8am, Saturday 22nd February 2014

Zosia was in the waiting room on the maternity ward which she found ironic. Babies were born, and babies were killed on the same floor, perhaps even in the same operating theatre. She had a small holdall besides her with a change of clothes, hair brush and a few other bits that she would need or want. It was a busy ward, women arriving in labour, couples leaving with their newborns, and pregnant women waddling around, often popping to the toilets.

She sat there, legs crossed, keeping herself to herself whilst reading a magazine at 8 weeks pregnant and she hadn't yet endured any symptoms of pregnancy. Well she had, but she had ignored each and every one of them and put them down to something else. When she had woken up in the middle of the night once because she needed the toilet, she put it down to the fact that she had been for a run at the gym, and then drank plenty of water. Every day of the last week, she spent feeling a little nauseous until her lunch break, but she just put the feeling to the back of her mind putting it down to the fact that she hadn't had breakfast or that she hadn't thoroughly heated the ready meal that she had the night before. Luckily, she hadn't yet got a bump, and she determined that it was going to stay that way.

But there was one magazine articles, that changed her entire perspective on life. Unfortunately for her, all the magazines were pregnancy or baby related but so that no one decided to come and chat with her, she picked one up and flicked through the pages until one article caught her eye.

"Georgia Lineham, 38, has given up on having children after years and years of trying with her husband Steven. She said 'When I was in my early twenties, I fell pregnant by accident, but we were both sure that we weren't ready for a family yet because I was training to be a nurse and Steven was right in the middle of earning a promotion in his business. So I had an abortion, and that, is the biggest regret of my life.

'We decided to try for a baby when I was 29 because we had just settled down into a new home and things were going well. But after almost 2 years of trying naturally, I found that I couldn't conceive. After that, we decided to try IVF but more than 30 embryos and 7 years later, I still haven't managed to get pregnant.' Georgia has now joined a community of women against abortion because she believes that that one decision that she made when she was younger 'ruined' her 'chance at happiness in life.'"

Zosia put the magazine down quickly before she read anymore. She had managed to take deep breaths to prevent any tears, but what if that was her in ten or twenty years time, unable to conceive and have a family of her own? She sat there, contemplating the decision when a couple came and sat opposite her. The woman who was in her late twenties looked around 4 or 5 months pregnant, whilst the man had a bundle of blankets in his arms, cradling his son. She watched the happy pair chatting to each other when they started making a fuss of the baby. They were cooing when suddenly she babbled and said "Mama." Which pleased both parents.

Zosia raised the back of her hand to her mouth to calm herself down. 'Mama' was Polish for mum and it reminded her of how disappointed her mother would be if she knew what Zosia was doing.

"Zosia." Mr T announced as he approached the pale woman. They greeted one another before she followed him to the consult room, where they were to chat before she was admitted and given a bed on the ward to await the procedure.

She hesitantly sat down in front his desk whilst he opened her file. "Right um... You haven't eaten anything since midnight no?" He queried.

"No." Zosia whispered. "Not that I'd be able to keep it down." She added in her mind. She hadn't actually vomited at all during her pregnancy, but she was sure if she had eaten that morning, that that fact would then be untrue.

"Okay. Right well what's going to happen is-"

"Nothing." Zosia interrupted.

"What?" Mr T queried.

"Nothing's going to happen, I can't do this, I'm sorry." She said she went to stand up but Mr T stopped her by the door by getting in her way.

"Wait wait, if you don't want to do it, then I can perform an ultrasound for you." Mr T said kindly. He had a feeling that she was going to back out as soon as he had seen her sitting nervously in the waiting room. "If you don't want to do it, then I can give you a scan and then we can talk about prenatal care and things like that." He added.

"What, just like that?" She queried. "I was actually going to kill the baby and you don't care about that? God, I'm such an idiot." She sighed as she hung her head in her hands.

