A/N: Not much Peter in this chapter, sorry ^_^

Tony woke up early, and decided to go out to the kitchen, opting to get some cinnamon toast crunch. He knew that, Steve's rule, Peter wasn't allowed to have any because it was too unhealthy, but that didn't mean he himself couldn't indulge in the sugary goodness.

He smiled to himself, and took out a bowl. Suddenly, he heard a sound behind him, and shoved the box back in the cupboard. "Those aren't cinnamon toast crunch, Steve, I swear-" But it was only Peter.

"Oh. Hey buddy. You're up early. Funny how it's Saturday, the perfect day for sleeping in, yet we wake up anyway, huh?" Tony noticed Peter was reading something. It was upside down, since Peter didn't know how to read yet, but Tony smirked. "Looks like a big person book... geez, since when did you start reading novels, Einstein?"

Tony sat down with him, and checked the cover. He went pale, and his eyes widened.

"EVERYONE. UP. NOW."

Various Avengers filed out, grumbling about the time. "Where's Loki?" Tony asked, arms crossed. Thor frowned. "He is a heavy sleepe-" "Get his Asgardian ass down here, right now!" Tony demanded, and though Thor did not like to be bossed around, he reluctantly agreed to wake Loki, since he could tell Tony had something very important to say.

"What's going on, Tony?" Steve asked, and Tony folded his arms. "JARVIS, lock the living room down." "Right away, sir." "What?" Natasha asked, and Clint huffed. "You're holding us prisoner?! In our own tower?!" "I built the damn thing, shut your trap, Legolas!" Tony barked back.

Bruce raised his eyebrows. "Okay, are you going to tell us why you're so on edge about, or are we gonna have to endure more of your angry facial hating?" Just then, Thor came down with Loki, and followed everyone into the living room.

Tony held up the book Peter had been reading. "Look what Peter was reading this morning."

There was an uncomfortable shift in the room, and Tony narrowed his eyes. "Yeah... this belongs to one of you... and guess what? Nobody's leaving, until I find out WHO!" Steve looked lost. "Shouldn't it be good that Peter's trying to read? I mean, what on Earth is... Fifty Shades Of Grey?"

Clint stifled a laugh, and Bruce sighed. "It's... uh... a book about...stuff, Steve." Steve put his hands on his hips, and gave one of his stern looks. "I'm an adult Bruce, I can handle it." Just then, Clint got up, and started to whisper in his ear. After a moment of whispering, Steve dropped his arms, and his face went rosy red. "I... I couldn't handle that."

Tony smirked. "Oh, Steve, I was hoping we could experiment." Steve's eyes widened, and Tony laughed, before remembering his anger at Peter finding it. "Okay... someone fess up."

"Ah, I believe I read Grey of the Fifty Variations once!" Thor boomed, and Natasha raised an eyebrow at him. "Then it must be his," Clint pointed out. "Nay, this book does not belong to me."

"You've been awfully quiet, Loki," Steve said, "Does it belong to you?" Loki looked so insulted that you could swear he would curse the super soldier for lifetimes to come.

"How dare you insinuate I would read such filth for pleasure!" "So you have read it then?" Loki sputtered, and Steve shrugged. "I was only sayi-" "Well soon, you will not be saying anything, for I will have ripped your blasphemous tongue from your mouth." Clint covered Peter's ears.

"Brother, do not tell me you have not read something as such in your many years? What of those Equestrian magazines?" Loki's nostrils flared. "Thor, we agreed not to talk about my teenage indulgence-" "Teenage! Do not take me for a fool, I found one in your room the other day!" "NONETHELESS," Loki said loudly, "If I want pleasure, I will go and find it, not imagine it in a petty work of fiction."

Tony narrowed his eyes, and though Loki was a talented liar, he could tell Loki was genuinely insulted. "Okay... Clint! Clint... is it yours?" "I haven't read it," he said calmly, and everyone burst out laughing, not believing that for a second. He looked offended. "Hey, I haven't gotten around to it, alright? I wanted to, but... no, this isn't mine, archer's honesty."

Tony moved on to Bruce. "Brucey... feeling kinky lately?" Bruce sighed. "It's not mine, Tony. You know I can't get worked up, or... surprise." Tony deflated in misery. "Dammit, I really wanted to tease you about it."

