Author's Note: FINAL CHAPTER lovelies!
*WARNING* MAJOR CHARACTER DEATH. Triggers for death of a loved one, mourning, being a single parent and strong language.
Again, no beta. All mistakes are my own.
Disclaimer: I own nothing, nothing, nothing. No profit made etc. See Chapter 1 for more elaborate disclaimer.
~C.J.
(Chapter 12)
In the end, they had to induce labor with the twins, a C-section nonetheless. It was too dangerous for Brittney to deliver them naturally. Kurt never left her side, holding her hand on one side while Santana held the other. He had decided to stay with them while they waited for the babies to arrive, Kurt only giving his parents and brother a brief phone call to explain what's happened, what is happening, and what was going to happen. They were definitely surprised, but that didn't stop them from taking the next flight out to New York for their births. He even called Coop and Blaine's parents, both shocked to find out the situation. But they were also amazed, and ecstatic by the turn of events, grateful to have been thought of at all.
The waiting room was fuller than usual, Blaine's parents, his brother, Kurt's parents, his own stepbrother, Santana's parents as well as Brittney's, Rachel, and even Sugar. They were all there, taking up the space of the waiting room, Brayden having a grand old time with Queen and begging his grandparents for a dog of his own. When Kurt finally did emerge though, he was stunned, to say the least. Not just from the miracle of life he just witnessed, but from the amount of people waiting for him, for his kids. "I have a son…and a daughter." Guess Brittney was right after all.
Kurt knew how hard it was going to be, but once again he was glad that there were people in his life to make things just a little better. He didn't end up moving back in with his dad and Carole, instead, his amazing brother moved in with him. Finn didn't have to, and Kurt told him as much, but apparently it was just one of the times where his big brother wasn't going to let himself lose the argument. Kurt hugged him, and sobbed thankful words into his brother's chest, never feeling like his words of appreciation were enough. Though Finn never gave it a second thought, happy to help his little brother with the drastic changes that occurred in his life. It's what brothers do.
Neither one of them knew the first thing about being parents. Finn for the first few weeks scared to death about changing either one of their diapers. It was a slow learning curve for the both of them, that involved fights, emotional breakdowns, and the occasional thought of 'what the fuck did I just do?' Overall though, believe it or not, they were happy. Finn adored his nephew and niece, cooed at their fingers and toes, and encouraged them way too damn much for Kurt to believe it to be healthy. Two little kids being raised by a big kid, Lord help them all. But in all honestly, Kurt wouldn't change a minute of it.
Rachel seemed to be a constant presence too. He had no idea how she was keeping up with her Broadway career and making sure the twins grew up to know just who exactly their Auntie Rachel was. Not to mention the rekindled romance that seemed to be occurring between her and Finn. The big lug has had their engagement ring for years. She was only too eager to wear it when he finally presented it to her.
Surprisingly though, Sugar was the real hero in all of this. To which Kurt bestowed upon her the esteemed privilege of being godmother to both the twins. True to her word, her father really did hate Albert Anderson as much as his daughter said he did, and looked forward to any chance he got to rile the old man up. Apparently Kurt wasn't the only one who thought he was a prick. Mr. Motta and his lawyers did manage to find a loophole. Even though Blaine had been married legally, Albert fought that the marriage was against his religion. Therefore, he didn't have to recognize it as one, and only one that was seen as a traditionally marriage would entitle Blaine to his inheritance. However, the second instance of Blaine receiving his inheritance was that he had to be having a child. And as luck may have it, Brittney was pregnant before Albert Anderson forced Kurt to sign those papers.
It was clear that Mr. Anderson Sr. took back an inheritance that should have no longer been his to take, on more than one instance. Albert had of course been furious that entitlements were being given to the spawn of his deceased homosexual grandson, but not as angry as he was when his wife served him divorce papers, along with the reminder that she never signed a prenuptial agreement. She made sure to take him for everything he was worth. And if the press coverage that absolutely slandered Albert Anderson wasn't enough (that may or may not have been spurred on by Mr. Motta himself), his wife's shares in the company, along with his son and grandson's were certainly enough to force him to step down from his chair as head of Anderson Inc. Paving the way for Wilson to take control of the company. Which actually showed to improve the state of their family business, considering Mr. Motta and Wilson Anderson were able to strike a partnership in the middle of it all. The two found common ground, and an unlikely friendship with one another. Turns out, he really wasn't part of the mafia after all.
