Disclaimer: I don't own anything Star Trek it is all property of Gene Roddenberry, J.J. Abrams, Paramount, and whoever else owns rights to the franchise. I am not making any profits off of this so please don't sue me.

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Chapter 11

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" Hmm."

A small almost inaudible groan escaped Jim Kirk as his brow knitted together in a small frown. A few seconds later the young man's eye slowly opened to thin slits against the light. Everything was blurry and the dimmed light was harsh like a spotlight that shines over a stage. Jim Kirk slowly closed his barely open eyes and waited for them to adjust somewhat to the light. After several long moments had passed Jim gingerly let his eyes flutter back open. He blinked several times before finally being able to see clearly without the irritations.

Above him was darkened ceiling and there was a soft rhythmic beeping from somewhere above too.

Swallowing thickly Jim stared up straight ahead and waited for the foggy feeling that seemed tightly wrapped around his head to lift. A soft snore had Jim turning his head to the side. Jim felt a jolt pass through his whole body. A split second later Jim felt like his insides were slowly turning to ice as he took in Bones's sleeping form sitting beside his bed. In that moment everything that had happened came crashing back down on him ruthlessly. The monitor that was charged with keeping track of Jim's vital signs began to beep louder and faster, naturally in-tuned to the young man's rapidly accelerating heart beat.

Jim's eyes had grown wide and pain-filled as he stared at the sleeping countenance of his friend.

" I can't be here, I can't stay here." Thought Jim frantically.

He was on the verge of a full, crippling panic attack when Jim slowly forced himself to calm down as much as he could. Then clenching his jaw and remember his anger towards the individual sleeping in a chair beside his bed, Jim's panic dissipated completely. With his eyes hardening Jim turned his gaze away from Bones and turned it to the other side, taking a look around to get his bearings on where he was. He recognized it all now to be the recovery room of Sickbay. He was on the Enterprise.

Jim felt a momentary surge of relief at this, but it quickly turned into desolation as he remember how the people on board this ship, they people he had been in command of had treated him. He remember how they had all sided with who they had thought was the injured party, Spock. Jim felt his heart give an involuntary lurch at the very thought of the half-Vulcan who served as his First Officer, the one with whom he had shared nearly a year of his life with. He had come home to his lover looking for help and all he had gotten was condemnation from the Vulcan, from the rest of his crew.

They had all broken his trust, they had broken whatever was left that It'vek hadn't already destroyed.

Even the man who was now passed out but sitting faithfully by his side had blamed him.

Feeling like he was going to suffocate if he stayed here for even another second Jim made up his mind. Gritting his teeth Jim forced his slightly leaden feeling limbs to move. With painful slowness Jim pushed the covers that were tucked firmly around him off. The task left Jim dizzy with exhaustion, he waited for the dizziness to pass before even thinking about moving again. When he felt somewhat more clear headed Jim hiss softly as he rolled onto his side and then slowly swung his legs over the edge of the bed. With his body in pain at being contorted in such a fashion Jim gritted his teeth and used his arms to slowly push himself upright.

The second he was sitting Jim felt like someone had turned off the ships inertial dampeners. Then he remembered that the ship was probably still securely docked to the star base and wasn't actually moving to begin with. So it must have been him. Jim could tell that he was sick, he just felt completely awful and also really achy in certain areas. But he was glad that it wasn't like the pain he had been feeling all throughout the day up until the point It'vek had taken him hostage. As he remembered Jim's hand unconsciously went to his shoulder, his fingers found only flawless skin, no scratches.

So Bones had patched him up good then.

Jim could only feel the faintest stirrings of gratitude towards the Doctor in question. With that in mind Jim strengthened his resolve for the task at hand. Gritting his teeth Jim gingerly lowered his feet down till they were firmly on the floor. Then with a sharp inhale Jim forced himself to stand up, but a haunched over stance was the best he could do as his body violently protested against the use. Jim breathed through the pain and waited for it to dissipate to a dull ache before he took the first step. Then he took another and another, being as careful as he could as not to alert the sleeping doctor.

