Guilt eats away at me like a plague; devouring me in its iron grip as I replay that scenario in my head over and over and over again. Nothing that I tell myself makes a dent in this soul-crushing grief, no matter how hard I try. My eyes never leave the ground as we walk forward; shoulders slumped and legs aching. But somehow I keep on moving forward.

Alvin and Rebecca trusted me. They trusted me, and I repay their trust by letting their only child die. If I hadn't put that stupid gunk on his face, then he'd still be here with me. AJ would be gurgling along as I'd carry him with my head held high. Things wouldn't be perfect with all of us out on our own, but this has made things exponentially worse. I'm no better than the walkers.

I don't know just how long we've been walking for, but somehow we've gotten to Parker's Run, and that stupid town across the river. I have no desire to come here, not with all the horrible memories surrounding this place. Three of my friends – Nick, Sarah and Sarita – all died here, and whatever care for me that Kenny may have had died here as well. This is the place where our hopes fell below that deck… God, why did we have to come here?

"We should stop here for the night," Jane grimaces, knowing full well that this isn't exactly ideal. Nowhere is, really, but there's always a more inviting place than this. "We can hole up in the observation deck, and once we're settled we need to figure out a plan. Sound good?"

Neither Lilly nor I answer, so Jane just sighs and leads the way again. We pass by some of the tents that were pitched up earlier, except this time most of them have been torn to shreds. Walkers most likely, but it could've also been a pack of scavengers. Either way, they're long gone now.

Making our way past the picnic tables and down the long pathway to the observation deck, my body gets increasingly tired. All that I want to do now is sleep, just so that I can get away from this reality for a few hours at least.

"Just for tonight though – this place gives me the creeps," Jane adds, noting the rickety staircase and the deck that we caused to collapse the last time. "The gift shop is still open, so we should be pretty secure for now. I'll take first watch…"

"Fine… whatever," Lilly mutters bitterly, still sore after getting that heavy, wooden box dropped on her. The fact that Jane abandoned her like that must've left some scars too, but that's nothing surprising really. It's a well-known fact that the two of them can't stand each other for more than ten seconds at a time.

As for me, I walk into the gift shop, sit down facing the wall, and bring my knees up into the fetal position. I wrap my arms around my stomach to prevent getting too cold, but nothing I do fixes anything.

Lilly's looking at me, I can tell that for sure. Jane's probably outside right now, so she won't be able to see me. However, Lilly's definitely staring at me and wondering what the hell I'm doing.

I wouldn't have the energy to answer her even if I wanted to.

"You need to eat something," Lilly tells me, and I hear the sound of her opening some sort of pack that I never knew she had. "Come on – sitting alone in the dark won't change anything. Get something into your belly."

I close my eyes tighter and try to block out the sound of her voice. I don't need to hear this stuff right now.

"Come on – don't make me drag you over here," Lilly comments, nudging me in the side with her foot. When she does it incessantly at least four times, I groan and try batting her away with a lazy wave of my hand.

Sighing heavily, Lilly somehow manages to roll me over so that I'm facing away from the wall; my eyes giving away my hurt as I angrily look towards the taller woman.

"Please don't turn into one of those angsty teenagers like on television," she says, which just confuses me even more.

"What does that mean?"

"Highly emotional," she explains, unwrapping a granola bar and handing it over to me. "Tends to overcomplicate and exaggerate everything, and blows little things all out of proportion."

"You honestly think that this counts?!" I hiss, reluctantly grabbing the snack and munching on it a little bit. I don't have much of an appetite right now.

"Maybe not," she admits, showing that she at least has a little bit of humanity left in her, "but there wasn't anything you could do."

"Don't lecture me on that stuff," I huff out, shaking my head and glaring at the floor.

Taking a cross-legged seat in front of me, Lilly doesn't say much for a time. Instead, she simply studies the small amounts of graffiti on the wall inside – gang symbols and letters which I have no clue what they mean. I reckon that she doesn't either.

"Do you really think that kid had a ghost of a chance living out in a world like this?" Lilly questions suddenly, glancing over at me from the corner of her eye. "So small and vulnerable, not able to defend himself… Do you really think he would've lasted?"

"Yes," I respond immediately but quietly, as if I'm second-guessing myself.

