Disclaimer: I don't own anything Star Trek it is all property of Gene Roddenberry, J.J. Abrams, Paramount, and whoever else owns rights to the franchise. I am not making any profits off of this so please don't sue me.

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Chapter 18

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Several hours later found the Captain of the Enterprise sitting at the very head of a long conference table with the elders of both warring clans sitting neatly in rows on either side of him. To his right sat the Kar-unish delegation and to his left sat the Huzore-ain delegation. Sitting in a chair just a few feet behind him with a full view of everyone in the room sat Spock with ever silent and constant vigilance. The elders of the two clans were glaring at each other mutely, both parties clearly not wanting to share even breathing space with each other let alone actually have a civil conversation.

It had only been twenty minutes into the talks and Jim already felt slightly fed up with all of the haughty attitudes and pettiness on both sides. And that his own emotional state was just the slightest bit shaken by the message he had received several hours earlier was not helping much either. But him being the stubborn man that he was, Jim dutifully sat in his seat and listened as both sides went on and on and on about why they should be the ruling clan and by what right they had to this coveted throne. The minutes seemed to drag by at an unmercifully slow pace and it was quite irritating to hear both sides repeating themselves more than once.

It would be the early evening hours before the meeting was finally over and this was just a the preliminary hearing of the facts straight from the horses mouths as it were. Jim put on his best friendly face as he bid all of the insufferable delegates farewell, if only until he had to see them again once dinner time came along in a couple of hours. But Jim had the slight comfort of knowing that he wouldn't be at that event all my his lonesome, his crew was also invited to the dinner as well. Once the final delegate had left Jim all but collapse against the edge of the conference table and pinched the bridge of his nose.

" I take it you found the conflict between the Kar-unish and the Huzore-ain to be of great annoyance Captain?" Asked a deep baritone voice from beside him.

Jim looked up and met the dark eyes of his First Officer and couldn't help but smile just a little despite the amount of turmoil he himself was in.

" You found them just as irritating Mr. Spock?" He asked.

" Captain, it would be illogical for me to find anyone irritating as you so put in, but I will admit that their constant repetitiveness is somewhat... off-putting." Said Spock with a signature quirk of one of his slanted eyebrows.

Jim huffed a small almost laugh and nodded. But then he sobered quickly and remembered what he had found out today in regards to that private message. He kept himself from crumbling right then and there and looked to Spock. Spock could see the pain and other emotions like they were written all over Jim's face, he was about to ask his Captain why this was so when Jim spoke first.

" Mr. Spock, I'll be heading back to the Enterprise, these talks have already left me feeling exhausted. I'll see you when it's time to go to dinner." He said softly before with a curt nod he all but fled the room leaving Spock staring at him.

Outwardly the Vulcan had a mildly confused look in his eyes and the same impassive expression he was known for, but inwardly Spock felt the myriad of questions swirling around inside him along with a deep worry for his Captain. Things simply weren't right, but Jim had made it clear that he wasn't going to reveal anything anytime soon. Planning his own course of action as to how to deal with the situation Spock folded his hands behind his back and proceeded out of the conference room himself.

When Spock had made it back on board the docked Enterprise he had it in mind to head to his own quarters and partake in a small meditation session. He had just turned a corner in the Ship's corridor when a gruff and familiar voice called out to him.

" Hey Spock, wait up a second!"

Spock turned to see Dr. McCoy lightly trotting up towards him. When the CMO caught up with him, Spock spoke.

" Dr. McCoy, you seem slightly agitated. What is wrong?" He asked in his usual flat manner.

" It's Jim Spock, something's not right." Said McCoy with worry tinting his words.

" Affirmative, something is indeed troubling our Captain, but he has not been forthcoming in revealing what it is." Said Spock with a small nod.

As the two of them began to walk down the corridor McCoy began to tell his own tale of what had occurred just minutes before.

