Foreclosure of a Dream

Part 3: Satan Gave Me A Taco.

Chapter title is from a song by Beck. Circa 1994

I own none of the characters from TVD. They are all property of L.J Smith, Julie Plec and the CW. This story is for entertainment value alone.

I wanted to thank everyone for the feedback and comments. Reading the reviews never fail to inspire a spark of creativity, so thank you.

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Salvatore Boarding House:

Damon's POV

I feel like a dead man walking, and not in the sense that because I'm a vampire, I literally am a dead man walking. No, this is far, far worse. This is like everything inside me has been sucked out and I'm nothing but a shell where something warm and good used to be. And yeah, maybe using warm, good, and me in the same sentence might be ironic, but that's what Elena used to give to me. She made me feel human.

And now it gone.

To make it all worse, I kind of understand Elena's choice. Apparently, I've been gone a hell of a lot longer than I thought. I swear to whatever freaking God is out there that I about fell out of my chair when Stefan told me Bonnie and I have been gone six months!

And yep, me and Witchy definitely need to have a long talk, coz I don't remember squat about our half a year on the other side and I'm really going to need her to fill in the blanks for me here.

But then Stefan let it slip that he'd spilled the beans to Elena about her brain wipe rehab and hearing that even after knowing what she'd done, she still chose to keep her feelings for me buried under Alaric's compulsion…yeah, that was a real crusher. I guess it's better than her taking off her ring and taking a walk in the sunshine, but still…why didn't she want to remember me—remember us? The only silver lining in this whole twisted mass of drama and trauma was the confirmation that Ric had made it back.

It was sweet to know he was alive and kicking—even if I did want to knock him the hell out for playing God with my girl's mind. But it's Ric and I'll forgive him, just like he forgave me for snapping his neck-once upon a time.

I'm still coming to terms with it all when Caroline starts chirping about making calls and getting everyone together. Before I died, I tolerated Blondie, but on a bad day (which this is shaping into) she could easily be the catalyst to send me over the edge.

"Yeah, I think I'll skip the welcome home Damon—party of one, thank you very much," I say as I make my way over to where I keep my liquor.

Caroline starts to argue, and honestly, doesn't she have a clue? The last thing I want right now is a welcome home bash where I have to sit here and smile and act like I give two fucks at being home when the one person I wanted to come home for doesn't even want to remember I exist!

Hell to the no!

I glance at Stefan, and thank God! It seems baby bro gets me all of a sudden, because he prevents Caroline from letting her fingers do the walking into territory I'd rather not face right now.

"Why don't we wait till tomorrow for a celebration, Care," he says gently. "I'm sure Damon and Bonnie are both too tired for all that tonight."

Caroline looks crestfallen, but Stefan works his white knight magic on her and she's all smiles again in no time. I barely manage not to roll my eyes again…barely.

"I know Damon sure is," I say as I avert my gaze away from the happy couple because…let's face it, my eyes still haven't recovered from the disturbing visual of them earlier and despite being happy as hell to see my brother—seeing him wrapped around Caroline is a sight that will take some getting used to—years perhaps.

In the meantime, I need a distraction. As always, I know the perfect one. "Yep," I mutter, snatching up my favorite bottle of bourbon. "This is all I need tonight."

Bonnie catches my eye when I turn and there's something new and kind of weird there when she looks at me. And another mystery opens up, because it looks like Judgy is suddenly on my fan-girl list and I sure as hell would like to know what I did to put her on 'Team Damon'! I'm reminded of earlier when I healed her and we took a trip to the Twilight-Erotica-Zone! In all the 'Elena erased you' drama, I'd almost forgotten about it, but something has definitely changed between us and I really need to get to the bottom of it, because it could be a spell or something.

Or worse…and I'm not even going there right now. Tonight has already been one huge let down, and truthfully, the only thing I really want to do right now is go up to my room with my bottle, soak in my utterly fabulous tub, (that I feel like I haven't seen in forever) crawl into my incredibly soft bed and sleep for a week—or until Elena decides to remember me or I finally grow a pair and decide I'm going to stop giving a fuck what Elena wants or needs!

Either or would suffice at this point. I mean really, how many times am I going to fall for that face and let it wreck me?!

And that's just what I'd do if Stefan wasn't practically bouncing off the walls like a kid with ADHD on a sugar high. He's still in shock at seeing me alive and watching me like a hawk as well. I know my brother (the mother hen) he's practically clucking over me, brows drawn down in concern, and I know it's because he's afraid I'm going to lose my shit over what Elena's done. I want to escape his watchful eyes, but I don't have the heart to leave him down here to stew. Not anymore. So, I shelf my plans for drowning my sorrows in booze and my ridiculously amazing tub. I fill four glasses with bourbon instead and I hand them out with a smile, calling upon every bit of acting talent I possess to keep cool, as if I haven't a care in the world and my heart wasn't broken tonight.

