Even 100 followers won't make me own Harry Potter.

Thanks for waiting, by the way. College is annoying sometimes.

"Sit!" The class sat as the voice barked at them, then Rarry, Hon, Gred and Forge looked up in unison. "Now, as I'm sure you lot are aware, Snape decided he didn't want to deal with more than two Weasleys, so I've been sent while Professor Lupin's still 'tracking Harry down'. I guess the news of Potter's return hasn't reached him yet. My name is Professor Moody, and this eye can see through things so don't try anything."

The incredibly scarred, odd-eyed man in front of them grimaced in the most disturbing way possible, then turned towards the blackboard. "Anyway, today you are going to be learning the Patronus charm, because I don't trust those dementors for a second. Expecto Patronum." Moody casually flicked his wand, and a silver stingray burst out of his wand, seemingly swimming in the air. "Hands up if you can already cast this spell."

The quadruplets threw up their hands; they had all taken the initiative and learnt the spell between classes, being the geniuses that they were. "Twenty points to each of you that proves it," he told them gruffly, "twenty more if you can form a corporeal patronus, and an extra fifty for each one you can hold after the first."

Fred went first. He stood up quickly, moved to the centre of the room and muttered the incantation, and a sleek fox sprouted from the wand onto a nearby desk. It scampered around a little, before Fred swished his wand again, sending out another two, and they began to play small pranks on each other.

George stepped up to the middle, pulled out his wand (which was incidentally identical to his brother's), and muttered the incantation in exactly the way his brother had. This time, three glowing parrots appeared, forming a faction and battling Fred's foxes. They turned out even, of course, and when both sides dissolved, the real twins sat down as Ron stood up.

The third quadruplet pulled out his wand, which had also been glamoured to look like Gred and Forge's, and muttered the incantation, throwing out two geckos, which held for fifteen seconds, then faded away. Ron sat down again, his glamour hiding a pink tinge on his ears.

Harry got up and strode to the centre of the room. He shot a cocky smirk at Moody, and grinned wider at the man's raised eyebrow. It would drain him completely, but if it worked it would be completely worth it. 'Expecto Patronum,' he thought, flicking his wand. A silver acromantula collided with the floor and a few girls screamed. Moody was wide eyed, one of them trained on Harry, who had just summoned a Patronus silently. The boy-who-lived was glad the eye couldn't see his true form as he raised his wand again, green eyes gleaming in evil joy.

'Expecto Patronum.' Moody was gaping slightly at the silver cat. And at Harry himself, using the completely not creepy magical eye. Harry was still grinning, seeming fairly creepy himself at his eyes widened in glee at his teacher's shock.

'Expecto Patronum.'

The quadruplets scuttled out of the room, having been awarded seven hundred and ten points and been excused from the lesson by a shell-shocked Moody, who had gotten his own back with a bellowed "Constant vigilance!" as they left.

"So what now?" The twins asked of Harry, their saviour and lord.

Harry suddenly remembered something important. "You could explain how you know the Marauders."

The twins blanched. "How did we-"

"-forget to tell-"

"-you that story?!"

They chorused the story as if it was rehearsed for hours on end. "It all started in our first year. Filch had arrested us for setting off a dung bomb, and we saw a drawer marked 'confiscated and highly dangerous. Naturally, we dropped a dung bomb and took of with something. We later discovered that it was a full map of Hogwarts, with the positions of everyone! That's how we knew you were Harry before. Anyway, the map was made by the marauders. We would give it to you, but you're crazy enough to not need it," they explained at break-neck speed, and Harry suffered mental whiplash at their double voice.

Ron shrugged nonchalantly at Harry, and the quadruplets sped off to the Room of Requirement, where Shift's classes would be even after McGonagall made him an official teacher.

The dementor lesson had given Harry a new perspective. Specifically, the "I don't trust those dementors" comment. Harry's grin threatened to claw its way through his glamour and transformation, and he was absent from classes two days later, losing him a hundred points while ensuring nobody thought he was kidnapped again.

Harry's experiment was now underway, a week after he had conceived it, and he stood with a layer of Shifted polar bear fur, which didn't help combat the freezing night air at all as the boggart trudged towards the castle gates. As he arrived, Shift felt the additional chill of the dementors washing over him, shivering accordingly and shedding his fur with a few choice words about its un-warmth being due to its mother. He grinned with chattering teeth as the icebox drew closer, and held up a small bar.

"Want some chocolate?" Harry beamed at the bringer of doom as an outstretched, rotten hand stopped on its course towards him. The dementor hesitated slightly and the chill grew stronger. "Go on, take it!" Harry sensed something emanating from the being of death. It almost seemed like... confusion? Shift couldn't quite tell, although the fact that it had emotions was reassuring and scary at the same time, considering its abilities. "I'm Harry, or Shift. Do you have a name?"

The dementor hesitate a little more, before lowering its hand onto the bar of chocolate unsurely. Harry let go and the robed creature found itself carrying an unopened bar of chocolate. It slowly, painstakingly nodded in answer to Harry's question and the boy pressed on. "Is there a way for you to tell me? I have a quill, ink and parchment if you can write." It shook this time, the movement just as drawn out as before. Harry sighed. "That's okay then, I guess. Do you mind if I call you... Joy?"

Harry got a distinct feeling of widened eyes as the dementor stared at him, amazed by his name choice. "I think Joy seems like a nice name, don't you?" The boy mused, twinkling at it cheerfully. He put on some puppy eyes and gazed earnestly at the dementor. "You like it, right?"

Joy crumbled under that look.

Half an hour later, Joy the Tatter (Harry had decided that 'dementor' was too negative a term) waved shyly at Harry as he walked back to the castle. Harry smiled thoughtfully at his progress with her (she had confirmed her gender when asked, but still wanted the name Joy), and resolved to see under her hood one day, as well as to get her some new robes, as how were the Tatters themselves supposed to buy them? He also needed to find a way to keep the Tatters fed, as Joy had told him that they needed happy emotions to live. And he needed to teach Joy how to read and write.

Small steps for now, though.

Harry snickered as he remembered Joy's first bite of chocolate, and how quickly she had scoffed the rest, and decided to research that as a source of food. Honeydukes would be thrilled, he thought, as he snuck back into the castle.

I bet you didn't see that coming. Harry has befriended a Tatter and sets out to change the world, one inexplicably massive step at a time! It's like he's confused a cliff for a flight of stairs!

Next time, I don't even bother to put this section in as nothing written here ever comes true!

...Wait.

Anyway, I was originally going to have Snape or Dumbledore as the teacher, but I couldn't get the story to move anywhere from there without it seeming incredibly cheesy. It may have something to do with the lycanthropy lesson in the canon Potterverse, and my inability to write Crumblemore's grandfatheryness.

Besides, I love how this turned up. Especially Joy. I didn't even plan for Joy.