Disclaimer: I don't own anything Star Trek it is all property of Gene Roddenberry, J.J. Abrams, Paramount, and whoever else owns rights to the franchise. I am not making any profits off of this so please don't sue me.

.

Chapter 13

.

A soft sigh escaped Jim Kirk as he sat by the large arched window inside his bedroom. It was late in the hour and most of the ship was dormant with only the skeleton crew keeping silent watch over everything and guiding the ship through open space. No matter how hard he had tried sleep just hadn't come to the young man. It hadn't been coming ever since he had left Sickbay the week before. He had hardly left his room at all since his release. He had kept all contact with anyone to the barest minimum. And after everything that had happened could he have been blamed for not wanting to see anyone? The only ones who he did have contact with were the Nurses sent from sickbay to check up on his physical condition. But even they knew to get in and out quickly and leave him be.

He was a mess really. He was still angry there was no doubt, but it had receded from the explosive rage he had showcased back in sickbay. Now that anger was a quiet one, the kind that came off as coldness, as distance, as empty silence. And besides that he was more devastated than anything else, locked in a deep despair that anyone who was violated in any way would feel. He was angry at the one who had done those horrible things to him, he was angry at his First Officer and lover, along with the senior members of his crew who had all jumped to the one conclusions that he had returned to his promiscuous ways, and he was angry at himself for not fighting back harder, for not being able to have at the very least saved himself.

Now he was left to pick up the jagged pieces of himself and try to put them back together first. He knew full well that to do this he needed the help of others, of those closest to him. But he would never forget and he wasn't ready to forgive just yet. It was all too soon for those things. Right now he was just this miserable wreck of a man with only his own solitude while on this medical leave to keep him company.

With this solitude Jim Kirk settled in for yet another sleepless night. At least he would be nightmare free.

When another week of this had passed by, one member of the crew finally gathered up the courage to actually face the Captain. It was early afternoon and Jim was just about to get a light lunch of soup from his personal replicator when there was an unexpected knock on the door to his quarters. Feeling curious as to who it was Jim came to stand before the door to his quarters and pushed the button on the small panel to open it. When the door slid away Jim found himself face to face with the last person he thought he'd ever see.

A very, very, very nervous looking Ensign Pavel Chekov. The young curly haired teenager stood out in the hallway looking rather pale and holding a tray piled with some rather appetizing food between his lightly trembling hands.

"G-Gud af-afternoon Ceptin Kirk." Stuttered Chekov.

Jim just stared at the kid for several long moment before he finally spoke.

" Hello Ensign Chekov, what brings you here?" He asked.

" I... I vas... I vas vondering if ve could haf lunch together sir." Said Chekov haltingly and if it were possible he looked even more nervous with each word he spoke.

Jim was silent for several longs seconds, just staring and blinking slowly at the young man standing before him as he processed his words. The Jim swallowed thickly and spoke.

" Y-Yeah sure, come on in." Said Jim as he stepped aside.

Fidgeting nervously Chekov hesitantly stepped over the threshold into the Captain's quarters.

" You can set that down on the table over there and have a seat." Said Jim as he gestured to the small table near one of the walls of the living room area.

Chekov nodded and hurried off to do as he was instructed while Jim pressed the button to close the door. When Jim turned he saw Chekov sitting in one of the chairs like he had told him to, he was ringing his hands together nervously in his lap. Deciding not to delay any further Jim made his way over to the table and took up the seat across from the young Ensign. The two young men sat facing each other, Jim staring right at Chekov and Chekov barely meeting his was Jim who finally broke the painfully awkward silence.

" So, what's on the menu?" He asked as he eyed the near mountain of food that Chekov had brought with him.

" Oh, vell you see I... I did not know vhat you vould haf liked so I... Vell I sort of vent and brought a little bit of everything from the mess hall." Answered Chekov sheepishly.

" Clearly. Well then let's dig in." Said Kirk with a tiny smile as he reached for one of the sandwiches from the pile, turned out to be pastrami.

Chekov nodded and reached for a sandwich as well and also took the small carton full of chicken and egg salad. With a small nod to each other the two young men began to eat in silence. After a few bites of his sandwich, Jim finally looked up and spoke to his lunch companion.

" So who put you up to this?" He asked.

Chekov's hand froze midway to sending a fork full of chicken salad into his mouth as he looked up at his Captain.

" Vhat? oh! Nyet, no, no. Nobody put me up to this, actually most everyone tried to talk me out of wisiting you sir." He said with a faint blush tinting his cheeks.

" You were all afraid I was gonna bite your head off the second I laid eyes on you?" Asked Jim knowingly.

Chekov blushed even darker before he mutely nodded his head. With a small sigh Jim set the sandwich in his hands down and leaned back in his chair as he spoke.

