"WAAAAHHHHH!" cries AJ as the three of us follow the sound of his wails. Once we get down the stairs, I immediately book it into the staff room and scoop him up in my arms; trying to shush and comfort the child while also hiding from the walkers seen in the window.
"Come on, Alvie… it's alright – please stay quiet…" I whisper, gently rocking him up and down in a last-ditch effort to calm him down. But it's no use – AJ knows that there's something scary outside, and he won't quiet down no matter how much I beg.
And if I can't get him settled, then nobody here can.
"Clem, you need to shut that kid up!" Lilly hisses with her back hugging the wall. "He's gonna get us killed!"
"Well you're not helping things!" I shoot back quietly, watching as Jane takes her knife out of its holster. "I can't do anything about this! He's too scared!"
"Fuck…" Jane murmurs, frowning as the walkers start banging on the glass. "We need to keep them from getting in here! Lilly, help me block the door! Clem, if those walkers smash the window, you shoot them before they climb inside, got it?"
"Yeah…" I reply nervously, rubbing circles along AJ's back. Damn it! This is the problem with having babies in the apocalypse, but it's not his fault though. All babies cry, no matter what you do.
"Put your back into it!" Jane orders as the two women move one of the desks and block the emergency exit just as the walkers start banging against it. Good thing that these things are so stupid; otherwise we'd be in a boat-load of more trouble.
Panic starts setting in momentarily, as a huge group of walkers parade outside and desperately try to break into the staff room. In case you're wondering, this isn't the same place that we normally sleep in – as that has four concrete walls to enjoy. But this is the second staff room, and we thought it'd be safer for us to sleep in the other room in case… something like this should happen.
Yeah, what are the odds?
"That's not gonna hold them forever!" Lilly yells, grinding her teeth together as she and Jane hold their weight against the desk. "We need to get out of here now!"
"NO! We can deal with this!" Jane replies stubbornly, and for once I actually agree with Lilly on something. There's no way that we'll survive like this!
"Look around you, Jane! We're surrounded!" Lilly points out, groaning as AJ's crying escalates even further. "God damn it, Clem! Quiet him down!"
"You wanna take him?!" I snap, holding the baby out to her as he flails about in my arms. "This isn't easy, Lilly! I'm trying my best here, and he gets all frazzled when he's around you!"
"Well then… fuck…" she cuts off, shaking her head as she stares at the floor. Jane's too preoccupied with keeping the beasts out, but I know that look. That's the look of Lilly scheming about something.
"What is it?" I ask, cringing as a crack in the window frame starts to form.
Lilly glances my way with a look of sadness, regret and nervousness; as if she's about to say something that I'll most likely totally hate her for it. But Lilly's a strong woman, and she's been through more than most people I can say.
"We might need to… leave the kid behind."
"Hell no!" I immediately retort, glaring intensely as she even has the guts to say such a horrible thing. "What's wrong with you?! We can't just leave a baby to the walkers!"
"Look at him, Clem! We can't calm him down, and he's gonna get us all killed!" she points out; a crazed look starting to form in her eyes. "You can't let him drag us all down…"
"So you're willing to leave a freaking baby as live bait?!" I cut in, shuffling backwards in case Lilly tries anything. "What if it was you?!"
"Well, it's not me! And if we stay here any longer then none of this will fucking matter! Jane! We need to leave!"
Biting her lip, Jane looks over at AJ for a moment before sighing and relenting. She leaps off the side of the desk and motions for us to follow her.
I make sure to stay at least five feet away from Lilly at all times… but why do I get the feeling that both of them think this is right?
"Out to the workshops, let's go!" Jane tells us as she banks a right but skids to a halt as we come face to face with a handful of walkers. "Shit! Back, back! Get your gun ready!"
"How did they get inside already?!" I question, yanking out a pistol from my back pocket but accidentally dropping AJ on the floor. His crying only increases as his fragile, little noggin hits the floor. "Oh no! AJ, I'm so sorry!"
"Don't fucking apologize! We need to move!" Lilly forcefully yells, picking me up by the collar as I just barely manage to scoop the little guy up into my arms. Okay, either Lilly really cares about my safety, or she's just become the most cold-hearted asshole that I've met in… a couple of months. Carver's still probably ahead of her in that department.
