There's something about Nico. Something about him that's driving me crazy. I never really considered that I could be anything but straight, and yet here I am, falling from the small boy from english with black clothes and sealed lips. But now that I'm thinking about him, I don't know how I could have not noticed before. I know I definitely like girls, but I mean… Captain America is hot. And Nico… I can't stop thinking about how cute he look in my jacket. Or how cute he looks when he's flushed and nervous. Or when he gets excited about something. I don't know how I could have ever written him off as being creepy. I mean, he's definitely intimidating. There's something… dark, and painful, inside of him. But he's not dark. At least I don't think so. I think he's scared, a scared little kid who opts to push everyone out rather than let them get close enough to hurt him. But he's hurting himself in the process. And my instinct is to protect him, because he needs it and because he deserves it. I know it doesn't work that way, though. So I'll just do what I can to show him that not everyone's out to get him, and not everyone breaks their promises.

The next day, Piper and Reyna join me at Nico's table. While we wait for him to get here, I watch them. Piper's choppy brown is is braided with a streak of blue and her purple eyeliner brings out the green in her hazel eyes. She's rocking a shirt that reads "Be nice to animals or I'll kill you". Reyna's got one that says "Feminism: the radical notion that women are people". They both totally fit the lesbian activist stereotype.

I love them both, but sometimes seeing them can make me realize how lonely I am. I mean, they're both great. So are Leo, Frank, Percy, and a lot of the guys I do football and basketball with. But I don't have someone who puts me before everyone else. Now, I don't think that romance is more important than friendship. I just think that, most of the time, it's treated like it is, and I can't help but feel left out. Reyna's sitting really close to Piper, so that their thighs are touching. Their feet are entwined underneath the table. I do think that they're the reason I even still believe in love. They fit together so seamlessly, Reyna seemingly regal and intense and Piper sweet and spontaneous, though both fierce in their own way. Sometimes when I start to question love, all I have to do is see the way Reyna looks at Piper when she's not looking. Even if love doesn't last, I know it's real. That means that it matters, right?

When Nico approaches and sees Piper and Reyna, he starts to turn away, but I call his name and wave him over. He puts up so little of a fight, that I almost think he must want this. I mean, if he hates me as much as he says to, he would try harder to avoid me right?

He's polite to them when he sits down, the way who he is to everyone who isn't a complete asshole to him, like I am, I guess. He doesn't smile, but he says hello and introduces himself when they do.

"Jason invited us to sit here. Is that okay?" Piper asks, as sweet as ever.

He nods, but he's wringing his hands and bouncing his legs up and down. I know that he doesn't need to be nervous or afraid of them, but I wonder if I made the right choice in inviting them if he's this uncomfortable.

"Oh, hey, Jason, before I forget," Piper begins. "Can you help me with pre-calc after school today? Reyna's too impatient to be a good teacher,"

Reyna pushes her playfully

"Sure," I respond. "What are you doing?"

"Trig. I swear, Mr. D has no idea what he's doing."

"Well, you know what they say. Math teachers never die; they just become irrational."

Silence. God, I am so underappreciated.

"Did you… Did you just make a math pun?" Reyna asks, narrowing her eyes.

I open my mouth to answer, but then I see Nico. He's cracking up, covering his mouth. His eyes look like they might bulge out of his head, and I note that he leans forward when he laughs. It's funny, but then I realize that he looks like he's in pain. That's when he squirts milk out of his nose.

When he recovers, he looks up, eyes wide in shock. There's another awkward silence. Then we all burst into laughter simultaneously. We laugh so hard and for so long that we attract attention from other tables.

Nico has a cute laugh Well, when he's not choking on milk.

When the laughter dies down, Nico looks up at me. "Wait," he says timidly. "Are you good at math?"

Before I can respond, Piper jumps in. "Are you kidding? He's a genius. So's Reyna. They're both in calculus already?"

His wide eyes meet mine. "I'm still in algebra 2," he says. "And- And I'm failing."

"Dude, I can totally help you if you want. I bet I could get you to ace the final."

I hope that didn't sound as cocky as I think it did.

"Really?"

He must be desperate if he's actually asking me for help, considering he's been so stubborn in insisting he doesn't need any. I guess he thinks that his mental illness is more shameful than a bad grade. It doesn't surprise me, even though he shouldn't. I'm willing to help with both. With anything.

"Of course," I assure him.

"What- What about biology?"

"You came to the right place," I joke. "Hey, you know why they should use chromosomes in advertising?"

Reyna and Piper both glare at me, but Nico asks why. Finally, someone to appreciate my golden sense of humor.

"Because sex cells," I finish. Badum tish.

Nico at least smiles. Reyna hits me over the head and tells me I'm an idiot.

"Oh, hey, when do you want to get together to work on our project?" I ask Nico.

"Oh, uh… Any time's good," he says. "You can come over tomorrow if you want."

"Cool beans."

Oh god, did I just say that?

That's when Piper reaches over, takes a roll from Reyna's tray, and takes a huge bite into it.

"Hey!" she protests.

"What?" Piper asks innocently.

"You'll pay for that."

