TCOT Absurd Assumption C23
Note: This chapter refers heavily to my previous stories TCOT Pretty Stones and Something to Hide, and emphatically exposes my opinion of TCOT Heartbroken Bride. ~ D
A conversation from long ago, not spoken about much, but not forgotten, crept into Perry's mind.
"Three girls. Lyla Mae, Julia Mae, and a little oops Stacy Mae."
"Why would we not just name one of these pretty curly-haired girls Mae?"
"Because Aunt Mae says that a proper first name has two syllables. One syllable names are afterthoughts meant to be middle names."
Kaitlynn Mae.
Oh my darling Della, how you must have suffered. How could I have not seen what was going on before now? How could I have allowed this to happen?
Della's wrenching sobs were physical blows to his body, years of emotion pummeling him into a wretched mass of regret. He had to stop her tears, had to tell her everything he'd kept to himself with the lovingly misguided intention of protecting her. She was strong, stronger than any person he knew, and he should have trusted in that strength.
"Darling, Laura asked my opinion on whether her daughter's middle name should be Maxine, or Mae – which coincidentally is Laura's middle name. My opinion was that Kaitlynn's middle name should be Mae because it's one syllable and therefore meant to be a middle name. I did not insist upon it. I had no right to insist on anything regarding Kaitlynn." His arms tightened around her, in the hope his embrace could shelter her from the pain his words were causing. "A daughter of mine would have been named Lyla Mae, Julia Mae, or Stacy Mae. We agreed on that. Actually, we agreed on Danielle or Daniela instead of Julia, I believe."
Della squirmed in his arms, tears escaping from closed eyes, reliving not only a fantasy, but something very, very real as well. "Perry…"
"Della, we're going to have conversations we should have had years ago. Right now. We have to talk about what happened in DC…what happened before that time and afterward...no matter if it's too late or not."
She pushed harder against him, shook her head from side to side. "Perry..."
"When I came home from DC after that terrible phone call and you were gone, I couldn't sleep or eat and I sure as hell couldn't work. I was acting so crazy that Paul and Harvey threatened to have me committed. And Tragg, damn him, volunteered to provide a police escort to the asylum."
"Perry…I have to sit down."
The shiver that had become trembling was now full-blown shaking. Her teeth chattered, and as Perry led her to the bed, she leaned heavily on him, legs weak and wobbly. He sat her down, swung her legs onto the mattress, and gently pushed her back onto the collection of accent pillows at the head of the bed. One long arm reached out, snatched a crocheted throw from a slipper chair that had once been in her childhood bedroom, and draped it over her. She was pale, those seven cherished fawn-colored freckles standing out almost starkly against translucent skin, eyes dark green and huge.
He sat down next to her on the edge of the bed, facing her. "I'm sorry you learned who Laura was from Laura herself, and I'm sorry she said those things, but I'm telling you that Kaitlynn is not my daughter."
"I'm very good at math, Perry. You've always said so."
Indeed she ran circles around him with practical math, but she was being anything but practical at the moment. "Baby, you've added two and two and come up with twelve. Kaitlynn is no more my daughter than Kay-Kay is."
Della's hand emerged from beneath the throw and sought his. Her skin was icy and he winced. "You don't have to deny it to spare my feelings, Perry. Kaitlynn deserves more from you."
"No, Kaitlynn has everything she deserves from her parents. I deserve more from you. And you certainly deserve more from me."
"Kaitlynn was born nine months and three days after you…after you and Laura Parrish…she wasn't born too early like Kay-Kay was."
"The timing of her birth may be more incriminating than Kay-Kay's, but Kaitlynn is not my daughter. She can't be mine." Inasmuch as he'd promised himself to be nothing but honest with Della, there was a deep secret he'd held onto for far too long under the guise of protecting her. He thought of the ridiculousness of this situation, and would have laughed if it weren't so serious and urgent. Janet Brent Timmons had commented on the astronomical odds of both she and Della being accused of murder in their lifetimes, but how high were the odds against a man being accused of fathering two children that couldn't possibly be his, all the while being unable to acknowledge the one child he actually had fathered?
"So the story now is you didn't sleep with Laura Parrish?"
"No, I can't deny it. I wish to God I hadn't, but I did. But that fact alone doesn't mean Kaitlynn is my daughter."
"I recall hearing a very similar denial once before."
"This time I'm even more certain than I was about Kay-Kay. There is absolutely no doubt Kaitlynn is Max's daughter."
"Being an astute businessman, I suppose Max would have insisted on a paternity test." Della surmised. "Or was it you who insisted on it?" It took everything she had to sound calm and logical. If she hadn't been such a shrew eighteen years ago, so horrible to him on the phone that day, would Kaitlynn Parrish even exist?
"I'm not sure if Max knows about what happened between me and Laura. I left it up to her whether or not to tell him." She had threatened for years to tell him, but most likely hadn't, or by now Max would have confronted him. Kaitlynn was the light of Max's life, and rightfully so.
