Whoever fights the monsters should see to it that in the process he does not become a monster. And if you gaze long enough into the abyss, the abyss with gaze back into you.

-Fredrich Nietzch

-/-

It felt like someone had knocked the breath out of her as she stumbled through Scotland Yard. The five pips, it was a reminder of how weak she'd been. Now he knew she was getting weaker and he was playing the game again. She pulled her scarf away from her face and stared at the nearest security camera. Here I am you bastards. What was the point of staying hidden anymore?

"Syn!" John came running out, calling her name with Sherlock close behind. Why couldn't he just leave her alone! Why didn't they kick her out of Baker Street when they had the chance? She attracted trouble wherever she went and always hurt people, could they not see that?

"Syn, look at me. You need to breathe okay?" She hadn't realized she was hyperventilating until he had mentioned it but it seemed like no matter how hard she tried she couldn't stop. What was happening to her?! John held her face in his hands and tilted her head up so she would look at him. His thumbs gently brushed tears she hadn't realized she'd shed away from her face. She felt like she was going to be sick.

"The five p-pips are warnings," she explained as she tried to regain her composure. "Each one is going to be a-a puzzle of sorts. The first one is going to take you to the beginning and the next 3 are going to be timed puzzles and if you don't solve them in time someone will die. The last one, the longest pip, is the hardest and the stakes are going to be the highest." Her body was shaking almost as if she was shivering in the cold and her chest was so tight she was having trouble taking in a full breath. Had she been poisoned?

"You played the game." Sherlock was still trying to figure the woman out. His previous deductions had been correct (obviously) but there were still things he couldn't quite figure out about her. He found himself wanted to find out everything about her the longer she was around. She fascinated him like no one else ever had.

"He waited until I was starving and a few days away from dying of hypothermia. I tried to play the game but I was limited in how much I could do. I got past the first 4 puzzles but by the fifth I couldn't think straight. He was the one who tipped off the police about me breaking into the store. I didn't solve the puzzle, he won and I turned into a monster."

She pulled away from John and wiped the remaining wetness away from her face. "You said you knew the gas leak was a fake. How did you know?" She stepped over to the curb and tried to hail a cab. "It was obvious, John."

"Liar," Syn spun around and glared at Sherlock, silently challenging him to tell her just how she was lying. "I told Molly to text me when you two were in the cab but she never did. You were discharged at 3:30 in the afternoon yet you didn't arrive back at Baker Street until nearly midnight. You tensed when Lestrade mentioned the explosion and you immediately knew the answer. Afterwards you began fidgeting and your eyes grew distant. How did you know, Syn?"

She balled her hand into a fist and let her mouth run without thinking. "Sebastian Moran. He was one of the elites just like me and His confidant before me. I appointed him my second in command and we grew close over the years. He loves me and would never hurt me that's why he waited until I was in the building to set off the bomb. Sebastian said He wants to offer me protection but I declined so it's my fault this is happening." She wanted them to be mad at her, to hate her, because this was all her fault.

"You don't love him but you trust him, interesting." Sherlock couldn't understand why he felt so relieved by that. He shouldn't care one way or another who she's with, she's a client, nothing more. "I'm not mad, simply curious."

"Why! Why are you helping me! I am a murderer and I've put your lives in danger just by being near you! I just spoke to one of his men, men who are now trying to kill you two, and your 'just curious'? Hate me!" People had begun to stare at the trio as Syn's voice rose with her temper but she couldn't find it in her quiet down.

"Please, you supposed to hate me! I'm a freak!" Sherlock's grey eyes darkened instantly, a mixture between pain and anger flashing across his features and for a moment Syn wondered if she had stepped over some sort of imaginary line. She glanced over at John and found him staring at his friend with sympathy. In three long strides Sherlock's 6 foot fame was towering over Syn's 5'10 figure, the flecks of gold visible in his eyes.

"You are lost, you are hurt, and you need help. You are not a freak." The anger faded away and was replaced by pain, it was fleeting but she had seen it and it left her wondering what had happened to him. "Sherlock-" "We have to get back to Baker Street." She let it drop for the moment as he brushed by her to hail a cab.