"Will I?" Piper raises her eyebrows.

Reyna says nothing, but scoots her chair away from Piper. She folds her arms.

Piper scoots closer to her again and does a perfect pouty face complete with puppy dog eyes. "You love me," she says.

I applaud Reyna's self-control; Piper is seriously hard to resist, even if you're not in love with her. Once, she talked Mr. Brunner into postponing our essay deadline another week. But Reyna is stubborn. Piper leans in close to her face.

"You know you want to kiss me."

That's when I pull my eyes away, and turn to Nico. He's already looking at me. His eyes are dark and sorrowful, and in that moment, we form some kind of mutual understanding. I'm not sure how else to describe it. In that moment we both learn something important about each other.

The next day, we're joined by Hazel, Frank, Leo, Percy, and Annabeth. Surprisingly, Nico doesn't look too uncomfortable. Well, I mean, no more than usual. But Hazel seems to help a lot, even though she's pressuring him to eat. He does, sort of. Mostly he pushes his food around with a spork, but that's more than he's done than in the last few days. Reyna and PIper are sitting close again, holding hands underneath the table. Frank and Hazel are playing footsies. Percy and Annabeth are eating off the same tray. Then there's Leo, who seems to be trying to build a catapult with his spork and a rubber band. That probably won't end well. I'm sitting next to Nico. As gently, and discreetly, as can, I ask if he's okay with everyone else being here. He looks me straight in the eye when he nods, and I believe him.

"Leo, what the hell are you doing?" Reyna asks, disgusted; they don't usually get along much.

"I'm going to launch my mashed potatoes at Dylan, what does it look like I'm doing?"

"There's no way that's going to work," Frank says in disbelief.

"You can't just waste perfectly good potatoes like that!" Piper cried, outraged. "I'll eat them!"

"Pipes, you're already going to eat mine anyways, given I think they're disgusting. Do you really need three helpings?" Reyna asks exasperatedly.

Piper sticks her tongue out at her.

"She's right though," Percy interjects, his mouth full of potato. "Dylan's not worth these absolutely glorious mashed potatoes. We should throw like, broccoli, or something. That'll hurt a lot more."

Annabeth rolls her eyes.

Nico looks at me and, so that nobody else can hear, asks if they all hate Dylan. I tell him that we have ever since Piper came out and he harassed her, convinced that he could make her "normal". And then how he shoved Leo into a locker and left him there until a janitor heard him, like, an hour after school.

"Plus," I add, "they all think that what he did to you yesterday was pretty shitty."

He hesitates with what he wants to say next. "You guys have never cared before."

"What?"

"Stuff like that- It happens every day. You know that. Don't pretend you don't."

Fuck. The worst part is, I don't even have anything to say. I can't defend myself. Hazel always stands up for him. Percy calls people out when they're assholes. As for the rest of them- I don't think they knew. But I did, and I never did anything. I mean, if I had seen them physically hurt him, I would have said something. At least I like to think I would have. But I've watched people call him horrible things without so much as opening my mouth. Guys on football and basketball- besides Dylan, guys I actually like- turned Nico into something to laugh at. And I guess I never really thought of him as a real person, with a life and story and personality as complex as my own. I do now. But maybe it's too late. And maybe that's the main reason he won't trust me. How could he trust someone who could so easily dismiss him?

He's still staring at me, waiting for a response, while the conversation carries on around us.

"I'm guessing 'I'm sorry' doesn't cut it?"

I don't think that was the response he expected, because he looks taken aback, but he still shakes his head.

I just nod. "Okay."

"Okay?" He asks.

"'Okay', as in, I'll figure out a way to make it up to you."

He raises his eyebrows, but we're interrupted by cheering from the rest of our table. Apparently, Leo's catapult works; Dylan is modeling a lump of potato like a hat on his head as he gets up from his table and storms out. Everyone who can see is either laughing or speechless. Even the guys at his table can't help but let a few chuckles escape.

Nico's smiling too, and it makes me happy even though I know he doesn't smile much and even though I know he's still upset with me. That's when I truly realize that I don't just want to prove that I'm not like my dad. I'm, not just helping him because I can't help my mom. I'm not even being a good person. And I don't just have a small crush on him. I just care about him, and seeing him like this- it's breaking my heart.

The rest of the week passes in pretty much the same way. We all have lunch together. Leo acts like an idiot. Percy and Annabeth, Frank and Hazel, and Piper and Reyna are all sickeningly cute, and make the rest of us jealous. Dylan glares at us from his table. Nico continues to join us even though he seems to hate everybody but Hazel, and for some reason, Reyna. Everyone tries to get him to eat. He doesn't really, but he is becoming slowly more comfortable around us. I've gone to his house almost every day, just trying to fit in math, biology, and english. He still doesn't trust me, but there are moments when I think that he could learn to.

We don't talk about what went down in those first two days, even though I'm curious. I want to know what hurt him so badly. I want to know why he's so afraid. But I don't push him to tell me what's going on. I'm just trying to make myself constant in his life, so that he knows I'm not going to leave. So that I'm someone who's stable for him when he can't be, and when he's scared no one will be.