SOY: fourth chapter is up, sorry for the hiatus but the festivities have kept me from writing :P
It would be better if you could go and read this chapter over at AO3, because the pesterlogs cannot be coded on . The link to my AO3 is in my profile, since I cannot add links to chapters here. Sorry for the inconvenience.
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Rating: Mature for themes and later content.
Warnings: Karkat and Dave's speech. Mentions of past death.
Disclaimer: I don't own HomeStuck.
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Phantom Limb
Chapter 04
––– carcinoGeneticist [CG] began trolling turntechGodhead [TG] at 20:40 –––
CG: SO. I JUST ADDED YOU TO MY TROLLIAN, AND WILL ONLY STEAL A COUPLE MINUTES OF YOUR TIME, TIME THAT I KNOW IS PROBABLY BETTER SPENT DOING SOMETHING ELSE, LIKE I DON'T KNOW, MAYBE WORKING OUT A BIT, GIVEN YOUR SHAMEFUL DISPLAY OF WEAKNESS FROM THIS AFTERNOON.
CG: IF THIS PROVES TO BE FAR TOO MUCH FOR YOUR RATHER SUBPAR INTELLIGENCE –AND I USE THE WORD WITH HESITANCE, CONSIDERING I KNOW YOU ENOUGH TO BE AWARE OF HOW LACKING YOUR THINK PAN SEEMS TO BE IN REGARDS TO ANY SORT OF MENTAL STRAIN, I APOLOGIZE.
CG: NOW, AS FOR THE REASON I'M TROLLING YOU… YOUR MOIRAIL *PROBABLY* PUT YOUR HANDLE IN MY COFFEE BAG, AND I DECIDED I COULD USE IT TO, WELL, APOLOGIZE FOR MY FUCKING AWFUL MOOD SHIFT OF THIS AFTERNOON.
CG: FOR HOW MUCH IT PAINS ME TO SAY, I HAVE ACTED LIKE A SHITSTAIN ON YOUR WALKWAY.
CG: IF THIS HORRIFYINGLY SHAMEFUL DISPLAY OF BLOODPUSHERFELT REGRET HAS ENDED, I WILL GLADLY DELETE YOUR NAME IF THIS IS WHAT YOU WANT.
TG: oy man ease there with the caplocks it makes you sound like youre always yelling
TG: I can just picture you screaming at the computer
TG: oh my god is that actually a thing you do in your free time because that would be hilarious man
TG: holy shit wouldnt it be like
TG: karkaplocks
CG: NO.
CG: FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT IS GOD, CEASE WITH THE HORRID PUNS. THEY MAKE ME CRINGE.
CG: YOU WILL STOP IMMEDIATELY WITH THAT AND JUST GIVE ME A FUCKING REPLY.
TG: what
TG: a reply for the heartfelt apology
TG: which honestly im not even sure its all that heartfelt but that might be just the way you type
TG: or about the whole handle thing
TG: you have totally my approval to keep that handle man
TG: karkat
TG: bro
TG: i wouldnt miss the chance to troll you back at all
TG: you just jumped on the strider wagon of friendship
TG: ironically that exists for real one day i promise ill let you have a ride but now were talking about the metaphorical one and youre on it
TG: you did it karkat
TG: and its a one hell of a ride free of charge and the only trick is theres no way to get off
TG: well be friends for as long as I can dig my pretty blunt nails into your weird thick grey skin
TG: ready or not here i come
CG: WHAT THE HELL IS *STRIDER WAGON OF FRIENDSHIP* EVEN SUPPOSED TO BE. WAS THAT A CONCUPISCENT ADVANCE YOU MADE THERE STRIDER. BECAUSE IT SURE AS HELL CONFUSED THE FUCK OUT OF ME.
TG: what
TG: no
TG: nono dude no wait
TG: it wasnt i meant it when i said it was a real thing that exists but no ugh
TG: if i were to come unto you i would be way more classy oh my fuck
TG: strider wagon of friendship is my pickup truck man
TG: i was just
TG: you know what thats enough shame for me today first the wobbly arms spaghetti and now this
TG: you win vantas
CG: I SHOULD TOTALLY BE THE ONE TO REMOVE YOUR HANDLE FROM MY TROLLIAN, SO I WONDER WHY I AM NOT DOING SO.
