AN: Just so you know, I don't support underage drinking… especially at Clem's tender age of eleven, but just be warned that this chapter's gonna contain alcohol. Try not to get upset by it. Btw, this chapter's gonna be a lot longer than the other ones, so I hope you guys enjoy it!

You don't grow to fully appreciate having electricity – with heat, light and all the rest – until you lose it completely. No power means that you're completely on your own, freezing to death as you try to make your way back to basically a giant box called Howe's. Whatever electricity Carver may have somehow got working for the place must have disappeared a while before we returned.

But I'm getting ahead of myself here. After all, we're still making our way back.

Growing up, I wasn't ever a needy child. All it took to keep me happy were some crayons and a few stacks of paper. That'd keep me busy for hours on end; drawing and colouring whatever my imagination could think of that day. Mom and Dad always used to tell me how I was gonna become the next Picasso or something along those lines. I never knew (and still don't know) who they were talking about, but it made me proud nonetheless. While other children my age wanted to watch the next Bugs Bunny cartoon on television, I'd sit up in my treehouse for an entire afternoon and draw to my heart's content.

So in that sense, the lack of power doesn't bother me too much. What's really crappy is the fact that we freeze our asses off in there almost every single night.

Camping's fun when you do it with your family and friends – sitting around a bonfire, roasting marshmallows and telling ghost stories. Camping is NOT fun when you have to do it every damn night, having one person stay up to watch for flesh-eating walkers and absolutely no marshmallows.

So why am I boring you with all of this?

Well, here's the thing: we're going to have a problem. On the way back Lilly had told me about the food situation, and she hadn't realized when mentioning it to me earlier how the food was going bad. Sure, we've got a lot of it, but it's only going to last for so long, and with no electricity we won't be able to keep it from getting rotten. See where I'm going with this now?

Howe's was a good idea… at the time. But we don't have enough seeds in the greenhouse to keep growing more and more vegetables, and this last batch of baby formula certainly isn't going to last either. I really wish that the hardware store could be a more long-term solution, but I don't think it is anymore. We need to think about moving on… again.

What an awesome conversation that's gonna be! I'm sure Jane will be thrilled to discover that everything we've worked so hard for isn't going to matter once we leave.

But where the hell are we even gonna go?

"Don't fall behind," Lilly calls over her shoulder, "we're nearly there."

Jogging tiredly to catch up to her, I adjust my backpack so that it fits more snugly upon my shoulders.

"What did you pack in here? Rocks?" I ask sarcastically, my back becoming sore with the weight of everything inside.

"You're young and energetic – you can handle carrying some candy bars," she retorts as our eyes become fixed upon the parking lot. "Looks like we made it back alive after all."

"I never doubted us for a second," I say proudly, getting a joking nudge from Lilly. Wow! She's actually being friendly for a change! What are the odds?

"You kept them," she mentions quietly, causing me to look around in confusion.

"Kept what?"

"Those hair ties," she explains, pointing to the back of my head. "Even after all this time."

"Oh… yeah," I reply, not really sure where to go from there. Honestly, I don't think that I've taken these things off in two years, and I hardly even notice that I have them on anymore. After a few seconds, Lilly nods curtly and wanders towards the store with me.

Squinting my eyes, I see that Jane is perched up on the roof with a rifle in hand, so I frantically wave my arms around and call out her name to keep her from shooting. As soon as she realizes who we are, she slowly lowers the weapon and disappears back downstairs without another word.

I think we're in trouble.

"What, did you guys take the scenic route or something?" she asks while folding her arms across her chest. "Where the fuck have you been? I've had to take care of the little prince over here all day and into this morning! AJ puked twice! Twice, Clem – right onto my shoe and all over the floor. And don't get me started on the crying – "

"Jane!" I interrupt, breaking her out of her little rant. She still seems disappointed in me, which is understandable I suppose. She looks absolutely furious with Lilly, but fortunately for everyone she hasn't said anything yet. "I think you and I need to have a little chat. Can we… head up into the office?"

Noting my pensiveness, Jane quickly nods and beckons for me to come on inside. As soon as I see AJ, I bend down to scoop the little guy up in my arms.