In any case, Kurt received the inheritance, but he wouldn't use a cent of it. It didn't feel right using it. So instead, he put the money into two equal trusts that the twins would be able to access on their eighteenth birthday. They were to be used towards his kids' futures. In whatever they wished to pursue. Kurt may not be able to provide them with every luxury and spoil, but his tenure with the University was enough. Don't get him wrong though, he was an avid coupon user. It got harder when Finn finally moved out, but Kurt wasn't going to let him stay forever, not when him and Rachel were finally happy together. His brother deserved the chance to be happy, even if it meant him moving to New York with his new wife. He would always be grateful for everything that his family and friends did for him.
"GRANDPA, GRANDPA, GRANDPAAAA!" Toni screamed happily, the little girl sprinting towards Burt as soon as her and her brother were through the door. Not even waiting for Kurt or Queen. She leapt as high as she could, which wasn't much for a seven year old, but luckily Burt had grown accustomed to her bouncing personality and caught her mid leap.
Burt oofed when he caught her, "Lord Toni, one of these days I'm going to throw out my back trying to catch you."
"Nope. You're big and strong. You'll always catch me." She said simply, batting her eyes at him cutely. Toni had Blaine's eyes, bright hazel that shifted anywhere between warm honey and cool jade. Her hair was like Brittney's, dirty blonde that she always had in a messy braid or ponytail. Today Kurt was lucky she let him put a headband with a red bow on it in her hair, two braided pigtails on either side of her head. Unlike Kurt, she very much preferred clothes that were comfortable to run around in than ones that were trendy. "Merry Christmas, Grandma Carole!" She reached over towards the nurse, making grabby hands to give her a hug.
"Merry Christmas, sweetie!" Carole giggled, giving the little girl a big hug.
Unlike his sister, Devin made sure to wipe his feet on the carpet and put his coat on the rack, a lot less of a handful than his twin sister was. He flopped on the floor and carefully removed his boots, wiggling his sock covered toes once they were free. The little boy was the calmer one, content to just look and observe the world around him. Devin looked so much like Blaine sometimes it hurt, dark curls with olive skin and the cutest little triangular eyebrows. The only difference was that he had Brittney's eyes, azure blue as opposed to Kurt's lighter glasz color. He smiled up at Kurt, handing his dad his hat to hang up because he wasn't tall enough to reach just yet. Queen let the boy use him as leverage while the kid scrambled to stand up. The Akita had grown use to being a variety of things for the twins over the years. He wished Devin could stay little forever, especially since he was the only one who let Kurt indulge in dressing him up. Today his hair had a little gel, while he wore an adorable little Christmas vest that had snowmen on it, and dark pants. "Can I go hug grandma and grandpa yet?"
Kurt smiled, "Sure kiddo, and tell your sister to come take off her snowy boots. I don't want her dripping water all over your grandparents house."
"M'kay." He hurried over to them, giggling in surprise when Burt picked him up in a hug.
The professor just watched them all fondly with a smile, the twins were always so happy when they got to see their grandparents. Though he was sure that was because more often than not, that meant they were getting presents, and they knew it. All the commotion led the other guests in the house to the living room, Kurt lighting up when he saw them. "Finn! Rachel!"
"UNCLE FINN AND AUNTIE RACHEL!" His kids screeched excitedly, Devin always becoming more excitable when his sister spurred him on. They two ran over to hug them, Kurt right behind them as Finn lifted his niece up to place her on his shoulders. "Toni! How's my bestest little all-star?"
She laughed, holding on to his offered hands for balance, "Awesome, Uncle Finn! You should have seen me in our last basketball game. I made four whole baskets!"
"That's my girl!" Finn held a hand out so she could high-five him.
Rachel crouched down and hugged Devin to her, squishing their faces together. "Oh my big boy Devin, look how much you've grown. You look so handsome!" She gushed, Devin blushing as she fussed over him.
"Merry Christmas, Auntie." He said shyly, blinking up at Kurt when Rachel kept pinching his cheeks and peppering lipstick kisses on his face. His look saying, 'help me!'
He chuckled, "What's gotten into you?"