TG: maybe because youre probably snickering at my expenses man
TG: dont deny it
CG: I AM INNOCENT UNTIL PROVEN GUILTY (:B
––– carcinoGeneticist [CG] ceased trolling turntechGodhead [TG] at 21:18 –––
Karkat grunted, letting his head drop on his hands, and stared at the conversation with a mix of amusement and annoyance.
His parting line had been automatic, but the meaning behind it was a familiarity that even after years, was still there.
The words were enough to make his insides ache dully, words he had once used jokingly but that now simply hurt.
He shuffled a bit, then decided to let it rest. The fact that Dave still wanted to have him as a friend was almost reassuring. It had been a while since he'd met some new people, and it was… ok.
His stomach grumbled, which surprised him a bit –he never really felt like eating when he got into those low moods– but he decided to go for it, and moved to the small kitchen of his hive.
In the end, he simply made coffee and cut himself a slice of cake, but as a vast improvement from his usual overall lack of hunger, he decided to take it in stride.
Not having plans for the evening, he moved to his respiteblock to gather a few romcoms to watch, momentarily stopping by the computer on his way to the DVG player to glance at the screen, and noticed that there was a sea of red on his trollian window, indicating how Dave, instead of being a sensible person and letting him stay idle, actually wanted to talk more.
Trying to muster up some annoyance but utterly failing at it, Karkat scrolled up to read.
TG: karkat
TG: hey karkat
TG: wait was that your ending line
TG: cmon not even movies have such shitty ending lines
TG: vantass
TG: come back dont leave me hangin here
TG: im actually happy you got up we could chat
TG: i could send you some good stuff
TG: nasty rhymes and cat links from tumblr
TG: or just cats rapping thats even better
TG: dont tell me youre going to watch some shitty movie whats the point dude you could have accepted my invitation then
TG: hey you dont have classes in the weekend why dont you come with me to the theatres
TG: ill bring my friend and you can meet he likes movies too
CG: YOU DO REALISE THAT SAYING *HE LIKES MOVIES TOO* IS SUCH A PATHETIC WAY TO CONVEY THE DEPTHS OF CINEMATOGRAPHY, RIGHT. THERE ARE, OH I DON'T KNOW, MORE THAN FIFTY FUCKING DIFFERENT GENRES AND I AM NOT EXAGGERRATING HERE IN THE LEAST.
CG: AT LEAST IN REGARDS TO TROLL MOVIES, WHICH ARE OBVIOUSLY VASTLY SUPERIOR TO YOUR HUMAN COUNTERPART, BUT DO NOT LET ME DIGRESS.
CG: HE COULD, I DON'T KNOW, LIKE ACTION MOVIES WHILE I ENJOY HORROR. OR HE COULD DAB INTO PARA-LINGUISTIC DOCUMENTARIES OF HISTORIC PERSUASION WHILE I DAB INTO THE VEIN OF INTER-ROMANTIC SCI-FI.
CG: IT IS SOMEWHAT CONDESCENDING HOW YOU EXPECT TO SIMPLIFY THE MATTER OF GOOD CINEMATOGRAPHY. IT IS AN ART.
CG: BUT LET US PRETEND THAT THERE'S AN OFF CHANCE OF OUR FILM PREFERENCES TO BE COMPATIBLE, INSTEAD OF BEING AS DIFFERENT AS GOLF AND BALLET ARE. DO YOU TRULY EXPECT ME TO GIVE UP ON WHATEVER PLANS I MIGHT HAVE HAD FOR THE WEEKEND SIMPLY FOR THE SAKE OF YOUR SUDDEN OFFER?
TG: im not insinuating anything about your weekend and its lack of fun here
TG: but alas we can get pizza first
TG: lets meet in front of the subway friday and go from there
TG: if we have more fun than whatever you wanted to do then well youre allowed not to tell me about it k?