"I missed you, Alvie!" I chirp enthusiastically, giggling as he grabs onto my fingers again. "You know, I still think that I'm the favourite for him."

"I wouldn't doubt it, considering how much he was acting up last night with me," Jane replies snarkily, a faint smirk upon her lips telling me that she's just kidding around. "Come on – the sooner we get this done, the sooner we can start putting more of the food away. It won't move itself."

Biting my lip, I give Lilly a nervous glance as she simply folds her arms and glares at the floor. Maybe this conversation about the Howe's situation should wait a little bit longer. What I'm going to tell her is bad enough as it is, and I don't want to send Jane… over the edge.

Besides, it's not as if we can't last a few more weeks in this safe, reliable store.

…Right?

…

"Holy fucking hell…" Jane whispers, rubbing her hands through her hair tiredly; unable to believe my story. It's quite an elaborate one – especially for having only been gone for a day.

I bounce AJ on my lap as he gurgles to himself softly without a care in the world. Life is so much simpler for him – he doesn't need to worry about any of this walker nonsense yet, or anything about surviving and making difficult choices. I envy him a little bit, actually; that he can go on oblivious to all of this destruction and madness around us. But then I scold myself, reminded that he won't be a baby forever.

And when he finally comes of age when he realizes what's actually going on, he's gonna be sent on a ride straight through hell.

"I should've been there," Jane sighs, slamming her fist onto the desk in irritation. "God damn it… of all the people you could've run into, it just had to be those three."

"We handled it, but…" I cut myself off, feeling my gut wrench inside of my body, "it didn't feel right. It's like what you were saying about killing that Russian."

"I just can't believe you had to go through that," she shakes her head; her familiar frown returning to her face as she glances out the window into the store. It doesn't take a genius to figure out who she's looking at. "I don't care what she says – there's no way in hell that she's just doing "inventory". I'm telling you, Clem, something's up with her."

"She saved my ass from Arvo," I explain with a shrug, walking over to the window to see if she's onto something. Lilly's scratching her chin in thought as she gazes restlessly at the supplies, before shaking her head in annoyance and disappearing into the pen. "That's gotta count for something. Besides, don't you think she would've left by now?"

"She could just be waiting for the right moment," Jane argues, any trust in Lilly nonexistent at this point. "And you've seen the way she reacts! Any little thing sets her off, and it's obvious that she's not all there. In the head, I mean."

"You said the same thing about Kenny…"

"Yeah, and look what happened!" Jane affirms, spinning in Carver's office chair to face me. "Look, Clem – we're not friends with Lilly, but we do know what's gonna happen. We've seen it before; this world just does shitty things to certain kinds of people, and I'm telling you Lilly's gonna snap."

"As long as you don't intentionally put them into a mental breakdown," I accuse, frowning as Jane realizes that she's been caught up in one of her faults. Nobody's perfect, but if she's so sure that we're dealing with another Kenny situation, then I need to make sure that I can trust her.

"Clem, we talked about this…"

"Did we?" I reply, watching as she rests her elbows on the desk and puts her head into her hands. "Because I don't think we have! We've been avoiding this conversation for two months now because you don't want to feel guilty about it!"

Cocking her head to the side, Jane gives me the stink eye before turning to give me her full attention.

This is for your own good, Jane.

"I killed my friend for you! I shot Kenny in the chest because I was convinced that he'd lost it; that you losing AJ was just a mistake!" I rant, unloading my inner thoughts onto my friend as she sits there and takes it all in. "But I was wrong… you were so convinced that he was as bad as Carver that you didn't even stop to think about what it would do to me. Kenny had to take more shit and flak than anyone else I knew, me included. And it broke me up inside when I watched him bleed out in that stupid rest stop. But the second I heard AJ in that car… all I wanted to do was to take him and leave."

"Then why didn't you?" Jane asks, probably feeling slightly more ashamed than she was before.

Pausing to regain my composure, I place a hand on the desk and look Jane straight in the eye; not wanting to blow up at her anymore.

"Because I still thought that you could change. You were the only person I had left; the only one left in the world who was still standing with me, and I wanted to believe in you so badly… but I don't know if you've changed that much at all."