" I'm still pretty angry, but not to where I'm gonna blow my top at you. It's simmered down somewhat and I'm really mostly angry at It'vek cause he was the one who did it all." Here Jim paused and sighed before he looked Chekov square in the eye and spoke the honest to God truth from his own heart.

" I'm not mad at you anymore Ensign Chekov, I think to me you were the first and the easiest to forgive."

Jim watched as Chekov inhaled sharply and his big puppy-dog like eyes grew wide and very shiny with tears. A second later he watched as the young man's, the boy's really, lower lip began to tremble violently. The next thing Jim knew he found himself with his arms full of sobbing teenage Russian Ensign.

" Captain Kirk, prastee, prastee meenya pozhalosta! I'm so sorry sir, pleeze, pleeze forgive me, I am so sorry." Cried Chekov as he sobbed.

Jim Kirk was a little stunned but he quickly recovered and returned Chekov's surpisingly strong embrace, while also standing up all the way. He patted the young man on the back awkwardly several timed before he gently loosened the Ensign's grip on him a little and pulled back slightly so that he could be look eye to eye at Chekov as he spoke.

" Chekov, though I appreciate the impromptu hug I would like it more if you would stop crying, it's not a good look on you." Said Jim Kirk, completely serious.

" Oh!" Exclaimed Chekov as he realized in complete horror how unprofessional he was being. He was an Ensign after all and right now he was doing a fine impression of a beartrap on his Captain, his paramount commanding officer. Chekov said something fast in Russian and then quickly released his hold around Jim, he stood before his Captain with such a look of sheer mortification on his face that Jim Kirk just couldn't help it.

He started laughing, just soft snickering at first that turned into a full uplifting guffaw. Jim collapsed into the chair he had been sitting in and let the laughter wash over him. God it felt like heaven itself it was that good. Chekov just stood there and gawked at his Captain, completely in awe because of all the things he had expected to happen during this risky visit to his recovering Captain, seeing him smile and laugh like he was doing now had not even entered his mind as a remote possibility.

Slowly but surely Jim sobered up, though the grin that graced his lips did not fade away, only softened to a quiet smile as he looked up at Chekov.

" I already told you that I have forgiven you Ensign Chekov, you were the first one I have. You didn't outright disrespect me like some of your older colleagues, you just looked uncomfortable and I will whole heartedly say that it was indeed a very uncomfortable situation we all found ourselves in. Now I suggest you dry off those tears and finish having lunch with me." Said Jim as he picked up his pastrami sandwich.

Chekov blinked and then started lightly before he nodded vigorously and spoke.

" Yes sir!" He acknowledged like he was on the main bridge and then he quickly sat down.

" Relax man." Ordered Jim with a warm smile before he went about finishing his sandwich.

Scrubbing away the tear tracks that stained his face Chekov nodded wordlessly and picked up his fork to resume eating his salad. They ate in comfortable silence until Jim piped up and asked the younger man about the happens about the ship that had been going on in his absence. Though he still winced every now and then at the unavoidable mention of a certain pointy-eared commander, Jim listened with full interest and attention as the young helmsman dutifully regaled him with as much detail as he could about the daily happenings on the main bridge. Things were quiet and subdued, and it made Jim Kirk feel many different emotions when from the way Chekov was describing it, everyone was missing him, missing him a lot it would seem.

All too soon the quiet lunch together had to come to an end and the Ensign had to go back to work. Jim bid the young Ensign a fond farewell and thanked him for bringing him an impromptu yet quite tasty lunch. Kirk had to admit the kid had guts.

For the first time in a long while Jim Kirk started to feel more like himself again after that. And apparently Chekov's rather brave actions started a trend because a few days later Jim Kirk was opening his door again one evening, this time to find a very nervous looking Lt. Hikaru Sulu standing in the doorway with the hopes that the on medical leave Captain would join him in the recreation rooms for a sparring session in fencing. Jim's first instinct was to shut the door in Sulu's face but then with reluctance he told Sulu to come in and wait while he got into some workout gear. After he was ready the two of them headed down to the Rec-rooms and each had donned the proper safety gear picked up a blunt sword and took up their positions, facing one another. When the buzzer signaling the start of the round sounded Jim and Sulu went at it. Before the big fiasco the two of them had spent a good amount of time with Sulu teaching Jim the ropes as it were. Jim still retained that and he went at Sulu with the best. Both knew that this was their way of reconciling with each other and letting go of any remaining animosity with each blow. It was a cathartic release for them both and it ended with the two of them sprawled out on the soft mats beside one another, completely exhausted and now, okay with each other. Sulu had taken off his helmet to properly voice his apologies to his Captain but Jim had quieted him and told him that it wasn't all that necessary. He told Sulu not to ever speak with him in the tone he had used that day ever again and that was it. They went back to sparring with each other a few minutes after, this time they focused simply on enjoying themselves in each others company.

