A/N: Hello people! Thanks to all my loyal readers who've stuck with me through these long gaps. I hope ya'll like this chapter, it took me forever. Anywho, the beginning is a flashback in the Elliot/Alex relationship. I'll probably sneak these in periodically. ELLIOT TELLS LIV! P.s. it does not go well. Enjoy!

June 22, 2009

The building wasn't threatening. It was just a building, a rather nice looking brick building on Park Avenue. But Alex was scared. She didn't want to go in, she should go in, she had to go in, but she didn't want to. Not at all. She wasn't crazy, she didn't need a shrink. That's debatable.

Elliot came up behind her and put his hands on her arms, and she instantly calmed down. Why does he do that to me? "You can do this Lexy, it's gonna be ok." Elliot cajoled. Lexy…why do I let him call me that? Nobody ever calls me that.

"Maybe I don't need to do this," she said, "I'm fine, I-I'll get over it…sooner or later."

"Well, I'd rather it be sooner. Lexy, these nightmares aren't going away by themselves, you need to work through this, you need to not feel so afraid all the time." He turned her around so she was facing him and looked her in the eyes.

"I don't feel afraid all the time, I'm not afraid when I'm with you." She smiled shyly, a little embarrassed of her admission. Elliot smiled back, thoroughly unoffended. "That's great, I'm glad you feel safe with me, but as much as I want to, I can't be there for you every second. I can't jump up and run over every time you have a panic attack." He felt terrible as he saw her eyes sadden at his words. He couldn't tell her the truth. He couldn't tell her that he got excited every time she called him, how much he loved to hold her in his arms and rock her until she stopped crying, the bliss he felt watching her sleep on his chest. He couldn't tell her that, he had to convince her to do this. She had to do this for her.

"I'm sorry," she mumbled, "You're right, I need to…get my head on straight."

"That's right and hey, don't feel bad, I love being there for you…careful Stabler…but you will feel so much better once you get all of those demons out of your head. You'll feel like you again. And I will still be here. I promise." He pulled her into a hug and she slid her arms around his neck and held on tight for a few moments before reluctantly letting go.

"You promise?"

"I promise, I'm always here Lexy, no matter what." He gave her a small nod, which she returned before turning and walking purposefully up the front steps to the psychologist's office. She looked back as she opened the front door and the sight of him leaving made her start to feel panicky again. This is why you're here, dingbrain. It's only an hour, he's coming back to get you in only an hour. You can do this. She wanted to run after him and tell him the truth, that sometimes she called him even when she wasn't panicking just because she wanted to see him. How she thought maybe she was falling in lo-. No she didn't go there, not with him, he's a good friend, a good married friend, and that's all there is to it. You're a liar. You know how you feel, just tell him.

She shook her head vigorously, trying to get that voice in her head to shut up. Maybe she really was crazy.

Present

Monday morning…

Elliot and Alex woke up slowly at about the same time. Eli was sleeping in a lump of dinosaur pajamas between them. They smiled at each other and kissed sweetly. "Morning," said Elliot. "Morning," said Alex. They laid in bed and stared at each other a little longer, enjoying waking up together. Elliot slid his right arm around Eli's head and intertwined his fingers with hers. He brought her hand up to his mouth and kissed it. The beautiful diamond still nestled on her finger caught both of their attention. Elliot looked at Alex, Alex looked at the ring pensively for a moment before meeting his gaze. "Do you really want to marry me?" she asked softly, "I mean do you really really want to be married to me? We don't have to, I mean we could just stay the way we are right now and not change a thing."

"I don't want to stay the way we are" Elliot replied earnestly. He got up on one elbow without letting go of her hand. "I want us to be together forever, because I honestly can't live the rest of my live without you. I want you to be my wife Lexy; I love you too much for you to be anything less than that."

Alex saw the passion in his eyes and felt it in her heart. She reached up and stroked his face, tracing the lines around his eyes and mouth. "What did I do to deserve you Elliot Stabler?"

Elliot grinned. "Is that a yes?"

Alex eyes sparkled. "Of course it is. I'd marry you in a heartbeat Elliot, I love you more than anything in the world. And I want you to be my husband." Elliot was completely elated and kissed her mercilessly. Their makeout session was short-lived however, as a wriggling 3 year old interrupted them. He poked his head out from under the covers and both adults frowned at his teary eyes.

"I want mommy," he mumbled. He started crying and Elliot lifted him up and laid him on his chest. "I know you do buddy, it's ok, daddy's here." He rubbed the little boy's back soothingly. He glanced at the clock and realized that he had to be at work in an hour.

"Hey bud, do you wanna go to preschool today? You wanna go see Miss Macey?" he asked his son. Eli normally loved his preschool, especially his teacher, and he thought it might cheer the little guy up.

"No school" Eli grumbled into his father's shirt.

"Oh but you love school!" Elliot enthused, "and your friends Teeghan and Skylar are gonna miss you!"

"No school" Eli repeated a little louder. Elliot sighed.