"I'm surprised he even made it this long out here," she tells me, shrugging her shoulders as she sits backwards and leans her head back. "Having a kid out here when everything's so uncertain… that was a dumb idea."

"I know how you felt about him… back at Howe's," I spit with an accusing tone; hostility clouding my voice as I speak. "Guess you got what you wanted after all, didn't you?"

"Clementine…"

"Look me in the eyes and tell me you didn't want AJ to die. Say it."

There's the usual fierceness about her whenever she tries winning an argument, but it's all a façade. Deep down, Lilly knows that she was ready to abandon the baby to a herd of hungry, flesh-eating walkers, all so that we could save our own skins. And now that he's gone, she probably thinks there's one less obstacle we have to avoid.

Looking at her right now makes me sick to my stomach, as it reminds me just how cruel and cold-blooded the three of us have become recently.

Jane manipulates me into killing Kenny, helps convince me to keep out strangers that need our help, and almost kills as well as abandons Lilly.

Lilly murders Carley (although I've since let that go), steals the RV and tries to leave AJ behind.

I kill Kenny, Bonnie and (in my opinion) AJ.

Now do you see where this is going? We're all the same person; done horrible things… the worst kinds of things just so that we can stay alive out here. How is it fair to everyone else? Why do we get to keep on living, while so many other good people have died? Lee, Luke, Carley, Katjaa, Duck… those are just a handful of people who I'm almost certain are more forgivable than the three of us.

"We didn't even give him a chance," I remark, rubbing my eyes tiredly. It's been one hell of a day. "AJ's dead… because I was stupid enough to think that putting walker guts on a baby was a smart idea. I killed him!"

"There was nothing you could do!"

"NOTHING WOULD'VE BEEN BETTER! THEN HE'D STILL BE HERE!" I scream, letting out the feelings that I've been bottling up over the past few hours. "I failed them… Rebecca trusted me… and I failed her…"

"Clem…" Jane whispers, having come into the gift shop after hearing all the commotion. "Just take it easy, all right? We're gonna get through this shit. It'll just take some time."

My body is shaking, but I flinch as she tries putting an arm around my shoulders. Damn it… I feel as broken as Sarah was back after her dad died. What a bunch of lies – this isn't the same as another person dying. This was AJ – he was our one beacon of hope that we really had left. He was a sign that maybe, just maybe, things could actually get better for a change. I don't have Lee around anymore to comfort me and tell me that things were gonna be alright, so AJ (in his own special way) filled the gap.

Now that he's gone… what the hell are we gonna do?

"And you," Jane snaps, glaring a hole in Lilly, "what the actual fuck is wrong with you? You're the last person that's got a right to say anything, after the shit you pulled!"

"Don't forget: we still haven't talked about what you tried to do in the storage room. Who's to say that you won't just up and abandon Clementine when the stakes are down?!" Lilly accuses, standing up to match her height.

Looking her up and down, Jane spits on the ground and shoves her out of her face.

"Give me one good reason why I shouldn't throw your sorry ass off this deck?"

"You touch me again, and you won't like where this goes, Jane," Lilly warns, pulling out a pistol and turning the safety off. "Don't think I won't – I've had just about enough of you to last a lifetime."

"I'll take you right fucking now, you stuck-up bitch!" Jane hisses, unsheathing her knife for the second time today.

"Stop… please…" I beg them pathetically, looking up at them with teary eyes. "Haven't enough people died already? We can't kill each other… not again…"

Neither of them want to back down, but Jane's expression softens a little bit. I told her the same thing back at that rest stop up north, and look how well that turned out. Glancing back to Lilly, she shakes her head silently.

"You're not worth it," she remarks, putting her weapon away and turning to go back on watch.

"Just give me a reason, Jane…" Lilly states lowly, and for one second Jane freezes and clenches her fists super tightly. Thankfully, however, she only pauses for a moment before continuing to walk out; muttering something about dumping her body in the river or something, I'm not exactly positive.

"Lilly…" I say to her quietly, as I reluctantly get her attention.

"What?"

"Are you going to leave?"

There's a debate swimming within her eyes – it would be so easy to do it now, and it's not like either of us would blame her really. What connection does she have to us anymore? Jane hates her guts, and I'm still angry with her (as well as myself); Lilly's got little to no reason to stay.