"Alright, so that leaves two. Steve or Natasha." "Me?!" Steve protested. "Everyone is a suspect," Tony said darkly, "Until I prove you innocent, you're guilty as charged... this whole innocence act could just be a front." Bruce chuckled. "Tony, we're not in some 40s detective movie."

"We're also not in freakin' Clue." Clint grinned at this. "Okay, so Natasha would be Miss Scarlett... I would be Professor Plum, Tony, you're Mr. Peacock, Thor, Mr. White, and Bruce," he laughed, "You're totally Mr. Green."

Thor put a hand on Clint's shoulder. "What about Loki?" "Eh...he can be Mr. Body." "What does Mr. Body do?" Loki asked with a frown. "He dies, basically." "Sounds enlightening."

"Off topic, guys!" Tony suddenly interjected, and they all looked back. "Well, in all these kinds of mysteries, it's the person no one suspects, so all signs point to Steve," Bruce said. Tony turned. "Steve... was it you? Cause if it belongs to you... I'll be forced to act it out with you." Steve blushed again. "Believe me, Tony, if it did belong to me, you would probably know by now." "Oh. Well, Nat...?"

Natasha spent a good long time just staring at Tony.

"Someone in this room is lying."

Everybody threw their arms up, and began eyeing each other suspiciously. "Whodunnit?!" Clint called out in exasperation, "I want to get up and make myself a sandwich, people, give it up!" "How do we know it wasn't you, Clinton?" Loki snapped, and Clint set his jaw. "Likewise, you blue giant!"

Loki got up, and Clint dodged a punch from him, grinning manically. Tony split them up, and Loki sighed. "Stark, if this goes on for much longer, I'm going to kill someone for my coffee." "That is a likely outcome," Thor contributed, and Steve put a finger up. "Wait... Loki, read their eyes. You can tell when someone's lying."

"Very well," the god growled, and circled the circle, staring at each person. He stopped when he came to Thor. "I can't read your thoughts, Thor," he said, and Thor just looked up, munching on a poptart he had saved in his pajama pockets. "Hm? Dithd ymm sy thmmthng brumthaw?" he mumbled threw a mouth full of pastry, and Loki just shook his head, muttering 'oaf' as he moved on.

He suddenly stopped fully at Natasha, and narrowed his eyes. "You're very hard to read..." Just then, his eyes widened, and he gripped her wrist. "It was her, all along!" "WHAT?!" "HUH?!" "NATASHA!" "NO WAY..." "WHATTHEACTUAL-"

Natasha jerked her arm away, and looked like a deer caught in headlights. She tried to jump away to escape out the terrace, but Loki grabbed her, sitting her down. She huffed.

"Fine.. it's mine, okay?"

Clint stared at her with an open mouth. "Gosh... this is good to know!" "Shut it, Clint!" The archer cowered back. "Wow," Tony grinned, "Yours... you read Fifty Shades... who'd have thought?" Natasha scowled. "Look, it was there, alright? I found it in someone's locker at SHIELD, I couldn't help stealing it."

"Whose?" "I'm not cleared to say." "WHOSE?!"

"JARVIS, watch the kid."

Tony and the others sauntered into SHIELD HQ, going to the front desk. "Hi, I've got an appointment at Don't Ask Me If I Have An Appointment, I'm Tony Stark? Yeah, that's me."

He sauntered haughtily past the secretary, who was left stuttering, and they went up the elevator, going after a certain person.

"Ahem- hey Phil." Coulson turned. "Oh- hello, everyone... what's... what's going on?" Tony held up the book, and Coulson blushed. "I can explain." "Oh yeah?" "Really. I found it in someone's jacket. I couldn't resist." "Whose?" "Can't say. Not qualified." "Damn agents of SHIELD- whose freaking jacket, Coulson?!"

*Knock knock*

"Coming."

The door opened, and the Avengers walked in, arms crossed. "I don't believe it." "Excuse me?" Nick Fury asked, and Tony laughed. "I didn't take you as the tall dark and handsome type, Nick." Fury rolled his eyes. "Oh. The book. Yeah, I wondered what had happened to that. Can't trust anyone in SHIELD these days I guess," he said, and the agent on team STRIKE who was standing watch outside Fury's door snickered to himself. You've got no idea, buddy, he thought, but that's another story.