" I just saw Jim a few minutes ago and I called out to him cause I needed to inform him that his next physical was coming up. He barely spared me a glance before he all but ran away into one of the turbo-lifts. He was pale and he looked almost scared. Did something happen at the preliminary talks Spock?" Asked the Doctor.

" Nothing happened during the talks, except perhaps some mild irritation on Jim's part for how repetitive both sides were being. However, you are correct that there does seem to be something bothering Jim. During the morning hours on the Main Bridge Jim received a private message. He retreated to his ready room to take this message and after a moderate amount of time he emerged looking pale and all together not himself. He left me in charge of the Bridge and went to his quarters for the reason he gave of preparing for the talks. And after these talks his entire demeanor changed and he left in a relative hurry to return to the ship." Explained Spock.

Mulling this over McCoy spoke after a long pause.

" Spock I think we should all keep a close eye on him, he may seem fine but something is definitely up. I'll go tell the others that we're gonna be on unofficial guard duty tonight at the dinner. But we all have to be subtle about this cause Jim isn't gonna appreciate it if he notices what we're doing. So I'll see you later when it's time to go." Said McCoy.

" Very well Doctor, I shall see you all in approximately four point three hours when we are all to go back to the Star base for the formal dinner with the two clans and I find myself agreeing with you that we must all be vigilant for the Captain's sake." Said Spock with a nod before he turned and headed down the rest of the corridor that led to one of the turbo-lifts.

As he watched the Vulcan go Dr. McCoy's expression grew somewhat pensive as he spoke softly to himself.

" Yeah, I don't want anything to happen to him too Spock." He whispered, feeling a small chill go up his spine and a dull ache go through his heart as the memories of what had happened the last time they had failed to be vigilant flashed across his mind.

With a deep sigh the CMO turned and headed in the opposite direction to get back to Sickbay, he had a ton of work to do and a lot on his mind.

Exactly three and a half hours later...

Jim Kirk gargled loudly and then spit out the mouthful of ice cold water into the sink. He grimaced at the lingering rancid taste of vomit on his tongue and decided to take it a step further and reached for the mouthwash. More loud gargling followed and then spitting this time with a lingering sting from the wash. Jim looked at himself in the mirror and then shook his head, he looked like a total wreck and that simply would not do in this situation. With a shake of his head Jim called on every ounce of will he had in him to pull himself together. And besides it was almost time for the dinner and he had to get himself ready. Setting his jaw the young Captain quickly exited the room and made a B-line for his closet. He pulled out his formal dress uniform from where it hung inside the closet and laid it out on the bed. Methodically Jim began to undress himself from his regular uniform and into the more formal attire.

He was giving himself a final look over in the mirror by his bedroom door when there was a beep from the main door to his quarters. Wondering who it was Jim made his way over to the door and pressed the button on the panel to open it. When the door slid away with a soft hiss Jim found himself face to face with the members of his senior crew, from Spock and Bones standing at the front on either side of the door to Uhura, Sulu, Scotty, and even Chekov standing in a group behind them. All of them were decked out in their dress uniforms and were eying him expectantly with mostly smiling eyes, except Spock who was as impassive looking as ever.

" You ready to go Jim?" Asked Bones with warm gruffness.

" Y-Yeah, your timing wasn't so bad this time." Said Jim as he stepped over the threshold and joined his crew members out in the hallway.

" I trust that you are alright Captain?" Asked Spock with his usual flatness.

This had Jim freezing for a moment before be quickly caught himself and spoke.

" Yes Mr. Spock I'm doing fine, just not really looking forward to finding myself smack in the middle of the petty melee so soon again." Said Jim with a small almost smirk.

This cause some of the other members of the group to all nod and make little sounds of agreement with their Captain as they all began to walk down the corridor towards one of the Ship's twin turbo-lifts. The conversation as they all walked was soft and pleasant for the most part but Jim could feel the concerned and watchful eyes that were periodically darting towards him. He could also feel the one particular pair of eyes that were just on him, not darting back a forth like the other but focused solely on him. As they all walked Jim knew instantly that his crew had appointed themselves his unofficial security guards for the night. Instead of saying anything about it Jim just let them carry on knowing full well that this was penance for the last time they had all gone to a formal dinner, which had been a very different and far less pleasant experience in itself to say the least.