-/-

The exchange between Syn and Sherlock stayed at the front of her mind for the next 24 hours. It was worthless information, really, but she couldn't make herself delete it. Lestrade proved to be useful when she read the papers he had slipped her. He had ran facial recognition for the Queen's and she had been right, they had been following her but for a lot longer than she original thought.

While Sherlock and John spent their time in the lab Syn spent time with the homeless network she had set up, showing the picture of Felicity and Oliver around. When she arrived back at the lab at Bart's, John was rattling off everything he could deduce about the trainers that had been left in 221C. "So how'd I do?" "You only missed everything of importance John," Syn said as she picked up the shoe he had just set down.

It was then that Sherlock began telling the two about what he had found about the shoes and that's when it happened. He had stopped talking and his eyes had grown wide, his jaw slack, the slight intake of breath, he was back at the beginning. "Carl Powers."

The case was solved with 3 hours left and the first hostage was saved.

-/-

Lestrade called the three into his office first thing in the morning. Being at the Yard without her scarf to hide behind made her uneasy but Sherlock reassured her that in a few days she would no longer have anything to worry about. John took a seat in front of Lestrade's desk while Sherlock stared out the window. Syn's mind wandered back to yesterday again.

The pink phone beeped with a message alert. Three short pips and one long one followed by a picture of an abandoned car. First test passed. Almost as soon as the picture was received a phone outside of Lestrade's office began to ring. It was Sally Donovan who answered the phone and brought it into Lestrade's office. "Freak, it's for you." Things made a little more sense to her then.

As Sherlock took the call her mobile began to ring in her pocket. It was a text message from a blocked number. First, fifth, and eighth file on Detective Inspector Lestrade's desk may be of interest to you. –M She sat back and waited as Sherlock talked to Him through another hostage and as the DI asked if a car matching that in the picture had been reported missing. She was going to have to time this just right if she wanted to get away with this.

"Okay…great." Lestrade hung up the phone and grabbed his jacket from the back of his chair. "We've found it." She took that moment to pull her phone from her pocket and mutter curses under her breath. "Lestrade tell Sherlock and John I have to go down to Bart's to see Molly. I asked her to look at a sample of my blood and she thinks she may have found something." "I'll have Sherlock text you the address." He threw over his shoulder.

She let her phone slide from her hand and hit the floor as the three made for the exit. Bending down to pick it up she carried herself over to Lestrade's desk with a sense of purpose about her. She quickly pulled out the files she needed and made a show of hurrying after the three, walking just slow enough to stay a good distance behind them.

She ducked into the staircase as they waited for an elevator and took time to look over the case files she had grabbed. They were all recent homicide cases, nothing particularly interesting about them but Syn knew exactly what she was looking at and it made her sick. The people in the crime scene photos were the failures, the subjects whose bodies didn't accept the serum. One was contorted into an unnatural position, one's insides were liquefied, and another's heart had literally exploded in their chest.

They all came from different social backgrounds, different ages and races, the police never would've connected them but there was one thing that all three had in common; they had all been in the wrong place at the wrong time. Now the real problem was finding out exactly where these people had been. They would've had to gone somewhere where they would've had to mingle with other people, somewhere where the scouts would've been able to watch their behaviors.

Another ring in her pocket signified another text. The Mansion. 9 o'clock. Don't be late. -M She tucked the files into the pocket of her coat and ran down the three flights of stairs to get to the lobby. As she waiting for a cab she left a voice message on Molly's phone. "Molly, it's Syn I need you to do a favor for me. If Sherlock calls for me tell him I'm there, if he comes to the morgue tell him he just missed me and I'm headed back to Baker Street. I'll explain everything later I just need you to go along with this. Thanks."

Giving up on trying to hail a cab she began the walk back towards Baker Street get phone rang again but this time with a phone call from a number she recognized. "Sebastian what do you want." A tingling ran up her spine and spinning around a familiar sleek black car came pulling up beside her. The things that happened in that car were things that would make her nightmare's run and hide. She slid her hand into her pocket and ran her thumb around the panic button as the driver rolled down the window. It was Sebastian. Of course it was.

"Boss said you might need some help for tonight. Said you might need a little bit of money and help." She sighed and irritably ran a hand through her hair. She had no cash in her bag and she didn't have another card yet. She had planned on getting one the night she had been shot but that hadn't exactly worked out. She wouldn't be let into the mansion wearing what she was and He knew that too. "Fine."