There must be a million different things going on at once in Jane's head right now, as she can't seem to come up with any suitable response to my outburst. This is going to pull us farther apart, but I don't care. I'm so sick of pretending like everything is just peachy and squeaky-clean around here.

"We've both still got a long way to go," I admit, not afraid to say that I have my own wrinkles that I need to iron out. "But pushing Lilly away like this is only going to make things worse. It's already like walking on eggshells whenever the two of you are together – can we just try to make things work? Please, Jane? If not for me, then for yourself."

"You still haven't given up on me… have you?" Jane asks quietly, looking more like a small, nervous woman than the collected, level-headed one that I usually see.

"Never," I reassure her, glad that we've gotten this out of the way at least. It's been a long time coming, for sure, but at least we've taken the first steps to recovery. "Oh, by the way… where did you say they kept the alcohol?"

Jane raises a knowing eyebrow and stands up; walking out of Carver's (well, I guess it's ours now) office and heading back down the stairs. I'm so glad that he's not around anymore.

"I can almost guarantee you won't like any of it," Jane warns, leading us over to one of the back rooms that I hadn't checked out since moving back into this place.

"Sounds to me like you're saying that I can't handle it!"

"That's exactly what I'm saying!" Jane calls out; disappearing into the room as Lilly suddenly appears out of nowhere.

"Did I miss anything?" she questions, her voice spooking me as I cradle AJ in my arms.

"Not much, just trying to patch things up," I reply solemnly, turning my head towards her with a small frown. "Speaking of which, are you alright now?"

"Better, thanks to you," Lilly says appreciatively, even though it still seems like she's in quite a bit of pain. "What's she up to in there?"

"Booze run," Jane answers as she steps out with four bottles of some kind. I can tell that she still feels uneasy around Lilly, but at least she's trying this time. That conversation must've really struck a chord in her; that maybe she needs to learn from past mistakes. "A forty ounce bottle of gin, a litre bottle of rum, and two bottles of beer for Clem. Which would you rather have? The gin or the rum?"

"I'll go with the rum," Lilly replies, taking the bottle and not meeting eye contact with Jane as she shuts the door behind her.

"This should be more than enough for a night – it'll probably put the both of us on our asses if we're not careful," Jane explains as she turns back towards me with a concerned expression. "Are you sure you want to do this? I mean, you don't have to, Clem. It's gonna taste like ass."

"Well, I might not get another chance after this," I blurt out, desperately hoping that Jane doesn't read into that more than I want her to. When she doesn't, and her face doesn't change, I mentally sigh and correct myself. "I mean, with the way the world is now, my chances of making it to twenty-one are pretty slim."

"Don't say stuff like that," Lilly reprimands me, shaking her head and wishing that I wasn't so blunt.

Looking between the two of us awkwardly, Jane clears her throats and tells us to head up to the roof. When I ask her if we should go to the pen to build a fire instead, she chuckles a little bit before shaking her head.

"Trust me, you'll be warm enough with some of that stuff in your belly," she explains knowingly, holding the door for us as she gets ready to bring some lawn chairs up top. "Now come on – I'm feeling too sober for my liking."

…..

I was always considered the good kid in my parents' eyes, even though I was the only child they ever had. Didn't usually complain about having to do chores around the house, usually went to bed when I was supposed to, and always did my homework whenever I had any (though first grade never really had much of it). I don't think that I ever got grounded once, and not in a million years would I have ever gotten into trouble at school.

Then the apocalypse happened, and my Mom and Dad have been dead for a little over two years now.

Within the last three months, I've had some moonshine with Nick, a sip of rum with Jane, and shared a cigarette with Bonnie. And now here I am – AJ sleeping in one arm, with a beer in my opposite hand.

I bet Mom, Dad and Lee would be so proud of me.

True to Jane's word of warning, the beer does indeed taste like ass. But I try my best to suck it up and ignore the yucky taste of the liquid as it burns down my throat.

Why the hell do people force themselves to enjoy this shit?

