Chapter 10
She didn't wake up for days. Magnus informed us that she wasn't comatose, but just sleeping. Sometimes she'd wake, and always at random moments, so I made sure to stay with her at all times. I'd have a glass of water, I'd help her sit up, and right after she's curl up and sleep like she hasn't gotten any for days.
"She's sleeping off her grief, let her sleep," Magnus said.
Jocelyn would come in and pet her hair once in a while, and I would give her my spot to sleep for a night or two. Magnus gave Clary pills that were also being distributed to the other shadowhunters who had been possessed. They too were sleeping away their days, so everyone wasn't too worried, just anxious for her to wake up.
"Today, Isabelle puked all over Simon. I thought you should know." I splayed her finger out in my palm and rubbed each one. "It was so gross, I thought Simon was gonna puke on her. You should have seen his face!"
"Why," She whispered. "In the hell would I want to know that?"
"Clary?"
She sat up, by herself, and tried to rub the drowsiness from her face by pulling on her cheeks with her palms. "By the angel, I am tired."
"Hey." I switch from the chair beside her bed to on her bed beside her lap. Her hand curls around my bicep and her forehead leans against my shoulder.
"Hey."
"How are you feeling? Besides tired?"
"Like crap, I feel like crap. I'm also hungry too, for some real food."
"Wanna go down to the kitchen, everyone is down there?"
"No." She shot it down quickly, and the horrified tone to it made me look at her again. She wasn't just tired, she was depressed.
"Listen, no one holds you accountable for what you did. You were under an influence who would have had you kill every last shadowhunter on the planet, but you didn't. You only killed one."
"Three, Jace. I killed three."
"Many more were lost in battle. I've killed someone, an Iron Sister to be exact." I swipe the curls of her hair away from her eyes. "And when I could finally tell you, you didn't judge me. And neither did your family when I told them. I'm sure that they won't hold you accountable."
"It doesn't matter if I'm accountable, what matters is that they're dead." She stopped leaning on me and took a deep breath. "It's like... imagine if someone came up to you and said that I had got into an accident with another shadowhunter. And I was dead. But the person telling you the news said "don't worry, Jace, it wasn't her fault". That wouldn't help any."
"I get your point. I understand where you're coming from, I just don't want you to feel the... guilt of it all."
"I have to, to get over it, I have to."
"What can I do," I whisper in her hair. "Tell me what I can do to make it better."
"You can hold me."
We switch around so she is curled up on my legs and I am holding her close again, a lot like when she was woken up from the possession.
"And love me."
"I already love you, Clary. I love you and I will never stop loving you."
Clary's POV
Turns out his name was Christopher. So each time I woke myself with my screams, I was shouting Christopher instead of Jason. They had burned him while I was asleep, and the family had no desire to see me.
The other shadowhunters had woken up before me, their hold on reality had been much stronger than mine considering I had a powerful demon clutching to me while they were just an experiment. Each one though, had a slash mark on their wrist of thigh that would not go away despite the constant flow of iratzes. I finger my wound on my collarbone once in a while, pushing it and pressing on it even though it hurts.
And while this was all important news, the biggest was yet to come.
"Simon, have you seen my sketchpad?"
"Nope."
"You swear?"
"I swear on the-"
"Simon!" Isabelle walked in. "Don't ever swear on the angel like that!"
"But it was true!"
"It doesn't matter. Swearing on the angle is permanent stuff." She crosses her arms over her chest.
Simon smiles at Isabelle, a new smile that I've never seen before. It wasn't a dorky head-over-heels, I'm-totally-in-love-with-you smile. And while he still loved her, this one took it to a whole new level. It made my chest feel lighter, knowing that happiness was all around me.
"Clary," my mom said, walking into the room with a very tired Luke behind her.
"Good morning." I hand her a cup of coffee and she takes is graciously.
"Okay everyone," Isabelle claps her hands together, "Is everyone here?"
"Magnus and Alec are on their way." Jace says, his body sprawled out on the couch. "Why, in the angel's name, did you have to call a meeting at six in the morning?"
"Because I can't sleep," she said impatiently. Magnus and Alec walk in at this moment. Alec's hair is sticking up, and so is Magnus's but he did this with hair gel. Magnus sweeps his fingers through Alec's hair to calm it down.
"Yeah, there's a lot of things she can't do now," Simon adds, and this gets a lot of weird looks. "Like each sushi, ride the roller coasters at Disney land, or drink alcohol."
"I'm pregnant!" Isabelle burst out, and my mother, I swear, almost drops her coffee.
I feel the rough texture of the sketch pad between my fingers, and for a minute I think finally. A new face to draw.