"You know," Alex piped up, "he can stay home with me if he doesn't wanna go. I don't mind keeping him." Elliot considered this for a moment. "Are you sure? I mean will you be ok having him all day?" He was eyeing her belly, and Alex knew what he wanted to ask.

"I'm ok Elliot, really, my doctor says I'm having a really good pregnancy, I hardly ever get sick and the babies are growing perfectly. I'm fine." She reassured him.

"I'm glad, really glad, you're going to need a new doctor soon but we can talk about that later, um," he then addressed the little boy, "Hey Eli, daddy has to go to work, do you want to stay here with Lex?" Eli from his father to Alex and then stretched his arms out towards the woman who gladly took him and cuddled him under her chin.

Elliot got up to take a shower. He came out 10 minutes later to Alex sitting up in bed and looking anxious.

Elliot was puzzled. "What's wrong?" he asked, as he went to pull clothes out of his dresser.

"We have to tell Olivia." Alex stated, trying to sound sure of herself.

Elliot nodded. He knew that was coming. "I know. I'll tell her today." He said solemnly.

Alex seemed startled. "Wait, today? Why today? Can't we just wait a while and plan it out a little?" Alex always liked to think things through and come up with a plan, something Elliot was not very good at.

"Look, I know Liv, and it won't matter how she hears it, she's gonna react…however she's gonna react. I'm just gonna tell her the truth and pray that it goes over well."

"What if she hates me?"

"She's not gonna hate you, she'll probably be more mad at me if anything but she'll get over it sooner or later."

"I sure hope, you're right."

Casey and Chester woke up much the same way they had on Saturday only today Casey was the one reluctant to let go of him. In fact she had been clinging to him for dear life since about 3 am after waking up crying for the second time in a weekend. It was six a.m. and Chester had been awake for about an hour waiting for her to wake up. When she finally did, she only held onto him tighter.

"Baby, are you awake?" Chester asked. When she didn't respond he gently tried to extricate himself from her arms.

"Don't go." She murmured, holding onto him tighter.

"Babe, I have to go to work today. You have to let go of me sometime." He said softly.

"Don't go," she repeated, "Please? Just stay home with me. I need you."

"Honey, what in the hell do you keep dreaming about that's getting you so upset, please tell me." He pleaded.

"No" she said firmly.

"Casey"

"No Chester, I don't want to think about it anymore, ok? Just please, please don't leave me alone today." She was looking at him like she was going to cry again.

"All right, all right. Don't cry. I'll see if I can stay but I have to talk to Cragen first. Just give me a minute."

Chester reached for the nightstand and picked up the phone knowing full well that whatever Cragen said, he wasn't leaving her if she really needed him this much. Casey seemed satisfied, she slid off of him and headed for the bathroom. He heard the shower turn on. The captain more than understood and even decided to give him a week to "adjust to impending doom" as he put it. Casey came out of the shower a good 20 minutes later and Chester was surprised at how pale she looked and at how cold her skin felt as she slid back into bed with him.

At the precinct…

The sqaudroom was abuzz with its usual activity. Well sort of. Elliot and Olivia were supposed to be discussing their open cases but at the moment neither of them wanted to talk to each other. Olivia was still mad at him but Elliot didn't notice this because he was too busy avoiding the conversation he had to have with her. It was getting close to lunch time and Olivia had a standing appointment with her husband to go out to lunch every Monday. She hadn't seen him in 2 weeks so Elliot thought she would probably be in a good mood right about now. He decided to bite the bullet.

"Liv, can I talk to you a minute?" he asked tentatively, "in private?" There was a pregnant pause and Elliot could practically see the wheels turning in her head.

"Sure El," she responded feigning sweetness, "let's head up to the cribs." Olivia was pleasantly surprised, she'd thought she'd have to pry the information out of him but now it looked like he was about to come clean.

She got up first and Elliot followed her upstairs, the whole time thinking about the best way to say 'I knocked up our best friend after secretly loving her for a year and now we're getting married." He grimaced, there really was no good way to say that.

When they walked into the room Olivia sat down on a bunk and waited for him to say something. Elliot took a deep breath and sat down on the bunk opposite her. He put his elbows on his knees and clasped his hands together, he tried to get the nervousness out of his voice before speaking. "Olivia I have something important to tell you, something I probably should have told you a long time ago."

"Really," Olivia responded casually, "Does it have anything to do with you and Alex being lovers?" She couldn't help it, she couldn't pretend she didn't know, and she'd been waiting to bust him all weekend. Elliot was stunned. "How di-How did you know?" he stammered.

"Oh I saw you, "she replied coolly, "making out with her at the airport on Friday night, when I went to pick up my husband. What I don't know is how the hell this happened and why the hell you didn't tell me you were sleeping with my best friend!"

"I thought I was your best friend," Elliot mumbled.

"Don't change the subject Elliot. I want the truth! Right here, right now!" she snapped. She leaned back on her elbows and glared at him expectantly.

"Olivia please don't get mad," Elliot implored, "we didn't mean for it to happen, it just did." Her angry stare did not soften, and he decided to just go ahead and tell her the honest truth.

