staring at her. How wonderful it felt to be swept into those gray eyes.
Her mother had warned her not to get too involved with Katniss. Her own experience of marrying her high school sweetheart and watching his life unravel before them had tainted her perception of young love. She hadn't gone so far as to announce it as foolishness, but she heavily implied it. Johanna had taken offense at first, obviously, at the affront to her feelings and her logic. The more she thought about it though, the more sense her mother made. They were still seventeen. Eighteen in a few months, but on the tail of that "landmark" birthday was the inevitable: college. She had already begun preparing her entrance material for Julliard in New York.
Say you'll never stray more than just two lips away.
They never talked about where they were going for college. Katniss was smart so Johanna assumed she'd be applying to colleges all over the country, maybe even some overseas. Johanna had her heart set on Julliard since kindergarten so she knew she'd only be applying maybe four other places. She had even already planned her trip there in February for her in-person audition. For some reason, whenever she thought of telling Katniss, she didn't. It seemed superstitious to mention it.
What if Katniss wanted to stay home and go to a community college? What if she got accepted to Stanford and lived across the country? What would happen to them then? Would they, could they, attempt a long distance relationship? The only dream she had ever had since she was a child was to attend the prestigious Julliard. That was a dream she wouldn't sacrifice for anything, or anyone.
If my hours could be spent, near you. I'd be more than content, near you.
They never discussed their future. They spent so much time in each other's present that talking about where they'd be next fall seemed inappropriate. But the discussion would come up eventually. Johanna was already dreading it.
She forced herself to push those thoughts deep into the back of her brain. Tonight was about showing Katniss what she could do with a piano. She was letting the girl in on a piece of her she reserved for herself. One of the last standing walls around her heart. The way Katniss was staring at her, she knew she had made the right decision. Her heart was full as she continued to bang away at her piano, throwing winks and sly glances her girlfriend's way.
I'll spend the rest of my days near you.
Haymitch's gravely voice ceased singing as he neared the end of another of his songs. The room erupted in applause and everyone but the seated Johanna gave a small bow. He took a pull from his flask and held it out in cheers to the crowd. "I know you're all tired of my voice so I'm gonna hand it over to Jo."
Katniss was surprised at how excited everyone seemed. Not because she didn't Johanna was worthy of the adulation, but because clearly this was a bigger section of Johanna's life than she thought. People came here specifically to see her. She had fans.
The band started up again and Katniss was floored when she heard her. Johanna's voice. Her singing voice. The same voice Katniss had heard high pitched in whines and low growls of pleasure. The same voice that had talked her down from nightmares and had sometimes yelled out in her own. Here it was, filling the room with its high lilt and almost country edge. How Johanna ever let those girls are school make her feel small was baffling. But maybe that's what love is. Not understanding your partner's insecurities because where they see flaws, you see stars.
She looked around the room eager to see other people's reactions to her girlfriend. They all seemed equally enthralled. When Haymitch's scratchy voice joined hers it sounded beautiful. It sounded to Katniss like the forest; he the crunching of leaves underfoot and she the birdsong in the trees.
One of the men on the brass replaced Johanna on the piano so she could grab the microphone and move around freely. She stepped off the stage as they began another song. Katniss recognized the tune as Peggy Lee's "Fever." Johanna moved from table to table, serenading different couples.
She sat on a man's lap, her arm draped around his shoulder. His wife feigned being upset so Johanna got up and splayed herself across the woman's lap instead, twirling the woman's hair around her finger as she sang. Even from far away she could feel the lady's blush. Johanna seemed to have that effect. Katniss felt the sharp, unnecessary pang of jealousy strike her between the ribs. Johanna strutted over to other tables, at one point arcing her back completely over a woman's lap, singing upside down, her hair touching the carpet. Katniss felt herself gripping the sides of the chair as the woman began lightly touching the beat against Johanna's exposed abdomen.
Her Johanna. Hers hers hers.
As she approached Katniss the brunette couldn't help but smile. The music had dipped into an instrumental break so Johanna sat on Katniss's lap and drank the rest of her champagne. "Oh I'm sorry, did you want more?" she asked into the microphone, eliciting chuckles from the audience.