-/-

Their first stop was the hair salon where her awful dye job and knotted ends were taken care of. Then off the get acrylic nail to cover her horrendous real nails for the night.

At the dress shop she let Sebastian pick her dress and heels. It was a tradition that had started a long time ago between the two and something that still continued. After he paid for the dress and shoes she expected him to hand her the bag and be on his way but of course it couldn't just be that easy. "Boss wants me to escort you to the mansion tonight. He said he wants to be sure nothing happens to you."

She rolled her eyes. "Since when has he cared about what I do?" Sebastian opened the car door for her but she refused to move. "Since you being injected again could result in you working for the Queen's and believe me when I saw that He is nothing compared to what they are capable of. So you can either come with me and let me help you or let the Queen's keep testing until they find a successful subject." She chose to slide into the passenger seat.

"I know that's not the real reason why you're coming with me tonight," She mumbled. "You're trying to get more information on the Queen's. You could've just told me, I want them dead as much as He does." Her gut knotted up in a million different ways as they drove through London and only one thing kept going through her mind.

She was working for Him.

The ride to Sabastian's house was quiet. Syn spent her time trying to talk herself out of going tonight and Sebastian spent his time trying to stay focused on the road and not the woman beside him. "Do you think this will ever stop?" She finally asked as the car parked in front of the Victorian style mansion. "Will what stop?"

"Me. Do you think I'll ever be able to stopping running and killing?" He studied her carefully before he replied. "No," he murmured "I wish it did Syn." She wanted to scream and cry and kill herself so it could be over but she didn't let any emotion show as she stepped out of the car. Sebastian could see it though, he had known her long enough to pick up on her different behaviors. He could see the way the fire dimmed in her eyes and how the will to live seemed to disappear. He wished he could tell her but the time wasn't right. After tonight things would finally e set in motion and he could only hope she wouldn't hate him in the end.

-/-

Sebastian's house maid tended to Syn while he made arrangements for the night. Linda LaPointe was a small woman of 5'5 and nearing her seventies but she was better protection than any security system or guard dog. The first time Sun came to Sebastian's she snuck in through one of the back windows to avoid being detected on camera. As soon as the rubber soles of her boots came into contact with the hardwood floor Syn found herself pinned to the floor and her neck craned up by the vicious grip the woman had on her hair. Syn had never seen her coming.

In front of the dresser mirror in the guest bedroom where she spent more time than she liked to admit, her hair was done and her scars were covered with the glorious invention of makeup. Her hair was pulled in a million different directions and things were rubbed onto her face that made her skin feel as if it was going to suffocate. Linda talked the entire time non-stop.

Syn stared at her reflection in the mirror once Linda had finished, not recognizing the person staring back. Her hair had been trimmed and dyed blonde, the sides pinned away from her face and then ends of her hair in loose curls. The open back of the emerald gown Sebastian had chosen for her stopped at the small of her back and the front dipped down just low enough the show off her cleavage. Spinning around to examine her back she was stunned to see smooth, perfect skin opposed to the scar covered back she was used to seeing. She thanked the woman who had managed to transform her and looked herself over once more time before moving over to the bed to strap on her heels and gun holster. She toyed with the panic button Sherlock had given her, finding herself torn between wanting to get rid of it and wanting to keep it with her. She chose the latter and slid the small remote into same holster as her phone.

If they could pull this off they could stop him for good.

-/-

The party was in full swing when Sebastian passed the car keys to the valet. He rested his hand on the small of Syn's back as they approached the door, the bare skin contact making her tense. She was going to have to get used to the friendly touch of a man if she was going to make it through the night. They waited patiently in line as the head of security checked named off a guest list.

When it was their turn Syn flashed the man a warm smile trying her best to ignore the way he blatantly stared at her chest and the way Sebastian pulled her closer to him. "Excuse me sir? I'd appreciate it if you looked at my face opposed to my chest. I don't think your pregnant wife would like to get a phone call from me, do you?"

He floundered, not knowing quite what to say for a moment. "O-of course Mrs.?" "Moran." Their name was at the top of the page. "Sorry about the wait Mr. and Mrs. Moran. Right this way," The doorman opened the door to reveal around a hundred people, some sitting at candle lit tables, some dancing, and some standing around mingling with one another. The music was thankfully barely audible over the sound of the crowd. It was all so disgustingly familiar.