CG: DID YOU EVEN *READ* WHAT I TYPED, DAVE?
TG: see you at seven?
CG: …
CG: OK.
TG: sweet
––– turntechGodhead [TG] ceased pestering carcinoGeneticist [CG] at 21:41 –––
"So I heard that you've made a new friend".
Dave groaned into the pillow, stretching lazily under the covers and wondering if Rose would get the point if he simply closed the call then and there and went back to sleep.
Knowing her, that was unfortunately not an option.
Rose was Dave's twin sister; instead of moving with Dave and Dirk during college, she'd decided to spread her metaphorical tentacle grimdark wings and find herself a nice apartment in New York, which was far too many miles away from where he was, and a couple hours ahead of him.
She was specializing in a few subjects, and while they often spoke through the use of Pesterchum (nice useful thing, Internet), she had groomed the habit of calling him at least once during the week because she liked to 'hear about her dear brother'.
The choice of calling him specifically every Saturday morning, though, was simply because she was a passive aggressive little shit, and only knew how to show her familial love by using underhanded machinations and small prods.
Sweet, sweet family.
At nine in the morning without fail, she would pick up her phone and make a call, and it didn't matter that for Dave it was seven am on a Saturday –he was supposed to answer, or (as she had willingly demonstrated more than once) she would try calling on Sunday at an earlier time.
"Rose," his reply was muffled by the pillow, but he didn't care one bit. "Can you just… not?"
"I mean, you'd think that being your sister, I would be the first person to know about a new addition to your friends' circle," she sounded hurt, and while Dave rationally knew that Rose wasn't really meaning it, her tone still did funny little guilty things to his insides. Stupid brother feelings. "Instead, I had to go and ask Aradia".
"So you just forced my moirail into a third-grade interrogation just to satisfy your greedy curiosity," he grumbled, wiping some drool from his chin and snuggling deeper into the pillow. "Go you".
"I was merely worried about your wellbeing," Rose replied smoothly.
There were many things Dave wanted to reply to that –half of which were in rap form, and explained in fine rhymes how being worried about his wellbeing had nothing to do with jutting her nose into his business, especially since there wasn't much to say about Karkat to begin with.
At least, not to Rose.
But he really did not feel quite as awake as he would need to unleash his full word punishment on his sister.
"Well, his name's Karkat," he mumbled instead, yawning into the phone. "He yelled at me in the shop 'cause I was staring at him".
"Dave–"
"Not like that, sheesh Rose give a man some respect will you," realising that he would get no respite, Dave shuffled out from his covers and stretched, cracking his neck a couple times. "If I had to ogle the man I would do it less blatantly".
"So is there anything to ogle about him?"
"Rose, it's seven in the morning, I'm not playing this game with you, seriously. The guy is as fine as one of the aged wines at Mom's house, but I'm not interested. I just find him intriguing, ok? He's loud but he's funny to be around, so I invited him to see a movie with me n' John, that's all".
"That's not what Jane told me," there was enough mirth in Rose's voice that Dave flopped back down on the bed, almost nauseated. "She said you offer him pastries almost every day".
"Oh Jesus I can't believe you went and bothered Jane too," he groaned, feeling hopeless. "Listen, we're not doing this, not at this time. Karkat's fine but he's a friend, and one that can rant about movies with John so I don't have to bother faking interest. That guy is precious, he n' John fought for an hour on who was the best actor between John Cusack and Will Smith".
There was a soft, amused chuckle from the other end of the phone –whether at him or at the fact that it was almost impossible to walk away once John started his rant about movies, Dave wasn't sure– but Rose seemed to accept his words, at least for the moment.
"As long as you are happy, Dave," she replied. "You haven't been on pesterchum for a while, so it was only my duty to find another source of information".
Dave sighed again, the wave of guilt intensifying. He'd been busy with college lectures and his job, so he had actually ignored pesterchum all week, excluding his first conversation with Karkat –which was only because Aradia had fessed up about slipping the man his chum handle.
