A/N: Hello hello. I quite like this song!
Drew looks at me, I fake a smile so he won't see
That I want and I'm needing everything that we should be
I'll bet she's beautiful, that girl he talks about,
And she's got everything that I have to live without.
My position sucks. I am sat right at the edge of the bullpen, so people always come up to me with their whining, also I am next to Gibbs so I often have the task of talking to him. And then? Oh and then there is the tiny little problem of the man sat opposite me, with his charming smile and his daring, flirtatious eyes. Always looking over when I dare to glance, flashing that irresistible smile that makes me want to leap out of my chair, tear his clothes off and take him right there and then, on the desk, without a thought to who saw. Alas I cannot. Tony is my friend. My colleague. My … partner. I could not do that to him, nor face the rejection myself.
Drew talks to me, I laugh 'cause it's so damn funny
That I can't even see anyone when he's with me
He says he's so in love, he's finally got it right,
I wonder if he knows he's all I think about at night
Ziva lay in her bed that night. Her covers were tucked right up to her chin, trying to comfort herself. Beside her on the bedside table lay a little digital clock, its diminutive face stating the time like a well thought out insult that you could not come up with a comeback for – 3:07. She had to be up in two hours and at work in four, in just a few hours she would be near him again. Probably placing her life in his hands. Ziva's mind twirled with images of him: standing; sitting; running to her side in order to protect her and even telling her a joke, that was in all fairness totally rubbish but she had felt the need to reward his futile efforts at cheering her up with an unfeminine chuckle.
He's the reason for the teardrops on my guitar
The only thing that keeps me wishing on a wishing star
He's the song in the car I keep singing, don't know why I do
All that was audible in the dawny darkness of the early morning was the steady thud of the trembling woman's feet against the hardened surface that is tarmac. She ran to forget the pain of seeing Tony every day, of watching but never being able to touch … to hold. Blistering rivulets of searing acidic tears gushed down her cold-bitten cheeks as she pumped the never ending rhythm out onto the side walk. Even when her legs began to burn, her heart started to stumble over its own dramatically increased beat, she never stopped. The dreadful pain made her feel alive. It reminded her that she still felt human.
Drew walks by me, can he tell that I can't breathe?
And there he goes, so perfectly,
The kind of flawless I wish I could be
His arm brushed past me today. For one brief second our flesh met and our eyes connected on a level that was more than friendly eye contact, and I could not breathe. My immediate reaction is to run to the bathroom and give myself a lesson in basic self-control. The door slammed shut behind me loudly, I did not care. Breathing deeply, trying to stop myself from spiralling into unconsciousness, I took hold of the edge of the sink and stared into the almost blank mirror at my shivering reflection. Weak! Weak! Weak! Tony DiNozzo is not yours. His perfection belongs to another. Your weakness is pitiful, Ziva.
So I drive home alone.
As I turn out the light
I'll put his picture down
And maybe get some sleep tonight.
Ziva ran again. Ran from the building to the car. Drove incredibly fast. Ran from the car to her apartment, to her bed. And then nothing. Her cellphone began to vibrate so she extended her arm, snapped up the phone and lobbed it as hard as she could at the wall. She did not move even when the back came flying off, when the battery ricocheted off her dresser and landed on the floor with a violent crash.
Sleep. Go to sleep. Let it carry you away from everything. Forget everything. Sleep. Sleep.
Sleep …
Drew looks at me, I fake a smile so he won't see.
He looked over at me, is face set in a calm revere.
"You alright Ziva?" He asked me kindly.
I could not help but avoid his eyes. Lie better you stupid girl! Forcing my eyes into his I smiled, maybe plausibly, "I'm fine Tony"
'Cause he's the reason for the teardrops on my guitar
The only one who's got enough of me to break my heart
He's the song in the car I keep singing, don't know why I do
He's the time taken up, but there's never enough
And he's all that I need to fall into.