And besides, it did make Jim feel a little bit safer although he would never admit that out loud.

And so the group of seven made their way to the turbo-lifts and split up when they used them to get to the deck where the airlock was located. Jim led his people to the spot where the Enterprise was joined to Star base 89 and pressed the button that would unseal the doorway. Once that was out of the way the group from the Enterprise made quick work on getting onto the Star base and then up to the main banquet hall.

As he walked Jim felt his own silent apprehensions start to grow as they all entered the large reception hall for the cocktail hour that preceded the dinner itself.

The moment he was seen Jim was immediately set upon by both the head elders of the Kar-unish and the Huzore-ain. Jim bit back a wince as he let these two rather loud and just a tiny bit immature men pull him aside and start up again on trying to convince him just which clan was meant to be the ruling party. But as he listened to the two of them squabble and repeat what they had said at the preliminary talk just hours before Jim caught sight of several familiar faces. A few feet to his right Lt. Sulu was having a light conversation with another member of the Enterprise crew, a few feet away in a clockwise direction Scotty was at the bar chatting up the pretty brunette bartender while also glancing his way ever now and then. To Jim's left he caught sight of Uhura talking with the Kar-unish elder's son, a handsome young man who had actually been more well mannered than his father was at the first meeting. Counterclockwise to Uhura Jim caught sight of Bones who was making what seemed like great conversation with a member of the Huzore-ain clan and the clan elder's lovely daughter, who had been present at the preliminary meeting as well but had remained silent throughout the whole thing. If Jim recalled, he had seen that she had looked just a tiny bit embarrassed by the whole thing and who could blamer her really with how her father had been behaving? And behind him, Jim could tell that Chekov was talking rather animatedly about something to do with navigating calculations.

Rounding out the group, Jim looked past the two elders to see Commander Spock standing a few feet away behind them with his hands behind his back and his dark, almost black gaze discreetly focused on him. The Vulcan was in full view of his Captain and the Captain was in full view of him.

Jim felt warmth course through him as he realized that his crew had formed a subtle ring of protection around him to be there should even the slightest thing be off about the situation. It eased some of the tension from Jim, allowing him to relax a little and listen with clarity on what the two elders were saying to him. It was strange how with most warring clans there was a fear of keeping them in the same room for too long but with these two clans Jim could see that the animosity was mostly petty, not the kind that could lead to blows or have lethal consequences. And as he took a discreet look around Jim caught sight of something that was rather interesting indeed.

From where he was standing Jim had a perfect view of the Kar-unish elder's son and the Hozore-ain elder's daughter. The best way to describe it was that the two of them were stealing glances at each other like a couple of love-sick teenagers. As he himself subtly took in the display Jim found an epiphany hitting him full force. Here was the answer, literally right there before his very eyes. Jim was about to excuse himself from the two elders so that he could talk in private to either the son or the daughter when a waitress seemingly materialized out of no where beside him.

" May I offer any of you gentlemen a drink?" She asked as she was supposed to.

But for Jim, one look at the tray of drinks she was holding had his insides freezing as though he had swallowed dry ice.

" Oh God." Screamed Jim's mind as images of what had happened the last time he had been offered a drink came unbidden front and center.

Both the Kar-unish clan elder and the Hozore-ain clan elder stopped in their arguing when they caught sight of how rapidly the color had left their mediator's face. And from the haunted look in those pale blue eyes, each man forgot about their own problems and as one came to Jim's aid.

" Captain Kirk, are you alright?" Asked the Kar-unish elder.

" What is the matter Captain Kirk, you look as is you have seen a ghost?" Asked the Hozore-ain elder.

Jim blinked and came back to himself after several long moments of silence in which he was forced by his own mind to relive one of the worst moments of his whole life.