Katniss played along and nodded. Johanna beckoned a waiter who immediately produced another bottle of champagne. Johanna took the cork between her molars and spat it at the stage toward Haymitch. The shaggy-haired man recoiled in disgust and shook his head at her. The raven-haired girl went to pour it in her glass but stopped. A devilish grin on her face, she took a swig of the drink and motioned for Katniss to tip her head back. As she did Johanna leaned down and kissed her, releasing some of the bubbly into her mouth and swallowing the rest. The warmth of the alcohol and the way it had been administered made Katniss's gray eyes flash with desire and she wrapped her hand around Johanna's neck and pulled her into another, deep kiss. She tasted the champagne on Johanna's tongue, but also ...vodka. That "bottle of water" was definitely not water. Her teeth tugged on Johanna's lip as the girl tried to break away.
Johanna refilled Katniss's glass and took the rest of the bottle with her, taking generous swigs of the liquor in between vocalizing. They performed about four more songs with Johanna singing lead, alternating between standing behind the piano and straddling some embarrassed person's waist. Katniss was elated to see this confident, sexualized version of Johanna but she realized quickly she didn't want to share it with everyone else. She wanted it to herself.
She never said she wasn't selfish.
Johanna was met out in the lobby by a bunch of appreciative patrons congratulation her and the band on their performance. This circle-jerk was always self-indulgent to the raven-haired girl, but she tolerated it for Bogey. He liked when she hobnobbed with the people who had paid a high price to sit in his little club and see them perform.
Finally Katniss emerged from the sea of black and white tuxes, looking radiant in her purple skirt and white top. As much as she adored Katniss's signature braid, she much preferred when she let her hair down in loose ringlets around her shoulders. She liked to thread her fingers through the brunette locks and grip them tightly while she kissed the daylights out of her.
We're never done with killing time. Can I kill it with you? 'Til our veins run red and blue.
"You ready to leave?" Johanna asked, draping her hands over Katniss's shoulders and boring her deep brown eyes into Katniss's grays. She gave a quick look around and set her lips in a line. "I wanna get the hell out of here. I hate this part."
Katniss nodded and took Johanna's offered hand. The dark-haired girl gave Bogey a wave as she slipped them both out of a side exit Katniss hadn't even seen until that moment. Instead of Johanna's old car it was Polly's roughed-up pick-up truck sitting in the alleyway in between the two buildings. It was dim except for the pale wash of yellow light coming from above the door of the club.
Johanna opened the passenger's side door and helped Katniss up inside the cab. Katniss settled into the high bucket seat, buckling her seat belt and giving herself a peek in the side view mirror. Along with her reflection she could see two figures behind them standing closely. The light didn't quite reach them but Katniss could see a broad-shouldered man and a petite woman holding each other.
We come around here all the time. Got a lot to not do. Let me kill it with you.
Johanna hopped in the driver's seat and buckled in, adjusting her rearview mirror. She watched Katniss stare into her side-view mirror and raised an eyebrow, looking in the rearview to try and see what had her so engrossed. A smug grin came on her face as she turned the engine over and shifted the car into gear.
"Is that-?"
"Yes," Johanna confirmed with a nod of her head, taking off on to the busy city street, leaving the affectionate couple alone in the alleyway. "Haymitch and Effie have been together for like six or seven years, I think." Katniss's jaw slacked but she offered no response. Her mind was working double time to try and fit Haymitch, the curmudgeon-y man he was, with the bubbly and effervescent Effie. What sort of life decisions had led them together?
"That's ...interesting." Johanna looked over at Katniss and laughed, taking her hand and placing a gentle kiss on the back of it before returning her own hand to the gear shift. She led them back toward Panem, but instead of going back into town to one of their homes, she headed out toward the lake. On some nights there would be kids swimming or bonfires on the small clearing before the water, but tonight there was no one.
Johanna backed the truck up until it was near the edge of the water and cut the engine. She climbed out of the car and went to the back, opening up the door to the flat bed in the back. Perplexed but compliant Katniss hopped out of the passenger's side door and went around to the back of the truck, where Johanna was waiting. As she looked into the back of the truck she didn't see the usual pile of lumber and tarps that seemed to be permanently stuck to the car. Instead it was a mess of blankets and pillows.
You pick me up and bring me home again. Head out the window again.
