A/N Probably will update again later, because I didn't yesterday, but don't kill me if I don't. This fast updates thing is making me write more. Also I've written this this morning, after staying out with my friends last night, so I'm sorry that it's not the finest.

The next day is Saturday. I get up early due to nightmares, and go to the gym where Steve is working out. I do my own stuff until we're joined by Natasha. She doesn't do anything, but sits and watches us for a while. Steve's confused too. "Spar." She says randomly. I walk over to the mats, as does Steve. Natasha tells us to begin, and Cap does nothing. I assume he's waiting for me to attack, but that's not my style.

"I can't do this Natasha. She's just a kid."

"She's better than I was at thirteen. Watch." Natasha gets up and takes his place. We're going to spar? Okay. Natasha attacks and I dodge. I'm going defensive for this.

After two minutes Natasha starts going a bit easy on me, and I know it's an invitation to attack, to show Steve I can fend for myself. In the end it's a fairly even fight and I could win but I'm interrupted by the loudspeakers. "NATASHA ALIANOVA ROMANOFF! WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING!"

"Dad I was about to beat her!"

"That doesn't excuse it- Wait you were about to beat the spider?"

"She was going easy."

"Not really." I give Natasha a look. She wasn't going really easy? "Your daughter's something else Tony. I can see why Ivan chose her to replace me." I tense up at Ivan and run, all the way down to Tony's workshop.

He's expecting me with open arms. He must have been watching the footage. I run in to his arms and bury my head in his chest. I begin to cry. It's comforting, knowing there's people that won't judge me when I cry. Saying his name is like rubbing salt in an open wound, a gaping stab wound, no no. Deep breaths. Don't think about him.

Names hold power. Too much power. Like the... The Other Place. And his name. They bring back memories that I can't speak about. It hurts to think about. It brings back memories and makes them real.

"Romanova. Mission report." He glares me, spit dripping from his teeth.

"I killed him. Behind the hotel. Disposed of his body in the river." I reply.

"That would be why they found the body, no?" He tells me. I feel my heartbeat rising. I failed. He's going to... He won't kill me. I'm his greatest subject since Natalia. He'd kill someone else if they'd done this. "Come here." He says. I do. There's salt in his hand. I didn't tell him I was stabbed, but he's still rubbing the salt in to my shoulder. Salt in an open wound. I understand now. This really hurts. "Report to me later." He says and I'm told to leave.

Washing it out hurts more. That's when one of the other girls approaches me. People don't talk to me much, because I'm his favourite. It's lonely. "I'm Irina. You need help?" I nod and she moves my hair away and begins washing the blood and soap away. Irina's ten, a year older than me. Her friend Olga comes over eventually too. They completely wash and dress my wound something I've never done before. Apparently I should do that to avoid infection. Irina and Olga are kind, which is extremely unusual. I think it's nice though. They don't talk down to me, even though I'm the smallest that goes on missions. I think they're becoming my friends. Attachments are a weakness. Don't get attached. I hate to say it but I think friends are attachments. And he'll hurt me more when he finds out.

I'm almost late for my 'meeting' with Ivan. I don't want to think about it, but my arm really hurts. He hurt me. He always hurts me. He will always hurt me. But he hasn't found out about any attachments. That means he'll only hurt me more when he does find out.

Yeah. Names hold a lot of power when they make you think about that. "You wanna talk about it?" Tony asks, and I make the brave decision of doing so.

"There was this time when I was nine, and I'd finished my mission... and I did- I can't... It's too... I did it wrong, so he hurt me and I-Irina fixed me up. That's when she became my friend." Attachments are a weakness. I have too many attachments now. But attachments were a weakness there, and now even Natasha's got some. Maybe it's not so bad after all.

"Okay," He says. In a moment's silence, he composes what he's about to say, "When I was captured for those three months, there was a man helping me. Yinsen. And he helped me, not only build the first suit, but see that there was a way that I could get out. He helped me not to give up. He was also the one that first patched me up, with a car battery instead of an arc reactor, but still. Like your friends have patched you up. He gave his life to get me out of there, like your friends did. And it's a hard loss to take, but you've got to honour their memory, they gave you a chance at a good life. You've got to take it."

"How can I when I'm not a good person?"

"I first became Iron Man because I was captured, in the same way Black Widow was. And Hulk, Winter Solider and Hawkeye didn't become them exactly willingly. All of us had done bad things, my nickname was the merchant of death. But we've all turned around, use our powers for good, because it's the right thing to do. We still have the memories of everything we've done wrong, but also everything we've done right. You're not a bad person. What you've done might be bad, but you were his can still do good, because you're a good person, and I know that. The only thing that matters is if you know it yourself." The thing is though, I'm not sure that I do.