Which is why it surprises me when she shakes her head.

"Not this time," she tells me simply, before leaning up against a pillar and keeping to herself. Not expecting to get any more explanation than that, I turn back over onto my side and close my eyes. Most of me doesn't give a damn if she stays or not, and maybe would even prefer that she leave instead. It certainly would make things less hostile around here.

But another part's glad that she's made this decision – I don't want to be abandoned by people anymore. Sometimes leaving is worse than someone dying.

…..

Another nightmare plagues my dreams – that's three this evening, as I've been counting. The details are kind of fuzzy, as most dreams tend to be. But I know that every one of them had to do with AJ, and that somebody was extremely disappointed in me.

Gee, what else is new?

Deciding that I won't fall back asleep any time soon, I roll over and stretch out my aching back. The floor really isn't a comfortable spot to be sleeping on – in fact, I'm starting to miss those crappy, wooden, uncomfortable beds that they made us sleep in when we were placed in the pen. At least it gave your body a little bit of support.

There are two things that I notice as I roll over: firstly that Lilly isn't here, and secondly that Jane's propped up against the wall with some kind of paper in her hands. She's reading it diligently; her eyes glued to the page as she tries to memorize what's on it.

"Jane?" I whisper, bringing her attention to me as she grins slightly.

"Feeling a bit better?" she asks, knowing fully well that my answer will be no. Instead of saying anything too negative though, I simply shrug my shoulders and sit down beside her.

I've always wanted a sister… and I suppose that Jane's as good a one as I'm ever going to get.

"What are you reading?" I ask, glancing over her shoulder to see a whole bunch of states and big cities drawn in various colours.

"Map of the good ol' USA," she remarks jokingly, pointing to some location on the right. "That's us on the east coast here – North Carolina, see? I don't really see the point in staying here anymore, not now that Howe's is gone… Fuckers ruined everything…"

"Maybe we can find something better," I say, looking down at where she was pointing. North Carolina… by the looks of things, we're pretty close to the ocean from here.

"Good to see that your hope hasn't died," she remarks, tipping my hat downwards before scrutinizing the details over this map. "The way I see it, we can either go west or south. North is just suicide, and east is only if you can grow a pair of gills within the next couple of days."

"Why is north such a bad idea though? I mean, what if there actually is somewhere safe?" I ask her, not wanting to push anything since I know how much she doubts such a haven exists. "We don't have to go to Wellington… but what's over here?"

"That's Washington," she explains like a school teacher, but a frown is etched on her face as she says it. "You don't wanna go there, Clem. Remember what I said about that guy trapped underneath the bus? All of those deaths? Washington's overrun – trust me, going to see the White house isn't worth risking your life over. It's a big building. Whoop-de-doo."

"Well… we can't go south."

"Why not?" Jane asks, confused since to any other person that would probably sound like our best option.

"Just… we can't," I tell Jane, practically begging her with my eyes not to take me back to Georgia. I don't think I could handle it again. "And Lilly said that Nashville's a bust."

"That's west of here – shit," she murmurs, the stress starting to get to her. "You don't want south, Lilly doesn't want west, and I don't want north. Well, isn't this just perfect?"

"Where is she anyways?" I inquire, looking around and still not seeing any sign of her. Jane looks in either direction to make sure that nobody's listening before acknowledging my question again.

"Lilly's on watch… we could just go," Jane whispers, which doesn't really surprise me at all. Nobody wants to stay with each other anymore, it seems. "We've survived together before, Clem. Think about it – no more having to worry about what she does next, and you can rest a little easier. You don't owe a damn thing to her, Clementine. You saw how fast she was ready to give up on AJ… you know it'll only be a matter of time before she thinks that we're slowing her down, too."

"It's dangerous out there by ourselves, Jane. We need to keep the group together."

"It's more dangerous keeping her around," Jane acknowledges, "Besides, she's lasted this long on her own, and I'm sure that she can do it again."

"But Lilly doesn't want to, that's the problem," I explain, but now thinking that Jane may have a point. Call me crazy if you want, but Lilly's still in part a dangerous threat. The way she loses her cool is even worse than Jane can get, and it might not be too long until she snaps.

Still though, it wouldn't be right of me to just toss her aside after all that's happened recently. I'd be dead if not for Lilly.