"Look at his gorgeous little face! Don't you just want to eat him up?!" She cooed, completely bypassing the question. Devin looked scared for a moment, like he thought she actually might try to do so.
Finn cleared his throat, lifting Toni off his shoulders to set her back down on the floor. Much to the little girl's dismay, if her strung out whine of 'awwwwwww' was anything to go by. "Rachel, I thought we decided we were going to tell everyone the good news?" He stressed.
Carole walked over to them, curious about the last tidbit she heard. "What good news?"
Rachel kissed Devin's cheek one last time, the little boy wrinkling his nose and trying to wipe away the lipstick his aunt branded him with. She stood up and bashfully batted at Finn's arm. "Fiiiinn."
Kurt could see Carole preparing to vibrate out of her shoes. "Guys, the anticipation is about to kill Carole. Don't keep us waiting!"
Finn looked at Rachel, then Rachel looked at Finn as they clasped their hands together. Both of them mouthed a quick 'I love you' before shouting, "We're pregnant!"
The squeals that followed were ear-shattering, to the point where the twins had to cover their ears at the sound. Kurt would never say his father squealed, but he was sure he did the 'manly' equivalent of it. Carole gushed and hugged Rachel, teary eyed the both of them. Burt went over and clasped Finn on the back, congratulating the new father before they switched. Finn was enveloped in a hug by his mother, the woman whispering something like 'it's about time!' Rachel sniffled happily, letting Burt give her a one-arm hug, as she couldn't help the happy tears from falling. Finn handed her a tissue so she could dab under her eyes, "Hormones."
"It is not!"
He chuckled at her, "Sure babe."
She sniffed primly at him, Toni tugging on her sleeve to catch her attention. "When are you going to buy the baby?"
The adults looked at Toni quizzically, then at Kurt. He coughed uncomfortably, "Couple years ago when we went up and visited Santana and Brittney, Santana revealed that she was pregnant again. If you wish to explain things, because I'm certainly not, go ahead."
Rachel opened her mouth, before closing it abruptly. She stared down at the two little young children looking up at her, curiosity clear on their faces. Quickly she glanced at Finn, who was of no help to her, he obviously wasn't ready to give the explanation either. After a moment of thought, she clapped her hands together, "How about some presents!?"
The kids cheered, jumping up and down in their newfound excitement. Attention completely redirected. Every adult in the room visibly relaxed.
Kurt watched fondly from the couch as the kids handed out the presents that weren't theirs and tore through the ones that were. Rolling his eyes when Finn got them matching Batman and Superman pajamas. Like really, at this rate his little girl will never let him put her in a dress. His dad wasn't much help either, buying both of them baseball mitts, caps, and bats. Huh, maybe this was how his dad felt when he asked for a tea set that one Christmas. Truth be told, Devin was more interested in the set of legos Rachel had bought for them. The boy was already making some sort of towering monstrosity next to the Christmas tree. Queen was lying on his side like the big lazy lump of fur he grew to be in his old age, more or less content now to just be a snuggly pillow for the twins. The dog yawned hugely, belly full of doggie treats his two little humans insisted on getting him as a Christmas present.
"So Kurt, what's new?" Rachel asked him, the both of them relaxing while Finn and Toni competed in some Wii Sports, Burt waiting to play winner. They both already knew they were going to let Toni win. Devin was content with babbling at Carole while he built his creation. No one knew exactly what it was yet, but that didn't deter his grandmother from looking impressed by it.
He gave her a small smile, "Nothing much really. Devin sang in the Christmas pageant. He was one of the choir of angels. The little guy practiced for weeks so he could be just as good as the big kids. He was so happy with himself once it was done, and I couldn't have been prouder."
Rachel hummed, "Maybe he has a talent for singing like Blaine?"
"Maybe." The professor agreed. "Guess we'll see."
"And what about my favorite little tomboy?"
Kurt snorted. "I tried putting her in Pep Squad."
"I take it by your tone it didn't go over very well?"
"Toni was kicked out."
"What? What on earth for?"
"She…um…she kind of pushed one of the other girls into the dirt…then sat on her." Kurt tried to hide his grin.
"Oh my gosh, she didn't." When Kurt just nodded, Rachel started giggling. "Why?"