"Where do we go?" I ask fearfully, shooting a walker in the head before it can sneak up on Jane. Nodding in appreciation, Jane looks left and right before telling us to head into the storage area. There's not a whole lot of useful stuff in there, which is why the door to it mostly stayed closed. But the alcohol is in one of the side doors, and this place might just give us our escape route.
But why does it have to be so damn dark?
"Stay close, and try to keep him quiet," Jane instructs, and I roll my eyes as AJ continues to cry uncontrollably. I swear, this guy's packing some lungs on his little body. "Fuck sakes… they're gonna destroy everything we worked for!"
"Do you know your way around here?" Lilly asks, doubt etched into her voice as the moans of walkers get closer.
"There's a first time for everything," Jane replies simply, meaning no.
Great.
This place smells really musty, and there isn't a whole lot of insulation in here, so I shiver as the wind seeps through my sweatshirt. Poor planning on my part, really, but I had my reasons. There are massive shelves that stack up high, and as I gaze up to the skylight, the memory comes back to me.
"I've been in here before," I comment, reminded of taking two of the radios without Tavia noticing anything. I wonder what ever became of her? "We could climb up on some of those shelves to get to the roof, but we'd probably be stuck up there."
"Any other suggestions then?" Lilly asks as I look down the aisle.
"No, that's good actually," Jane says, scratching her chin in thought. This is a lot like the time that she and I tried rescuing Luke and Sarah from that motor-home. It seems like such a long time ago now though.
I also specifically remember how convinced Jane was that we should leave Sarah behind then, too. Maybe Lilly and Jane have more in common than they think… unfortunately.
"Whatever we're gonna do, it's gotta be now!" Lilly says urgently, turning around and shooting her rifle into the brains of a couple walkers. "That fucking kid's a beacon for these guys!"
"Clem, you first," Jane ushers, bending on one knee so that she can give me a boost. As I step on her hand and she lifts me up, I struggle to juggle the baby as well as myself, but somehow I manage. Placing AJ onto one of the shelves carefully, I swing the rest of my body upwards and pull myself up to safety.
"Now you guys!" I encourage, motioning with my hand as they look onwards. "Give me your hand quickly! They're coming straight for you guys!"
"I'll cover you! Get up there!" Jane shouts, shooting her pistol at more of the encroaching walkers. Lilly places a foot on the bottom shelf to give her a better height advantage, and she too begins her ascent.
However, as she tries climbing to the second shelf, she groans in pain as her stomach wound gets increasingly more painful. The box that her hand was grasping onto comes flying off the shelf along with her, and she goes tumbling down to the shop floor.
"LILLY!" I shriek, worried as she collapses with a thud. She seems woozy, but she shakes her head to relieve some of her dizziness. The box seems to be really heavy, as she desperately tries to lift it off of herself to no avail.
"Jane! Help her!" I yell as the horde inches its way into the storage room. It won't be long before they get here, and Jane sure knows it.
Taking one hard, scrutinizing look at Lilly, Jane tells me to leave her before sprinting off into the darkness and out of my sight.
"JANE!" I bellow after her, swearing under my breath as Lilly looks on; completely terrified. She may be one of the toughest people I know, but nobody wants to go out like that.
So, instead of simply following Jane's instructions, I make sure AJ's secure before climbing down quickly.
Instantly, Lilly protests.
"Leave me, Clem!" she retorts as I get a grip on the box. What the hell did they fill this with? "Damn it, can't you just do what I say for once?!"
"Nope," I grunt as I try lifting the box off. Along with the woman's help, we struggle underneath the weight until she finally has an opening to slide out.
Good thing, too, because the walkers are nearly upon us.
"I'm not leaving him!" I shout, knowing fully well that Lilly wants me to do it. "Boost me, or we both die! I'm not letting AJ go!"
Gritting her teeth, Lilly quickly does so as I make my way up the shelves. "Meet us outside!" she yells before disappearing as well. There better be an exit that I didn't know about for those two; otherwise little Alvie and I are officially on our own.
"Kem! Kem!" he cries out, reaching his tiny arms towards me as I cradle him in my arms.
A part of me is completely shocked, as I'm almost certain that he's trying to say "Clem", but my happiness is drowned out by fear as the walkers reach upwards to get at us.
