A/N's So my family is going away on vacation soon so there won't be updates for the next 3 weeks on the set schedule. I may find time to randomly update once or twice but please don't be expecting it or ask/demand an update because I'd like to enjoy my vacation just like everyone else. Thanks for understanding and I hope you continue to enjoy this story!

This chapter may be triggering. Read carefully or skip through Clare's pov.

Ch 15. Sharing and Keeping Secrets

(Owen)

I'm hanging out with Drew at casa Torres today playing video games while Adam and Clare were at school.

"So how'd everything go after we all left yesterday?" he asks when we take a break to go up and get some snacks.

"Gaea has a minor concussion and a sprained ankle, but she's dating Fitz now," I comment.

"Cool. I hope they are good together. And Clare?" he asks.

"Her neck was still pretty sore, but she's ok," I tell him as we head downstairs. "Any luck on the Bianca front?" I question.

"We talked, both her and I and also us and my family," he remarks sitting down. "I don't really know what's gonna happen now, or how I could have given up a wonderful girl for a fling," he comments.

"You definitely screwed up, but we all do. But now learn from it, move on, and realize that someone wonderful doesn't come around too often, so you have to grab it and hold on to it when it does," I remind him, as I sit thinking about Clare.

"But I don't want to move on, I realize Bianca is what I want," he tells me, and I have to think for a moment. Drew screwed up and hurt Bianca, and Bianca is my best friend, but I know Drew is also the best guy she's ever been with in my opinion. But I also know I really shouldn't get involved.

Finally, after thinking a moment I decide to speak up. "If Bianca is truly what you want then fight for her, but if I find out you ever hurt her again, I will crush you. Bianca is as important to me as Clare, Maya, or my mom, and I will kill to protect any of them," I tell him. He looks at me and I can tell that he's slightly intimidated but knows I mean every word. Neither of us says anything, and we go back to playing video games for a while.

(Clare)

"I'm scared," Gaea begins, and I try and reassure her she can trust me. "No, I mean I'm scared of my feelings for Mark, and afraid to tell him what I'm about to tell you, and how he will react," she tells me. I've seen how good they seem together and yet she's afraid?

"Gaea, Mark has had some problems in the past. He can have a temper sometimes, but he's also scared at times. But he's gotten a lot better since being on his own, and he really is one of the sweetest guys you'll ever know," I try to explain to her.

"He is really sweet, but I'm afraid that when I tell him, if I can ever get up the courage to tell him, that he'll leave, and I really do like him," she comments.

"I don't think Mark is the type to leave someone. Not anymore at least," I say and Gaea gives me a look. "You'll have to talk to him about his own past at some point, it's not my place to say anything about his past, but maybe if you can tell me what happened which makes you so scared to tell Mark then you'll have more courage to tell him," I suggest, and I see Gaea slowly nod.

"When I was 14 I went to a party with a friend on a Friday night. She was dating this 17 year old guy, and they decided we should go to a party just outside of town. I thought it would be a high school party, so kids about our age, but it was actually a college frat party," she tells me, and I sit silently and listen, and already I'm worried about what she might say. "They stuck with me for about half an hour which was fine and we mingled a bit, but then they left me to go dance for a while. I got some punch, which in reality was a dumb idea, but it was spiked with something and to this day I'm not sure what," she comments, and I can hear the sadness in her voice.

I put out my hand and take hers as I can tell how painful telling this story is. I know how hard talking about Asher has been. "It's ok, you're safe," I whisper and I see her nod slightly.

"I was talking to this guy on the couch, and then I said I was going to get something to eat. The guy followed me but instead of getting food I ended up in a room with a pool table and leather couch with this guy and another," she tells me and starts crying. "They …" she starts choking up. I switch the hand holding hers and put the arm now closer to her around her shoulders, rubbing her back slightly. "They both raped me," she whispers and I start to cry for my friend.

I give her time to calm down so she can talk again, while I grasp what she just admitted. I rack my brain for something to say, but what do you say when someone admits that? But as I'm thinking Gaea starts talking again. "One held me down and covered my mouth, while the other did what he wanted and then they switched. But thankfully, although I couldn't scream, I was able to close my eyes and try to pretend it wasn't happening, but the pain made that difficult," she tells me, and I can't imagine her pain. She takes another deep breath and then goes on. "I was in pain and bleeding when they were done and just left me on the leather couch. Once I could finally move enough to get up I ran home and hid in my room all weekend. With three little ones running around and my dad's job my parents didn't really notice," she comments, and now I'm worried about her family situation too.

