Thanks to Sailorraven34 for reviewing, multiple times.
A/N I'm feeling so productive. Seriously. It's update #6 of the day, only a one left and then it's all over.
The worst thing is when they take him away, because I can't see him, I can't help, I can't be there. He's taken almost straight away to have x-rays, CTs, as well as other things which sound just as horrible.
Steve realises that he should probably call Pepper after about an hour, which he does, and she seems relieved to know that he's alive, that everyone's alive.
At about midnight, Natasha tells everyone that we have to go back, but that Steve can stay, as he's team leader. I try to protest but Natasha doesn't alter her decision, I'm going with her. In the end she makes Clint carry me out because I protest. I have to know he's alright because it's already my fault that he's here, I can't have his death on my conscience too.
Natasha remembers we're in North Carolina when we get outside. She jumps in the jet and motions for the rest of us to follow. Sam and Thor both manage to fall asleep on the journey, and Clint looks halfway there, although he is flying the plane. I can't sleep. I'm too worried about him. I guess I care about him. I love him. He's my dad.
We get back to the Tower at one. I suppose that means another day off school with get well soon texts from Hayley and Max. Not that I'd go anyway. I need to go back to him. I need to know that he's okay.
I lie on my bed for hours and hours before I go to sleep. I make plans about how I can escape to see him, but none of them are flawless.I'm too tired to think of anything, but I'm to nervous to go to sleep. What if something happens and he dies? A) that will be my fault and I'll never forgive myself and B) who's going to look after me? Nothing will be the same. Four days. If I'd just thought of it earlier... or if I'd just stayed at the other place like a supposed to. Maybe then I would be a better person. Maybe I wouldn't be in this situation where he's in critical condition.
Around seven I fall asleep. My sleep is dreamless, which is good as it means there's no nightmares blaming me for everything. I'm doing enough of that myself. I'm not awoken by anyone or anything, which probably means something's happened and no one's told me about it. I glance at my phone, which tells me that the time is quarter to two, and proceed to drop my phone as it begins to ring. Steve. I answer it immediately, "Steve."
"Hey sweetie. No, I shouldn't say that I sound like a grandmother. Or a grandfather like Steve." Dad's voice whisper croaks. He sounds terrible, but at least he's alive.
"I'm so sorry and I love you so much." I whisper back.
"I love you too. Sorry I've got to be quick, Capsicle doesn't know I'm awake, and I stole his phone. He's sleeping.. I just wanted you to know I'm okay and I love you. It's not your fault, what happened, and all I can remember is you saving me. Sorry, he's waking up, love you Yana."
"Love you daddy." I press the end button on my phone, smiling. He's alive, doesn't think it's my fault and called me first. I should probably show my face downstairs.
I think all the others are happy that I didn't get up and run back to him. But then again, they all think he's about to die. "Call Steve." I command and Natasha's happy to comply.
"Hi Steve. How is he?" Pause. "Good." Pause. "Okay." She hands the phone to me and as I put it to my ear, I hear it being transferred on the other end.
"Hey Yana." This time my eyes prick with tears, and I realise exactly how close he could have come to death.
"Hi daddy." I reply.
"Yana what's wrong? Why are you crying?"
"You... You almost died... And it was my fault... It's okay if you want to get rid of me."
"That's ridiculous. Why would I want to do that? I love you. It's not your fault. I blame-" I drop the phone and although Natasha's bullet proof case protects it, I realise what a nuisance I am. How everyone around me just gets killed or almost killed. I run from the room, everyone looking at me. I run to a bathroom and lock the door, putting my head on the cool tile floor. A sound comes out through the speakers, and I'll be honest, I scream. "Yana, it's not your fault. I want you to see me, so you know that I am perfectly fi-"
"Don't you dare say that you are fine. You are not fine. I saw what you were like last night. Don't try and pretend. I'll talk to you and even face time you but I'm not coming to see you. That'll make me feel worse."
Then I wonder if it's normal to have a conversation with your dad about not seeing him in hospital while lying on the floor of your bathroom, with the call coming through speakers. My guess is not. But I mean what I'm saying. No one's going to convince me otherwise. I'm not seeing him while he's all broken and not himself, and when it's my fault. I don't like hospitals anyway. He doesn't reply. I think he's a bit shocked but he'll respect my decision. He's probably giving Natasha instructions on how to look after me.