"We're gonna be fine, AJ. I've got you buddy, we're gonna be fine," I soothe, even though on the inside I'm absolutely terrified. One misstep and one of us is dead – both if I go down first, since AJ can't take care of himself at this age. But instead of giving in, I strengthen my resolve and place him on the higher shelf; repeating the process until the both of us make our way to the skylight.
"No release latch…" I muse discouragingly, glancing down at the baby with a sad frown. "This is gonna be really loud, Alvie. I'm sorry."
Aiming my pistol to the roof, I fire it as the glass shatters and falls to the floor. I cover AJ to prevent any shards from coming into contact with him as he cries loudly from the scary noise.
"We're not out of the woods yet," I comment, wincing as the next part comes into my mind. "You're probably not gonna like this, but it's gotta be done… and I'm talking to a baby…"
Shaking my head to keep myself from going crazy, I lift AJ up into the air and brace myself in case anything bad happens. My arms are starting to feel a little heavy from all the lifting and climbing, but my adrenaline is keeping me going. With as much might as I can manage, I toss AJ up through the hole in the roof…
…and shriek in fear as he dangles on the ledge.
"AJ!" I yelp, my stomach twisting to knots as half of his body leans dangerously off the ledge of the skylight. He's not moving yet, so I've got a little bit of time before he goes kersplat. "Hang on, buddy! Aunt Clementine's coming!"
With a couple of jumps, I grasp onto the edge of the skylight; careful to avoid cutting open my hands on the glass shards. I gasp in fear as I hear something cracking, so I quickly pull myself up and scream as a remaining panel of glass underneath AJ starts to break.
Quickly shoving him to the side, I tune out his hurt cries as I start to catch my breath on the roof; leaning my body against a ventilation shaft. This is horseshit – I need and deserve a vacation for this.
"Are you… trying to give me a heart attack?" I wheeze out, turning my head to the small bundle beside me. "Because… if you are… then I think it's working."
His cheeks are becoming increasingly rosy as a result of the chill in the air, and I myself am already starting to shiver a little bit. What's normally a fantastic view from up here is now depressing and frightening, as the walkers have infiltrated Howe's and surrounded us within the parking lot. Peeking off the roof, I'm discouraged at the fact that Jane and Lilly are nowhere to be seen.
But they had to have made it out… they just had to.
AJ's big, wide eyes are exploring every nook and cranny of his surroundings as I walk back over to him. The little guy's incredibly inquisitive for such a young age, and he reminds me a lot of myself a few years back. I was always sticking my nose in my parents' business; always wanting to be in on everything they talked about. I'd usually stop if they got a little annoyed about it, but then I'd just go off exploring something else instead.
"Let's find the others, big guy," I say to him as he stretches his tiny hands out to me. I swear to god, AJ is the cutest thing left in the world… that's not saying much, but still. He'd definitely win the Most Adorable Baby award in a landslide.
I wonder if this is what taking care of a child is supposed to feel like.
With the little bundle of joy in my left arm, I scope out one of those rope things that Jane used to use to drop soil back when Carver was still around, and an idea forms in my head. If I'm careful enough, then I should be able to just lower myself down and be home free for the time being. However, I need to be extra careful – a walker with its legs all scrambled is sitting nearby, and I really don't want AJ to start crying again. As long as I continue to make goofy faces at him, then it shouldn't be much of a problem. Right?
"We're going for a little ride, AJ," I inform the infant who has absolutely no clue what I'm talking about. "Please don't squirm away from me!"
Grasping the rope tightly in on hand, I count to three before jumping off the roof and holding on for dear life. As I had expected, the rope swings us back and forth, but I manage to stabilize us as we come into contact with the wall. Once the swinging starts to die down, I gently lower us to the frozen ground and smile warmly at AJ.
"You're such a good boy, AJ! Yes you are!" I praise, rubbing my nose against his as he giggles at me. Honestly, it sounds more like I'm talking to a dog right now, but that's alright. Both of us are safe and sound. "Now I'm gonna place you down, and I'll deal with our friend over here. Stay quiet, okay?"
He whines as I turn to leave him, but it'll only be for a second. The walker is about ten feet away from him, so I take out the screwdriver Jane gave me (yeah, how'd I fit that into my pocket, too?) and walk over to the undead body. Feeling absolutely no remorse for the creature, I drive the tool into its brain and proceed to cut up the body.
Yeah, you know where I'm going with this.