Johanna grinned and motioned with her head toward the truck. "Hop in!" She kicked off her own boots and sat on the edge of the truck, peeling herself out of her leather pants and sighing as the slightly cool air hit her damp legs. She shuffled backward until she fell into the plush pile she had created. She slid her hands underneath her head and looked up at the stars. Johanna draped a blanket over her naked waist and reached into her pillow and pulled out her iPod, settling it behind her head and pressing the shuffle. The truck moved under Katniss's weight as she climbed forward toward Johanna and plopped into the blankets, tossing her arm over Johanna's waist and staring over at her.
They laid there in silence for a while, with Johanna's eyes on the stars and Katniss's eyes on her until the brunette finally broke the silence. "You were amazing tonight, you know," she said, rubbing her hand up and down the length of Johanna's side. Johanna smiled but still didn't look over at her girlfriend. "I've never seen you like that. I think that's the happiest I've ever seen you."
Johanna chuckled and finally moved her head to the side to face Katniss, peering at her from over her arm. "Then you haven't been looking at me close enough." Katniss scrunched her nose in confusion and Johanna slid her arm underneath Katniss's pillow to get a better look at her. "I'm happiest with you."
She leaned over and kissed her on the nose before returning to her position to stare at the sky. Light wisps of clouds blocked some of their view, but away from Panem and the city the stars were brightest. Puncturing the clouds like a flashlight through a blanket. Each of them remained lost in their thoughts, meeting occasionally with thoughts of each other, but venturing in different directions.
We're hollow like the bottles that we drain.
"Jo?" Johanna hummed in response. "Do you believe in God?"
The shorter girl continued looking up at the twinkling starlight above them, musing for that thought for a long time before venturing toward an answer. She had grown up attending church on Sundays until she got old enough to decline going to the services. It seemed like a place that you would go for solace, for reason. Johanna never found either of those things within the stained-glass walls. She only found more questions.
"Not strictly," she responded lightly. Katniss looked over at her, imploring her to continue. "I mean, I don't believe that there's one big white dude in the sky puppeteering the world. Cutting the strings of fate or intervening in lives." Katniss nodded, turning completely on her side to face Johanna as she spoke. She watched the calm rise and fall of Johanna's chest as she spoke. "I can see why people do, though. How amazing to think this isn't just some fucking crazy cosmic accident. Who wouldn't want to be a part of that?"
"I guess so," Katniss responded.
Johanna turned on her side and faced her girlfriend. "It would be cool if there was. If there was actually retribution for the fuckheads who shit on other people's lives. And some reward for people who did some good." She paused. "I believe that other people believe it. And if that gives them peace or hope then more power to 'em."
"It also creates a lot of hate," Katniss added with a raised eyebrow.
"Yeah, sure it does. But people hate each other for no reason all the time. You remove religion out of the equation and people will find another reason to hate each other. But I don't worry about it, really."
"No?" Katniss looked down toward the blankets. "I think about it a lot. About my dad."
Pulses can drive from here. We might be hollow but we're brave.
Johanna moved some of Katniss's hair behind her ear and ran it along the length of Katniss's arm until she threaded their fingers together. "It's hard to believe there's a reason for all this when something like that happens. But maybe there is no reason. Maybe sometimes life sucks." Katniss chuckled. "But it's also fucking amazing. Just look up. All those fucking stars. You're not only looking at a big hot ball of gas... you're looking back in time, you know? That star could be long gone by now, but we're seeing what it was. It doesn't care if it served a purpose or not. If it warmed a planet or collided with another star. It just shone as brightly as it could and then went out."
Johanna rummaged underneath the blankets and withdrew a small bottle of some sort of rum. She took off the cap and took a long swig, then handed it to Katniss who parroted the action. "I wish I believed in God. Life would be easier that way."
Johanna snorted and shook her head. "Easy isn't better. Is it easier to think that there's some grand plan and a heaven in the clouds? Sure. But reality is better than that. You're just a combination of stardust and earth that learned to be aware of itself. You can choose and love and hate and feel. Music, Katniss. You can make music. And you do all of it... you live life and you love deeply even though you know there's nothing at the end. Even though you know it will end. Because it's beautiful, you know? There's so much beauty in knowing how brief life is."
And I like you. I like these roads where the houses don't change.
Katniss rolled over and placed half her body on top of Johanna's, running her fingers along the cool skin of her girlfriend's legs. She placed a gentle kiss below Johanna's ear. "I'm in love with you, Johanna."