A few people noticed the duo as they made their way through the crowd to find their table and comments were made, just loud enough to be heard as they passed by tables. How did she get him? Probably just a good shag. She's probably in it for the money. Whore. Their table was situated near the front of the dance floor, set up purposefully to block their line of sight from entrances and exits and windows. Someone was expecting them and it made her uneasy. "Can you see anything?" Sebastian perked up in his seat and looked around even though he knew it'd be futile. "No, there's too many people."

"Our name was at the top of an alphabetized list, they've been expecting us." She said, her mind racing as she sorted through the crowd in front of her. She tried to push away the fact that just below their feet was where she had been kept experimented on for almost a year, she tried to push away the fact that this is where she made her first cold blooded kill, that this was the place that turned her into a murdering machine. When she left this place she swore that the next time she came back she would come and kill everyone in here and burn this place to the ground.

But yet here she was.

"Syn, far left corner." She stood from her chair and glanced over her shoulder to see the man. "It's one of the two distributors," She confirmed. "I'm going to the bathroom. Wait until you can find the other one and I come back before you do anything."

She sashayed through the crowd of people with a sense of purpose. She knew this place like the back of her hand and knew exactly where she wanted to go. The top floor was where the Owner stayed and the ground level was where she and the others stayed during their time here and the underground facility was where they trained and tested and poked and prodded and punished. She'd be damned if she left this place empty handed.

Her phone vibrated against her leg and she mumbled curses underneath her breath as she fished it out of its holster. Look behind the picture by your head -M Syn rolled her eyes and glanced up and down the hall before pulling the gold picture frame away from the wall. A white envelope fell to the floor, her name scribbled across the top in His writing. She sighed irritably as she bend down to pick up the envelope and ripped the top open. "He can't just give things to me, no, he has to hide them and then text me because he's too fucking scared I'll kill him." She mumbled, pulling the paper out of the envelope with more force than necessary.

Inside was a copy of the adoption records for Raleigh Marie Queen. Leverage.

"And where do you think you're going?"

Syn spun around, her heart threatening to beat out of her chest. Felicity Queen stood in front of her and what was even worse was she hadn't even sensed her. "Felicity Queen." The woman in the light blue gown stalked towards Syn, an evil glint in her green eyes. If Syn hadn't known about her before she never guessed the woman standing in front of her was 54. The only thing giving away her age was the greying roots in her dirty blonde hair. She looks just like you, doesn't she?

"It's an honor to finally meet you. I've heard so many good things about the progress you've made." Syn eyed her with extreme caution. Her mind was racing, deducing everything she could about the woman but finding nothing of use. "You planned all of this out. You knew He would tip me off and that I wouldn't be able to resist. You were so sure I was going to come you staged this here because you knew I would be tempted to sneak around. You knew the temptation would be too great for me to resist."

Felicity nodded her head in approval. "They were right about you, you are clever. You were correct about everything but yet here we stand." Syn shot the woman a murderous smile. "Who says I don't have my own reasons for being here?" She studied Syn intently for a moment before laughing in her face. "You won't kill me. I have something you need." She opened the matching blue clutch she was holding and pulled out a syringe filled with a light blue liquid. The light blue liquid.

"I've been told the serum is finally working its way out of your system. You're getting weaker, your abilities will be fading, the withdrawal symptoms will begin, and you'll be completely vulnerable. We wouldn't want that to happen now would we?" Her mouth watered at the sight of the syringe and she craved the feel of the serum running through her veins but it was wrong. No, no, no, she had to resist.

"So that's your plan? Bring me here to give me more?"

The bitch laughed again. "Of course not. I know about the paper in your hand and I also know about you addiction to this serum once it's in your system. I also know how bad your withdraw symptoms can be. This," she said, waving the blue vial back and forth. "Is to ensure you don't continue to look into this matter. You stay away, you continue to get more." It was her turn to laugh. "So you think I'm going to let you waltz over here and let you inject me again?" Something nagged at the back of her mind to turn around, it was barely there but she felt it. Glancing over her shoulder she saw two men standing behind her, two very big, strong, men. Your senses are going. You're going to be running blind in the streets if you don't get more.