"This isn't the right call, Clem," Jane warns as Lilly approaches us quietly; her face giving away nothing as she walks towards us with her hands in her pockets. "What are you doing out here? You're supposed to be on watch."

"Sun's coming up soon," she responds, gesturing outside with her thumb. "I figured we could make some miles from this place if we start early. I'm thinking Raleigh might be a good place for us to check out before we head north."

"Whoa, whoa, whoa! Who said anything about going fucking north?!" Jane exclaims, holding out the map and placing it flatly on the floor in front of her. "That's the complete wrong direction!"

"The walkers could be slower…" I chip in my two cents, earning a disapproving glare from Jane.

"Yeah, if you also enjoy turning into a popsicle! You don't even have a jacket anymore!" she points out correctly, and I glance down at my shirt after having been reminded of that. Right… I wouldn't last very long, would I? "We don't even have a car!"

"Hasn't stopped us before," Lilly comments, placing her hands on her hips. "But I say we vote on it. My bid's on heading up north – like Clem said, the walkers are slower there and we'd have a better shot at safety. Wellington might be out there somewhere. Besides, we can find something for her on the way if we have to."

"It's not ever that easy," Jane steps in, pointing to the mountains that we'd have to cross in order to get to Michigan. "Wellington's a fairy tale, and I'm not gonna waste my time chasing after something that doesn't exist. We should be heading south. We don't need to stay in Georgia, but we can at least try for somewhere warm. Mike used to talk about Texas, maybe that's a possible option."

"What?! Did you want to ride a fucking horse or something, cowgirl?" Lilly remarks sarcastically, and I actually find that image pretty funny. I think Jane would look so annoyed if she had to dress up as one of those. "Do you have any idea how farfetched that is?!"

"Yeah, because heading up into the snow is so much better…" Jane spits before turning towards me. "What do you think, Clem?"

"Why don't we try west? That's about halfway between the both of you, isn't it?"

"I've already told you – Tennessee is dead. All you'll find is a one-way ticket to your own death," Lilly says her piece, not liking where this is going.

"But we can at least try!" I protest, pointing to the map. "Aren't there lots of farms out west? My friend Christa always used to tell me to stay away from cities, so maybe we could go to a farm instead?"

"I'm not so sure it's worth the risk," Jane comments, changing her mind as she shakes her head. "We don't have any real idea what's out there… but the both of you know the south, at least a little bit. Georgia's your home, isn't it? If we're careful, then we should be alright."

"This isn't getting anywhere…" Lilly huffs, kicking the shutter to the gift shop in frustration. "Christ… no matter what, you two are gonna vote for each other. I'm done… Do whatever the fuck you guys want."

Jane tries her best to ignore Lilly, instead turning towards me as if I have the final say.

"I'll work with whatever you decide. Just make sure it's safe," she says to me; leaving me with my thoughts and the map as she stands up to leave. However, after thinking about it for a few more seconds, I halt the woman in her tracks.

"Jane, wait," I stop her, pointing to the south on the map. "Are you absolutely positive that Texas is a good idea?"

"Nobody's really sure of anything now, Clem," she replies honestly. "But my gut tells me that that's our best bet."

"…Okay."

"Okay?"

"Yes," I say hesitantly, my insides clenching as I realize that we're going to have to go back to Georgia in order to make a shorter distance there. Once Lilly realizes what's going on, she groans and walks out of my field of vision. "Let's hope you're right about this, Jane."

"Well, I'm still alive and kicking, aren't I?" Jane mentions, picking up the spare backpack and motioning for me to come along. "We've got a lot of ground to cover for the next little while. We'll get there though, don't worry."

Sure, she can say that right now – we haven't started travelling yet. But I've got the feeling that this trip isn't going to be nearly as smooth as she thinks it will be.

No matter what, something always goes wrong.

AN: Okay, so I've got a confession to make – I'm starting to run out of ideas lol. It's very difficult to write what'll happen next without a look at what season three might entail, but I'm going to try my best. Perhaps you can think of this as a sort of "Last of Us" style fic in the sense that the three of them will be travelling quite a bit to get to their destination, but no there won't be a cure. Anyways, hopefully this didn't seem too slow, and I'll start thinking of the next chapter soon! Assignments are cramming up my ass at the moment, but I'll keep trying with this thing.