"Did the two guys ever get punished?" I ask quietly when she pauses hoping they were arrested for their crimes, unlike Asher.

"Nothing really happened. I spent the whole weekend in my room, and didn't report it. No one really knew when it happened, so there wasn't really evidence. I tried telling my friend, who had convinced me to go, but she just thought I was making it up. Jealous of her for having a great older guy and trying to get attention, as she said, but as she was the only one I told at the time that wasn't what I was trying to do at all," Gaea explains, and now I'm just sad for her.

"I'm so sorry she was so petty Gaea, and that you ever had to go through any of that," I remark softly.

"Thanks Clare," she says and gives me a small smile. "One of the guys had a well off family in our area, and his family had power. He was caught stealing a few weeks later, and his family paid off the judge so he could get off. About a year or so later my sister Idony and I, were at the studio for my dad's tv show. We both liked hanging out and walking around the studio, and we got separated at some point. As I was walking around I heard noises and I found my younger sister with one of the guys that raped me! He was working for my dad!" she says and bursts into tears again, that had mostly dried up as she calmed down talking before.

Now I'm in shock and can't quite find the words to express just how I feel or have any idea how she feels right now, but I just continue to rub her back slowly. She takes some time to calm down, and I think about her sister. "Was your sister alright?" I ask.

Gaea takes another deep breath and appears to be trying to hold in her tears as she remembers. "It was her tears that I heard through the door. When I got it open I was shocked. He had her lying on the floor with her skirt up and was shoving his fingers in her. She was 11 years old and he was getting off on the pain she was in. And of course fingers meant no semen, so again there would be no evidence really, but I screamed and my dad came running. The guy pulled out his fingers, but my dad could see my tears and the guy, and of course how scared and upset Idony was," she tells me, and I want to be sick right now.

"My dad fired the guy on the spot, and took my sister and I to the clinic. He asked what happened and she was too upset to talk, so I had to not only explain what I saw with Idony, but that he was one of two guys that had raped me the year before. And my father was in shock," Gaea tells me. "When we left the clinic my dad took us to the police station to report it. They told us Idony could have the guy charged but they didn't think much would come from it, and that the statute of limitations had lapsed to report my rape," she adds.

"Oh Gaea, I am so sorry, that must have been a terrible time for your family," I respond trying to be supportive.

"It was tough. My youngest siblings didn't know what was happening, but having to tell my mom was certainly one of the hardest parts. It was like she was devastated and could never quite look at either of us the same. She became extremely over protective, which was nice at first but became overbearing as I got older. But it was this that also ruined my only relationship. Like I told you, he was quiet like me, but learning what had happened became too much, and he walked away. I was crushed because not only had I lost my virginity, but my innocent little sister, my innocence, and my boyfriend. It was then I realized that maybe someone with a bit of a darker past would be the only person who could possibly understand and not walk away," she explains, and I nod slightly. "Well, once I felt comfortable with myself again," she continues.

"I think you'll find that Mark can be that guy," I remark as she calms down again. "And I honour you for having the courage to open up to me," I tell her and see her begin to smile. "Is that why you struggled the other day when Tris was so excited about your dad's show?" I ask.

"Thanks Clare. Yeah I struggled for that final 2 years I lived in California, but was happy when we finally left it, and I could leave that part of my past behind me in a way. And yes, that's why it was hard. His whole job bothers me now, and I stopped going to the studio at all after that. It just brought up bad memories. I still love my dad, but it hurt," she tells me and I nod.

"I understand it, and I think maybe you should ask Mark about his past when you're ready and find out about him, and maybe that will give you the courage to tell him. And if he does walk away, then he's not the guy I thought he was, but you will always have Owen and I," I remark and this time Gaea nods.

"I think I still need some time," she comments.

"Of course, you've only known each other a few days. It'll take some time to get that comfortable," I comment, and she smiles. "I want to thank you for telling me, and I know this isn't the same, but can I share something with you, that might help in why I won't walk away, and why hearing what you went through hurts me too," I ask and Gaea nods wiping away what's left of her tears.

"Of course Clare, if you feel comfortable telling me, then go ahead," she offers and this time I'm nodding.