"Not entirely sure of the details. The little girl said something along the lines of 'hey, I didn't know smelly boys were allowed to join'." He scoffed. "Needless to say, fighting isn't tolerated in Pep Squad."
"Wow, is it bad I kind of want to hug her and tell her how awesome she is?"
"Yes!" Kurt laughed. "I had enough trouble trying not to do it myself. But you know, apparently that wouldn't be setting a very good example for them. I talked to her about what she did. She knows it was wrong, and I told her if she does it again she's not allowed to go to basketball practice. I swear she gets her impulsive nature from Blaine though. Hopefully next time she'll think before she acts when someone picks on her. I don't like that some girls pick on her for just being who she is, but that doesn't mean I want her tackling every little bully to the ground either."
She twirled a piece of her hair in contemplation. "So she's different. You know a lot about that, don't you?"
He sighed, "I guess. But I don't exactly want her to have my same experience."
"Kurt, they're seven years old. Now is the time for them to be whatever they want, and not worry about what other people think. Trust me, when they're older there will be too much time for that, and then some." The Broadway star said, knowing what it's like to be on the receiving end of certain criticisms.
"If you say so." He ran a hand through his hair tiredly. "Sometimes I just wish I could…talk things out with him. See if I'm even remotely close to being a decent parent."
"You are." She tried to reassure.
"But he would have been so much better than me. I feel like he would know what to do in situations like this. I'm making everything up as I go here." He stressed.
Rachel chuckled, "Isn't that what parenting is? Fumbling along and hoping you don't screw up your kid?"
"That's not very comforting." Kurt deadpanned.
She just shrugged, "I feel like that's what all parents do. There's no single right way. We all grew up differently, and I still think we turned out okay. Give or take a few quirks." Rachel smiled.
"But how do I know what I'm doing isn't one of the wrong ways?"
The Broadway actress looked at him, then at his kids, directing Kurt's gaze to them. "Just look at them. If what you're doing is screwing them up so badly, why do they look so happy?"
Kurt stared at her for a moment, before flicking his gaze back over to his kids. Finn was on the floor, feigning devastation at the loss of his tournament against Toni. Who happened to be jumping up and down excitedly, trying to tug Burt out of his recliner so he could compete against her now. He was always amazed at how much energy she had, but lucky her uncle and grandpa were there to tucker her out. Thank goodness. Devin was wearing the lego bucket on his head, crawling around the lego tower while he explained something very seriously to Carole. It was with that, Kurt let out a long breath, leaning his head back against the couch. "When did you start to get all wise and such? I feel like you actually make sense now."
Rachel flipped her hair over her shoulder, not even hiding her smugness as she patted his arm. "I can't explain it. Must be this newfound motherhood thing. I mean, after all the morning sickness, the aching, the heartburn, the stretch marks, the giving over of my body to another human being, I damn well better get something for what I'm about to go through. The least I could get after all the inconveniences is a little motherly intuition."
"Ya know, besides getting the miracle of you and Finn combined in one convenient cute little package."
"Yeah, besides that."
He chuckled at her, shaking his head. "I have missed you."
"And I've missed you." She took one of his hands, "So what about you, Kurt? What's new with you? Got your eye on anybody yet? Maybe a forbidden love affair with the Dean of the University?"
"She's a woman."
"A student then? Fellow professor maybe?" Kurt didn't look her way, just stared at Queen who sniffed interestedly at one of the baseball mitts. He better not be thinking of doing what Kurt thinks he's getting ready to do. "Come on, give me something."
"There's nothing to give. I haven't been interested in anybody. Why would I?"
His friend frowned, "Kurt, after all this time. Not ONE person has caught your attention? Not even a little bit?"
"Nope."
"Well, what about Sebastian? I thought you talk to him every so often."
The professor shrugged noncommittally, "Rachel, I don't talk to him for THAT. He's just a friend. Someone who…who gets it, okay? He understands what it's like, what I'm going through. We're there for each other when need be."
"You know you have me, Kurt."
He just smiled at her softly, "I know that. I do. And I love you dearly for that. You, and Finn, and Sugar, and everybody. You guys have been amazing. But Sebastian, he's been through the same thing I have. He knows what it's like to feel like you've lost everything." Kurt finished off with a whisper, downcasting his gaze when he felt his glasz eyes threaten to become misty.