I've barely made it to the halfway point of my bottle, but Lilly and Jane are well on their way to drinking down theirs. Obviously they've got a lot more alcohol than I do, so there's still quite a bit left inside, but I'm starting to see the effects on them. Maybe they can't tolerate it as much as they think they can.

"Fuck it," Jane suddenly says, taking another swig of her gin before setting the bottle back down beside her. "It's… it's gotta be around January now, right guys?"

"Ye-yeah," Lilly nods dramatically, slurring her words slightly as she looks to me for confirmation. I simply smirk at her and try to contain my laughter. Something about seeing the normally stoic Lilly like this is just incredibly hilarious.

"Well," Jane announces, standing up for some reason and slowly walking towards the two of us, "happy fucking New Year, you two! Here's… here's to another year of killing those sons of bitches out there, and trying not to get eaten along the way! FUCK YOU WALKERS! LET'S GET SHIT-FACED!"

"You already are," I point out, putting a finger to my lips to tell her to keep it down a little bit for AJ. Still though, I clank my beer bottle against her gin bottle and do the same for Lilly.

"But you're not," she slurs with a goofy-looking smirk; her eyes becoming blood-shot as the alcohol swims through her body. "How come you ain't drinking much there, Clem?"

"It's gross," I tell her simply, hearing Lilly snort beside me as she finds my response funnier than it actually is. "Are you okay over there, Lilly?"

"Who, me? I'm fine, just fine! Best I've been in a long, fucking while!" she proclaims as she closes her eyes; letting the wind flow through her brown hair. "I can't remember the last time I got this drunk! We definitely couldn't do any of this shit at the motor-inn, eh Clem? Bunch of people with sticks up their asses back there, that's for sure."

Something inside me wants to make a retort about how it was she in fact who reinforced the limited alcohol rule, but I don't want to ruin her fun. Besides, talking about the motor-inn usually brings up bad memories involving her dad, and no good can come of that.

I've got to say – Lilly and Jane seem like they're really enjoying themselves for a change, and it's really nice that they're not tossing insults down each other's throats.

"Oh crap," I suddenly blurt out, standing up and narrowing my eyes as I see a shambling form stumbling towards the front gate, "we've got a dead one down there."

"I'll get the bastard," Jane brushes off, picking up a pistol that we kept up here and sending alarm bells off in my head. Under no circumstances should she be using a firearm when she's drunk – I can only dread the possibilities.

"Jane, let me take care of it, okay?" I tell her, not taking no for an answer as I forcibly remove the pistol from her grasp. "It'd be too dangerous for you right now. Can you guys please just watch AJ while I go take care of the problem?"

"Alright, fine – you win this round, kid," she relents, huffing out a sigh as she sits back in the lawn chair. "You watch yourself down there! Those lurkers are nasty little devils!"

Nodding quickly, I leave the three of them in peace as I book it down the stairs and run towards the front gate. The walker isn't here yet, so I carefully and quietly open the front to finish the thing off before it spots me.

"We need some music up in here! You got any music around, Jane?" I hear Lilly ask loudly, hopefully not waking up Alvin Junior in the process. I swear: my words go through the one ear and out the other with those two! Seriously!

The walker seems attracted to the noise though, as I can see him clawing at the wall uselessly in some vain attempt to get at its meal. Who does this walker think it is? Spiderman or something? Pulling out the pistol, I shoot the thing in the head and kill it before anything truly bad happens to us.

"Score one for Clementine! We should keep track of how many of these things we kill! WOO-HOO!" Jane shouts, causing me to face-palm as I make my way back inside and close the gate behind me. If we keep this up, every walker within five miles will probably hear us.

Funny, I sounded just like Rebecca just now…

"Okay, I've got one," I hear Jane say to Lilly, and I'm glad to see that they're actually sort of getting along for a change. "Biggest asshole you knew. Ready? Go!"

"Okay, umm… Kenny, I'd say."

"No fucking way! Me too!" Jane exclaims, causing me to look down sadly. It seems they'll never see him the same way that I did… before he started going off the deep end. "Your turn now!"

"What are you guys doing?" I ask, not bothering to hide my annoyance that they didn't listen to my warnings about keeping the noise level down.