"To rising from the dead…again," I say with a smirk and raise my glass.

"To new beginnings," Bonnie adds.

Caroline's eyes meet mine and she gives me that smile that says she going to take a dig at me. "To letting go of the past, even if said past makes you want to cringe."

I chuckle, because Caroline's insults are like barbs wrapped in fluffy cotton—they rarely draw blood. She's just too damned nice and perky to ever want to do any real damage, so I take it in stride and flare my eyes and bat my lashes at her obnoxiously. "Yeah, missed you too, Blondie."

Stefan is quiet for a moment because he knows my 'devil doesn't give a damn' attitude is all an act and he's sporting the furrowed brow that (I swear) if he weren't a vampire, would have worn a groove in his forehead by now. And since (for once) I don't want to give my brother any grief, I wrap an arm around his shoulder and wave my glass under his nose. "The thing about a toast, Stef…after its made, you drink," I tell him, teasing him in my own special way that always gets a reaction from him. Good or bad.

And it still works like a charm. Stefan may know I'm 'faking it till I make it' where Elena is concerned, but seeing me smile changes his entire demeanor and (like magic) an honest to God smile breaks out across his face. I'm impressed since I was sure Stef had lost that ability eons ago.

He raises the crystal tumbler of bourbon in one hand and clasps me on the shoulder with his other. "To Family. You don't know what you have until it's gone," he says.

And while he smiles at Bonnie and Caroline, I'm his main focus, and while I'm actually feeling the love too, I'm also getting that twitchy, awkward feeling all over again. Stefan and I living in harmony will also take some getting used to. I take a small step back, just enough to give myself some breathing room and he clinks his glass against mine. He looks happy, and despite my urge to run, a smile tugs at my lips; I missed the little prick, but I'm not sure I'll ever let him know just how much.

Stefan takes a healthy swallow from his drink and his eyes find mine again. His start water and oh shit! He's going to lose it. I feel a serious (Stefan drama) moment coming on, and my mind is already coming up with ways to cut baby bro off before both of us have our Man cards rescinded!

However, once again, Stefan proves he can still surprise me and what comes out of his mouth next was the absolute last thing I'd expected.

"You once promised me a lifetime of misery…" he says, pointing a finger at me.

Caroline gasps and hisses his name in reproach, while Bonnie levels him with a look that (truth be told) is usually reserved for yours truly and is also (nine times out of ten) followed up with a mind melting headache.

And holy shit! Is that fire I see in her eyes is it merely a trick of the light?!

I don't want to find out. Obviously, Bonnie has her mojo back and since I'm not in the mood to see my brother become as well acquainted with her juju as I am, I try and head him off at the pass, before he says something we're all going to regret. "Well okay, that lasted longer than I expected actually," I say sarcastically, drawing attention back to myself, unwilling to show the disappointment I feel that Stefan wants to rehash our grudge now. "If you'll all excuse me…" I hold up the bottle of Evan Williams 23. "I have a bottle and a tub to soak in."

"No wait, Damon, hear me out," Stefan says quickly, grabbing my arm and preventing me from bailing on him. "What I mean is…when you said you would give me a lifetime of misery…" He shakes his head, his brow furrowing deeply, "But I never felt it. Not really." He shrugs. "Yeah, you caused me grief, but so did I. We caused each other a lot of pain, but I never really felt true misery though…at least until you were gone."

And there you have it ladies and gentlemen. One drink and Stefan is rambling. Oh brother. I see the girls' eyes tear up and I start looking around the room for Kleenex, because I have a feeling this is going to be a three hankie speech.

"I always said I couldn't live with you," Stefan says, "but the truth of it is…I can't live without you. When you left…"

His voice cracks and I clasp his face in my hands, making him look at me. "I know, Stef," I say, calming him down, just like I used to when he was a kid and he'd wake up shivering after a nightmare. "I know. I'm here now. No more misery, okay?"

My intervention isn't just for his sake. There's only so much emotional anguish I can take in a night and (although I'd rather have a vervain laced stake driven into my heart than admit it) Stefan's speech is touching something inside me I thought we'd killed a long, long time ago.