Brown eyes expressed surprise at first, but the slow creep of adoration filled them as she looked down at Katniss. She didn't need to believe in God. She believed in Katniss. She believed that all good things can come from within something you love and that's where she drew her meaning. From within the heart of Katniss. "I'm in love with you too, darlin'."
Where we can talk like there's something to say.
A need surged though Katniss's veins that propelled her upward. She opened the blanket and straddled Johanna's bare waist and crossed her arms, pulling her shirt off over her head and tossing it down next to some of the pillows. Johanna's hands immediately found her stomach, tracing over the soft skin and muscle there. Every time she saw Katniss it was like a revelation. She didn't need ink and paper to explain her what a miracle life was. Seeing desire in her girlfriend's eyes and feeling her body move and flex beneath her touch was enough.
Katniss slowly unbuttoned Johanna's blouse, her eyes locked on the wide brown ones she adored as her fingers slowly worked downward. Her palms spread across Johanna's chest as she pushed the shirt off of her. Johanna shrugged her arms out of the sleeves and watched Katniss gaze down at her. Her torso felt cold now that it was exposed to the night air, but Katniss's hands began to warm her as they traversed across her breasts and ribcage.
I'm glad that we stopped kissing the tar on the highway.
She leaned down and nuzzled into Johanna's ribs, lacing wet kisses along the small poke of bone against skin. Her lips dotted upward in between Johanna's breasts until she finally landed on her lips, seizing them in a feverish kiss that threatened to take both of their breaths from their lungs. Katniss groaned quietly as she felt Johanna wrap her fingers in her hair, tugging at her as they kissed.
Katniss used the blanket and draped it over her shoulders, shielding them both from the cool breeze coming off the lake. It was oddly thrilling, having Johanna outside in the woods. A place where Katniss felt comfortable and most herself. The sound of the wind in the trees and the occasional chirp of a cricket and now, the sounds of Johanna's ragged breathing as she began her descent toward her center.
We move in the tree streets. I'd like it if you stayed.
Johanna's preference was not to sit back and take pleasure laying down. She felt flattened by the immensity of the stars above her head and the persistent pleasure of Katniss's tongue and fingers inside her. Caught between the past in the sky and the future in Katniss's loving (albeit lust-filled) eyes. She didn't try and grab Katniss's hair and move her like she normally would have, or cupped her own breasts to heighten her pleasure. Her hands went behind her head and she just relaxed into Katniss's touch.
Katniss looked up briefly from her position in between Johanna's legs and saw the delirious, lazy smile on Johanna's mouth. Her own lips made a grin against Johanna's folds and she dipped her head to return to her quest in unraveling her girlfriend as slowly as possible. She tasted sweet with the slight tang of sweat. Her face was so relaxed Katniss wasn't even sure if she was receiving pleasure anymore. Johanna seemed blissfully lost somewhere with her eyes closed and her bottom lip tucked between her teeth.
Her hands on Johanna's legs felt the tremor in her muscles and she began to quicken her pace against Johanna's insides, the sound of her fingers clicking in and out of Johanna's wetness and the lapping of her tongue humming over the din of the forest. Her ragged breaths were replaced by quiet whines of pleasure as her body began to release the coil of orgasm within her. While normally she enjoyed being close to Johanna's face when she came, absorbing her screams into her mouth or simply watching her eyes flutter out of control, tonight she was happy to feel the quiver and shake of Johanna's clitoris against her tongue as the wetness seeped from within her and left a small darkened spot on the blanket below her.
Her mouth continued to work against Johanna's sex, her lips wrapping around the swollen nub and sucking until Johanna came undone once more. This time she was less quiet, she let her voice echo against the trees as expletives and Katniss's name bounced around the woods and back into the night sky. Her hips landed with a soft thud against the blanket as Katniss wiped her mouth on the blanket and moved against Johanna's body.
Questions about their future could fuck off, Johanna thought. The night was young, they were young, and the future could wait. She was more her father's child than she would ever admit.
We're getting good at this.
Author's Note: Welp that chapter was longer than I intended but I hope you enjoyed it!
Music: "There's A Light That Never Goes Out" by the Smiths, "Near You" by The Andrews Sisters, and "400 Lux" by Lorde.