Of course, they don't notice this and continue to talk loudly. It sucks being a kid sometimes…

"Just talking about the people we knew – remembering the good ol' days," Lilly explains, beckoning for me to join in. "Alright, how about… hottest guy you knew since all this shit started!"

"I'll probably have to go with Luke," she replies, no real surprise there. "I miss that big lug. He died a little while before you got here, but he was a sweet guy. We almost got caught doing stuff by Clementine over here, actually."

"You did the dirty!" Lilly laughs, causing me to furrow my brow in confusion. Clearly whatever they're talking about is more than just kissing stuff, as I had previously believed. But really, right now I don't think I want to know.

"Well come on! Don't hold out on me, girl! Who's your pick?"

"Alright, gimme a sec!" Lilly says, rubbing her chin thoughtfully. "Hmm… I'd probably have to say Lee. I never said a word about this to anybody, but I'd used to get soooooooooo jealous of Carley whenever she and him were together. He was a broad-shouldered, bulky-armed bad boy who turned into this sweet, caring, kind man who always looked out for the group. God damn, did I ever have the hots for him back then…"

Okay, this has definitely crossed the line of my comfort zone. Lee?! Really?! Hearing people talk about my deceased guardian like this… it makes me feel extremely uncomfortable. I don't like it at all, and I decide to tune out the rest of what she's saying about him.

"Clem?"

Slowly sighing and looking up, I see that Jane is glancing towards me expectantly.

"What about you?" she asks curiously. "Did you ever like-like somebody?"

"Oh, I know exactly who she liked," Lilly says sneakily; a cheeky smile on her face. "Duck! I mean, who else could it have been? I mean, come on, there's no way in hell that you'd like…"

When I feel my cheeks burning up slowly, I hear Lilly chuckle as she takes another drink from her bottle.

"No fucking way! Ben?! Girl, no offense, but I think you can do better than that! Don't sell yourself to that traitorous punk!"

"He was just a friend!" I retort angrily, folding my arms as Jane joins in on the chuckling as well. "I hate you guys…"

"Oh come on, Clem, lighten up! You know we're just teasing!" Jane insists, patting me on the back. "Besides, it's nothing to be ashamed of! It just means you're growing up, that's all."

"I'm still acting more mature than you two!"

"Well, I guess somebody's gotta be the responsible one around here," Jane nods her head, pointing to Lilly with her bottle, "'cause it sure as hell ain't her! I know you're waiting on one of us to take it easy, so you can take off with our stuff! You ain't… you ain't fooling me!"

"Hey! Fuck you!" Lilly slurs, looking pissed off as she gives Jane the finger and sips more of her rum. "I'll scrap you right here, you little shit! I fight better when I'm shit-faced!"

"Jane, we talked about this…" I try to remind her, not liking where this is going right now. Unfortunately, she ignores me and shrugs me off like a mosquito.

"No! I can say… what I wanna! Freedom of speech, and all that horse shit…" she argues, her eyes glazed as she too drinks another sip. "You're just a lonely, stuck-up bitch who nobody likes! Your friends are all gone, and the only reason Clem here let you into this store was 'cause she felt sorry for you!"

"You take that back, you lying little bitch!" Lilly yells, stumbling towards her and punching her in the side of the head. The brawl's on.

"Guys! That's enough! Stop it!" I try to calm them down to no avail, watching as the two of them lazily throw fists at each other. Jane knees Lilly hard in the stomach (right where she got shot), and Lilly screams in pure agony as she clutches her wound. Seeing an opening, Jane carelessly shoves her closer to the edge of the roof, and I shriek in fright as she starts to fall over.

I won't let her become another Reggie!

Thankfully for her, Lilly somehow manages to hold onto the ledge with one hand; clearly not noticing the danger that she's facing. When I call her name, Lilly looks up towards me and smiles… yes, you heard right.

"Oh hey, Clem! Whassup?" she asks dumbly; her fingers just barely supporting her.

"Jesus, Jane!" I yell at her, even though she's since sit back down in the lawn chair and looks as though she's ready to doze off. I'm about ready to smack her across the face with the pistol. "Lilly, you need to grab my hand, okay? Can you do that for me?"

