A/N So I know I said it would be a week before an update but I can't bring myself to revise so I wrote this instead.
Callie ran out of the bathroom without another word, leaving Arizona standing there, incredibly turned on and incredibly confused.
"What the fuck was that all about?"
"Teddy," Arizona impatiently clicked her fingers in her friend's face trying to wake her from her slumber.
"Teddy!" She repeated, louder this time. The blonde stirred and Arizona clapped her hands in her face to try to speed the process up. Teddy jolted awake.
"Arizona what the fuck are you doing? I was sleeping!"
"Yes, I know but you have to be at college in an hour."
Teddy looked up at the other blonde from her still horizontal position with her mouth hanging open, horrified. "You mean I could have gotten another forty minutes sleep if you hadn't insisted on waking me up at the butt-crack of dawn?!"
"Teddy, it's 11 o'clock."
"Which means it is too early for me to be awake!" Teddy closed her eyes and tried to go back to sleep. Her efforts were in vain though, because feeling the blonde's eyes on her and almost being able to hear her inevitable upcoming rant, made sleep downright impossible. Why else would she have come all the way to Meredith and Derek's?
"Teddy…" Arizona whined.
"Arizona…" Teddy deadpanned back.
"Teddy, please."
Teddy opened her eyes just a sliver, "okay, talk Miss 'I have something to tell you but won't actually talk about it until you ask me to.' And talk fast."
"Me and Callie almost had sex in the bathroom of Joe's last night but then she looked like she'd seen a ghost and ran out of the bar."
"Do you ever breathe woman?"
"TEDDY! ARE YOU LISTENING TO ME?"
"Yes! You said 'blah blah lesbian sex blah blah Callie blah blah lesbian drama."
Arizona could not look less amused if she tried. Teddy, sensing the oncoming storm, decided to stop punishing her friend for waking her up too early.
"There is a simple solution to your lesbian problem," she started. Arizona leaned in and Teddy brought her face right up to the blonde's, took a deep breath and yelled, "TALK TO CALLIE!" She then proceeded to throw her head back onto her pillow and made a dramatic show of falling asleep.
Arizona sighed. As much as she didn't want her to be, Teddy was right. She had to talk to Callie.
Callie was pacing around the living room of Mark's place, still muttering to herself when the door opened and the actual occupant of the apartment walked in, only to promptly drop the bag of groceries he was carrying.
"Callie! I did not give you the spare key to my apartment so you could scare the shit out of me!"
Callie looked over at him apologetically, "sorry, but I needed to talk to someone."
Mark glanced down at his shopping which was now decorating his floor, sighed, shrugged his shoulders and strode over to his sofa, "okay, shoot," he said, making himself comfortable.
"I had sex with Teddy. And Arizona. Well sort of Arizona. Not really. But I definitely had sex with Teddy."
Mark looked up at the still pacing girl, "I'm assuming that you're not looking for a high-five. Or advice on how to get girls into bed." Seeing that his attempt at making light of the situation wasn't working, he decided to take the straightforward route. "Okay. So… just enlighten me. Why is this a bad thing?" he asked tentatively, fully prepared for the brunette to start shooting fire out of her eyes and for her hair to turn into snakes. What he wasn't prepared for was for Callie to look utterly defeated, sit down opposite him and cradle her head in her hands.
"Uh, Callie?" he decided to proceed with caution, given his long history of unintentionally making things worse.
He heard muffled sounds coming from between Callie's hands.
"Uh, sorry, what?" he asked.
Callie's head shot up and she snapped at him, "I like her."
Mark jumped and tried to press himself as far back into the sofa as was humanely possible. This was what he had been worried about: the fire. Then, to his surprise, he saw the flames in Callie's eyes fizzle out and she repeated, more softly this time, "I like her."
Mark didn't know if he was required to respond to this statement, so he just sat in silence until he realised that the expression on Callie's face was one of expectancy.
"You like… Teddy?" He asked, warily.
Callie sighed, "no Mark, Arizona. I like Arizona."
Mark released a breath he hadn't realised he'd been holding as all the little pieces of the puzzle sprang into place in his mind. It made sense now. Callie Torres had a crush on Arizona Robbins. Perky, bubbly, cheerful Arizona Robbins. Although he would admit, the girl could drink. Kudos for that.
Callie was an anxious onlooker as she saw Mark slot together the pieces in his mind and slowly come to understand the dilemma she had gotten herself into.
"What do I do?" She asked quietly after she believed she had given him enough time to finish processing.