I flash back to the night when he died. The agony I felt is still fresh and I only had to suffer his loss for one day, yet I pretty much went bat-shit crazy. I signed up for a suicide mission and died (for real) because of it. But Stefan…he had to deal with me dead for six months! I don't think I'd have handled it as well. He told me how he tried to bring me back, but when that didn't work, he left Mystic Falls because it reminded him too much of me. Stefan had dealt with my loss by starting over and pretending Mystic Falls didn't exist. He also told me how everyone was mad at him for it. I'm not. Truth is, if we wouldn't have had a plan to bring Stefan back that very night, I think I would have handled his loss in a far more destructive and bloodier fashion than he did mine.

It dawns on me then, in a flash of absolute clarity, Elena is not the only one tethering me to my humanity. My brother has always been the true ball and chain that keeps me from completely shutting it off completely.

Our eyes meet and hold and Stefan nods. His arms wrap around me and the next thing I know we're hugging it out again.

And yep, our brother bonding sends Caroline and Bonnie off in a rush looking for tissues. They try to disguise it, but vampire hearing allows for their sniffles to be heard halfway across the house.

"Now look what you've done…way to ruin a celebration, Stef," I tease, patting him on the chest as I step back, regaining a bit of distance between us. I've reached my quota of sad and sappy for the night.

I grab the bottle and refill his glass. "Okay, I'm making a new rule. No more tearful confessions."

I wish Ric was here, but then again, I'm still ticked about his role in Elena's form of mental rehab. I find I'm better off if I give myself a chance to blow off some steam and process, before I confront. And that's why he's on my agenda for tomorrow. I'll probably punch him in the jaw—after I hug him that is—and then he'll slug me back and we'll have a good old fashioned meeting of the fists and then we'll have a drink and get over it. After all, he's my best friend and I don't have a lot of them just waiting around. Speaking of my short list of friends.

"Hey, did Enzo make it back?" I ask, and from the reaction of both Caroline and Stefan I'm thinking that's a yes, and…shit! Looks like he hasn't played nice since I've been gone. Great.

"Yeah, he did," Stefan says. "He came back alright and took up your cause to bring me a lifetime of misery."

I mutter a curse under my breath. Stefan doesn't go into the details of what Enzo's done, but his expression speaks volumes—it's bad. Great. Looks like I'll be having a knock down drag out with both my (only) friends tomorrow. "I'll handle him, Stef," I tell him, pouring myself another three fingers worth of bourbon.

Stefan takes the bottle from my hands. "How about we leave that for tomorrow, brother. Tonight, I just want to celebrate."

To my surprise Stefan takes a swig straight from the bottle and then grins at me. "I've got my brother back. Everything else can wait."

For once, Stefan and I are on the same page. I snatch my bottle back and take a drink from it too. "Okay," I say pointing the tip at my brother, "I'm making another new rule. No more talk about a lifetime of misery and no more worries about tomorrow." I wink at him. "Tonight, we party."

Caroline gives a loud 'whoop' and flips on the music before she starts dancing around the room. Bonnie joins in. All too soon Blondie is egging me and Stefan on to join them, and normally that would probably annoy me, but Stefan is laughing as he refuses her requests…

And I realize he's really happy, so of course, I'm decide to embarrass him by grabbing his hand and forcing him to dance with me.

"C'mon Stef, let's dance…" I say and then I spin him. Stefan does his best to tug his hand free from mine, but I won't let go. Caroline and Bonnie are dancing beside us, and their laughter, clapping and cheers finally get Stefan on board for my silliness. To my surprise, (and amusement) he busts out a few moves that actually impress me and I can't help but laugh at seeing my habitually broody baby bro letting go and getting down with his bad self!

Who knew Stefan could actually dance? And even more newsworthy, who knew the first partner to uncover his hidden talent would be me?

Yeah, he's never living this down!

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Much later:

I wake up to gentle hands on my face and back. They trace my spine and I sigh and roll over. I'd know those hands anywhere.

"Elena?"

I blink open my eyes and catch a glimpse of those big doe eyes and cascading brown hair, before my head nearly implodes from the light streaming into my room. I immediately shut them again, warding off the pain.

Oh yeah, that's right. I tied one on last night and now I'm suffering for it.

I feel her though. She's right here, so close, I can reach out and touch. I don't. "Can you close the drapes?" I ask instead, rolling back onto my stomach and pulling the pillow over my head to shut out any and all light.

I feel her leave the bed and then my room is filled with blessed darkness. 'Thank freaking God!' Now all I need is for my head to stop pounding like the Blue Man crew is playing a full set inside my skull. However, as soon as that pain goes away, another slithers in to take its place.

Elena. What the hell is she doing here?! Aren't I on her 'Do Not Remember' list?