"Jeez, you know I can take care of myself, Rosie," he replied, smiling a bit. He shuffled on the bed, resting his head on one arm. "But tell me about you –how're you doing over there in the Big Apple?"
"Splendidly, Dave," and there was a softened tone in her voice that told Dave exactly why her mood was so chipper. And for once, it didn't relate to poking his non-existent private life.
"Oh, so the chick you're in lesbians with has arrived to visit despite her busy schedule… I'm so envious". There was a giggle that didn't belong to Rose, and Dave felt his lips twitch upwards.
"Dave…" Rose had known him for a long time, so he knew that her chiding tone was mostly for show.
Another voice in the background, "No, no, it's fine!" with a small shuffle, the phone was handed to someone else with a soft giggle. "I like to be the chick in lesbians with you a lot, Rose".
Dave snorted, but his lips settled on a warm smile. "Hey, Jade. How d'you find New York?"
"Busy!" Jade replied, tone still overly chipper. "There's so many people around all the time, even at night! Did you know Rose lives two blocks away from a strip club? And they don't even have a decent falafel place around Rose's apartment, I had to walk around half an hour to get something vaguely tasty!"
"Yes, because you wouldn't just wait for us to go to lunch together…" Rose interjected, her voice slightly muffled.
"But it would take you another hour, and I was hungry then! Besides, you don't even like falafel!" Jade reasoned, almost whiny. "You would have insisted on going to some fancy restaurant where I had to dress well and behave!"
Dave grinned at the half heated commentary, deciding that it would be best to cut the conversation short while he still could. "Nice to hear from you sis, but I have more pressing matters to attend to, by which I mean food and maybe a shower later," he commented. "Jade, you're in charge. Smother my sister in tickles and hugs and lesbian kisses".
"Yes sir! Shall do that pronto!" Jade's giggle was the last thing he heard before the call was interrupted, but it did wonders to Dave's mood.
Putting on his shades and finally standing up and wobbling out of his bedroom, Dave reached the sitting room to check on the damage.
Dave had been right, even with Karkat's obnoxious and suspicious rants through pesterchum –the troll and John had hit it off splendidly, even though, in Karkat's words 'their movie taste was indeed as different as golf and ballet'. (Which, in Dave's opinion, weren't really different. They were both sports after all.)
The movie had been a huge success though, and after that they had hit the pizza place once more for refills, hungry for food that wasn't sugary drinks and popcorn.
When their craving for greasy sustenance had been fulfilled and their bellies were sloshing with coke and cheesy goodness, they had crashed at Dave's apartment.
John and Karkat were having a 'serious' discussion over which actress deserved an Oscar more –Dave had tuned them out pretty quickly, actually, not at all interested in the ups and downs of 'famous' people– and they had barely noticed, in their heated, friendly banter, that they had moved somewhere after the pizza.
Dave was sort of convinced that Karkat hadn't even realised he'd been invited at someone else's house. He had an inkling that in any other situation, the troll would have politely declined, but alas, Karkat had been busy discussing things with John and didn't even take notice.
Spluttering curses at him, citing in detail why his taste in movies sucked ass, Karkat had been entirely blind to his surroundings, which was sort of amusing.
John had been the first to crash. He was usually the last man standing during all-nighters, but juggling between courses and his new job at the CD store had sucked him dry of all his energy, so Dave had expected it to happen.
When his main rival and opponent had started snoring on the couch, sprawled in a way that looked infinitely unpleasant (though Dave was used to John's weird sleeping positions so it wasn't a novelty anymore) Karkat had finally shaken himself out of his movie stupor, realising he was in an unfamiliar place.
Almost turning too quiet, Karkat had shifted inconspicuously towards the front door, wanting to get out and go home, but it was late enough already that Dave had felt worried about sending Karkat out on his own. Accompanying him would mean having to come back on his own, which was something he didn't fancy either.
So, he'd offered the troll to stay for the night.