"I'm sorry. You're right. I shouldn't have said anything."
Kurt cleared his throat, blinking away whatever emotions crawled its way up. He plastered on his best grin, "It's all right. I'M all right." Stressing his point.
Rachel pursed her lips for a moment, studying him. "Are you sure?"
Before he answered, Kurt did take a moment to think about what he'd said. Finding that, it was true. He was finally beginning to feel content with his life, despite the twists and turns he's never wanted to happen. It was still hard, and he still thinks of Blaine every moment of every day, but it didn't feel like it did before. Kurt didn't feel as hopeless. All he had to do was look at his kids. Look at Devin, watching him grow into the handsome young boy he is and show an interest in music like the man he resembles. Or look at Toni, watch her face when her hazel eyes light up and when she flounces around like the adorable goober she is. They got the best of Blaine. There isn't much more he could ask for than that. "Actually, yeah, I think I am."
"But Daaad, m'not tired." Toni said around a huge yawn, Kurt struggling to carry his two kids who were nothing more than sleepy limp noodles at this point.
"Uh-huh, sure." He hummed, depositing his two kids into their shared bed for the night. Toni already in her brand new Batman pajamas while Devin wore his Superman ones. The little Hummel-Anderson family had the tradition of spending the night at their grandparents' house on Christmas Eve. A tradition the twins were always excited for. "And even if I did believe that, why would you want to stay up any later anyways? The longer you stay up, the sleepier you'll be on Christmas Day. What fun can you possibly have with your new toys if you're yawning like you are now?" The father reminded, tickling their sides a bit just to see them grin sleepily and wriggle with laughter.
Queen trotted in when he heard the commotion, propping his head on the bed as he contemplated whether or not he was going to jump up on it. He woofed softly, deciding against it as he plopped down on the rug at the foot of the bed. The old boy wasn't much for strenuous activity anymore, opening his chops to yawn sleepily before resting his head on his forepaws so settle in for some much needed sleep. "Is that why you didn't give us our present yet, Daddy? You wanted to wait till Christmas Day?" Devin inquired, lying down and turning on his side to look up at his dad with those big blue eyes of his.
"Present? I don't remember getting you guys any present." Kurt just shrugged, sitting on the edge of the bed while he tried to tuck his two kids in for the night. "You have enough presents already. I don't think you need one from me too." He teased.
The kids didn't notice his teasing cheekiness, taking him for being serious. "No, no, no, no, no! We want our present! We want our present!" They started riling up, Toni already jumping up and down on the bed, loose strands of her blonde hair swishing into her face.
Kurt shushed them down hurriedly, not wanting to disturb Grandpa Burt and Grandma Carole who had already retired to bed. "All right, all right, all right! Tell you two what, if you two promise to calm down, I'll give you your presents." He enticed, the excited little bundles immediately settling down, Toni even slapping her small hands over her mouth so she wouldn't let out another peep. "Now close your eyes." The father instructed, waiting for them to comply before he reached under the bed to pull out their gifts. Kurt had placed them there right before he scooped up his children to get them ready for bed. "Merry Christmas!"
Toni and Devin opened their eyes, faces lighting up and Kurt fearing for his life when Toni's overly excited squeals most definitely must have woken someone up. He was trying to calm them down when four small arms wrapped around him, Devin around his neck and Toni around his middle. Kurt couldn't help but laughed at their twin chants of 'thank you, thank you, thank you.'
"Daddy, I love him!" The little girl then squished her new teddy bear to her face, tightening her hold on the stuffed animal dressed in a green and brown army uniform.
"It's so squishy." Devin giggled, testingly squeezing the fluff stuffed tummy of his own identical army themed teddy bear. "They're just like the one Papa gave you, isn't it?"
Their dad was caught off guard by that statement, always surprised when his kids brought Blaine up so casually. "Yeah, you're right." He smiled a bit, "You remember the story?"
Devin nodded, "Mhmm. Valentine's Day."
"Oh, oh, oh!" Toni bounced on her knees, "I remember too. Papa was all romantical with you. He took you to the park, and made you a picnic, and—and strawberries, and he loved you!" She said confidently.
Kurt nodded, smile widening at their memory. "Yes. I didn't realize you two paid such close attention when I tell you stories about your Papa."