The bed dips as she sits next to me again. I hold my breath and there's one of those long, agonizing silences, but then her hands are on me again and she traces the muscles of my shoulders. Her touch is soft, gentle and I want to groan because really? Is this a new brand of torture she's cooked up especially for me?

"Elena what are you doing?"

"Caroline called and I had to see you."

My heart stutters for a second because her voice is husky, emotional, and for one spectacular second I think she's back, and we're going to be okay. I roll over again, a smile on my face, but it fades as soon as I see her eyes. Instead of the love and warmth I've drowned in a thousand times, I see those big brown orbs studying me as if she's trying to rediscover what she loved about me. And I know, with gut wrenching certainty, she's still partaking in the compulsion Kool-Aid.

A coldness creeps into my heart. "Why?" I ask, moving away from her all too familiar touch. I lean against my headboard and arrange the covers around my hips because I'm naked under my sheets and even brain wiped Elena can't keep her eyes from drifting over my body. Surprisingly, it doesn't give me the rush it used to. Maybe she's really broken me this time.

"Why did you need to see me, Elena?" I repeat, finally getting her attention on my face and not eating me alive with those eyes of hers. "Did you come here to convince yourself that falling in love with me was nothing more than a bout of temporary insanity—like some prolonged spring break gone horribly wrong?"

"Damon…" she says, but I cut her off.

"No! Don't Damon me. You erased me, Elena! And now you're here—without your memories of everything we shared. What am I supposed to think?"

"I would think you'd give me time…"

"I gave you years," I say, interrupting her again, "And then I finally got the girl, and she loved me. Now she doesn't. End of story—no epilogue needed."

"Is that what you really think?"

"I'm only connecting the dots you left for me to find."

"Then why am I here?"

"To dish up another pound of flesh I guess," I quip, avoiding eye contact.

"Damon…"

I cross my arms over my chest and turn away from her, because if I look at her, I'll cave. I always do.

"I'm trying to figure this out too. I may not remember loving you, but when I look at you, I feel it—something. It's just there. I'm not sure I want to forget anymore."

After her speech, she gives me a small smile—like the pity smiles she used to give me when she knew I was hopelessly in love with her and she was still trying to convince herself 'It'd always be Stefan'!

I cringe. Fuck me! She must really think I'm a sap to just sweep this under the rug and wait for her to decide I'm worthy of her love again.

"So that's it? That's your big speech? You feel…something for me, but you're not sure what it is." I let out a loud snort and I know it sounds as ugly to her as it just did to me. But I seriously don't give a shit right now because she's killing me! Slowly, but surely, this girl is ripping me apart. "Well, halle-fuckin-lujah, Elena! You're on the path to true discovery. I guess I should be grateful, right?"

I'm lashing out at her and I know it, but I can't seem to stop myself, because I'm really fucking angry with her for just deleting us from her memory bank and it's making me say things I would never say to her.

She doesn't leave like I expect. Instead she takes my hand and I hold out, not lacing my fingers with hers as I continue to avoid her eyes, because I don't want to look at her. I really can't because I can smell her tears and Elena crying has always gutted me like a fish. But then she takes my chin in her hand and I have to look at her, because (as painful as it is) I can't *not* look at her.

I watch the tears trail down her cheeks and something in me snaps. "Elena, don't." I use my thumb to wipe away the salty tracks, and yeah, this shit is making me bleed in ways Katherine couldn't even come close to, but apparently I love this girl more than I love myself, because (once again) I'm ready to fall on my sword and do something unselfish and out of character…for her.

If freedom from me is what Elena needs to be happy, then I'm going to give it to her—minus the guilt trip I really want to lay on her.

"Look before you run back to Ric for another memory whammy, there's a few things we need to talk about that I'm not sure you remember."

"Like what?"

"Like the fact that a couple weeks before I died we decided this thing between us wasn't exactly healthy." I pause, remembering our breakup sadly. "Actually, I think the word we used was toxic."

She shakes her head and I'm not really surprised she has no memory of the conversation.

"Why were we so toxic?" she asks, tucking a lock of hair behind her ear.

I shrug, because I didn't really think we were until Katherine took control of the wheel. But blaming Kat isn't going to give Elena the closure she needs, so I bring to mind the words she'd hurled at me that night. "Because you said I was always forcing you to compromise your beliefs and excuse my bad behavior." I flare my eyes at her (summoning the Damon she remembers) and give her my best 'aren't I a bastard' smirk. "And since I'm never going to change…" I know even as the words leave my mouth, that I'm giving her the ammunition needed to feel good about her decision and (to my credit) I manage not to flinch when she pulls away just the tiniest bit. It's barely a twitch, but I know Elena inside and out, and that small movement is a step away from me. "Well, needless to say, we came to the conclusion that I was bad for you."