" Huh? Oh... P-Please forgive me but I seem to have suddenly come under the weather. I think it would be best for me to take my leave for the night, I do not wish to ruin the dinner for everyone else. Goodnight gentlemen, I shall see you in the morning to resume talks." Said Jim who turned and walked away hastily before either elder could say another word to him. He also left behind a confused looking waitress who was wondering herself just what had happened, all she had done was her job and offered refreshments.

As he all but fled Jim caught the concerned glances of his crew members, especially Bones who had softly called out to him. Jim paused and gave them all a discreet shake of his head, a silent warning for all of them to stay back and away. With that final warning look the Captain of the USS Enterprise made his quick exit from the reception hall, all but fleeing back to the ship.

Bones was just about to go after Jim despite the warning before he suddenly found himself staring up into a pair of grim looking almost black eyes. Spock. The two men simply stared at each other for the longest time, having a conversation with one another in total silence. Then Bones conceded and gave a mute nod to the Vulcan. Spock in turn nodded back to the doctor before swiftly turning on his heels and walking away from the large group of people towards the banquet hall doors. He walked away in Jim's wake.

" Take care of him Spock." Said Bones softly to himself before he turned back to the rest of the party and took command of the situation, Within minutes the atmosphere of mingling returned to the hall if only now laced with some confusion and concern for the key member who had abruptly taken his leave before the actual dinner itself had even begun.

Ten minutes later found Jim Kirk gasping for breath inside his bedroom as he pulled on his boots and dropped them haphazardly onto the floor by his bed. He sat at the foot of the bed nearly doubled over as his body was wracked with terrible tremors. The young man sat with his arms wrapped tightly around himself, trying his best to do anything he could to combat the way his whole body was shaking.

He had just released a shuddering breath when there was a soft beep at his door. Having an inkling feeling that it was Bones come to check him over, Jim forced himself to move and battled down the tremors to a light trembling of his hands. He made his way over to the door and pressed the button to open it, expecting to see his Chief Medical Officer standing on the other side. So when the door opened to reveal his slightly concerned looking First Officer instead it threw Jim for a small loop.

" S-Spock, what are you doing here?" Asked Jim.

" I came to ascertain your status Captain, may I come in?" Asked Spock.

" Oh... Y-Yeah sure." Said Jim as he stepped aside and let the Vulcan into his quarters.

Spock stepped over the threshold into the Captain's quarters and waited for him to close the door and step past him before he spoke.

" Jim, what is troubling you?" He asked.

" Not one to make small talk right Spock, just cut right to the chase?" Asked Jim with a small, shaky smile that didn't quite reach his eyes.

" It is the best way. You have yet to answer my inquiry though, what is your situation Jim?" Asked Spock once again.

" It's nothing Spock, just tired is all. I'm okay." Said Jim.

" You are not being truthful with me Jim, something has not been right with you for many housr. It all started with that private message you received during Alpha shift." Said Spock.

He watched as Jim instantly tensed at the mention of the private message and went on the defensive.

" Well there's a reason why it's called a Private message Spock, it's none of you business." He said vehemently as he went on the defensive.

" You are correct in that, but when said message starts to affect the mission we were ordered to complete by Star Fleet it becomes my business to find out what is wrong with my Captain. Again I ask you Jim, What is wrong? What was in that message?" He asked.

Jim clenched his jaw tightly and his hands were white-knuckled fists at his side as he turned away from Spock and walked over to the main window of the living room area. The light from outside in space painted him in a light gray hue as he stared out at the stars. The silence seemed to stretch by for a life age of a planet before Jim finally spoke.

" The message was from the Antarian Ambassador A'tal." He began.

Spock felt himself bristle and grow concerned inside at the mention of the Antarian Elder. But before he could voice some of his thoughts and ask what the message was about, Jim answered for him.

" It'vek is dead. He was trying to escape from the prison he had been sent to and he nearly succeeded before one of the guards got to him and fatally shot him in self-defense." Said Jim with his voice devoid of any emotion.

There was another beat of silence before Spock slowly took a step closer to Jim and spoke.

