(I want to thank you guys for all the support so far, I'm going to be picking up this story where we left off, and may we mourn our girl Beth Greene, her character will live on through our writing. - Laura)
Chapter 11
Daryl bounded down the expansive creaking stairs, tears welling in his eyes, hating himself.
Fuckin' asshole. Pathetic prick. Worthless sonofabitch.
That shouldn't have been Beth's first experience with a man.
More than that, Daryl couldn't forgive himself for enjoying her mouth on him.
Seeing her like that, wanting him, on her knees, was the most beautiful thing he'd ever laid eyes on, but he'd sworn in his mind that he was the one person who should be protecting her now.
'I'mma fuckin' piece a shit.' He berated himself while he changed back into his clothes.
All the people who'd ever known him were damn right, he was a waste of space. A failure. A runt. Lil piggy who ain't never had a home.
His chest ached and he tried consciously to slow his breathing. He knew he felt at home with Beth, being near her was right. It was almost unbelievable that she might want to be with him that way, any way, but he'd probably fucked that up too.
He'd ruined what they could have had, and was pretty goddamn sure Beth would never want his ugly scarred up ass near her again.
It meant a lot that she'd shown him her own wounds, it gave him the impression that in some small way she understood, though he couldn't deny that the guy's she'd dated before were young pretty-boys who'd more than likely been on sports team's in their high school days and driven an Audi. Not like him, no girl wants to be seen with the freak who looks like he lives in the woods and has a brother who gets high at noon.
Daryl sat down heavily in the hallway a little way from the stairs and began to calm slightly, rubbing the moisture from his eyes with large trembling hands.
He tried to ignore his nagging thoughts.
A part of him wished he hadn't run out on her, yet if he'd stayed, things would have gone much further.
He had to protect her, even from his own primal desires. She was so good and gentle and sweet, he couldn't take that innocence from her, especially now that the world so easily stole purity away.
It made him question his strength, not knowing if he'd be able to keep her from harm. He realised what it would mean. Even if he needed her, he could never reach out and hold her, if he felt lost he could never brush his lips against hers, if he wanted to make her feel him he would never be able to slide inside deeply.
He closed his eyes tightly for a long moment, head spinning at the idea of a world where he had to care, maybe even love her from afar.
Coping with a rotting Earth populated mostly by the dead was one long nightmare, but not being close to his Beth wasn't worth imagining, he'd rather be one of the fuckin' walkers.
He'd spent so long focusing on surviving, going along with Rick's constant endeavour to fortify, being careful not to overstep Hershal's boundaries where Beth was concerned, to avoid complication and keep right on fighting, keep running, if it hurts don't turn back…
He'd forgotten that there was anything else. Surviving and living were two different things, only now he was being forced to choose.