Karkat hadn't looked convinced, especially since Dave couldn't afford an actual recuperacoon, nor the physical space to have one in the apartment. Recuperacoons were rather expensive, and he wasn't made of money. Having Aradia around though meant he had some alternate solutions for a troll. He'd put together an impromptu pile with blanket and other stuff he had around the house, and offered Karkat a couple sopor pills.
While high-priced on their own, having a small stash around for his moirail was overall less expensive than a recuperacoon –not to mention the costs of filling it with the slime and keeping it functional– and Karkat had gratefully accepted them, though still obviously uncertain about the whole situation.
Obviously sleeping over at a friend's house wasn't an everyday occurrence –not to mention they had just started getting friendly with each other– but Dave felt responsible, so this was the only solution other than calling a cab.
In an attempt to make the troll feel at ease, Dave had thus spent a couple hours discussing things with him –though not movies, as Karkat's quota had been fortunately filled by John– until the pills had started taking effect. Karkat had thus passed out, curled inside his improvised coon, snoring softly.
Feeling satisfied, Dave had moved to his bedroom, crashing on his bed and falling asleep in record time.
So overall, a successful night.
Seeing his sitting room the next day, though, brought much less satisfaction. John was still snoring on the sofa, loud and unpleasant, and there were pillows and pieces of popcorn everywhere, not to mention the various cans of coke and beer scattered around.
Karkat's pile seemed to be still in one piece though, and much to his surprise, he found Karkat awake and watching a movie on his small grubpad, his earplugs on.
With a quick glance at John, appraising his loud snoring and the way he kicked in his sleep, arms flailing around, Dave had to admit Karkat had every right to save his ears from that.
He squatted next to the pile and tapped one side, trying to get the troll's attention without startling him.
"Yo," he mouthed, smirking.
Karkat was startled at the soft tapping and turned around, blinking owlishly at Dave before his surprised face melted into a disgruntled one.
"Good morning," he grunted as he removed one earphone, wincing when John snored again. "Didn't pick you as an early riser at all, Dave –and holy god that guy, I can't believe how loud he is, thanks fucking god for your sopor pills, or I would have been unable to sleep at all. What is he?"
"A motorboat," Dave replied easily, shrugging and deciding to casually not mention how he was anything but an early bird. "You up for breakfast?"
"If it's cereals, I'm going to pass," Karkat wrinkled his nose. "Besides, his snoring already deafened me, I'd like to be away from that".
"Let's go get pancakes, there's a place down the street that has the best apple pancakes you've ever tasted in your life, man. Let that be the start of me schooling you in the Way of the Apple".
"Your unhealthy obsession with apples will be your downfall, I swear, they will rot your brain out until you'll turn into one of them".
"What, like a space alien pod, just with… apples?" at Karkat's serious nod, Dave snorted. "Wouldn't mind that".
"You're already far too gone, Dave, and here I was, trying to help," with a small snort, Karkat extracted himself from the pile and stretched, wincing when his bones popped back in place. "Uh…"
"Bathroom's down there, the door on the right," Dave replied. "If you need to have a shower…"
"No, thanks," Karkat hastily replied. "I can wait until I'm home for that. Oh, but hey, thank you for… letting me stay here".
"No problem, wouldn't have wanted you to get lost in the dark, bad things happen–"
"Oh, don't you even start, I am one of the bad things that could happen to you," Karkat stomped towards the bathroom, rolling his eyes when he noticed that not even their loud speaking had managed to rouse John from his deep sleep.
Dave returned to his bedroom, now awake enough to appreciate how Karkat seemed more at ease now, not as stiff and hesitant as he'd been the previous night. Maybe sleeping over at a friend's house was the way to break the last icy barrier between them, and Dave would not look at a gifted horse in the mouth.
He was still glad that Karkat and John had hit off so easily, though by their heated banter over movies he wondered if it was healthy for them to even talk to each other.
With a snort, he pulled on a clean shirt and a pair of jeans from a drawer and combed his hair with his fingers, moving to the sitting room again to wait for Karkat.
The troll left the bathroom a bit later, glancing at John in surprise.