" Jim I-" He began when Jim cut him off.

" He was trying to escape so that he could come after me and finish me off. They found the proof in the ship he was was trying to get to, to make his escape. There were pictures of me and the computer showed that a course had been laid in before hand for one of the Star bases the Enterprise frequently uses to refuel. He was gonna wait for us to come to that base before he made his move. He's dead Spock, he died trying to escape so that he could kill me." Said Jim as he finally turned to face Spock.

The look in Jim's eyes broke past all of Spock's Vulcan control and logic like a lead tipped spear, it broke through it all and embedded itself right into Spock's heart and the half of him that was human.

Spock found himself unable to speak, he couldn't figure out why but his voice had simply abandoned him. Jim took in a shuddering breath before he spoke.

" Ambassador A'tal wanted to tell me personally and... and he begged me for my forgiveness yet again. That poor old man he... he nearly started to weep right then and there before me on the screen in my ready room. He kept on begging me to forgive him for what happened when none of it was his fault, none of it at all." Said Jim as his own eyes began to swim with the salt of despair.

" It was not your fault either, and as for that vile rapist I feel... I feel an illogical amount of satisfaction that It'vek is dead. For all that he committed against you it is what he deserved." Said Spock for once giving in to the emotions that where boiling up inside of him.

" Spock, that's not logical. You aren't supposed to feel satisfaction about-" Jim began to say before Spock cut him off this time.

" This is not a logical situation Jim." Said Spock as he stared intensely at his Captain.

There was another beat of silence in which Jim stared at Spock and Spock stared back a Jim. Then with a soft gasp Jim all but launched himself forward right into Spock, wrapping his arms tightly around the Vulcan's neck. Spock barely had any time to react to this before he felt a hot, desperate mouth all but smash into his own and kiss him like it was the very last second left in existence. When realization actually dawned on him that Jim was kissing him with everything he had in him, Spock let a deep growl rise up from the back of his throat before he himself began to respond. He wrapped his arms tightly around Jim and kissed him back with equal fervor.

There was months and months worth of pent up desire and need from both participants and in that very moment it was all erupting out of the both of them as one.

When the need for air became to much for him to ignore Jim wrenched his mouth free from Spock's with a loud gasp. Breath heavily, almost panting the human looked up into the Vulcan's deep eyes as he spoke.

" S-Spock I... I'm... I'm sorry I-." Jim had started to apologize when Spock silenced him by pressing his fingertips to the human's lightly pinked lips.

" Do not apologize Jim, your actions just now were not unwelcome. In fact the action itself was sorely missed in all these months." Rumbled Spock.

Jim did his best to suppress the shiver up his spine that Spock's tone of voice caused in him. It had been ages since he had heard the Vulcan's voice in that tone and now as it rang through his ears Jim wanted to keep it with him for the rest of his life.

" Spock, I don't wanna be alone." Said Jim softly.

" You are not alone, you have everyone on board this ship, and you have me. In all this time you have always had me." Said Spock, meaning every words he spoke.

" Stay with me?" Whispered Jim.

Instead of saying anything in return Spock chose his next actions accordingly. He leaned forward and with infinite gentleness he sealed his mouth over Jim's pliant lips. Unlike the kiss from before that was rushed and desperate with the many pent up emotions from many months, this kiss was slow and loving, Spock's silent way of answering Jim's whispered request. Jim melted into the kiss and returned it with deep want, wrapping his arms back around Spock and feeling silently relieved when he felt the Vulcan's arms wrap tightly around his own waist. Jim vaguely noticed that they were moving but most of his mind was focused on feeling the complete solace that was washing over him as he kissed Spock.

When they finally did pull away from each other many long moments later Jim found that they were standing inside his bedroom just a few feet away from the side of the bed itself. Jim looked quickly from the bed to Spock as he spoke.

" I-I... I'm not ready for... I'm sorry I just can't-" Jim began to stammer as an irrational surge of panic rose up inside of him. Spock gently silenced him as he spoke.

