A/N: this version of chapter 9 has scenes that differ from the one posted previously. please re-read this chapter.

In the cover of night, she awakens. He isn't by her side and the young woman can feel the pang of rejection capture her heart. He was here when she fell asleep, after an evening of sensual activities. He had been so gentle and loving; she was almost convinced of the lie that he loved her. She feels the pang grow to pain and then to sorrow. This is not how she wants to continue with life, it is a lot to bear considering the fact that she has given her all to the man who saved the world.

Shin ponders over the future she might have. In all the possibilities of how her life might turn out, there isn't a single one that centers around her having a family with the young Avatar. She is not just a cheap slut, this is something she is desperate to establish. Circumstances made her become what she is, but deep down inside, she has only loved one man and one man only.

Shin, gets up from her position on her fur pelts and begin to gather her clothes. The large tent she shares with some of the other women of the brothel is well insulated despite the harsh weather and physically she can feel nothing but cozy warmth. The young woman has never entertained Aang at her work place. This is because she doesn't see him as a client but a lover, someone she wants to spend the rest of her life with. She moves to her dresser and takes her cocktail of medicine. These are homemade remedies for depression, something that has been plaguing her since she was a teenager.

Her parents, a poor couple from Ba Sing Se, sold much of their property to pay for her treatment. When they could no longer, they allowed an elderly woman to take her into her care, with the promise of a good, decent job with good money. The woman was not as kind as she seemed, selling her into sex slavery and forcing her into prostitution. That was long ago but the situation only served to worsen her condition.

Her mind becomes clouded with the thoughts of the family Aang already has and she feels like screaming. In fact she takes a pillow and shouts into it. This way she will feel better, or so she hopes. Although the opportunities are rare, Shin has seen the wife and daughter of her beloved. Katara, the master waterbender, mother to Aang's daughter and wife of the tattooed man, has always been an elbow to her side.

The sight of another woman with her lover is far more painful to bear than it should be. She doesn't know Katara well, she has never had the desire to get to understand the other woman. However, what Shin knows is that Katara isn't the right woman for Aang. The woman is older, much more mature and a little too overbearing. And Shin knows that this is not what Aang wants.

The Air Nomad is a free spirit, not one to be held down by commitment or family. Yet, he chose to be with someone who, in fact, values such things. It is odd really, because truth be told, she wants Aang to be committed to her. Even though it is painfully obvious that he longs to remain married to the waterbender and clearly thinks of her as a cheap whore.

Shin had never thought she would fall in love, and yet here she is, head over heels, madly loving a man who doesn' t love her. She doesn't accept the money he offers her after every visit because she doesn't want to be seen as a cheap prostitute in the man's eyes, even though she knows deep inside that she already is.

Life is not worth living. Shin can feel depression stemming from her broken heart, creep into her being. This is not something that is new to her. In fact, she has experienced this hurt on many occasions, but this is the worst of it all. On this day she decides that death is imminent and that she shall not go alone.

Katara

X

I sit before the fire that is burning in front of the community tent. There are a few couples and groups of friends enjoying the quiet and warmth from the flames. It is a popular past time here in the South where activities in the night mostly revolve around socializing and keeping the village spirit alive. I glance up at Yue and can feel a distinct sense of longing in my heart. It isn't the fact that she was my friend in life that makes me think of her, but the fact that at that time, Zuko and I were nothing but enemies. Yet now… now we are married to each other.

The thought makes the frost in my heart wane and my soul falter. Zuko has never been a man of many words, yet, at our wedding, he placed sentence after sentence of them strung together to form his vow. The use of language he had chosen was not as good as that of scholars and writers of romantic scrolls, but the pure and unmistakable love that he had… has for me was as recognizable as it is now.

There is a part of me that loves him still- when he willingly threw himself in front of his sister's lightning, when he kissed me just before Aang and I were married, when he attended our wedding. These are just examples that I can name, moments when I felt the whole of my heart swell with love… and with pity. I shut my eyes. In every one of these instances, I loved him, though not in the way I should. It was the love a friend has for another, nothing more and nothing less, it was platonic and not in the least bit what he needed of me.

When I open my eyes, I notice an expecting couple sitting by the fire, the man has his arm on the woman's shoulder, he is Fire Nation and she, Water Tribe. The South has become a hub of trade and a centre for lovers of the world. It is here, that pregnant couples come to soak in the atmosphere of the mating and raising rituals of otter penguins. They catch me looking in their direction and nod at me. I wonder what their story is, how they fell in love despite the conflict between their peoples. Then I think of Zuko, it really isn't difficult for someone to love their enemy, Zuko's love is testament to that. Yet, it is hard for me to accept the selfless affection that rains upon me.

