The Joker inspected the tall, dark figure who was standing in his bedroom holding a broom. He had dark hair that was greasy and slightly too long, and a hooked nose that reminded one of an irate stork.

Finally, the Joker spoke. "Severus, what brings you back to Gotham at this hour of night?"

Severus Snape swallowed and answered, "Do you remember that problem I was having last time?

"Yes," replied the Joker, sneering, "You couldn't get your d-"

"Joker," Snape said, "Can we discuss this somewhere a little more..." Snape gestured towards Harley, who was still sitting on the bed, confused by the conversation. "...Private?"

Harley, get out!"

The Joker pressed a large red button behind the nightstand. In an instant the bed turned up and dumped the young woman dressed in red and black onto the ground.

Rubbing her surely bruised rear, Harley whined, "Aww, come on, puddin'!"

The Joker pointed to the door. "Out. Now!"

"Can't I at least watch?"

The Joker frowned. "What makes you think there'll be something to see, anyway?"

He turned back to Snape. "Listen, just because that old codger you work for can't fix your weiner wipe-out doesn't mean you have to come crying to me about it!"

Snape pleaded, "Joker, I know you have something you can do. What about what you did for the Riddler?"

"How do you know about that?" the Joker stammered.

"Word travels fast." A sly grin crossed Snape's face. "And if you don't want it to travel faster, you're going to help me."

Alright, alright! Geez. I've got something that might help you, it's an old stand-by of mine. The boner thing is a happy side effect to a happy little drug."

He drew a hypodermic needle filled with a bubbly, neon-green liquid from his bedside table. He turned back to Snape.

"Get on the bed and take off your pants."

Snape sat down on the edge of the bed and slid his trousers off. Between two hairy legs hung a shape not dissimilar to an acorn and two raisins.

"Eugh," thought the Joker, "I'd rather take Two-Face's... thing over this." The Joker bent down on one knee and inserted the needle into Snape's severely lacking package.

"What the fu-"

Snape's cry faded as the Joker-Venom entered his member. He began to chuckle uncontrollably. He looked down at his tiny, pallid micropenis and saw it was standing at attention for the first time in months.

"But wait!" shouted the Joker as he put something from his coat pocket around his fingers. "To make sure it STICKS, to truly Frankenstein your little ballpark frank, I'm going to need to use this joy buzzer."

In between laughs, Snape choked out, "Wh-what are you going to do with-" He was interrupted by the sensation of the Joker's gloved hand gripping his prick and the prolonged electrical jolt that followed. Snape cried out in both pain and pleasure as he began to ejaculate, something he hadn't experienced for a very long time.

"There we GO!" cried the Joker. He prodded the still-erect chode. "I know where you can put this!"

He turned around and dropped his drawers, revealing his pasty white ass.

Snape chuckled, this time of his own volition and not due to the serum. "I thought your face was just makeup!"

"Shut up!" the Joker snapped back, "I haven't said anything about YOUR body, have I? Now, that serum is expensive, and the least you could do is fuck me as payment."

"What's wrong with my body?" Snape asked. Fed up, the Joker sat down onto Snape's weiner and took it into his ass. Snape winced on entry as the joy buzzer had singed his shaft a little, but the pain was soon soothed.

Across the room- apparently forgotten- Harley Quinn watched with interest.

Snape rocked the bed slowly as the Joker rode him, moaning loudly. They were pressed together so tightly, with Snape's dick firmly in the Joker's anus, that Snape couldn't see Joker's member. Still, he felt it jab him in the chest and felt the shaft run through his chest hair.

Snape pulled back slightly to look at the Joker's massive appendage. He immediately pressed back to the Joker's chest when he saw the clown face tattooed on the head.

The Joker sat up on Snape's lap, his dong sticking out at a 45 degree angle to his chest. He moaned with ecstasy for what seemed like a century, bouncing up and down with the chode in his butthole, until finally he achieved climax.

He groaned loudly enough to awaken the people in the next apartment over and ejaculated on Snape's face. Snape wiped it from his eye to see that the head of the Joker's penis had leaped forward on a spring, some perverse body modification illustrating his dedication to clowniness.

"Joker," Snape mused, "You are one weird motherfucker."

"Oh, shut up and kiss me." The Joker gripped Snape's head and wrapped their lips together. Their tongues messily boxed and swapped saliva and the Joker's semen between the intertwined mouths. Their lingual mania mixed spit with jizz, and jizz with spit, and spit with jizz again: but already it was impossible to say which was which.

Across the room, Harley ogled. She had never seen that spring! What else about the Joker did she not know?

Unnoticed, she crept out of the apartment and down the road. She knew just who to ask for the relationship advice she so direly needed.