"Course we do. We love stories about Papa." Toni said distractedly, making her bear walk across the comforter.
"I like them too." He admitted.
"Then why do you get sad every time you talk about Papa?" Devin asked, tucking his bear under his arm.
He stiffened somewhat, surprised by his child's keen observations. "Sad? What do you mean sad?"
"It's why we don't ask for more stories." His girl said distractedly, starting to yawn again as exhaustion started creeping up on her again. "Sometimes you seem happy when talking about Papa Blaine, but then you always get a little sad. We don't like it when you're sad. So we try not to upset you by asking."
Devin nodded agreeably, "We always wait for when we see Uncle Cooper. Or Grandma Sharon and Grandpa Wilson."
"Don't forget Auntie Tana!"
"Auntie Tana tells us lots of funny ones." The little boy giggled, crawling back over to his pillow and wiggling back under the comforter. "I miss them. Not even G-Ma comes around that much."
Kurt sighed, coaxing Toni back under the comforter as well so he could tuck them both in. "I'm sure she misses you too. But you know how G-Ma Sugar and your Uncle Coop have been getting along. They like each other, so they're just trying to spend time with one another." He tried to explain, "In a few days, we're going to fly up to New York and visit everyone you miss. You two love spending New Years in New York, don't you?"
"Yes." They said at the same time, both using their soft sleepy voice.
"Good. Now, why don't you go sleep? Another fun-filled day is to be had tomorrow. And you know what Christmas morning means." He grinned.
Toni blinking slowly as she struggled to smile. "Funny face chocolate chip pancakes."
"Mmm…I can't wait." Devin responded, cuddling his bear close to him.
"That's right." Kurt said, tucking them under the covers as securely as he's learned to do. He brushed some hair away from Toni's face, and then did the same with Devin's now ungelled curls. "I'm sorry you felt you couldn't ask me about your Papa. Thinking about him doesn't make me sad. It makes me very happy actually. It's just…remembering how much he loved me, how much we loved each other, sometimes I just get sad that I can't tell him that anymore." His voice quivered, feeling that dull throb in his heart ache again. "But your Papa loved you both very much, just like I do."
"Love you too, Daddy."
"Love Papa too."
The twins told him, Kurt letting out a wet laugh. "Yes, well, I guess I should let you two get some sleep now, huh?"
"Wait!" Devin stopped him suddenly, surprising Kurt by his outburst. The little boy glanced at his sister, as if looking for her support, and she must have given it when she nodded at him surely. He sat up slightly, working himself up for what he was about to say. "Dad, can you tell us a bedtime story?" His soft voice was hesitant. "A-About Papa?"
Their dad let out an amused huff. "I promise I'll tell you two a story tomorrow. Right now, I don't think y'all will be able to stay awake long enough for one."
"What about a song!?" Toni compromised desperately.
"A song…" The professor repeated skeptically, raising an eyebrow.
"Y-Yeah, we like it when you sing to us. You don't sing to us enough."
Both of them were giving him big puppy dog eyes, the one thing Kurt really wished they hadn't gotten from his curly haired Sergeant. In reality he loved their kicked puppy expressions, just not when they were used on him. "Please." They pleaded together, their full on double pouting powers aimed his way.
"Maybe one that reminds you of Papa?" Devin tried again.
Kurt was not able to say no when they both stared up at him like that. He smirked a bit, "All right. One song. Then straight to bed." His voice was a little bit more stern, a fatherly tone to it if you will.
The kids both nodded eagerly, smiling brighter as they got themselves settled in for sleep, cuddling their father's presents to them more securely while they waited and listened. Kurt quickly went through his mental arsenal of songs, trying to figure out which one to soothe them to sleep with. But there was only one prepared and sitting in the back of his mind, one that he'd previously planned to sing just for himself in a less audienced setting. Well, hopefully this little number would lull them enough to start snoozing.
Say good-bye to not knowing when
The truth in my whole life began
Say good-bye to not knowing how to cry
You taught me that
Kurt, huh? I like it.
Well, I'm so happy you approve.
My name is Blaine.
And I'll remember the strength that you gave me
Now that I'm standing on my own
I'll remember the way that you saved me
I'll remember
I'm a soldier…in the army.
Like…the U.S. Army?