"Alright, alright…" she agrees, swinging her arm upwards as I try my best to pull her up. There's quite a weight difference between us, so it's not the easiest task in the world, but the fear of her falling to her death stirs me onwards. With bated breaths I finally pull the woman up safely to the roof; out of harm's way.

"Oh… my god…" I wheeze out, looking up at the stars and cursing both of their names. "Jane… Lilly… you two are so dead in the morning, do you hear me?! Guys?"

Sure enough, the both of them have passed out on the roof, so I decide to scoop AJ up and head back downstairs before I really lose my temper. This night wasn't the absolute worst, but that last heated fight they just had really makes me question if I'm doing the right thing staying here. Is all of this really worth it? Is the fighting just gonna get worse instead of better?

And most importantly… is it safe for AJ to be around the two of them?

These thoughts and more circle around in my head as I lay him in one of the makeshift cribs; rubbing his head softly as I tiredly bid him goodnight. This definitely isn't ideal, and certainly not what Rebecca and Alvin would've wanted for him, but I don't know what else I can do.

I'm eleven years old for crying out loud! I shouldn't have to worry about raising a child already, or dealing with walkers, or having to ration my food and supplies, or watching as all of my friends and family slowly get taken away from me! This is all so unfair! I'm so tired of the same crap every single day! AND I AM SO GOD-DAMN ANGRY!

After about ten minutes, I'm sitting inside the pen in front of a low fire that I've created for myself. There's no way that I'm going to be able to fall asleep just yet, even if I really wanted to. I'm pissed, and I'm sad, and I'm just so emotionally drained. It's just like Nick had told me – it's never going to stop. We're just gonna lose more people; going place to place in the hopes of finding some other location to hole ourselves up in. Would somebody mind telling me what the point is anymore?

Looking down at my sleeve, I glare intensely at the blue fabric. Bonnie gave me this ugly jacket, and now she's gone. She betrayed us and died.

This picture of Duck, Katjaa and Kenny? They're all dead, too. Every one of them.

The photo of Lee that I still always keep close to my heart? What a load of bull – he's dead, and he's never coming back.

Nick's stupid watch that I totally forgot to give back? I toss that stupid thing over the fence and hear it smash into pieces on the asphalt. Good riddance, too! You and the rest of the cabin group are all dead, and I'm left alone with two nut jobs who almost tore each other to pieces!

Tearing off the jacket angrily, I groan in frustration as I fail to rip the stupid thing in half. I don't give a damn how chilly I get – this stupid, ugly ski jacket can burn! I toss it into the fire and watch as it gets engulfed in flame, along with my dumb picture of Kenny's family and that photo of Lee. Holding onto memories has given me nothing but grief, so I've decided just to not hold onto any mementoes at all!

AND THIS STUPID, FRICKIN' HAT! I DON'T NEED IT ANYMORE! I DON'T… I… I…

My hand shakes as my fire-laced eyes scan the object in my hands. That letter 'D' is still very much engraved on top, and that awful blood stain is still forever stamped on the lower part of it.

…Lee's blood stain.

My knees crash to the floor as I sob uncontrollably. I can't get rid of this hat – not now, and not ever. I'll carry it with me until the day I die. This hat represents everything that I am, and everyone who loved me unconditionally.

I clutch the object tightly to my chest and never want to let it go under any circumstances.

I am Clementine, and I've never felt so alone.

AN: …screw it. I'm not giving up on this story just yet. I know that I had told you guys that I wasn't planning on making this story that long, but I want to keep going. I just need to think up of some ideas to get inspired.

I'm not going to just say that this fic is completed and call it quits right here, since I don't want to mess up the flow that I've got going with this thing. So consider this the end of part one, or book one or whatever the heck you wanna call it. But I'll keep posting chapters in here once I think of some good stuff.

I just wanted to thank you guys for all the reviews and absolutely amazing feedback you've given for this story. Up until the last chapter before this, I was at 42 reviews, which is so unreal. Thank you so much, and I hope the next part keeps you just as interested as the first :) Until then, peace out guys!

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