"Drop out of school, change your name and move to Mexico," Mark said with sincerity. "You slept with two best friends, nothing good will ever come of this." He paused, thoughtfully "except maybe a threesome."
"Mark you're not helping! Those were my first thoughts!"
He grinned lecherously, "threesome?"
Callie threw a cushion at his face.
"Why are you not useful?" she asked accusingly.
"Because I have a penis! I fuck shit up and then, a long way down the line, I reproduce and then my sons continue to fuck shit up."
"You just managed to degrade your entire gender in one sentence, I applaud you," Callie said sarcastically.
Callie and Mark sat in silence for a few more moments before Callie stood up with resolve in her eyes and announced, "I'm going to avoid her."
Mark yelled at her back as she walked out of his apartment, "what! You're not going to talk to her? The Callie I know would talk it out, what happened to you, Torres?"
His words were met with the slam of a door. Mark sighed and turned the TV on as he lifted his feet up to rest on the coffee table, "that girl has got it bad."
Arizona walked down the street that Callie's apartment block was on, determined to confront the brunette. She was so caught up in mentally rehearsing the speech she was going to give that she walked right into a passer-by. The pedestrian that she had just tripped over was Callie, Arizona realised as they made eye-contact.
"Oh. My god. Sorry, I'm sorry." Callie and Arizona nervously laughed as they inadvertently spoke the same words at the same time.
"I was…" It happened again. Arizona put her hand over Callie's mouth to stop her from saying anything more. So much for her plan to try to avoid Arizona, Callie thought.
"Me first." The blonde removed her hand from the brunette's mouth and took a deep breath, ready to recite her speech.
"I had sex with Teddy." Callie couldn't stop herself; she just blurted it out and immediately regretted it as she saw a mix of emotions; shock, sadness, outrage and devastation, all cross the blonde's face in a matter of seconds.
"But it didn't mean anything." The brunette continued, trying to save face, "we were drunk, I regret it, I was wishing she was you the whole time and I didn't even remember it until…"
"Until last night," Arizona finished for her.
"Yeah." Callie affirmed, shifting her weight awkwardly from her right foot to her left.
There was an uncomfortable lull in conversation until, "you were thinking of me the whole time?" Arizona asked, shyly looking up at Callie who immediately blushed and looked down.
"I don't do speeches like you do, that kind of just… came out," Callie mumbled, still looking down.
Arizona took a step towards the brunette and lifted her chin up so that they were now looking into each other's eyes. Callie gasped softly at being this close to the blonde again.
"Well here is one of my so-called famous speeches," she said, "I had to revise it a little after what you just told me, but just listen okay?"
Callie nodded silently; she doubted she would be able to speak if she wanted too.
"I like you Callie Torres. I like you and it took a stranger sticking a needle through my face for me to properly realise it." Callie chuckled and Arizona playfully slapped her arm, "shush I'm not done." She continued, "I like you, but I don't think you know what you want yet. But when you do… when you figure it out and you're done being hot, cold and lukewarm or whatever other temperature there is… you let me know."
When Arizona finished her little spiel, she raised herself up on her tiptoes and placed a gentle kiss on Callie's lips before turning to go, leaving Callie rooted to the spot for a good five minutes, even after Arizona had rounded the corner at the end of her street.
When Callie finally managed to regain control of her body and vocal chords, she simply uttered a quiet, "Well, fuck," and made her way back into her apartment complex, having already forgotten why she'd left.
"THEODORA ALTMAN!"
Teddy heard Arizona roar her name and was immediately deafened by the sound of the front door slamming; she could have sworn that the building shook with the force of it. Her mind immediately went on overdrive trying to think of what awful thing she must have done to make Arizona full-name her.
"Shit, maybe she found about that time I borrowed her favourite blue dress and spilt blackcurrant juice all down it."
Teddy heard crashes from the living room, indicating that Arizona was moving closer to her unfortunate victim.
"Oh god she knows it was me who broke the rail of her wardrobe trying to hang upside down on it."
The noises were getting louder.
"Shit. I know what it is. She must have found out about that time she was in Michigan and I had sex in her bed because there were too many things on top of my bed."
The door to Teddy's bedroom was thrown open with so much force that it slammed against the wall and flecks of paint crumbled off the wall and fell to the ground. Teddy jumped in shock, absolutely terrified.
Arizona's looming figure stood in the doorway and she raised a finger to accusatorially point at Teddy. "You had sex with Callie?!"
Teddy blinked. "Well that was not at all what I was expecting."
A/N It will definitely be a week 'til next update this time.