Zuko
X
I was sixteen when I first lost my virginity. She was Mai, she was everything I thought I wanted, and everything I thought I would ever want. When you're sixteen, you don't really know what you want, and that was definitely true about me. We spent two years together, and then one winter's night, when we were having sex, Katara's name came from my lips.
It was the waterbender I was picturing, it was her dark nipples I wished to be sucking on, it was her body I wanted to worship. But it was all just a fantasy, and a pretty costly one at that. Because the moment she heard me, Mai pushed me off her naked form and slapped me. She screamed at me, wailing as I sat still, my eyes confused. When I had realized what I had done, I apologized to which she answered, with her hand pressed to the scar on my chest as she calmed down; you love her. It wasn't a question, but a simple statement that held truth. We slept facing away from each other for the rest of the night, and in the morning, I gave her a little chaste peck on her cheek as I headed out of her chambers, never to return again.
I close my eyes as I feel the hairs on the back of my neck standing. It is our wedding night, and here I am, in a large, red tent, sitting at the dresser, looking at the mirror, where the characters for the word 'bliss' are pasted. I can feel the anticipation building up as I wait for my bride to be ready. I listen to the soft splashing of the water from the bath behind the curtain as I remove my tunic and lie on the bed, waiting for Katara.
It is customary in both of our cultures to make love on the wedding night. It isn't the only thing I look forward to in our marriage, of course. I look forward to talking about issues regarding the children we will have, the household chores and the other trivial, yet precious conversations we will share. It's small things like these that couples take for granted. But to me, they just mean that we are involved enough in each other's lives to have these matters concern us as a couple, family.
I see her silhouette emerge from the bath and I can feel my body on edge. Slowly, she wears her clothing and comes out from behind the curtain. My heart sinks when I see her, because her expression is grave, and her body exudes a coldness that makes my inner fire falter. She slips under the covers and lies down, facing away from me. I dim the fire and mimic her actions. Then with great courage, I drape my arm around her waist and pull her closer, but Katara pulls away forcefully and reassumes her position.
"It's late, you should get some rest." She tells me. I smile tightly and nod, my dreams for a bright future with this woman diminishing substantially. It isn't about love making, it's about her icy demeanor and my heart, which even after our marriage, is still broken.
X
They lie beneath the distant stars in the night sky. It is way pass their bedtime but neither bender is ready to sleep. They talk about many things, well, she talks about many things as the stars sparkle like diamonds in the sky. Lying under the heavens… it is something he likes to do, he decides as he steals a sideward glance at the girl of his dreams. She doesn't notice of course, she is too busy watching the moon shine.
"I knew her once," she tells Zuko as she sighs longingly. His heart melts into a puddle. "Her name was Yue, and she was such a great person in life. Now, she is bringing balance to this world, a service we both take for granted." She is right, as always, Katara is right. They do take balance for granted, after the war, after everything settled back in place that is something they do not really care for anymore. "I like us," she says after a moment of quiet and it seems like his heart stops momentarily. "I like the way we complement each other. You're fire and I'm water. You are sunlight, and I moon. See, we are practically made to be friends." Friends, the word lingers in his mind and he has to consciously force it out.
They look up at the stars for a moment longer before she turns on her side and wraps her arms around his waist, he freezes. "I wish we could stay like this forever," she tells him and he smiles, sadly, because he knows in his heart that she is referring only to friendship and that, that is what kills him.
Zuko
X
It's practically laughable, the way I am the lovesick teenager I once was even though now, I'm almost thirty. I look at my sleeping wife as she lay on the bed, breathing softly. The cold is something I'm not used to, I've never been accustomed to the cold despite my many visits to the South. Although I must say that the physical coldness is not the one that's disturbing me. Instead it is Katara's icy behavior that makes me feel grief feel my being.
We are married, although only in name. I know by the way she turns away from me when I try to kiss her, or the way she excuses herself when I try and make conversation that she doesn't want to be with me, both physically and relationship wise. I am not the man she loves; I am not Aang, not the Avatar. I never defeated the Fire Lord, I never bent air, and I've never been the romantic being Aang was.
Me and Katara; we have not been intimate with each other. And I've long given up the hope that we will be. She is too broken and quite frankly so am I. I loved her, wholeheartedly and then she chose Aang. My heart broke instantly and I was left to cry on my own in the middle of the cold night. I remember that night clearly, like it just happened yesterday. I kissed her, how gently I kissed her, and she back away. I understand that she never loved me but did I repulse her so?
I sit down beside her sleeping form and gently rub her face with my warm hand, slightly afraid that she will open her eyes and berate me with them. Thank goodness she doesn't
With a final glance at Katara, I stand from her form and stalk out of the tent. I cannot face her much longer. I don't want to blame her for anything but it is true that I have given up everything to be with her. I gave up my life in the Fire Nation; I gave up my royalty status to be with this person… even though she doesn't want to be with me. Sometimes, even though the truth hurts we have to accept it, because it is the truth nonetheless.
Katara
X
I can feel Zuko's presence as he watches me sleep. It's not that I don't love him, I do, but not in the way I he wants me to. I love Aang, he was all that mattered, and then the picture of his limp body, beside that naked prostitute as she shook in a corner just flashes in my mind. And I sigh softly, hopefully so soft that Zuko cannot hear me. I feel his presence closer to my body as I anticipate his hand on my cheek.
His touch is soft, gently like the Zuko I know. So many people mistaken him for a man with a heart of steel, they cannot be more wrong, because Zuko is a man made complete of flesh and blood and bones.
I try to keep as still as possible as the man who loves me brushes his hand gently across my features. He is warm to the touch and that is somehow disgusting to me; maybe it's the fact that I'm still in love with Aang, maybe it's my moon time speaking but I feel so dirty when he touches me. We haven't been intimate for the very same reason. Six months it has been since we were married and yet we haven't picked up enough courage to do the deed.
Zuko touches his hand to my cheek once more before he lifts his body off the mattress, puts on his coat and then stalks out of the tent.
I can feel the guilt washing over me as I open my eyes and watch him leave the tent, taking his hope with him.
A/N: OMG people! i'm back! this story is one of the stories which i am most proud to call my own. i felt that leaving it at chapter 2 was a little sudden. so i have decided to continue with this chapter! please read chapters 1 and 2 before reading this even if you have already read them before. because there are some changes that have been made in chapts 1 and 2. show me and Fallen Tears support by fav-ing, puting on alert, and reviewing this story! reviews make me excited and i love hearing from all of you. as always, spread the word! :)