AN: Thank you all. It's really sad, but I guess everyone is hanging in there... it's his two grandchildren's birthday today, which really sucks.

Kudos to Alex-samsprout for being the 100th reviewer of this story! :)

9. In My Heart

"Fiyero?" she murmured against his lips. She tried to pull away, but he wouldn't let her. "I, um… I came to… to tell you something…" She gasped when his lips found her neck and her eyes closed of their own accord. There was something, something important, something she had to talk to him about… but she couldn't for the life of her remember what it was.

"Mm." He pulled away slightly to look into her eyes. "What?"

She looked back. His eyes were the most beautiful azure blue colour – the colour of sapphires, maybe… no, she thought as she studied them closer, the colour of the sea. That seemed more appropriate, since she found that she could effortlessly drown in them.

"Fae?" he prodded gently, shaking her from her thoughts.

"Huh?" she asked, dazed.

He chuckled throatily. "You wanted to tell me something."

"Oh." She thought about it. Only then did she remember her conversation with Glinda in the hallway and her face fell. "Right. Yero, I… I don't think we should see each other again," she whispered.

The light seemed to fade from his eyes and she hated herself for that.

"It's okay," he said. "I understand."

She knew he did, which was maybe the worst part. He did understand. How could she possibly not fall in love with him? Despite everything she had heard about him – the pranks, the partying, his scandalacious reputation – that was not what she saw when she looked at him. What she saw was the kindest, handsomest, most chivalrous man she had ever met in her life… and it was killing her to even say this to him, but she had to. She knew she had to.

"I'm sorry," she said, her voice sounding a little strangled. He brushed a strand of hair away from her face and pressed a soft kiss to her forehead.

"It's alright, Fae," he said, letting go of her and taking a step back. "You're right. I know you're right. Go on." He motioned for her to get back. "I don't want you to get in trouble because of me."

She hesitated. "Fiyero –"

"You're engaged, Elphaba," he said quietly. "I knew from the start this couldn't last. It's okay, really. Just… go before I change my mind."

She almost disregarded her common sense and threw herself back into his arms.

Almost.

"Bye," she whispered, before turning around and all but running down the hallways, back to her rooms, where she collapsed on the couch and buried her face in a pillow. She had already let this get too far. She had done the right thing just now, she knew that.

She stayed like that for a long time before getting up and going to the bathroom. Without looking at her reflection, she washed her face clean of make-up again and then flopped into an arm chair with a book. She tried to read for a while, but she couldn't concentrate.

When finally the door opened and Avaric came in, she felt almost relieved at the distraction.

He frowned at her when he saw her. "You look terrible," was his greeting.

She lowered her eyes, not saying anything. The fact that he thought so said enough – she hadn't even tried to make herself look ill this time. Maybe she did look as bad as she felt.

"Did you have fun?" she croaked out and he nodded, throwing his coat at a servant.

"It was good," he said. "I have discussed some business strategies that could come in handy once we are back in Gillikin – not that that is of any concern to you. What have you been doing?"

"Sleeping," she lied. "Reading a bit."

He rolled his eyes. "Maybe it's those books that are making you ill," he said, before laughing loudly at his own joke. He disappeared into the bedroom and appeared again about twenty minutes later, dressed in a fresh suit.

"I'm going out again," he said. "I have agreed to meet with your father, to discuss some things regarding the wedding. I will be back in time for dinner and then I want you to be ready as well."

She opened her mouth to protest, but he cut her off. "Lunch with your family is one thing, Elphaba. Dinner with the entire crème de la crème of Ozian society is quite another. I will not be the subject of rumours tonight – I don't care how you feel. Just put on some make-up and a pretty dress, smile, and pretend to be feeling well and happy tonight."

With that, he left again, leaving her alone once more.

It took her a while, but eventually she dragged herself off the couch and listlessly started searching for clothes to put on. She dressed in a dark purple gown, twisted her hair in a bun, which she secured with the expensive hair clasp Avaric had given her, and tried her best to make herself look presentable; but she knew she looked miserable even before Avaric returned and bluntly told her that she was still nothing to look at.

He forced her out of the door nonetheless and took her to the dining hall, where she spent the next two hours poking at her food and listening to other people's conversations without really listening to them. Galinda tried to talk to her a few times, but Elphaba just didn't feel like talking. She felt angry and sad and used and trapped, and she wanted nothing more than to get out of here, leap off the back of this ship, swim back to the nearest shore, and run away as far as she could.

Her spirits were lifted a little at Galinda and Nessa's attempts to cheer her up after dinner – it probably helped, too, that Avaric had retreated to the card table once more, leaving her alone – and she tried to smile and go along with them, but her heart still wasn't in it. When Galinda elbowed her in the side and she looked up, though, her breath caught in her throat.

Fiyero.

