To J. L. Harp: thank you for following this story. I'm glad your found the little bits interesting enough.
Dislcaimer: I don't own DA.
Anastasia barged in her bedroom, breathing heavily from the hasty dash. Her heart was beating quickly, pounding against her ribcage like a battering ram trying to break its way out. Her lungs stung and pained each time she took a breath, and she cursed the panic taking over finally. She had forced herself to be composed and calm while handing over the filled orders to Josephine. But afterwards, when she was free to let the serene mask slide off, she let the effect of what happened in the red bedroom cloud her thinking far too much. Sprinting down the hallway to her bedroom was an inevitable result of her groundless fear.
She sat down on her bed, back to a large and only window in the room, facing the door. She tried to catch her breath, her left hand toying with her staff. The wood was warm under her palm and smooth as she touched it with numb fingers. Breathing through her mouth noisily, she willed her heart to stop racing so much.
"Has he hurt you?" a voice spoke up and she gasped even more, turning to the window behind her. There, against the soft pink glow of a setting sun, a dark slim silhouette stood tall and unmoving.
A soft whisper left Anastasia's lips and every candle in the room lit up with a soft, green light. The eerie glow turned her otherwise comfortable bedroom into bizarre and macabre place, and Cole's face looked even paler, ghastly even. She caught a movement of his hand as he sheathed a dagger into one of his many hidden pockets, the steel hissing gently as it slid inside. He tilted his head, looking at her through childish eyes, green light reflecting in the orbs.
"No," she mumbled, finally getting control over her laboured breathing.
He smiled in return and his eyes, half-hidden behind a veil of blonde hair, turned to examine the closest candle. "Your Spirit is close, isn't she? Your magic fire is green when she's near the surface."
"She was afraid for me. But…" she smiled hesitantly and took a peek at the door again, "no templar hot on my heels to kill the abomination of me." She watched the massive piece of wood, shadows dancing over it to the candlelight's every whim.
"You're not an abomination," his calm voice uttered. "I've seen one before and you're nothing like it."
She shook her head. "No, I'm not, but try and explain it our templar friend. He has little if any understanding of the Fade and its creatures. So far he hasn't been in the mood for a story that would explain."
"People are afraid of what they don't understand," Cole said, belying his otherwise childish mind and behaviour. He made a move forward, his eyes fixed on her as he walked around her bed. "But you should be safe from him," he said on his way from the window. He sat down on her bed then, looking at her with a soft smile. "You've killed templars before," he added. Then he turned and lied down, placing his head in her lap. It was strange to see a grown up man with so innocent, child-like eyes. But he was far from innocent. "So have you," she whispered as her fingers found their way into his hair. They were very soft, softer than men usually had. Her smile broadened. "But you needn't worry about Cullen either. He doesn't even remember you."
"Most of the people here have the problem," he said in small, sad voice. He closed his eyes. "But you remember. Thanks to Her. And Solas thought he'd met me before the other day. He's coming."
"Solas?" she asked and the answer was already knocking on the door. She lifted her head and her stomach did a somersault. Her hand never stopped caressing Cole's hair as she locked eyes with the very templar they'd been just talking about. The door slightly ajar, he stood there, watching them with a blank expression.
She felt Cole move and used it for justified excuse to avoid his eyes. Cole's hand was slowly sneaking into his pocket. She stilled his hand, holding it in hers as she bent over him. She first kissed his hair and then leaned closer still to whisper into his ear. "Don't worry, I can handle him if need be. He's not even armed," she mumbled and then straightened. "Would you give us a minute, Cole?" she asked and the boy – the man – sat up straight. He shot her an indecisive look.
"Cole?" she insisted in a soft voice and the rogue sighed. He stood up and sauntered to the door, his shoulders sagging. Cullen stepped away and Cole slipped past him soundlessly.
"Come on in," she invited him, standing up as well. She left the staff on her bed as she rose, hoping it wasn't a mistake.
"Who was that?" Cullen asked instead, looking into the gloom outside. Then he looked around. "And what's with the light?" he asked next, hypnotizing the green flames.