"Didn't it bother you to betray your friend like that, Perry?" And by the way, Perry Mason, didn't it bother you to betray me like that? Poor Max Parrish. To be so deceived by his wife and a supposed friend...she knew all too well how betrayal like that felt. But then, did she even have the right to accuse Perry of betraying her considering what she had said to him?
"I wasn't exactly thinking straight when it happened, and I suffered a boatload of remorse afterward, if that restores any respect for me at all. You have to understand that Max and Laura have always had a troubled marriage. During the three months I was in DC Laura left him twice, and Max filed for divorce. Max and Laura are bright and ambitious and I enjoyed their company, both together and separately. As I got to know her better I realized Laura was confused and looking for stability in her life, and believed I could give her that stability." Laura, cool and blonde, possessed a similar intelligence and wit as his warm brunette Della, but he learned too late how effectively that coolness hid the weak, dependent nature of Laura's personality, whereas Della's warmth sprang from strength and independence.
"I'm perfectly aware of how you can set the heart of young women aflutter, Mr. Mason. You forget I dealt with the fallout of your charms for longer than I care to admit."
"Yes you did, and I spent just as long apologizing for things that weren't entirely my fault." If more people knew about his relationship with Della, most of the um, encounters, would have been completely avoidable. But he couldn't place blame on Della for seeking privacy. As his professional notoriety grew, so did his own craving for a private personal life. Della stood with him as he in essence became public property, the woman behind the man; when in reality she was the woman responsible for who he was, not just what he was. "I only wanted to be Laura's friend. I got in over my head."
Della's perfect but pale complexion quickly turned a sickly grey. "Y-you were involved with her in DC?"
"I was involved with them and trying to save their marriage. And I was upset about us, Della…about how bad things were between us at that time. Helping Max and Laura gave me something to concentrate on." He gave a rueful snort. "As ludicrous as it was, I tried to be a marriage counselor to keep my mind off of our problems. I never knew when Laura would show up for a shoulder to cry on after another argument with Max, and there were a lot of sleepless nights spent talking her off the ledge. By the time the term ended I was a nervous wreck but Laura and Max were back together, and I was anxious to get home to you."
"You were attracted to her." Five words, flatly stated, rhetorical, soul crushing. You were attracted to her because I was a nasty and confused myself...
He hesitated for a fraction of a second, remembering his recent conversations with Robin Calhoun. Simple honesty really was the best thing. It was when he hadn't been completely forthcoming that things went awry. "Yes, I was attracted to her," he admitted quietly. "Nothing happened in DC, Della. You have my word. Laura wanted something to happen, but I convinced her what a bad idea it was and that she needed to give her marriage a chance." His culpability in several sticky situations with beautiful women, what Della referred matter-of-factly to as his miasmatic attractiveness, revealed itself like a thunderbolt in his brain. What a dolt he was. It was entirely his fault. It had always been his fault for hiding things from her.
"And yet a week later she's in your bed."
"Laura is stubborn. You're aware of that particular personality trait, are you not?" He paused just long enough for his point to sink in, eyes boring into hers, hoping she could see he wasn't blaming her, or making excuses. "She's intelligent, witty, and an inveterate dreamer. When life doesn't live up to her dreams, she becomes a completely different woman. She wound up in my bed because I discovered too late she's a master at disguising her true self. I didn't have the strength or conviction at that point to stop her, and she took advantage of my weakness. Despite what happened that weekend, when it comes to Kaitlynn and the events surrounding her birth, you can't believe a word Laura says. It's impossible for Kaitlynn to be my daughter."
A short silence captured them. Her words responded icily to his, beating him to the punch, as it were, hurting him before he could hurt her more. "Nothing is impossible, Perry. We, of all people, know that to be true."
They held each other's gaze for long moments as the most wonderful, miraculous, excruciatingly beautiful, shatteringly painful shared memory hovered silently between them, begging for them to finally release what lay buried in such painful silence.
Perry was selfishly relieved not to have been the one to bring up the forbidden, tender subject, as well as thankful for the perfect opening to tell her what he had done years before Washington DC. "Della, do you think that after what happened that shouldn't have happened…when I could have lost you…do you honestly think I would have allowed it to happen again? Trust me when I say it's impossible for Kaitlynn to be my daughter."
Della studied him with a puzzled look, parsing and dissecting his words, a little furrow forming between her undeniably beautiful eyes, the chill surrounding her increasing with each second that passed. When the enormity of what he must have done to make sure the impossible couldn't ever be possible again…her eyes widened in shock and disbelief. "Oh my God, Perry. No."
He hitched himself closer to her and took her face between his hands, thumbs gently wiping away the new tears spilling from her eyes. "I couldn't take a chance with your life, beautiful girl. No matter what, I wasn't going to let you go through the impossible again. It was the only way I could think of to keep you safe. So while you were still in the hospital recovering...I made absolutely sure it could never happen again."