Disclaimer: Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets is owned by J.K. Rowling and Scholastic Press. This is a parody fanwork by fans for fans and no money was made off of the creation of this fanwork.
AN: Tom's words will indicated by being Bolded and Italicized
oOo
The Super Secret Diary of Ginevra Molly Weasley
by FanficAllergy & RoseFyre
oOo
30/10
Tom! You have to help me!
What's wrong?
I woke up covered in blood! BLOOD! I'm dying! I'll never become Mrs. Ginevra Molly Potter now!
Ginny. Calm down and tell me – coherently – what you have discovered.
I'll – I'll try. I woke up covered in blood. My nightgown, my sheets, the whole bed, it was just covered in blood! BLOOD!
From where?
I – I, well, I took off my nightgown and I couldn't find any wounds, but I saw blood running down my legs. I think, I think I'm bleeding from the inside. I'm dying, Tom! And I only just found the clitoris!
Now now, it's all right. You'll be just fine. Have you seen the mediwitch? I know Hogwarts has one.
No! You're the first person I told! If I'm dying, I don't want to die alone! There's just so much blood! BLOOD! And my stomach hurts, and I have a headache and I'm still bleeding, and I knew Snape was trying to kill me when he had me scrub those cauldrons! He poisoned me!
I'm sure Professor Snape didn't poison you. You last had detention three weeks ago. It would have to be an incredibly slow acting poison.
So? He's the head of Slytherin! I'm sure he's just doing it to throw off the scent. Harry's never gonna notice me now! I'll be dead before I even really talk to him! This is so unfair!
Ginny, my dear. You know how we had a discussion about how babies are made. This blood means that you have started menstruating, which means you are now able to get pregnant. Congratulations, Ginny. You are now one step closer to becoming a woman.
Really, Tom? You're sure I'm not dying?
I'm sure. Clean yourself up, take a shower, and go speak to the mediwitch. I'm sure she can provide you with the appropriate accoutrements to deal with the discharge, as well as some good advice.
Can't you just explain menstrasion to me, Tom? I'm a lot more comfortable talking with you. You're friend. I rely on you.
You recall I am male.
I know! But you're still my friend and no one explains things like you do, Tom.
I suppose, then, that I shall endeavor to do my best.
So what's happening to me? Mum never told me that becoming a woman would be so gross and hurt so much. She described it as "flowering" and "a miracle" and called it "a visit from Mother Nature."
I believe we have established that your mother did not adequately explain things regarding human sexuality and reproduction.
I know. But she's my Mum.
Indeed. I suppose the best way to describe what is going on is to explain that carrying a baby is very taxing on the mother and the baby needs to receive nutrients from the mother while it grows in the womb. The blood you are seeing is the body expelling the lining of the uterus because you did not get pregnant. This will happen approximately every twenty-eight days until you are no longer able to have children or during pregnancy.
Ew, gross.
I agree. The pain you feel are mild contractions of the uterus to help expel the old lining. It is a lesser form of the contractions felt by women during childbirth.
You mean I'm going to have to go through this every month?!
Not at first, it takes time for the body to establish a regular cycle. The average cycle length is anywhere from twenty-one to thirty-five days. But for the first year or more it is very likely you will be completely irregular until your hormones regulate. Your hormones are what is causing you to have a headache and feel generally out of sorts. You may retain water leading up to your period or become tired or irritable or weepy or any combination thereof.
That's really horrid.
Indeed, it is. While you are menstruating, you will need to find a way to deal with the discharge. Unfortunately, I am not able to provide you with said accoutrements. However, the Hogwarts mediwitch has an ample supply of the necessary items and can instruct you on their use. You should get up, summon a house elf to clean up your bed and clothes, go take a hot shower, and then immediately go see the mediwitch because you will want to get the proper accoutrements before you soil another set of clothes.
If you're sure?
I am. You'll be just fine. I promise.
Thanks so much, Tom, I don't know what I would have done without you. If there's ever anything I can do for you, you let me know.
Thank you, Ginny. I'll keep that in mind.
oOo
AN:
Poor Tom, having to explain how menstruation works. But on the plus side, Ginny's at least getting accurate information.