"That was Cole, he works for the Inquisition as well," Anastasia started patiently, joining her hands in front of her body, "and that's the same flame I used to light your candles, only with a little bit of the Fade magic," she specified slowly, watching him through narrowed eyes carefully. She heard soft whispers at the edge of her hearing, a sign she was never alone. It was a comforting sound and she let it wash over her like a summer breeze, relaxing significantly.
He contemplated her words for a moment with unconcealed confusion and she only wondered what had him baffled more. A member of the Inquisition he couldn't remember, or the Fade magic?
"So," she broke the silence finally. "Why is it you dragged yourself through half of Skyhold?"
"Don't play coy with me," he replied and at last stepped in, closing the door. She watched his hand as it remained on the doorknob. "What you told me, begs for explanation," he demanded in authoritative voice.
"Does it?" she mumbled and lifted her chin. "I told you I know people's secrets and you didn't want to believe. More so, you dared to call me a liar," she added with just a drop of annoyance in her voice.
Cullen on the other hand raised his eyebrows. For the first time, she didn't sound like a naïve little girl, but a reasonable person. The defiance was in her whole being as she stood unafraid of someone who had such a power over her. It was in her eyes, her posture, her voice... It was difficult to believe a minute ago she had been cowering at his mere standing up behind his desk. "So I gave you the proof, but I didn't do it gladly. I do not enjoy hurting people," she finished.
Seeking to placate her, he bowed his head slightly. "And I apologize for offending you." He stepped closer, leaving the place at the door finally. "I just didn't think it possible."
"Then learn your lesson, templar. Just because something escapes your attention, doesn't mean it's not right behind you," she hissed. She bent to pick up her staff and placed it within the pocket of her robes. It was cold and dead once more, just a lifeless piece of stick.
He nodded and turned to examine the closest object in the room, a bookcase. He studied what kind of literature she preferred, or at least pretended to study anyway, as he strode in front of it with hands clasped behind his back. "How did you do it?" he asked quietly.
She folded her arms and waited until he gazed to her again. "Why do you ask?"
There was a slight moment of hesitation before he indulged her. "It's surely an invaluable talent to have. The Inquisition…"
"No," she said simply. Her voice was quiet and meek, dropping her arms to her hips. "It doesn't work like you think it does. Observation can give me only so much information. Not to say, it's highly inscrutable and very rarely truthful."
The bookcase forgotten, he turned his whole body to her. "But you described what happened that day in very great details."
She gave him a bashful smile. "Because you showed it to me in very great details." While the smile lingered on her face, it was her again. The naïve, silly girl he'd met outside Skyhold chasing after the frightened horse. But then her face grew solemn again, and she looked more like a mage should. "Why should I tell you anything anyway? So that you could decide whether to let me live or not after I am done?"
Cullen frowned deeply. "Do you really take me for such a person?" Maybe it was her imagination that she explained the expression flashing over his features as hurt. And then she remembered his face from when the knife he held broke her skin and drew blood, then slid across her neck.
She dropped her eyes. "I don't know," she replied softly, shrugging. "You have never been openly hostile to me or anyone else, but you haven't been exactly friendly either. I admit, I feel uneasy at your company." Her voice dropped as she added the next piece. "Even though, for reasons I cannot ever fully understand, a certain part of me wishes to get to know you. After what I've seen I'm beginning to doubt my initial opinion about you."
He didn't reply for a while, busy processing her words. Over her shoulders he could see the sun set behind a horizon, and darkness crept inside the room. Distinguishing her features anymore, let alone reading the expression she watched him with would have been impossible, if it weren't for the pale glow light of candles. What did she mean by that? A part of her wanted to get to know him? For reasons she couldn't ever truly understand?
"Let's have a walk," she said finally and he blinked. In the short moment for which his surprise rendered him motionless, she passed him by, brushing her hands by his sides while she slipped past him. She opened the door and walked out. From the windows, made of many tiny panes of glass, she could see the guardsmen outside on the battlements, already lighting up the torches.
He stopped beside her and waited patiently, his mind racing. Then she moved and before he could say anything, her arm slipped through his.