"Well you saw my mom this weekend. She wasn't always like that. But when I was 12, my sister decided to go on the Degrassi ski trip with her boyfriend Peter and some friends, and lied to my parents about it. While away she was drugged and raped losing her virginity," I tell Gaea, whose eyes get wide. "She thought she slept with Peter, but then the memories started coming back, and she did some destructive things, including attempting suicide twice. While my parents were helping Darcy, they pretty well forgot about me, but Spinner, Jay, Lucas and even Peter when he wasn't helping Darcy looked out for me. That's really how I got my older brothers," I explain.

"I was curious about the guys this weekend, they did seem a lot older than you, but I didn't want to pry," Gaea remarks, and I smile.

"Ya it can be hard to explain our relationship without going into everything. My sister is about 4 years older than me and all of those guys except Peter were older than her, so there is quite the age gap. But anyway, my parents pushed Darcy into going to Africa to do missions work after that, and she left my second day at Degrassi in grade 9. She hasn't been home since, as she loves it there. We email sometimes, but it can take a while to get replies. I still haven't heard back from my email about marrying Owen actually," I remark.

"That's too bad you don't have your older sister, but having the older brothers is certainly nice. I wish I had had guys like that when I was growing up," she comments and I smile.

"Yeah, having them was great usually, especially when my dad announced just after Darcy left that he had been having an affair with his secretary, and was leaving my mom for her," I get out bitterly, picturing my dad and her.

"I'm sorry about your dad Clare," she says.

"Thanks, but it's okay, I've mostly gotten over it, now, but it still hurts sometimes. Especially now that they both appear to have completely written me off, but I can't do anything about that anymore. I'm curious if I'll even find out my little brother's name when my step-mom gives birth," I comment with a laugh. "Oh well, so after my dad left, my brothers started getting married and such and weren't around as much. And then last year I was doing a co-op at the Interpreter newspaper and my boss was a pretty famous journalist around here, Asher Shostak. I was really excited about working with him, and made that clear. Well after a couple of weeks, he was helping me with a newspaper assignment for school and he kissed me. I was shocked and he apologized saying he was going through a rough divorce and it didn't mean anything. I believed him cause I wanted to. The next day he invited me along to city hall and I went, and then when we got back he started touching me, and when I tried to get out of his car, he grabbed my arm ripping my shirt, and said he's ruin my career in journalism if I ever told," I tell Gaea, who appears to be thinking back on what happened to herself.

"You must have been so scared," she comments quietly.

I nod, "yes I was, and embarrassed. And not many people know about this. But the following day I went to his boss, but he had already spoken to her with the emails and twitter messages I sent about being excited about getting the chance to work with him, but he told her I was sexually harassing him, and she didn't give me a chance to explain before she fired me," I explain.

"Oh Clare," Gaea comments softly.

"I tried to find someone else it happened to, and almost did something stupid to frame him, but another of his interns stopped me. We went to the police, but it had been too long since hers so she couldn't report him, and because of what he told his boss, mine wasn't taken seriously. Nothing came of it really," I comment and look up at Gaea's eyes.

Gaea reaches over and gives me a hug and I can feel a deep connection that neither of us ever realized we had before now, just as the bell rings for the end of lunch. Neither of us ate too much, but we also weren't very hungry given what we were talking about. We get up and head off to class after a hand squeeze.

(Bianca)

As much as I don't want to do this I drive over to the Torres house after dinner and knock on the basement door. It's Drew that opens it. "Hey B, I'm surprised but happy you're here," he comments letting me in and I see Adam on the couch.

"Well I came to talk to you, but it's not so much about us. I'm still extremely hurt right now, but I had an idea and I needed to run it past you first. Hi Adam," I smile as I sit in a chair and Adam pauses the video game he's got on. Drew sits on the couch next to his brother but on the end closer to me.

"Hey Bianca, you want me to leave so you two can talk?" he asks. He always was a very polite guy.

"No, it's okay as long as you promise to keep your mouth shut about this discussion," I state and he nods shutting his mouth, and I can't help but laugh a little.

"I've missed your laugh," Drew remarks and I look at him. It still hurts in a way, knowing what he did, especially since we were still together and he was the one that proposed, but being away from him is hard too, but I need time right now.

"I know Drew, I miss hearing your comebacks and jokes, but right now I just need space. But I had to talk to you about something besides us tonight, which is why I'm here," I explain.

"Ok so what's this about?" Drew asks.