"Now don't go thinking I read it," Fury went on, "Because I didn't. Well, I didn't finish it, anyway. Howard Stark fished that out of the ocean, when he found the cube and was trying to find you," Fury said, nodding to Steve, "It was just hanging around here, so..."

"Your dad?" Clint asked, turning to Tony. "Hey, he found it remember? That means it wasn't his. It belonged to someone in the forties." They all looked at Steve. "We went over this, remember, it isn't mine, and it was never mine." They sighed. "It was on a HYDRA plane," Steve pointed out, "That's what I crashed in." Loki chuckled. "This is all quite amusing."

"So Redskull was into BDSM?" Clint asked, thoroughly confused by now. "It's possible it was planted there." "By who?!" "Friends!" Thor interrupted, "This book bears faint Bifrost markings upon its surface!" Thor exclaimed, feeling the cover, and Natasha sighed. "Great. To Asgard we go to solve this thing."

Heimdall welcomed them in the Observatory, and they went through to the palace.

"Father!" Thor called, "We have an urgent matter regarding a Midgardian book!" Odin frowned down upon them. "Why is Loki here? The agreement was that he stays on Earth for his punishment, under your care." "That is not a matter of importance at hand. Who does this belong to?"

Odin inspected the book, shrugging. "I do not know, my son. Try the Warriors Three, possibly they will know." They nodded, and visited the training facilities, and found Sif and The Warriors practicing.

"Ha! I have won yet again, Volstagg!" Sif cheered triumphantly, resting her foot on Volstagg's knocked over body as she held her double ended blade to his neck. He grunted. "So you have, fair Lady Sif." He got up, and they all saw The Avengers, coming over to greet them.

"My friends, we require assistance in solving a mystery," Thor said.

Fandral grinned. "How exciting- what sort?" "Was it one of murder and bloodshed?" Hogun asked, looking up, and Fandral frowned. "Yes, there's a reason why he's called the Grim."

Sif inspected the book. "Hm... I have not heard of this... is it worth reading?" Natasha nodded, and Sif smiled, reading the back.

Thor sighed. "Thank you for your time. We must be on our way." They left, and sat by the waterfalls. "HEIMDALL!" they suddenly shouted, and ran to the guardian. "Heimdall, who does this belong to?" Tony asked, "You must know." Heimdall hummed. "Ah, yes. Interesting book that was. Thank you for returning my copy." "WHAT?!" "YOURS?!"

Heimdall shrugged. "Well, it wasn't originally mine. I found it on a desolate planet, many years ago. It belonged to a being, very powerful- Thanos, was his name." Loki just about fainted, and Heimdall looked amused.

"Though he claimed to have gotten it from Earth. He was surveying your planet to see if it was suitable for rule, and found it in a library. I believe he said it was donated by someone who was the certain original owner, before it was sent back in time to be placed for public use... the name is in the cover, anyway."

They all frantically checked the cover.

Hill, Maria.

"Holy," Clint mumbled, "I don't know if I can take much more of this." But off they went back to Earth.

"Hill!" Tony called once they got back to SHIELD, and she frowned. "What now, Stark?" "Fifty Shades, huh?" "Oh... yeah, I forgot about that book. I got it as a birthday present." They all shook their heads again. "This is never gonna end," Natasha mumbled, and Maria gave them a funny look. "Yeah... I got it from a colleague. He doesn't work here anymore though, he was fired for playing Galiga on the job."

"Jesus," Tony said, "I remember that guy." "Yeah, he bought it at a book store owned by New York Books, it was so nice of him to get it for me." Just then, something dawned on Tony.

"What is it?" Steve asked, and they all looked at the billionaire, who looked like he was about to be sick. "Stark Industries owns New York Books." "OMYGOD this means it's yours!" Clint shouted, and Thor and Bruce began to laugh. Tony glared at them. "Alright, alright, enough."

Steve grinned slyly. "So... since it's yours... does that mean your threat is reversed?" Tony remembered what he promised Steve earlier, and his lips curled up. "As long as Peter's out, baby." Bruce face palmed, and Loki shook his head. "Well, that was a day well wasted." "But it won't be a night well wasted for them," Natasha pointed out, smiling.

They all watched Steve and Tony walking off, and laughed.

"So... Nat..." Clint said, moving closer. "No way, Clint." "But-" "No, Clint." "Wha-" "No."