"Sebastian Moran is...distracted at the moment so we have two options here. You can come peacefully, or we can drag you back downstairs and have some more fun." Take it. You know you want to. Remember how good it makes you feel? How strong it makes you? You need it.

"Kiss my ass." She was stronger than this. She wasn't going to go back, not after fighting for so long. She wasn't going to give in to these people. If she has to run blind in the streets then so be it. "I don't think you quiet understand what I mean by fun." Felicity pulled out an iPhone from her clutch and tossed it to Syn.

On the screen she could see Sebastian tied to a chair, a gun pressed against his temple. The screen switched and she was looking through the newly repaired window of 221B, Sherlock and John both visible through the window. "If you don't come with me, they die." Syn shifted on her feet and glanced at the men behind her once more. With a smirk she tossed the phone back to Felicity.

The woman narrowed her eyes in suspicion at Syn and she smiled in return. Syn didn't feel the sensation when a figure stepped out from around the corner but she was ready. The two guards shot forward immediately to protect Ms. Queen, side stepping Syn on their way. Stepping out of her shoes and sliding to the side she pulled her gun from it's holster and with two shots disabled both of the distributors.

Sweeping the hall panic began to set in. Felicity was gone. "Sherlock call Lestrade I want these two questioned. Here," she shoved the paper into his chest. "You and John get out and don't let these papers out of your sight. We'll talk about this later." She took off back the way she came shoving her way through the crowd of people still gathered in the main room. You told him no. You should have left him. You could have snuck in but no you wanted him to come with you. This is all your fault.

She hesitated when she finally reached the door she had been looking for. Once she steps passed the threshold there would be no stopping the onslaught of memories that she had long ago deleted. Her phone rang again with another text. Forget Sebastian. Finish the distributors. Now. –M she reached for the door handle and her phone rang again. Now. -M "Fucking hell!" She pulled her dress up and took off running back to where the distributors lay, everything in her screaming to go back but she couldn't. She couldn't because she was the good little solider that they had always wanted and the idea of getting information over saving the only person who had ever cared about her was too tempting.

People were flooding out as the sound of police sirens grew closer. At least Sherlock had sense enough to listen to her about one thing, she just hoped he listened to her about everything else. The men had drug themselves a good way by the time Syn found them again and they pleaded for their lives as she pointed the barrel of her gun in their faces. "Did they beg when they woke strapped to the table? Did they beg when their innards turned to mush? This is what a good subject looks like you bastards."

Two shots and they lay dead in a pool of their blood. No hesitation, no remorse, and Sherlock and John had witnessed the entire exchange. From their vantage point they could see the entire scene unfold through a mirror that was angled just so. They saw the way she rounded the corner, her eyes filled with a type of anger that was indescribable. They heard the venom laced in with her words, the years of pent up hatred threatening to spill out.

She lowered her gun, chest heaving, and adrenaline coursing through her veins. God did it feel good to kill again. "Syn!" Sebastian. She slipped the revolver back into its holster, not wanting to be seen with it when the police found the bodies. "Sebastian?" His voice had been close, just down the hall behind her but as she grew closer to the main room she began to feel uneasy. This time a shout came from in front of her. "Fantasma!" Her entire body froze, fear racing down her spine. Fantasma was Greek for The Ghost.

Police cars screeched to a halt outside as they blocked in the stragglers who hadn't made it out in time. "Hold him still you stupid son of a bitch! Stop! I'll do it myself!" The sound of glass breaking and a thud made her entire body shake and tears prickled in the backs of her eyes. They've killed him. You could've said no and he would've still been alive. You were so desperate for information that you couldn't see what was really going on. Pathetic. Murderer. Careless.

She took a deep breath to try to calm her nerves but she couldn't. Sebastian was the reason she was still alive, he protected her while she was in this hell hole. He stopped them from pushing her too far, he stopped them from torturing her when she disobeyed and took her punishment instead. She owned him everything but now she may not even have the chance to give him anything.

'This is Sebastian,' she reminded herself 'He'll be fine, just like always.' She stepped out from her hiding place, a man and a woman standing over Sebastian's limp body, another figure crouching right beside him. It wasn't until it was too late that she realized what they had done.

Thanks so much for reading! Let me know what you think! :)