"Well, now that we are not getting married right now, the apartment we got and had planned to move into when we got back this weekend from our honeymoon isn't being used either," I start and Drew looks at me completely bewildered. "You guys saw Owen's parent's place, and I know he mentioned that his parents can't support them financially for very long, so I was wondering how you would feel if they took the apartment," I state, and now Drew comes to the realization of why I'm here.

"Does this mean you're giving up on us?" Drew asks. He always did have a part of him that thought more about himself than about anyone else, even his friends.

"No Drew, but I still need time, a lot of time. You really hurt me and, I'm not saying we'll never heal, but I'm not ready yet. Owen is one of our best friends, and we're all close to Clare, and right now they need the apartment. This is for them and in a way a stepping stone for us as well," I explain and Drew appears to be thinking. "We already put in the rent for May, so they could move in right away," I comment and look at Drew and then Adam.

"You guys are going to give Owen and Clare your apartment?" Adam questions in shock.

"Well, I'm not quite saying that. But let them move in now and they don't have to pay for the month of May. That way they have some time to save some money so then they can begin paying their own rent. Or Owen's parents can help them for a little while once they get through May. Plus if and when we need an apartment in the future we can discuss this again. Maybe by that time Owen and Clare will want a bit bigger place, who knows," I tell them and Adam and Drew look at each other.

"This is really what you want to do?" Drew asks.

"Yes Drew, I think this is what's right for Clare and Owen right now. They need a place of their own, and right now we have an apartment we aren't using that would otherwise sit there empty," I explain my reason.

"Ok, I'll agree Bianca, but I'd like to tell them together if it's alright with you," Drew suggests.

I look at him a moment, and then nod. "Alright Drew, how about we tell them together tomorrow," I suggest and he agrees so I get off the couch to head home. "I'll call Owen tonight and tell them we want to talk to them either during Degrassi's lunch tomorrow, or after school," I say. Drew nods, we say goodnight and I head home.

(Clare)

Lying in bed with Owen after another evening of getting closer I was thinking about what Gaea told me at lunch, and what I shared with her. I can't imagine what she or Idony had to go through. "Clare, are you okay? You're spacing out," Owen comments leaning against pillows and the headboard with his arms around me while I lean on him with my hands on his.

"Sorry, just thinking about something from earlier," I comment and then turn my head and kiss Owen's lips. "But thank you for caring," I say when I pull away and we're both smiling.

"Anything you want to tell me?" he asks as I lean against him again.

"As much as I'd like to, it's not my place to tell anyone," I answer and I feel Owen nod. "But this reminds me, Mr. Simpson called Gaea and I into his office this morning, and said that none of my parents are permitted on school property anymore. You are allowed on school property, but you can't just take me out of class whenever you feel like it, it's more for lunch and stuff. Plus, we convinced him to allow Mark on school grounds at lunch time so he could have lunch with Gaea, but he can only come when you come until he can prove himself to Mr. Simpson again and when he does the four of us need to eat together," I tell Owen.

"Well I'm sure the two of them will be happy, and I don't mind having lunch with them sometimes, but I'd like to enjoy it just the two of us sometimes too," Owen remarks and I laugh.

"I agree, besides Mark will have to work through Degrassi lunch times some days anyway," I respond as Owen's cell phone rings, and he picks it up off the night stand. It's fairly quick, and then he pulls the phone away from his ear.

"Bianca and Drew want to talk to us tomorrow. What's better meeting them at your lunch break or after school?" he questions and I think for a moment.

"I'd like to spend some time with Gaea at lunch so after school should work," I comment and he nods, and tells whichever one is calling what I said before he hangs up. "Who was that?" I query cause I don't know which one called.

"It was Bianca. She didn't say why they wanted to talk to us, although I'm kind of surprised they want to talk to us together," he comments.

I nod, "me too," I answer, and then my phone goes off alerting me to an email. So I reach over for my laptop, after Owen let's me go and then I sit back against him again and check my new email. "It's from Darcy," I tell him. I was hoping I'd hear from her soon, but I guess I'm also surprised I heard from her.

"Clarebear?" Owen questions, and I guess he's reading it over my shoulder.

"A nickname only ever acceptable from my sister," I tell him and turn my head back at to look at him a moment. I turn around again and begin reading.