He let her chose the way and just followed quietly. They roamed the empty hallways of Skyhold in silence, until the whole fortress bathed in murk. And just as he started wondering what she might be after, the soft steps next to him stopped and she stilled. She let go of him, taking the pleasant warmth of her body with her. His eyes already used to the dark turned to her. She stood with the window behind her back, so all he saw was her dark silhouette. Only then it occurred to him that this might be what she wanted.
"I'm a Fadewalker," she said eventually, whispering into the silence. Not even the echo, otherwise present at so many places throughout Skyhold, managed to catch her soft words.
"What does it mean?" he asked watching the outlines of her head. The moon had risen, but its dim silver light was heading away for him. Just as he couldn't see her face, she was unable to discern his as well. Suddenly, he could appreciate the anonymity.
"Usually, an elaborate ritual is required and a lot of lyrium, too, to get to the Fade. Or it could be as simple as falling asleep." There was a soft smile in her voice. "I do not need either. I can enter it whenever I want and I can walk through it as freely as if I was born there."
She made a pause and he saw her turn her head to the side, offering him her profile. He could see her lips were opened slightly.
"When I sleep, I don't dream like you do. I find myself wandering the Fade, but fully conscious and all my deeds and actions intentional. I can ramble the place, examine it, manipulate it, learn from it," she chuckled quietly, amusement thick in her voice. "You wouldn't know how many forbidden books can be found there. I've learned a great deal about demons and blood magic and other things they didn't let us study at the Tower."
She bent her head slightly and her hand combed her hair. He could almost see the way the silk strands slipped between her fingers.
"I can meet people. Sleeping people. I can see what they're dreaming about. I can hear them and their dreamy friends. As long as I observe, they don't know about me. But then, the message I get from them can be tricky. I never know which is an ordinary dream, or something…different," she mumbled.
He watched her, the way she tilted her head when she spoke, shrugged slightly when unsure, shifted her weight from time to time. "How did you know with me?"
"I didn't," she replied simply. "But let me get to that. The thing is, I can talk to them, too. And when they respond, they are always honest. Dreaming people have little secrets, I've learned. But…then they remember me in their dreams."
"You used to talk to the people in your old home," he concluded, mesmerized by the way she begun playing with her hair. He saw the subtle movement of her arms, how her hair swayed a little as though a soft breeze got up and played with them.
"I was but a little girl. I was curious. I asked people about what I was seeing at the moment. It didn't take them long to realize something was off with me and… you know the rest."
"But I don't remember you from the dream."
"I didn't talk to you." She was smiling. And he could just imagine the soft curve of her lips when she did. She looked like a child, definitely younger than she had to be.
"Then how did you know…"
"I didn't. My Spirit did."
"Eh…a spi-"
"I've told you," she cut him off, "that I cannot become an abomination. I wasn't lying either. I cannot be possessed…" there she faltered, "because I have already been possessed."
She waited for his reaction, grateful for the dark void hiding everything from her sight. But he didn't move, he didn't strike her either. He waited. "The first time I remember entering the Fade," her words punctuated the silence once again, "I was a little girl without any knowledge about the place. Or its creations. Later on, the inevitable occurred and I met the worst kind of a demon I could…a desire demon. Oh, what an alluring, compelling and persuasive creature. She…she promised me…what my heart craved most. In exchange of this little favour," she drawled, sounding like she was very, very tired, "she demanded a price."
"A gateway to our world," Cullen mumbled.
She nodded. "But then someone else appeared. A figure of bright light of white and yellow and green, and spoke in a voice so soft and soothing…" she paused and closed her eyes, listening to the very voice she was talking about. "I felt warmer and safer just by standing next to her."
"Another demon?"
She chuckled. "Oh, no. A benevolent spirit. She saved me, and many people around me as well that day. Understanding there was little explanation I would fathom at such a young age, she did the only thing she deemed possible to prevent this from happening ever again."
"Possessed you." His voice dropped a notch.
"She asked and made promises, as unimportant as they seemed to me at the time. But she insisted and by the Maker, she has never broken her vows," she whispered.
"Vows?"
"That she would never fight to control me in this world, unless I wanted her. That she would guide me through the Fade, and tutor me about it. She explained my abilities, taught me to observe unnoticed. She knew your dream wasn't a dream, but a memory turned nightmare. She insisted I watched. She led me, and I followed and when I saw you and recognized the scene…I couldn't stop watching."