" We will do nothing of the sort. I simply wish to lay with you and ease your distress." He said softly.

Jim nearly sagged with relief and also felt warmed by Spock's real intentions. With a watery smile and a small nod Jim reluctantly let go of Spock and took a step back. Feeling just a tiny bit shy and feeling embarrassed about it because he used to be able to undress himself in good company with record speed. Not really meeting Spock's dark eyed gaze Jim slowly reached up and started unfastening the buttons to his dress uniform. Seeing Jim do this Spock wordlessly nodded and then took a step back himself, turning away to give Jim a small morsel of privacy as he undressed himself.

After a few minutes Spock sensitive ears caught the soft almost inaudible sound of the bedsheets rustling. The Vulcan turned back around and saw that Jim had divested himself of his formal dress uniform and was clad only in his under garments, a thin black t-shirt and white boxer shorts. The human was sitting with his back propped up against the headboard of his bed, eying the Vulcan with both expectancy and barely veiled uncertainty. Spock blinked and then gave an almost imperceptible nod before he slowly made his way over to the other side of the bed and began undoing the buttons of his own dress uniform.

Jim felt his cheeks heat up just a little as he himself discreetly watched Spock undress to his own undergarments. When Spock was done he turned back to the bed and climbed in with slow and careful movements as to keep Jim at ease. For several long moments it was very awkward and Jim was very tense, Spock in his near infinite patience simply waited for Jim to relax on his own. Jim slowly inched forward till he had enough room to lay down, he carefully sank down onto his side and stared up at Spock from where his head rested on one of the pillows.

Spock unflinchingly met Jim's pale blue eyed gaze and held it as he himself laid down onto his side.

For moments that seemed to span forever the human and the Vulcan simply laid there on the bed, facing each other and simply gazing.

Then Spock made the first move, slowly outstretching his arm and carefully draping it over Jim's side. Jim gasped softly and tensed for a moment before he forced himself to relax. He let his eyes fall shut a focused simply on feeling Spock's gentle touch. From the solid warm weight of Spock's arm where it rested just above his hip to the Vulcan's palm and fingers softly splayed over the middle of his back.

" It's... It's been a really long time since I've laid in bed with anyone or let anyone touch me like you are right now." Whispered Jim as he unconsciously shifted closer to Spock on the bed.

" It is understandable." Said Spock softly as he let his sensitive fingertips lightly feel out Jim's T-shirt covered back.

Jim opened his eyes and stared into Spock's deep almost black ones as he spoke.

" The last person who ever touched me intimately was..." He trailed off as a pained expression flitted across his face.

Spock himself shifted closer till there was barely a breath of distance between himself and Jim. He tightened the arm he had around Jim's waist and looped his other arm under the human's neck and around his shoulders, pulling him in closer as he spoke.

" He is gone Jim, he will never hurt you ever again. It is over now and I swear to you that nothing like what happened will ever happen to you again." He said softly, yet to Jim his words held the power of a full and loud declaration.

" Don't let go of me, just don't let go of me. God, I've missed you so much. For all these months I'd just lay here and cling to the pillow you left behind after you moved out. Whenever I had a nightmare I'd clutch it and try to pretend it was you, but it was never enough." Whispered Jim as he finally allowed himself to sink fulling into Spock's embrace and wrapped his own arms around the Vulcan.

" You do not have to pretend anymore my T'hy'la, I am here and I will never leave you like I did ever again." Said Spock.

" That's really good to know." Said Jim with a tearful chuckle before he buried his face into the side of Spock's throat and finally let all of the emotions he had been keeping at bay spill out of his in release.

Spock said not a words through all of this, he simply held Jim tightly and let his lover experience this much need catharsis. And even after Jim had long since worn himself out and lay fast asleep in his arms, Spock stayed awake and watched over the sleeping human.

He had it in his mind that he would guard Jim with his very life for the rest of time itself, but for now he would dutifully guard Jim against the nightmares and ensure him the peace he deserved as he slept.