After Sulu came a pensive looking Scotty with Keenser in tow one night, baring a bottle of fresh engine made moonshine from his secret distillery. Not one to turn down a good drink Jim let them in. Sure enough all three of them had gotten totally wasted that night. And in the midst of the alcohol induced euphoria Scotty had hiccuped out a very heartfelt apology which Jim sadly would have barely any memory of. They had settled into drunken giggle and antics, Keenser himself had attempted to do a back hand spring and all he got for his efforts was a near concussion. When morning came Jim awoke to a splitting headache and when he had stumbled out of his bedroom he found a deeply hung over Scotty and still out cold Keenser sharing his couch. Needless to say Scotty had been late in getting to his duty shift that day while Keenser had decided to stay and keep Jim company, while the little green teddy bear lizard combo was suffering from a massive hangover of his own.

And then finally, in the few days after that when Jim had finally started venturing out of his room on his own a certain communications officer cornered him in one of the turbo-lifts. Jim had stared at Uhura and Uhura had stared at Jim. To say that this was awkward as hell was an understatement. And then Uhura started stammering out her apologies so rapidly Jim was left thinking she had ingested every last drop from the mess-hall coffee maker. Maybe she had taken in copious amounts of caffeine in order to steady her nerves and actually face him.

" Lieutenant please, calm down and speak slowly you aren't making any sense to me here." Ordered Jim.

Uhura abruptly fell silent and then very quietly she spoke this time thankfully not going a mile a second.

" I'm sorry sir, I just... I'm very ashamed of myself for the way I behaved with you. It was unbecoming of a member of Starfleet and it was also foolish of me to just jump to conclusions like I had. It was wrong of me and I'm truly sorry, Captain." She said looking more sincere than he had ever seen her in all the time he had known her.

Jim for his part was silent for a long moment, just taking in the woman standing across from him. She looked awful with bags under her eyes, hardly any makeup, no earrings, her eyes shiny with the tell-tale signs of her sincere remorse. In that moment Jim remember the way these same eyes had looked that day, glaring and filled with disgust all directed at him. But it was a fleeting thought that quickly faded as Jim met her gaze in the here and now. Taking in a deep breath Jim finally spoke.

" I accept your apologies Lieutenant Uhura. But I will give you this warning once, and only once. You ever jump to premature conclusions and look at me like you did that day on the bridge there will be Hell to pay. We are all members of Starfleet and I was your Captain then and I am your Captain now, you will not disrespect me like that again is that clear?" Said Jim meaning ever single word with an icy dead serious stare.

" Quite clear sir and I will remember. Thank you for accepting my apologies." Said Uhura looking very relieved.

Jim nodded and then with a sigh he reached for the button and unfroze the turbo-lift. The two of them stood together in still awkward silence until Jim decided to break it. Remembering something from before this whole mess, he turned to Uhura and spoke.

" Will you still teach me Segramian?" He asked totally out of the blue.

Naturally Uhura was caught off guard by the question.

" What?" She asked with her brow knitted in confusion.

" Before all the crap that happened, you said that I needed to learn the language of the Segrams', the famed intellectual people of the Inctus System who have a rather uncanny resemblance to tuna fish, will you still teach it to me?" Reiterated Jim feeling mildly amused.

Uhura made this soft noise and now looked like she really was going to burst into tears. Thankfully she regained her composure and spared Jim from having to deal with anymore tears, Chekov had been more than enough. But her eyes still held a tell-tale brightness to them as she nodded her head and spoke.

" Of course sir, whenever you want to start just let me know."

Jim nodded and then turned when the lift came to a stop at the deck he was planning to go to. With a small nod Jim stepped out and went about a pace before he turned to look and Uhura over his shoulder as he suddenly spoke.

" Hey can we start with you teaching me their insults first?" He asked with a smirk just barely veiled beneath the look of absolute seriousness he had plastered onto his face.

Uhura's eyes blew wide open and her mouth fell agape as his words registered but before she could say anything the door to the lift was sliding shut with a soft hiss. Jim finally let a small grin spread across his face when just before the lift door shut between them he heard Uhura's breathless little laugh and then she was gone leaving Jim to himself.

With a quiet chuckle Jim turned and headed off down the corridor towards one of the observations deck for some quiet time to himself. Indeed Captain James T. Kirk was on the fast track to getting back to his old self but he was far from all the way okay. There were still two certain individuals who had yet to show their faces and extend their proverbial olive branches.

And Jim knew that they were the ones whom he needed to forgive the most. But at the same time he knew as well they would also be the hardest ones to let back in.

Author's note: prastee meenya pozhalosta in Russian= Please forgive me in english

.