Clarebear, I had to read your email a few times to be sure I was reading it right. I can't picture my sweet innocent little sister drinking and waking up married to some guy. I am shocked to say the least but the most important thing is whether or not you're happy so if you're happy then I'm happy for you. I can't say the same for mom but I wish you all the best and hope I can come home soon so I can see you both. Love Darcy

"Well, she's happy for us which is good," I comment.

"Were you afraid she wouldn't be?" Owen asks.

"I wasn't sure if she'd be happy for us, or freak out like my mom. She is rebellious, but she always did have a bit of mom's temper in her too. Plus without being together the past four years it's hard to know how she'd react to things anymore. But I think being away from both my parents has been really good for her," I remark and Owen leans down and kisses my temple.

"Even being around your mom, I think you still turned out well," he comments and I laugh.

"Thanks handsome," I reply and then look back to the email and decide to reply to Darcy.

Hey Darce, it's great to hear from you, and I hope everything is well where you are, and I'd love for you to come home soon, even if it's just a visit. I really do miss you and I'd like for you to meet Owen officially. He was in grade 10 when you left. Believe me, waking up married was a surprise to both of us too, but it's really working out, and I promise you I am happy. The drinking had to do with some trouble I was having and just needed to not think for a little while, and yes mom flipped, I'm sure you've heard. She and Glen were actually both arrested last night; mom for trying to kidnap me, and Glen for hitting a friend of mine. I'm living with Owen and his family now, and Jake and the guys all know. Plus Simpson and Spike, and our closest friends, but it isn't public knowledge yet. I love you sis, Clare xo

"And Owen," Owen adds just before I hit send.

I laugh, "and Owen," I comment, and then add it after my name before sending the email and setting the laptop back on the desk. "Alright, I think it's time to get some sleep, goodnight Owen, I love you," I comment turning my head back to look up at him.

"Good night beautiful Clare, have a wonderful sleep," he comments, and I smile. From the guy who threw Adam into the door just a few years ago, this Owen is like a completely different person, and I definitely think it's for the better. We passionately kiss, and I put my arm around his neck to leverage myself a little and now he's holding my waist, and I'm sort of lying on my hip between his legs now, but he pulls away what feels like too soon. I look right at his light blue eyes now, and I'm not sure what I'm seeing beyond them, but instead of speaking, he kisses me softly once more and then lifts me slightly to get his leg past me laying me down again beside him this time.

"Owen?" I question softly. "What's wrong?"

"I know you're not ready and I promised to always protect you and make you feel safe and that means even from me sometimes. I said you could trust me, so I'm stopping us now before we go too far. I love you and respect you Clare so let's just go to sleep," he says. I look at him a moment, slightly surprised and then honoured by his actions.

"Thank you Owen," I speak quietly and then kiss his cheek. He smiles at me and then lays down with his arm out. I lay my head on his chest and fall asleep to the sound of his heartbeat and with his arms around me.

(Gaea)

"Hey Clare, thanks for listening yesterday at lunch. It's nice to have a friend here who knows," I comment as Clare and I sit in the zen garden.

"You're very welcome Gaea. Did you tell Mark or decide how you were going to tell him?" Clare asks, but I just shake my head.

"No, I told him about him being allowed to come on campus for lunch if he was with Owen, but I haven't gotten up the courage to tell him about my past yet," I explain, and Clare nods.

"I understand, it'll take some time, but I probably wouldn't wait too long hun, but if you ever need to talk, or need advice I'm here," she says and I smile.

"I know, thanks Clare, and I'm here for you too. And I'll work on talking to Mark very soon," I tell her.

"Sounds good, and please let me know how it goes when you do," she requests. "Just so you know, I was thinking about what we both talked about at lunch last night, and Owen saw me thinking and questioned it, but I said it wasn't my place to tell him, and he seemed to understand," Clare tells me and me smile drops.

"I'm sorry Clare, I don't mean for you to have to keep something from Owen," I start but she cuts in.

"It's okay Gaea, I have no right to tell him. This is your past to talk about when you're ready," she responds.

"Thanks Clare, I'll try not to take too long, but I'd like to tell Mark before anyone else finds out, so I'll let you know when I do, and then maybe either you can tell Owen or you can be there when I tell him," I answer.

"Of course Gaea, it's completely up to you who knows and how they find out. A past can be hard to accept for yourself, so for others to know is even more difficult," Clare comments and I nod. We both smile and then eat our lunches together before we head inside to the library for the rest of lunch.