He glowered at her. "Would she let you leave?"
"Oh, she would." Her head bobbed a few times. "But I trusted her, when she had led me. She always did things to help me even though I didn't understand. Moreover, three times already she has saved my life without asking anything in return." He heard a soft rustle of her robes as she shifted again. "Of the first time, I've already told you. The demon had hardly had my wellbeing on his mind." She paused to take a breath. "For the second time she has saved me after the Lord Seeker Lambert van Reeves declared the Circle of Magi disbanded."
Cullen couldn't help but pause at that. How did she know such details? The name, his title and position in one of the most enigmatic organizations in all Thedas. He himself hadn't learned the details until joining the Inquisition. "What happened?" he asked.
Her voice was freezing cold when she replied. "The templars came to kill us. They started at the top of the tower where the senior mages resided, the most powerful and the only capable of fighting back, while closing the lower levels to block our escape. I…let her take the reins," she mumbled, squirming slightly, reaching to put a few strands of her hair behind her ear. Obviously, talking about the day made her uncomfortable.
"And…?" he asked and couldn't help but frown deeply. He'd seen a mage that let a spirit take over once.
"She transported us all into the Fade, where she was the strongest. There, we are not one being, so while I knelt on the ground, she stood in front of me. She killed the templars and sent us – the mages – back into our world, leaving the rest of the battle up to us." She bent her head. "I never wanted to see so much blood ever again."
"So you joined a group of escaped mages from other Circles and spread the idea of a truce between the two belligerent fractions," Cullen filled the silence. He knew that part at least. That was what she had told Cassandra. She had, of course, omitted all the details about a Fade Spirit.
"The negotiations brought us to the meeting," she nodded, "where the Spirit saved my life once again."
"The blast…" Cullen whispered.
"Hit the place when I wasn't there…in a way. She felt something strange across the Fade, moving along quickly like ripples across the water surface, is how she explained it. She couldn't see the source, only the ramifications. One second, I was at the meeting, other I dwelled in the Fade. I saw the mountain. I saw what happened through a…hole in the ground. A rift. And then I was falling through it. I saw myself, enveloped in a bright green light, unharmed and lying on the ground."
"And then you woke up. That was how Cassandra found you. But you claimed to have no recollection of what happened."
She laughed. "I was protecting myself. How would I explain that a spirit that had possessed me protected me with her own tricks. Besides, I wasn't sure what really happened myself. It took all the way to Skyhold and more to put the pieces together. It all happened so quickly."
Cullen cringed, narrowing his eyes, when a bright green light ignited between them from the thin air. She lifted her hand, a flickering flame dancing above her palm. She looked like a ghost in the pale, eerie glow, with shadows moving across her face. "Before, I could only manipulate the Fade while being in it. Now I can do it from this realm as well. And I gained even more. See? I couldn't lit a candle before as I haven't specialized in fire spells," she shrugged.
The fire grew dimmer and smaller, turning into the natural orange blaze until it disappeared completely. He blinked, blind in the dark once more. He froze when he felt her touch on his arm. He looked at where he remembered her standing, but still could see nothing but odd images of the fire like it was still ablaze.
"So?" she whispered and from the sound of it she had drawn closer to him. "What shall it be?"
He took a breath, but found he had nothing to say. He kept the air in his lungs, his mind racing as to whatever he might reply.
"Do I get to live another day?"
"I need time to think," he finally replied, and was this short from stuttering. "What you've told me is extraordinary."
"I see," she whispered. Then her hand was gone and he found he suddenly missed the warmth emanating from her palm. Blinking, he realized he could see clearer once more. But she was just turning and begun walking away from him slowly, her heels making soft clanks against the floor.
"Do you do it often?" he shouted after her. His voice carried in the silence, reverberating over and over around him.
"What?" she asked.
"Sticking your little nose in other people's dreams."
"No," replied without hesitation. "There's nothing in it without talking to them. I spend the time with my Spirit to explore the Fade. It's ever changing and I learn new things each visit. But…you don't have to believe me, of course." He heard one more step. But only one. "Josephine thanks you for the filled orders. You should expect the supplies to arrive in about two weeks time."
Thank you all for reading!