Yes, and I'm being deployed.
Inside I was a child
That could not mend a broken wing
Outside I looked for a way
To teach my heart to sing
I know I'm not ready to say goodbye to you.
Then, will you do something for me? Will you write to me?
And I'll remember the love that you gave me
Now that I'm standing on my own
I'll remember the way that you changed me
I'll remember
Sweet dreams, Kurt.
I love you.
I learned
To let go
Of the illusion that we can possess
I love you too…soldier boy.
I learned
To let go
I travel in stillness
This is Kurt, my boyfriend.
And I'll remember
Happiness
I'll remember
Just promise you're going to come back!
Kurt, know that I will always, ALWAYS, come back to you.
And I'll remember the love that you gave me
Now that I'm standing on my own
I'll remember the way that you changed me
I'll remember
Get a move on soldier boy. I'll be here when you get back.
No I've never been afraid to cry
Now I finally have a reason why
I'll remember
Blaine Devon Anderson, my brave Sergeant, my selfless hero, my one true love, will you do me the honor of becoming my amazing, AMAZING husband?
No I've never been afraid to cry
Now I finally have a reason why
I'll remember
Through desert storms or hurricanes, I'd cross oceans and continents just to be by your side.
No I've never been afraid to cry
And I finally have a reason why
I'll remember
It's impossible for me to not love you. I think it's written into our DNA to love each other.
No I've never been afraid to cry
And I finally have a reason why
I'll remember
You're my perfect place, Kurt.
The widower sniffled at the end of it, subtly wiping under his eyes where he felt wet tears. He looked down at his kids' faces, feeling the ends of his lips quirk up slightly at the sight of their closed lids. Kurt leaned over and gently placed a kiss on each other their foreheads. "Sweet dreams, babies. I love you both very, very much."
It was early the morning Kurt decided to visit Blaine on his own, smiling when he came upon the homemade wreathe he and the kids had made for their Papa. He knelt down in the snow and wiped away some frost from the words on his husband's headstone with a gloved hand. The professor removed the dead and frozen bouquet of flowers he had left from last time to replace with his new set of fresh red and yellow roses.
In Loving Memory of our Brave Hero
Sgt. Blaine Devon Anderson-Hummel
Seasons may change…Winter to Spring
But you are loved until the end of time
Kurt smiled when he was able to wipe away the cold ice that had been covering up his husband's inscription, kneeling up some so he could dust off the top as well. He sat back on his haunches once he was satisfied with the state of Blaine's grave, looking around cautiously only to see two or three people in the cemetery this early in the morning. Thankfully it looked as if no one would disturb him while he was there. More often than not, Kurt would bring their kids whenever he came so they too could visit their Papa. However, every once in a while, he just needed some time by himself with his soldier boy.
"Merry Christmas, my love. It's been…not that long actually. You must be getting tired of seeing my face all the time." He chuckled to himself, shuddering through his laugh when he felt the cool wet snow seep through the fabric of his jeans.
"I hope you enjoyed the wreathe. I helped with it very little, hence the mass amounts of glitter and odd assortment of glued on knick-knacks: ornaments, tiny toy dinosaurs, and my favorite whisk. Your kids are certainly uninhibited when it comes to their creativity." Glasz eyes glared mockingly, fingers flicking at the red ribbon that tied the kitchen utensil to the green Christmas decoration.
"We're visiting your family in a few days. I almost dread it because of how much they spoil the twins. Your brother included." Kurt couldn't keep the smile off his face. "Remember the one from a couple of years ago? The one where wonderful Uncle Coop thought getting them battery operated toy jeeps was a good idea? Poor Queen. The kids had too much fun chasing him around in those things."
He wrapped his arms around himself, rubbing his palms up and down his forearms to get a small amount of heated friction. "Did you know Sugar and your brother are starting to get serious? It was one of those things where I was surprised it happened, but then I'm like 'wait, no I can believe it.' They are weirdly compatible, and I think you'd get a kick out of their…interactions with each other. She got him to quit with that dramatic pointing thing, even I was shocked." Kurt's jaw started to quiver, the freeze threatening to chatter his teeth. "We're gonna be uncles too. Finn and Rachel are having a kid. These last couple of years they've been so happy, and I'm glad for them. After everything they've done for me, Sugar and your brother included, I wish them all the happiness in the world."