"Look, about a year and a half ago, I went over to her place one night when I wanted some company and she was really upset. She was having trouble dealing with everything that happened to her, you know? She wanted to talk, I listened and I let her cry on my shoulder—"

"And then you thought of a great way to make her feel better, right? Olivia interjected sarcastically. She had her arms crossed now and was becoming more irritable by the minute.

"No, Liv it wasn't like that! I was just trying to be a good friend. A-And after that, I let her talk to me whenever she wanted, and I calmed her down when she would have these panic attacks and I convinced her to go to therapy when the nightmares wouldn't go away. All things I would've done for you had you been in that situation, I might add." He looked at her pointedly and she rolled her eyes, "We were spending so much time together, and learning so much about each other; I don't know how to explain it, we just…we connected. I mean, I've never felt like this before with anyone, ever, Liv she's-she's so special to me, I love her." He didn't know what else to say, she was shaking her head disappointedly.

"And how did Kathy feel about that El?" she asked quietly. He stiffened at the mere mention of her name. Olivia did not notice and continued, "How did your wife of 25 years and the mother of your children feel about you spending all this time with another woman? Did she even know? Or did you shut her out just like you did me?"

"Olivia I didn't mean to shut you out. We just didn't want to tell you because we knew you wouldn't like it, and-and we just wanted to be together without you- without you judging us, like you are right now." He said that last part under his breath but she heard it, and now she was livid.

"ME? YOU'RE WORRIED ABOUT ME JUDGING YOU? YOU SHOULD BE WORRIED ABOUT GOD JUDGING YOU FOR CHEATING ON YOUR WIFE AND THEN LEAVING HER FOR YOUR MISTRESS!" she screamed.

Elliot couldn't take this calmly anymore, she wasn't his mistress, not even close, and how dare she even call her that. "Olivia, we weren't having sex! We had feelings for each other and we knew it was wrong, that's why we never crossed that line, not until after I was divorced." "Yeah all of six months ago," Olivia spat. Elliot took a deep breath and continued, "We couldn't help what we felt, but neither of us wanted to have some sleazy affair. Yes, I…got a divorce but it wasn't just to be with her, I probably wouldn't have stayed at home anyway. Things were just too bad. I love Alex. And now—" he stopped suddenly, he didn't know how much more he wanted to tell her yet.

"And now what!" Olivia asked harshly.

Elliot cast his eyes to the floor; he decided to tell her this much since it would be obvious the minute she saw Alex. "She's pregnant Olivia" he said softly.

"What?" Olivia squeaked. She was by now completely beside herself.

"She's uh, she's having twins… And I asked her… to marry me." Elliot finished, he still wasn't looking at his partner, but he knew exactly the look she was giving him. However, to his chagrin, she started to laugh mirthlessly.

"What's so funny?" he challenged, now he was getting angry.

"You know I didn't expect this from you, but I sure as hell expected better from her. Getting pregnant and then getting you to marry her, who the hell does that sound like! It's Kathy all over again!"

That did it. That was the button marked "Do not press" and she pressed it. And Elliot blew. He stood up and closed the distance between them she got up too, hands on hips, prepared to stare him down but was taken aback by the glare in his eyes. "How dare you," he hissed, "HOW DARE YOU! THAT HEARTLESS BITCH THINKS ITS OK TO THROW HER OWN KID AWAY LIKE HE'S A PIECE A TRASH SO EXCUSE ME IF I DON'T GIVE DAMN HOW SHE FEELS! THIS IS ABOUT ME AND ALEX, SOMEONE WHO WILL NEVER BE ANYTHING LIKE HER SO DON'T YOU TALK ABOUT HER LIKE THAT! DON'T YOU EVER SAY THAT AGAIN!" He yelled that last part right in her face.

There was a silence so heavy you could hear a pin drop. Olivia took a few steps back her . Elliot was slowly deflating and slowly realizing what he had just done.

"What the hell is going on in here?"

Both partners looked towards where the voice had come from and saw Kurt Moss standing in the doorway with his eyes narrowed and his jaw set. He did not look happy. He took a few strides into the room and got in between them. Kurt was a couple inches taller than Elliot but not otherwise intimidating, normally. If looks could kill however, Elliot would've been dead and buried right there. "I don't appreciate the way you're talking to my wife." He said in a menacing tone. Elliot looked from him to Olivia whose face was a mixture of hurt and confusion. He suddenly felt very ashamed of himself. "I'm sorry Liv" he murmured.

"You bet your ass you're sorry," Kurt said icily as he got even closer to Elliot, "If you ever yell at her like that again, you and I are gonna have a problem, do I make myself clear?" Elliot nodded, humbly.

Kurt then took Liv's hand, turned on his heel and led his pregnant wife away from her verbal attacker without another word. As she brushed past him Elliot noticed the angry tears in her eyes and felt like a total douche. What the hell is wrong with me? Why did I do that?

A/N: So let me know whatcha think. Please. I'm begging you! Up Next: Another peek at the past and a jaunt into the future... :)