Jim felt a momentary surge of triumph as he reached the threshold of the Recovery room. With a fleeting glance at a blissfully snoring Bones, Jim stealthily made his escape from the Recovery Room and subsequently the Sickbay itself.

As he walked Jim wondered where he was gonna go and what he was going to do exactly. But he didn't regret getting out of Sickbay no matter how much his body didn't like it. Right now he just wanted solitude, he just wanted to not have to deal with his crew, see any of their faces, and most of he didn't want to hear their apologies. He just didn't want to do any of that right now, he just wanted get away from it all, everything from his the horrible events that had happened, the people who had more or less stomped and spit on all the trust he'd had in them, to his own feelings on the entire situation.

The people in question would be easy to get away from, but he knew that the other stuff were things he'd never be able to hide or run from, not unless he took some kind of mind altering agent or something like that.

So with all that in mind, Jim made his way through the deserted corridors of the Enterprise and headed of to find such a place of solitude. He couldn't really think of anywhere else to go so he figured he'd just go to his room, he'd just lock the door so that not even Spock could override and get in.

Some thirty minutes later back in Sickbay.

" Doctor McCoy."

A deep and stern voice had Bones abruptly coming out of his slumber and now falling all the way out of his chair.

" OW!" Cried the Doctor as he landed none too gently onto the floor.

He looked up from his rather undignified position on the floor and met the blank face but urgent looking eyes of one Commander Spock.

" What the hell is it man?" Asked the Doctor indignantly.

" It would appear that your patient has escaped from your care Dr. McCoy." Said Spock flatly while his dark eyes went to the recovery bed.

" What?" Said McCoy as he turned his head sharply and sure enough he was bed with an empty recovery bed.

No Jim Kirk to be seen anywhere.

" Shit." Swore Bones softly as he scrambled to his feet.

" He must've woken up after I dozed off and snuck out from right under my nose." Said Bones as he turned to Spock.

" We gotta find him quick, he's still fighting the infection and I need him back in here to give him his last hypo of antibiotics." Said Bones with a pleading look of urgency sent the Vulcan's way.

Spock merely nodded mutely and swiftly turned on his heels, leaving the Recovery room. Bones quickly followed after the Vulcan's long strides. The two men quickly exited the sickbay entirely and strode with purpose down the corridor, both pausing at one of the panels in the wall and preparing for a man hunt.

So it came as sort of anticlimactic when Spock stiffly asked the ship's computer for the location of Captain James T. Kirk to check if he was still actually on board the Enterprise itself and he received the following answer of...

" Captain Kirk is in Observation Deck 15 located on ship's Level 21."

Bones's knees went weak with the relief he was feeling while Spock merely closed his eyes and kept them closed for longer than a blink, breathing in deep before opening them a few seconds later. Without saying a word to each other the two men hurried off towards the turbo-lift. After a tense ride made to the level provided by the computer the two officers hurried out of the lift and all but ran as they had done hours ago on the Star base. The two men navigated through the long corridors until they caught sight of the open area that was just up ahead. Bones's face held an unhappy expression while Spock's eyes were the only thing to vaguely reveal his own discomfort. As they ran they couldn't help but notice how eerily similar the situation was to the event that had unfolded yesterday. Here they were running side by side desperate to get to Jim Kirk.

Only now they were on the Enterprise and there was no rapist on the loose, just a young man who somehow woke up and made a stealthy escape from the ship's sickbay and CMO just hours after surviving through emergency surgery and still suffering from the moderate infection that had settled in shortly after said surgery.

Spock and McCoy entered the observation deck quickly and came to a dead halt as they looked about the open area with frantic eyes. Then Spock spotted the lone blond figure standing tall and silent before one of the deck windows, clad in light blue sickbay patients attire with his back to them. Spock pulled lightly at McCoy' elbow to get the doctor's attention and them pointed to the window where the Deck's only other occupant was standing.

Feeling the need for caution, Bones and Spock slowly and silently made their way over to where the figure stood. They both came to stop a few feet away from the young man. It was Bones who broke the silence.

" Jim?" He asked very softly.