He was standing near the staircase, talking to a few other men. When he turned a little and scanned the room, his eyes met hers and he grinned at her.

She grinned back.

Galinda, beside her, sighed. "Oh, this is so romantic."

Nessarose looked confused. "Romantic? What is romantic?" she asked curiously and Elphaba kicked her blonde friend under the table.

Galinda realised her mistake and quickly smiled at Nessa. "I was just looking at that couple dancing over there." She pointed at a random couple. "They are just… so cute together."

Nessa laughed and launched into a conversation about cute couples. Elphaba excused herself and slowly meandered over to where Fiyero was standing, trying to make it look like she was running into him by accident instead of purposefully.

"Hey," she said when she reached him.

He smiled. "Hey." Without asking her, he took her hand, kissed it, and then led her over to the dance floor, pulling her into his arms.

"You look absolutely stunning tonight," he said after a while. "As always."

She rolled her eyes. "You don't have to lie to me, Yero."

He looked genuinely shocked. "What? Why would you think I was lying?" he demanded, spinning her around.

"I know I look like I've been run over by a carriage," she said. "And besides – green, remember?" She gestured at her skin, and Fiyero scowled.

"Your skin is beautiful," he said firmly.

She rolled her eyes again. "Whatever you want, Fiyero."

"I'm serious," he insisted. He led her through some complicated steps before pulling her back in his arms again. "I like this colour on you. Purple suits you."

She made a face. "If it were up to me, I'd wear black every day," she sighed, "but Father won't let me, and neither will Avaric. They got me a whole wardrobe of coloured dresses."

He smiled. "I like colours on you."

They danced in silence for a while. He was looking at her face; but she was looking over his shoulder, clearly lost in thought.

"We shouldn't be doing this," she said softly after a while. "You shouldn't have come here."

"I just came for some fun," he said innocently. "You're the one that came over to me."

She glared at him. He raised an eyebrow.

"Are you denying it?"

She grumbled something under her breath, looking away, and he laughed.

"I'm serious, though," she said after a while. "You should go."

He sighed, deflating a little. "Fae… I understand that we can't be together, or anything like that. I do. And I respect that. But does that really mean we can't even see one another again?"

She bit her lip. "Not really, I suppose…"

He grinned at her. "Great, then. That's settled." He twirled her around again. She stumbled over her own feet and fell back against his chest rather ungracefully.

"Sorry," she muttered, her cheeks flushing; but when she looked up at him, realised how close they were and recognising the dark look in his eyes, she held her breath. He leant down just the tiniest bit and she found herself leaning up…

And then she jerked away, so forcefully he almost lost his balance. She hugged herself and he looked at her.

"I'm sorry," he said. "I shouldn't have done that."

She shook her head wordlessly.

He reached out to her. "Elphaba?"

She shied away, still shaking her head. "This is why, Fiyero," she said, not meeting his eyes. "This is why it would be better if we didn't see one another at all anymore."

With that, she went back to sit with her friends, leaving Fiyero standing all alone in the middle of the dance floor.

He tried to get her to talk to him again for the rest of the evening, but she refused to speak with him alone, instead trying to wave him off with curt, polite replies. He could tell that Galinda was suspicious and Nessarose merely looked confused, but neither of them asked anything. They just watched in interest as he tried to talk to Elphaba and she kept on dismissing him, until she eventually excused herself and walked up to Avaric. A few minutes later, the two of them left together.

Fiyero sighed and sank down into a chair, suddenly not feeling like staying here any longer. He knew she was right. He knew that. It just hurt.

He stayed there until most of the other people had left, just staring ahead of him, lost in thought. He realised wryly that he had probably never in his life thought so much about things as he had in the past week or so. His parents would be proud of him, at least.

He looked up when a person slid into the chair beside him. "Fiyero?"

It was Galinda. He forced himself to smile. "Hi."

She smiled back, sympathetically. "She broke things off with you, didn't she?"

He looked at her in surprise and she chuckled. "I'm a girl, Fiyero, and Elphie's friend besides. I guessed what was going on. I caught her sneaking out of her room this afternoon." She sighed. "I wish there could be a way for you two to be together, but since there doesn't seem to be one… I don't know, Fiyero. I know it must hurt, but I really do think this is for the best."

"It is for the best," he agreed. "But that doesn't mean I have to like it."

Galinda placed a hand on his arm. "You'll be alright, though," she said. "You both will be. And for what it's worth – I'll keep an eye on her, once we're in Gillikin. I don't live far from the Tenmeadows estate and I intend to stay in touch with Elphie after we go ashore. I promise I will look out for her."

Fiyero flashed her a weak smile. "Thanks, Galinda."

She returned his smile. "You're welcome."

It was sweet of her, and he really did appreciate it… but it wasn't enough. It would never be enough.

Next chapter is a heavy one. Like, not the heavy one... but a heavy one nonetheless. Possibly even a bit triggering.