"What's on your mind?" Yan's voice is strong and in fact makes me feel a little colder. He takes a seat beside me and looks into the fire. There is a pained look on his features as he rubs his hands together and tries to keep warm. "I thought you might want some company," he says and I smile at him politely. It feels slightly awkward to be spending time with someone I seldom speak to. He offers me some bourbon, which I gladly indulge in.

"Zuko," I answer simply, after I have a sip of the alcohol and hug my legs to myself.

"I'm always thinking about Toph," he chuckles lightly, gazing into the burning flames. "Can I ask you something?" he asks and I look at him. This is the first time I actually look at him. He has broad shoulders, a short, neat beard and dark skin, not unlike mine. His eyes are as green as emerald and his features are strong. He is handsome, but, unlike Zuko, is not strikingly so. As I look at him, I wonder what it is he lacks, that deters Toph from loving him.

Hesitantly, I nod.

"How does it feel like to be betrayed?" his words can be describe in two ways:- 1) they are inappropriate and 2)they are most definitely surprising. What does he know about betrayal? At the thought, I think about the man who betrayed me first, Zuko. He was the first to rip through my uncorrupted trust, he took my innocent faith in him and turned it against me. That was a long time ago and I have no desire to bring up the past. Still, it is painfully obvious, the fact that I betrayed him also.

"Nothing," I state in a breath and sigh. "You feel numb first, and then stupid after. Betrayal stems from ill-trust, ill-belief in the good of man and a underestimation of the wicked in their hearts," I state, my face is set in stone and my heart even more so. I have betrayed, I have been a traitor, to my husband and the man who loves me more than he loves himself. When he married me, Zuko trusted me to love him, he believed that there could be a life of happiness between us but there isn't. I can sense the spirit of Yan waver and I look at him.

It is not obvious but as I observe him with more detail, I see that his features are downcast as he folds into himself and is almost banished to a world of his own. There is pain and a little longing as a small, but very sad smile plays on his features. It isn't like me to probe but I do not hide my curiosity.

"I'm sorry," I tell him as a lone tear falls from his green orbs. He turns away and coughs loudly. It is apparent that he is trying to dispel the pain and sorrow that has filled the spaces between us. "What happened?" I query after a moment and watch as he unravels. "Is it Toph?"

"It isn't my place to say," he responds, a tight smile forming on his features. "I think it's time you spoke to Zuko," he stands and leaves me with questions burrowing themselves into the pit of my soul.

Toph

X

"There is something between the two of you," he declares as I sit in front of the fire with him one cold winter's night. His words catch me off guard. One moment I am enjoying the pleasure of the warmth that is rare but comforting, and the next I can feel my cheeks heat up at the thought of the kiss. This isn't his first time he's accusing me of being unfaithful. He had done so once when he was drunk and angry over my visits to the Fire Nation and meetings with Aang.

"What are you talking about?" I ask, my voice is more surprised than I had intended as the temperature suddenly seems to drop a few degrees. I don't like it when he has such comments. Yan isn't the type of person to rage, but when it comes to matters of the heart, he holds nothing back. I feel the tension building up as I hear him poke at the embers.

"You know what I'm talking about," his tone is accusing, hostile almost. "Zuko; you spent the night with him didn't you." I feel my features shift into a scowl and imagine that the already existing redness of my face just got redder.

"There is more than one implication of what you've just said, you better pick carefully which one it is," I know my words make him feel slightly threatened as I sense the tension between us.

"You were with him that night, when you didn't come back," he clarifies and I hear him inhale deeply. I try not to flare up, even though I am hanging by a thread. "I want to know what happened between you two," he finishes and waits expectantly for the answer. I shut my eyes. I don't want to talk about the goddamn kiss, it was nothing, just a taste of what it's like to be with a man.

"We kissed," I state, I try to keep my voice calm as my heart pounds in my chest. "It was nothing," I say quickly and clear my throat quite crudely. "He didn't touch me, just pecked me on the lips. I swear it was nothing," I can feel my embarrassment growing as I question if I actually like Zuko. On the other hand, the thing that's making me increasingly alarmed is my need to be on a clean slate with Yan.

I stand from my position and feel him quickly hold on to me. It makes me more at ease that he still cares. I do not allow my mind to stop me, I do not stop when it yells for me to reconsider my actions. Instead, I reach up and touch his face, and then painfully slowly, I press my lips to his.

A/N: please give me your opinions people! send me a pm or comment (anonymously if you have used your acc to review last time) and tell me what ships you wish to see. thanks