"Isn't he supposed to come with us?" he asked, hesitant.
"Nah, nothing would wake him up. I'll just bring something home for him or he'll raid my cupboards for cereals, whichever happens first".
With a shrug, Karkat followed Dave out of his apartment and into the street.
"You've got yourself a nice place, Strider," the troll commented once they were out, breathing the cold air of the morning. "But your movie selection sucks my bone bulge".
Snickering, Dave punched him slightly on the shoulder, and whilst the first reaction he got was a startled gasp, Karkat soon retaliated with a punch of his own.
"It wasn't just mine, but my 'roommate' moved out to live with his boyfriend, so the apartment was left to my own devices," he explained. "I was living with my brother".
"Oh?" Karkat didn't quite seem all that interested, probably because for trolls words like 'brothers' and 'sisters' had an entirely different meaning, that did not relate to close family members. "Is he a douchebag like you, Dave?"
"Nah, he's actually worse," he replied easily, not bothered by the casual insult. "Dirk's a bit of an asshole but he's neat. I'm still glad he left, though, he used up all the hot water".
With a snort, Karkat looked ahead, trying to spot the pancake house while Dave got lost staring at him.
The troll didn't seem one to smile so easily, but there was a certain kind of softness in the way the corners of his mouth curved upwards, showing a row of dangerous teeth, that was almost cute, in a way.
There was nothing 'cute' in Karkat as a person –he was rough, sharp and scathing, but Dave liked that, liked the on and off way they could banter about everything, and the offhanded insults that didn't mean much.
Still, Dave had to admit that Karkat had an aura that spoke volumes of him. He walked like a fighter, relaxed instead of tense, something Dave could recognise, being one himself.
The edge of his face, the curve of his jaw –that wasn't even cute, that was just downright–
Dave halted his thoughts right there, carefully considering where his mind was going. Yes, he could appreciate that Karkat was good looking, and yes, it was because Rose had made him think about that with her words, but that was all there was to it.
He wasn't interested in that at all, he simply liked Karkat as a friend –a good looking one, but still a friend.
His eyes flickered to the side for a moment before he shook his head slightly, and grabbed the phone from his back pocket.
"Gotta make a quick call," he warned the troll as they entered the pancake house. "Just order whatever for yourself and get me the usual, they'll know what it means".
"Are you an usual customer everywhere, Strider?"
"Are you going to forever shift between my name and my last name all the time depending on the mood?" he retorted, half focused on the troll and half on his phone ringing.
"I guess the answer to both is the same, then," with a cheeky smirk, Karkat moved to a nearby stool and sat down heavily on it.
Dave snorted to himself and waited for Aradia to pick up.
Terezi idly hovered in front of the pancake shop, not paying attention to Dave and Karkat, who were still inside.
The two had ordered breakfast –something that smelled almost good to her, though as usual the strength of her senses was unbalanced and weak to the things that still belonged to the living– and were now having a heated debate over something.
She didn't quite feel any sort of interest on the exact subject they were focused on, more interested instead on the complex mix of emotions swirling inside her. She'd often heard that ghosts ended up being unfeeling, but that wasn't the case with her –she still had emotions, and at least that was vibrant, unlike the scents that permeated the air and were filtered by her senses until they were dim and absent.
She felt regret, and a deep bittersweet feeling at seeing Karkat smile, and most of all a slight tinge of jealousy curling inside her bloodpusher. She wanted to enter the pancake house and be part of Karkat's life again, snicker and make fun of him like the old times.
Watch him slowly relax and enjoy himself again.
Terezi looked away from them to observe the sea of unknown people walking past; her senses stretched on, uncaring whether they had faces, simply concentrated on the crowd in itself, on the way they moved, letting the flow ease her mind; her fingers turned slightly more transparent, blurry and see-through, but she didn't pay attention to that.
She heard footsteps coming close, until they stopped by the door of the building, and when she turned to gaze at whoever was standing there without entering, Terezi found herself staring right into the tea house's waitress' face, Aradia.