"But you must have changed, because I fell in love with you."

And just like that, she's back in my head. This girl always did see through me far too easily. "Not enough."

"Do you mean you didn't change enough? Or that I didn't love you enough?"

"Does it really matter?"

"Yeah, it does, because I read the letter I left to myself. I was in love with you, Damon. Completely. So that means either becoming a vampire totally changed me—which I'm not feeling, or you changed and it made me see something in you."

I don't take the bait. Discussing the hoops I've leapt through for her would only make this conversation more awkward than it already is.

"You wrote yourself a letter?" I ask instead, rolling my eyes so hard, it a miracle they're not permanently lodged in my skull facing backwards.

She looks a little embarrassed and I almost smile. Almost…but I don't. I'm not letting her off that easily.

"I guess I wanted an escape route in case I wanted to change my mind."

I sigh. "Elena, if you really want to forget, you don't leave a trail of breadcrumbs back to the memories you want erased. Kind of spoils the whole compulsion thing."

"I guess I wasn't really sure I wanted to forget," she says, licking her lips as her eyes drop to my mouth again.

My body goes taut, blood racing to places it shouldn't and I tell myself she doesn't know what she's doing, but I'm not really buying it, because the girl has always had a fascination with my mouth and she always knew what it did to me too.

And on that note...I glance down at my over-eager soldier, internally command it to stand the fuck down and unobtrusively rearrange the sheets.

I see her gaze shifting, and for the first time I really hate how easily she turns me into nothing more than nerve endings firing all at once. To save myself the embarrassment of having her see how she affects me, my mind leaps for a distraction—any distraction. "After we broke up, you told me it wasn't that we were bad for each other," I say, thankfully drawing her attention away from my lap and back to my face, "it was that we did bad things for each other. You didn't think we made each other better, Elena. You thought we made each other worse."

"But I loved you."

"Yeah and you thought that made you a bad person because you forgave me over and over for the things I'd done." I cross my arms over my chest. "You even forgave me killing your little buddy, Aaron and after the whole Katherine fiasco, I thought you'd really lose your shit over that!"

Her reaction is so far off the grid of normal, I'm left disorientated. "Aaron? Who's Aaron?" she asks with a frown. And to make this all together far worse, before I can even begin to answer, she's turning on me, eyes darkening to a dangerous level, and shit! She looks seriously pissed. "And what do you mean the whole Katherine fiasco?" She levels an accusing finger at me and jabs it my way. "Did you and Katherine sleep together? Is that why you say I forgave you all these bad things?"

And…wow! Yeah, so I'm pretty sure my jaw is sitting in my lap right about now. Did she really just accuse me of sleeping with Katherine, Queen of all things Vile? And to top off this spectacular cluster-fuck, she doesn't remember Aaron, her pet-project and heir to the horrible Whitmore dynasty, or me killing him or even Katherine hijacking her body? My head is really starting to pound now, because Christ! What the hell did Ric do to her? I'm thinking that punch in the jaw I was planning, might turn into an angry snap of his neck! What the fuck possessed him to think he could handle this? He's only been a vampire for what? A few months. Hell, I have a dry cleaning bill on hold that's older than he is!

Elena is scowling at me and I know she's waiting for an answer. Normally, I'd laugh my ass off and tease the hell out of her for even suggesting it. Because seriously—Katherine? Ugh. But the fact that she glossed right over what I said about killing a friend of hers has me freaking the fuck out.

"Okay, first of all, no, I didn't sleep with Katherine. Never again. Not in this lifetime or any other. And did you forget the part about Aaron? I just told you I killed him and that doesn't even spark a curious why?"

Elena was quiet for a long moment before answering. "Damon, I don't remember anyone named Aaron. And maybe that's for the best. But since you brought it up. Why did you kill him?"

And now I'm officially worried as hell. Who is this girl? She just asked me why I killed her friend (who she apparently has no memory of whatsoever) with no more concern than a stranger asking me if I'd like fries to go along with my burger! And I flounder for a second, because really? How the hell do I answer her? A part of me says I should just give it to her straight, the whole unvarnished truth in one messy sit-down—like I usually do. But her head is all messed up-and shit! I'm not sure how to proceed, because this version of Elena is almost as bad as 'switch flipped off' Elena, and neither version is the girl I fell in love with.

"Okay, since it's obvious Ric erased more than your love for me from your memory. How about we start with you telling me how much of last year you actually do remember?"

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Okay guys, there's the next part. I really want to thank everyone for all the wonderful support this story is getting. I'm like blown away and you are all amazing! :)