"No, no, no you're not." Mr T said quickly. "About a third of all the women that're booked for a termination here either don't turn up, or they don't go through with it so don't beat yourself up." Mr T explained softly. He had dealt with many cases where women had decided against the procedure once they had turned up so he had comforted them by giving them a scan, and then lots of information about their baby and the pregnancy. "Look just jump on the bed and we can get started. Yeah?"

Zosia glanced up at her gynaecologist- well technically, he was now her obstetrician- before she placed her bag back down by his desk, slipped her coat off, and then got onto the bed.

"Right, you're only 8 weeks but I can just do a quick scan and you can see your baby for the first time." He explained as he pulled on a pair of gloves and then put the lubricating gel on the probe. "Do you know who the dad is?" He queried as Zosia reluctantly pulled her jumper and shirt up to reveal her pale, flat stomach and then tucked a bit of tissue in the top of her jeans.

"Yeah but, he's not going to be involved." Zosia replied.

"Does he know?"

"Can you just do the scan? Please." Zosia pleaded to change the subject.

"Yeah sure, sorry. Right, this will be a bit cold." He stated as he put the probe on her abdomen. Within a few seconds, on the top of the screen was a small oval of black, with a tiny monkey nut shaped white blob in the middle. He turned the screen so that Zosia could see it and she stared at it like it was a miracle. "Now that black ovally shape, is the amniotic sac, obviously the wet blob is the baby, and if you look at that tiny little flicker there." He said as he pointed to a few pixels moving in the foetus, "that's the heart." He stated he done something with the machine, and there was a quiet, yet steady heartbeat.

He printed off two pictures, one for her medical file, and one for her, but he held the probe there for a few minutes because the soon-to-be mum was mesmerised by the screen.

"It doesn't feel real does it?" Mr T said softly.

"No it's just... I can't believe I was going to get rid of him or her." Zosia admitted as Mr T took the probe off of her stomach and she wiped the gel off.

"Well I suppose the important thing for you now, is that you didn't get rid of the baby." Mr T stated as the pair headed over to his desk for a chat about dos and don'ts of pregnancy along with future scans and prenatal classes- which she immediately said no to.

9:15am

Zosia was carrying her holdall as she walked out of Holby City Hospital. She stopped outside the entrance and wondered what on earth she was meant to do now because she had told Arthur that she would be out all day. She took a deep breath and slowly exhaled as she tried to contemplate her future.

She would have to make so many changes; she'd need to move out of her shared flat, she'd possibly need to buy her first car and she'd definitely need to start earning some extra money whilst she could. But at the same time, there were other challenges that would face her: telling people about her pregnancy (including her dad, and Arthur who was bound to be suspicious about the paternity of her baby), working out her potential career choices along with dealing with the physical challenges that pregnancy bought itself.

Standing by the entrance, she came to the conclusion that she would need to work overtime to earn extra money so she turned on her heel, and headed up to Darwin so that she could speak to Professor Hope.

She confidently knocked on hiss office door and then entered to find Jac Naylor fast asleep on the sofa in the dark room cradling her 38 week bump in her arms, and Elliot Hope sitting at his desk with a dim lamp on.

"She was on a night shift so don't wake her." Elliot whispered. "What can I do for you? You're not on shift today." He queried quietly.

"I wanted to speak to you about doing some overtime." Zosia stated quietly so that she didn't wake the sleeping lion.

"I'm afraid any overtime needs to be discussed with Mr Self." Elliot stated.

"But-"

"Zosia, I'm sorry but I can't do anything without you going to see him first." Elliot stated.

"Okay..." She said awkwardly. "Well, I'll see you soon." She stated before she left the office and quietly closed the door behind her. She headed for the lift, dreading the encounter with her father that she was about to endure. Just thinking about it made her feel nauseous, along with the morning sickness which was unfortunately becoming more prominent.

On her way up there, she was debating whether or not to tell her father about the baby because he would need to know soon for her maternity leave- though with her education, she wasn't sure she'd be taking much. After a few seconds, the lift pinged, and she was on the floor she needed to be on, she slowly made her way, to her father's office.