A tear slipped out and slid down the side of his cheek, Kurt quickly reached up to swipe it away. "You should see how big the twins have gotten since the last time they were here. Toni is growing like a weed. She is SO hyperactive. Apparently just like you were according to your mother." He tried to giggle some, but it just sounded like he was chocking on a cry. "I wish you could see Devin. The bigger he gets, the more and more he reminds me of you. He might even like performing." His voice cracked at the end, Kurt squeezing his eyes shut for a moment as more tears tracked down his face.
"More than anything I wish you were raising them with me. They would absolutely adore you, like I always have." He started sniffling, breaths hitching around his next words. "I tried being mad at you. For so long I tried to be angry at you for leaving me, but it's just too exhausting. It's exhausting trying to be mad at you when all I do is miss you so damn much. I mean, fuck, I still write to you. I can't help it. There are PILES of letters for you under our bed. And I-I um...I brought you one I wrote a couple days ago too." The blue eyed male reached into his coat pocket, hesitantly pulling out a crumpled looking envelope. "Here, let me just, I'm going to put it right here. Give you something to read for later." He slipped the envelope in alongside his flowers. Other times it was more than one, either from him or from the twins. He never wanted his husband to feel like he wasn't apart of their lives anymore. "Sometimes, I pretend you're just away on another mission. Because it doesn't hurt so much if I just pretend, ya know?" Kurt was about to reach up and wipe his face with the back of his hands when he felt the clammy leather of his gloves against his face. The feeling had him biting the fingertips and ripping both gloves off his hands in agitation, pads of his soft fingers rubbing away the moisture while he tried to clear his throat from the beginnings of emotional scratchy rawness.
"I miss your face. I miss your voice. I miss your smell, your kiss, your touch. I miss the way you used to hold me, or how it felt to have you wrapped up in my arms when you were safe at home with me…I even miss fighting with you. Those stupid, STUPID disagreements we had." It hurt when he sucked in ragged breaths, the frozen air biting at his now chattering teeth. "And I don't know what I'm doing. Without you I don't feel like anything is r-right. Everything you said you wanted is right here, and you're not. You s-said nothing would ever keep you away! Because you promised, you promised you'd always come back!" The blue-eyed man shouted, chocking on his own sobs and burying his face in hands. No matter how much time has passed, no matter how hard he's tried to move on, it never got any easier. The pain, it never seemed to go away. "This wasn't supposed to be us. We weren't supposed to end up like this."
Kurt…
His head jerked up, face cold and wetness freezing against his skin as the brisk winter air blew across his face. It happened every time he came alone. A light whisper in the back of his mind, that if it were any quieter, it wouldn't have been heard at all. He never told anyone when it happened, afraid that if he spoke about it, verbally acknowledged it to other people, it may stop happening. The widower never knew if it was just his desperate imagination, a vivid memory, or if his grief actually caused him to go insane for a split second. But it's all he had now, and regardless of the cause, he always wished he could have more. Everything in him was trying to bring back that instant, praying for at least on more second. Kurt reached down the front of his layers, grabbing ahold of the hidden dog tags he always wore and just running his fingers over the worn etchings of the familiar name. "I still love you, Blaine. And I'll never stop loving you."
It was an honor to be loved by you.
The wind picked up again, Kurt finally able to offer a soft genuine smile as the whisper warmly caressed his ear, and his eyes fluttering closed with the tenderness of the sensation. He breathed in the cool snowy-morning air, savoring this moment for as long as he could manage it. "You will always be my soldier boy."
A/N: That was Madonna's 'I'll Remember.' And guys, GUYS. It's over. This FIC. It's finally done. And I think I'm going to cry.
I just want to say thank you to everyone who followed, favorited, and reviewed this fic. This precious baby has been completed and I hope you enjoyed reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it. If you've been reading this fic, and you haven't left a review, I encourage you to do so for the last time! You lovelies are the best and I hope the ending was a sufficient one. And if you guys still want that 'if Blaine lived' one-shot, let me know and I'll post one sometime in the near future. Again, thank you for sticking with this story, every single one of you are amazing, and if you REALLY enjoyed this story, feel free to share it! Let others go through the array of emotions you've just gone through. I love you. ;)
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