All he got in reply was dead silence from the young man in question who still had his back to them.

Bones chance another small step closer before he licked suddenly dry lips and spoke again.

" Jim, are you alright?" He asked.

This time both Bones and Spock received a reply.

A low, deep rumbling growl that any passerby would've believed was being made by an animal. But from where Bones and Spock stood they easily knew that the growling was coming from the young man who still refused to turn and acknowledge them. Bones felt the beginnings of dread at this sound while Spock remained outwardly passive, inside he too began to cringe.

Then the blond standing before the window slowly began to turn around.

Bones and Spock both flinched in their own way when Jim finally turned all the way around and faced them.

Striking blue eyes that were usually so filled with life, so warm and charismatic now stared at them slightly gray with dullness and so cold they seemed like they had been carved from of the cliff of Delta Vega. They seemed to star right through Bones and Spock. These eyes were encased by a ghostly pale face that was so devoid of emotion it would've made a Vulcan envious. And there was a faint sheen to the pale white skin, signaling that a low fever from the infection still lived beneath the surface.

For the better part of an eternity Jim simply stared at them with cold blankness. Then he was moving, stepping away from the window and closing the distance till he was a mere half an arms length away from his First officer and CMO. Several long seconds passed by with Jim silent as a corpse and all but boring holes into Bones and Spock with his icy blue gaze. Then without saying a word the young Captain sidestepped his First officer and Chief medical office and calmly walked away down the corridor that they had all come through to get to the Observation deck.

A very shaken Bones let out the breath he had been unconsciously holding while Spock wordlessly turned on his heels and followed after Jim. Bones scrambled after the two of them. Spock and Bones walked side by side, keeping a respectable distance from Jim who clearly did not want them anywhere near him.

And so Jim Kirk made his way back to sickbay on his own steam with Bones and Spock far enough away like he wanted but close enough to aid him should he need it.

Jim walked through the sickbay door and startled the few Nurses there who had just come in to start another day's work. Jim ignored everyone completely and made his way through sickbay towards the Recovery room door at the very end of it. Bones and Spock quickened their steps to catch up with their Captain. The two of them had just entered the Recovery room when a voice started them.

" Close the door." Ordered Jim, his voice rough and gravelly from where he sat over the edge of the bed he had been laying in not too long ago.

Spock nodded and pressed the button for the door on the wall panel. The door slid shut with a soft hiss leaving only the three of them in the privacy the room offered.

Jim slowly rose to his feet and closed the distance between himself and his two officers. He came to stand an arms length away from them and with a frigid stare aimed at Bones and completely ignoring Spock, Jim spoke.

" I was drugged and raped by an Antarian Ambassador just the night before, afterwards I came back to this ship and went to my Lover and First Officer for help. He took one look at me, packed up all of his things, and left me there in my quarter. I guess he only smelled the alien stink on me and not the blood that was pouring out of the cuts I had been left with. And then when I get onto the Bridge the next morning I find that my entire Bridge crew shared the same sentiment and my First Officer, even my CMO whom I thought of as one of my closest friend agreed that I was nothing more than a cheating slut who'd spread is legs for anyone. Then my crew decide to go on without me to the reception hall where all I could feel was the terror of knowing that the evil son of a bitch that raped be could be somewhere in that crowd of people. No one would speak to me, no one would come near me. I was hurting and starting to feel sicker with each passing minute, I leave the party and just wander about til I find a nice quiet spot away from it all. The next thing I know I have claws digging into my shoulder and It'vek, that sick bastard is grinning at me like he just won the lottery and looking like he wanted to have a second go. You all know what happened after that. Some pretty red-head saves my life and everything goes dark after that. Then I am waking up here in this room with you snoring away next to me Dr. McCoy." Said Jim with his eyes suddenly going from icy cold blue to nearly glowing white with unbridled rage. He paused a moment to draw in a deep breath and then, glaring at Bones with all he had in him he spoke.

" You asked just now if I was alright. Well Doctor, how the fuck do you think I am you backstabbing son of a bitch?" Asked Jim with a snarl through gritted teeth. His hands were clenched into tight and trembling fists at his side as he seethed in rightful anger.