"This is gonna be a little stinky, okay?" I tell AJ as I carry him over to the disgusting corpse. Rubbing the walker guts all over myself, I shower the little boy with the icky substance as well. Can't take any chances – especially with where I'm going.
Carrying Alvin Junior in one arm and holding my pistol in the other hand, I steel my reserve and gulp as the two of us make our way towards the parking lot.
We're greeted by hundreds of walkers either standing outside of Howe's or trying to make their way inside. It's a party out here, and everyone's invited apparently. Man, woman and monster are out here, and I hold my breath before venturing out into the lot.
Please don't cry, AJ, I silently beg, as too much noise will lure them all to us and we'd have absolutely no chance. If Lee could make it through all of this to come and rescue me before, then there's no reason that I can't. Surprisingly enough, AJ's actually being really quiet, but I can't look down at him just yet without breaking my cover.
He's such a sweet, innocent little boy, isn't he?
One walker bumps into me; startling me for a second as I thought for sure that it was going to take a bite out of my shoulder. But fortunately for us, it just keeps on wandering as I walk further and further out of the parking lot. Almost there, little guy! We're so close!
The walkers are more spread out now as their numbers thin the farther away from Howe's that we go, but I cringe as I notice that a big group of them are feasting upon an unlucky soul. He must have gotten nabbed a little while ago, but thankfully he's not someone we know. That means that Jane and Lilly have got to be out here somewhere. I would've heard their shouts for help if they had gotten surrounded.
The rancid stench of death fills my nostrils as I gag and quickly walk out onto the pathway. No walkers have followed me over here, so I jog the rest of the way until I get to where Jane, Rebecca and I had gone to get to Parker's Run.
I let out a breath that I didn't know I was holding, and chuckle at the irony of it all.
"We did it, AJ!" I exclaim quietly, pumping a fist in the air at all we've accomplished in such a little time. "I can't believe that worked! We're… we're safe! We can go find Jane and Lilly, and then we can all just…"
Curiously, I look down at AJ for the first time since I sprayed him with the walker juice. His eyes are closed, but it doesn't look as though he's sleeping. Umm… why is his chest not moving up and down?
"AJ?" I ask worriedly, setting him down on the ground and unwrapping the blanket around the back of his head. He… he can't be… "Come on, Alvie, this isn't funny. Wake up for me, okay?"
Panic starts to swell in as nothing changes with the little guy. I try pushing down on his chest like I saw in one of those commercials for CPR that I saw on TV, but that doesn't help. I try poking him gently in the cheek, lifting him up and then down again, but nothing's working!
Tears of desperation form in my eyes as reality starts to settle in. AJ… he can't be…gone…
"Oh my god…" I wail, clutching his little hands in mine as I pray that he barfs on me or giggles or does something to let me know that he's still here with me. "Please… oh god… please, no… NOOOOOOOOOO!"
My first thought for this is that the cold must have gotten to him… but on closer inspection, I realize that the problem was my doing entirely.
AJ licked some of the walker guts off of his face.
His body must have not been able to handle the toxic crap that must have been inside that stuff, so… in a way, I just poisoned him. This is all my fault; I'm totally guilty. I just poisoned a fucking baby.
Cradling the child in my arms, I choke out sobs as my cries echo across the area. I don't care if every walker at Howe's hears me – it'd probably be a justified punishment for me at this point.
Not wanting to see what AJ may become (even if that would happen to him), I stumble along to a nearby tree and set him up against the trunk. All of my happiness has been sucked away; replaced instead by incredible amounts of grief, despair and self-loathing. How the hell could I have let this happen?! To a god-damned baby for no less!
Raising the pistol, I feel smaller than I did when I had to shoot Lee over two years ago. That was a horrible experience… but it's nothing to this. It doesn't compare in scope; in magnitude.
Rebecca and Alvin would be ashamed of me. I let them down in the worst possible way.
There are no words to say as I fire the gun. I stand there basking in my crime and misdeeds for at least five minutes until Jane and Lilly suddenly just decide to show up, but I don't acknowledge them.
"Clem…" Jane whispers, going to touch my shoulder but deciding against it when she sees how deflated I am. Lilly kind of just stands to the side, not saying anything as she awkwardly twirls her foot around.
Silently, I slowly trudge away from the grizzly scene and venture down the path without waiting for either of them. Lilly and Jane look at each other nervously before following me along.
What kind of person am I anymore?