Blinking in surprise, her fingers sharply returning to their full visibility, Terezi floated closer to the ground, momentarily surprised.
"What are you doing here?" she asked, leaning forwards a bit.
"Dave…" she tilted her head slightly, motioning for the inside of the building, where Dave and Karkat were, their backs to the door, blind to what was going on outside. "He's my moirail. He called me as I was about to leave because he needed something, so" she waved a small bag she was holding. "But he can wait some more! Do you want to walk with me a bit?"
Terezi glanced inside as well, tasting the air for a better view, then nodded.
"Sure you won't look like a loon, talking to thin air?" she grinned teasingly, and Aradia pulled out a pair of earphones, shoving them in her auricular sponge clots.
"Phone call!" she replied with a broad smile.
Terezi snickered, and lowered herself until her feet were pressed on the concrete.
As a ghost, she had no weight, no need to keep balance with a body that did not need to hold itself up, but she enjoyed the pretence of being normal again; talking with a living, pretending to be able to walk instead of being an intangible spirit… it was all a ruse.
She wanted to maintain the impression of being alive, fool herself even if only for a short time.
"So you seem sad," was the first thing the waitress said. "I'm sorry your afterlife isn't as fun as it should be! Maybe you'd feel better pulling a prank on someone".
Terezi shook her head. "I don't quite work with the living realm, as they can't see me, nor touch me, and it's not fun when my tongue goes through something that looks interesting".
The rustblood nodded, but there was still a smile on her face. "You haven't been dead for too long then, have you? If you linger here enough, you might learn that you can interact with things and have fun!"
The news caught her by surprise, and Terezi glanced down at her fingers, lips parted in order to see their vague, unfocused outline, even more blurred by the fact that her eyes didn't work, not even now that she was dead.
Still, despite the dimness of the world around her, the tastes and smells almost lost, she could still see, in a way. Being dead was weird.
"I could try to teach you, or you could meet with one of the other presences," Aradia suggested, smiling widely. "Some like teaching more than others, like the writer who haunts the library down the street… if you want I can take you there!"
On one side, the thought was intriguing –if she could interact with the world… but no, Terezi shook her head forcibly, not trusting herself with words.
The other troll seemed to understand, noticing the way her fingers were twitching, and nodded, simply turning around the corner of the street and marching down; the ghost licked her lips and followed her, glancing past the heads of the living sea surrounding her and doing her best to avoid passing through a few of them.
The feeling of being walked through was intense –like a wave of heat, colour and sensations, a bit more vivid, a bit more real– but at the same time she disliked it, because it didn't last long, and the only thing it did was remind her how she wasn't living anymore.
If she didn't concentrate, it was like not even feeling them, but Terezi felt the impulse to keep up with the pretence, and refused to make it waver. Just for a bit longer.
"You're haunting Karkat," her companion said slowly.
Terezi glanced to the side, but now the other troll simply looked sheepish, almost sad.
"You care for him a lot, don't you?"
"Yes," Terezi's fingers moved to her chest, where her Scalemate was already materializing for her to hold, a small reassuring presence. "I… I just want to see him happy," she confessed, words coming out choked, strained and metallic.
"Is he not?" Aradia looked momentarily perplexed, her lips still slightly curled upwards, but Terezi was sure she understood all the same.
"He…" Terezi wasn't sure what to say.
These weren't matters that everyone could understand, especially since they pertained Karkat; beside, Aradia already had a moirail, and a living one, and making private confessions wasn't something one could do with just about anybody. Terezi bit her lower lip, hesitant about opening up to this troll. She could see her, for the first time since her death, and the lingering sense of disheartened solitude was enough for Terezi to nod to herself, latching on Aradia despite not knowing her at all.
"He doesn't want to move on," she muttered. "He's an idiot".
Aradia's face blossomed in a bright smile, which Terezi found somewhat weird, given the subject at hand, but she didn't comment on it.
"He lost you, and he's been coped up all by himself, is it so?" at Terezi's determined nod, Aradia snorted. "Typical! I swear, Dave's exactly like that too. So you want to stick around until he learns, right?"