Bones felt the bottom of his stomach drop out and he averted his eyes to the floor in shame. He couldn't come up with anything to say and what could he possibly say to all that.

Then Jim's glaring eyes fell on the seemingly emotionless face and stiffly held form of his First Officer. Just seeing the one who had doled out a more grievous injury to him than that Antarian pervert had done, had Jim's rage soaring to new and unheard of levels. Taking in deep rattling breath Jim rounded on the half-Vulcan, taking a step closed and looking Spock dead in the eye as he let him have it.

" Ten months of my life I devoted to you, and when I needed you the most, just packed all of your things and left without so much as a glance back. Was I that much of a whore in your eyes? And now you actually have the gall to show your face to me after you walked out on me. You just smelled the filth that pervert left on me and instantly assumed that I had gone off and enjoyed myself like a good little whore. Ten months Spock, ten fucking months, and you deduced that I would willingly throw away everything that we had together for some blue-scaled alien pervert?" Asked Jim, his voice eerily calm and deadly, while his normally blue eyes seemed to have bleached to white as they smoldered with unspeakable rage as they glared at Spock.

Though Spock's face remained carefully neutral, his eyes gave away the naked malestrom of emotions the swirled around inside of him at Jim's harsh words. After a moments hesitation the half-Vulcan parted his lips and began to speak softly.

" T'hy'la please, I am- "

Spock's words were abruptly cut off with a low grunt as an unforgiving fist struck him across the face with a surprising amount of force.

" Don't you dare call me that." Hissed Jim as he lowered the fist he had used to deck Spock soundly in the face.

Bones had gasped at the display and now stood in wide-eyed shock because of all the things he thought he never see, it was Jim striking Spock like that. Spock's jaw ached dully from the blow and on the inside the Vulcan felt a white hot pain radiate from his heart to the rest of his very being as he stood there and eyed the angry human who had struck him.

Then the rage in those nearly white eyes dissipated a little, morphing into look of pain and utter devastation swimming in bitter salt as Jim spoke.

" You told me that T'hy'la is the Vulcan word for something that is precious, something that is meant to be cherished, beloved. You proved to me that I was nothing like that to you, you threw me away, turned your back on me when I came to you. You didn't even let me open my mouth to ask you for help. You left me. You abandoned me. I am not your T'hy'la, you made it clear to me that I never was." He said softly now, which to both Spock and McCoy was far worse then when he had been roaring in all his rage.

Suppressing the suddenly and all consuming urge to collapse onto the floor and actually die right then and there, Jim bit back the sob that threatened to escape him and turned away from Spock and Bones.

" The both of you for the immediate future, will show your faces to me unless it is absolutely necessary. Pass that along to the rest of the crew. For the remainder of my stay here in sickbay, I will let the nurses treat me but you will keep a sizable distance from me, is that clear Dr. McCoy?" Ordered Jim.

Feeling like wanting to sink into the ground himself, McCoy forced himself to speak through his throat that had constricted painfully in his own despair.

" Y-Yes, understood Captain." He said, barely managing to sound formal.

" I will..." Spock began before lightly clearing his throat before continuing.

" I will pass your request on to the crew, your wishes will be respected, Captain." He said softly.

Still not turning around to look at them, Jim spoke.

" That is satisfactory Commander, Doctor. Now please leave and close the door behind you." He said mechanically.

" A nurse will be in to give you your last dose of antibiotics... Captain." Said Bones quickly as he felt himself start to crumble from the inside out.

Spock's almost black eyes lingered on his Captain for several long moments before he turned smartly on his heals and made his way over to the panel and pressed the button to unlock the door. When the door opened Spock made a hasty exit and Bones quickly followed in his wake. Then the door to the Recovery room slid shut again with a soft hiss.

It was then that Jim Kirk nearly bent over double and let a sob escape him. With tears surging up and burning his eyeballs, Jim staggered over to his medical bed and promptly collapsed onto it.

Curling up into a fetal positon Jim's body shook with each sob that wracked it as his heart and his soul felt like they were dying all over again.