Chapter 4

Later that night Draco sat in his office at Malfoy Manor thinking about his interesting dinner. It had been fun to watch the weaslette squirm every time he looked at her. He couldn't really understand what it was about her that made him interested. He could never like her. After all, while the war may be over he was still a Malfoy and she was still a Weasley, though albeit, a very hot Weasley. But still, she intrigued him.

He remembered her back at Hogwarts with so much fire and passion yet here she was sitting at home and playing housewife to Potter. He didn't resent her for being with Potter since Draco liked him enough now but it was more the change in her. He didn't know the reason for the change but knew he definitely liked the old Ginny better. As much as you can like an annoying little redheaded Weasley. Maybe the reason he wanted to be around her was because when he teased her he saw the old flame spark again.

He shook his head trying to rid himself of this pansy thinking. He didn't care about the weaslette and he was perfectly fine with her living her life as Potter's little homemaker. Without thinking he reached his hand in his pocket and pulled out the parchment that had fallen out of Ginny's book earlier. He considered for a moment whether he should read it or not. After all, it was her private writing. But then again, there was no way he could just give it back without reading it first. He decided to forget about privacy and read it. Anyways, he could always just lie and say he never read it if she asked. He leaned back in his chair and put his feet on the desk as he started to read.

I am not the same person anymore. I miss the girl I once was but she is dead like so many others.

The night of the final battle was the most terrifying of my life. I went, even though my parents begged me not to. They wanted to spare me the pain and horror. Sometimes I wish I had listened to them. I saw my friends die before my eyes. It was like they were there one minute and gone the next. Just because someone screamed two words and pointed a wand at them, they were dead and never coming back.

I saw Colin Creevey die and thought that the worst sound I would I ever hear would be the sound of his brother as he saw him hit with the blast. That was before I found out about Fred. When we went into the castle I saw George and immediately assumed they were both okay because to me they were inseparable. Even the great death couldn't separate Fred and George. Then I saw my mother weeping over a body on the floor. I don't know when I actually realized it was Fred's.

I thought it would all be over after the battle. We had lost people we loved but Voldemort was dead and that was supposed to be the end of it. But for weeks afterwards we still heard stories of more and more people who had been missing were found dead. There were even some rogue Death Eaters still stupid enough to hurt people in the name of their fallen Dark Lord.

I barely remember those first few weeks after. For weeks I walked around as a shell helping my mother take care of people. There were constantly members of the Order streaming in and out of the house so we constantly needed to clean and cook. It felt nice to not think and just help. It's what I still feel like I'm doing now sometimes.

If I think I'll have to accept the fear that I felt and still feel. Everyone says it will never happen again but that's what they said at the end of the last war too. And now here we are 17 years later with even more dead. If I start to think I may realize how much I lost that night: my brother, friends, and my innocence. I knew that the world could be a cruel place but seeing what people could do to each other shocked me like nothing before.

The bloodshed. The pain. The loss. And all of it done by humans fighting humans. It was too painful to think about then and it's still too painful to think about now.

I remember how it used to be; how I used to be. I used to be so carefree and fun, but I'm not like that anymore. Our world isn't like that anymore. I feel safe with my family but I know that I can never be the same person I was with them. I've tried to create a life but I don't know if I'll ever be able to move on from the war. Maybe I'm still hiding the way I hid after the Final Battle. And that may be a bad thing but it's all I can do to stay safe.

For a long time after Draco finished he continued to stare at the paper in his hands. He felt guiltier than he'd ever felt before for taking it and reading it but at the same time he felt like he finally understood, maybe more than anyone else in Ginny's life did.

He knew that the war had affected a lot of people badly. Of course, most of the people he had known well before the war were Death Eaters or related to them so mostly he had known about the financial or judicial troubles they had faced. He had never really thought of the mental problems some people would have.

Draco hadn't actually been part of the battle. He spent the first part in the castle first following Potter then being saved by him; the second part was over so quick his family didn't do much. Once the Death Eaters saw that Potter was alive a majority of them fled. His family had stayed but avoided the fighting and before he knew it, Voldemort was dead and the fight was won. He was just glad it was over.

Looking at the letter again he thought about all the Ginny had been through. It was no surprise that she was hiding away at home when she was terrified of the world. But what should he do about it? After all, she's Potter's girl and you could barely even consider them friends. More like friendly acquaintances than anything else.

But there was something about her that made him want to help her. Maybe it was her honesty or her spicy personality or maybe it was his guilt over having been on the "wrong" side of the war. But for whatever reason he wanted to help her and just needed to figure out how.