Again, another curt nod.
"Understandable, and if I could, I'd help!" Aradia's smile softened, now looking almost regretful. "But these are matters that I cannot touch, and you are set enough on your conviction that you wouldn't accept to let go and just find peace, right?"
Another nod, this time a bit more frantic. "You wouldn't try to do that without asking," she stated, a lingering trace of wariness in her voice.
"Of course not! It wouldn't be fun, and overall it wouldn't help either of us," Aradia shrugged. "Though you shouldn't want to stick around… it might take a while, or he might never want to really let go of you, or just…" her unspoken words lingered in the air, silent, but Terezi caught them nonetheless. 'Or he could finally move on, and wouldn't that sadden you?'
For a moment, Terezi thought about it.
Being dead was… different.
She couldn't touch anything, nor be seen or talk with the living. She could fly, but her body was incorporeal, and it felt weird because it was still her consciousness moving around, even though the world around her felt twisted and remote and so distant from her.
The psychopomp had said that she could learn to do things if she lingered around long enough, which was at least a pleasing alternative to be ignored.
At the same time, though… Terezi was aware that she was dead, and had long since accepted it. It hurt to see that the only one who hadn't done so was Karkat.
Karkat, who had retreated from his friends, who simply seemed to live without living.
Even in death, she still loved him enough to want him to be happy, even if it ended up being with someone who wasn't her.
She nodded fiercely, her lips forming a smirk.
She wanted him to smile again, and be happy.
"Well, that's great!"
Once again shaken out of her thoughts, Terezi stared at the rustblood with a baffled gaze, followed by a short barking laugh.
"You're weird!" she cackled, moving forwards to prod her with a finger.
The finger, much to her surprise, found resistance in the living troll's skin, and instead of passing through or being dissolved into the air, it felt something.
Terezi retreated, surprised.
She had felt the solidity of Aradia's body. The first real thing that she could actually touch, and it made her feel at loss all of sudden.
She craved the sensation, but at the same time it made her wary.
"That's another good side of being a Psychopomp!" Aradia grinned. "But I try not to let everybody know that!" and much to Terezi's shock, she actually pointed at her with both hands, mimicking a couple of pistols as she winked.
"Unbelievable," Terezi muttered, rolling her blind eyes behind her red shades.
She kept her desire to touch Aradia under control, refraining from moving too close to the other troll. In the sweeps following her death, Terezi had been unable to touch something that wasn't a projection of her own ghostly self –like her cane, or Senator Lemonsnout, or her shades– and this new possibility was intoxicating, but also scary.
"So, did you FLARP while you were alive?"
"… is that even something you should be asking, miss I-can-see-Ghosts?" Terezi hesitantly extended her hand, and Aradia inched closer, poking the ghost in her ribs. Terezi snorted, rejoicing the small contact with the living even as she shied away slightly. "I thought you would ask me how I died, or something!"
Both shared an amused smile, a complicity born from not just necessity and circumstance, and then both started laughing loudly, uncaring whether the passers-by turned to look.
"Depends whether you'll tell me the truth if I ask," Aradia replied. "Some spirits enjoy convoluted stories more than the boring truth!"
"True that," Terezi admitted, rubbing her fingers on her chin thoughtfully. "I never thought I could create something intriguing, but it's just like FLARPing!"
"I knew you FLARPed!" there was enough delight in Aradia's tone that it surprised Terezi.
"What, you aren't going to want to FLARP with a dead soul now, do you?"
Her only answer was a cheeky smile, so Terezi laughed again, more amused now than ever.
"We should go back to our boys," Aradia said after a moment, smiling brightly and turning back towards the main street. "Dave has the bad habit of eating a bit too many pancakes when he's out, but I don't think Karkat would enjoy being impressed like that".
Terezi snorted and nodded, floating at her side.
She felt lighter than usual, with some sort of relief bubbling inside her chest, where that hollow feeling of loneliness had been, and the surge of warmth made her want to twirl around in the air.
Then, together, they moved back towards the pancake house.