Disclaimer - I do not own Homeland. That pleasure belongs to Showtime. I don't own Ice Age either unfortunately. That would be cool. No copyright infringement or money making scheme intended. This is purely for reading enjoyment.

A/N I ended up watching the end of the weekend before watching Achilles Heel, Crossfire and Representative Brody (all on same disc). Damian, Claire and Mandy are just outstanding in these episodes, as was the writing.

This one is a missing scene from Achilles Heel after Brody has found out that Tom is alive, but before he delivers his message that he is "out". His emotions are all over the shop.

"I'm Scrat."

"What, dad?"

Brody jumps up from the couch to find Dana standing in front of him.

"I thought you'd gone out."

I did, but I forgot my phone", she answers looking at him suspiciously. "You ok?"

"Yeah, yeah. I'm fine", Brody replies distracted, sitting back down. You just startled me."

"Riggghht. So, what were you saying?"

"Scrat", Brody points at the TV screen.

Dana comes further into the room to see the TV.

"You're watching Ice Age again? Dad, you are such a child!"

"Well, like you said I missed the three of them. I'm catching up."

"Okay, then. I'm away this time."

"See you later, sweetie."

The door bangs behind Dana and Brody feels the world outside disconnect from him.

"Scrat, that's who I am, Scrat. The useless squirrel who causes chaos trying to get to his food."

Brody looks up as though expecting someone to say something.

"Shit, now I'm talking to myself and looking for answers."

Fingers dancing across the arm of the couch, he tunes out Ice Age. Opening and shutting his eyes every 30 seconds or so, restlessly. When he closes his eyes, Tom is dying, dead and buried, because of him and by him. He remembers the sickening sound every time his fist hit its mark with each punch.

When he opens his eyes in the present, Tom Walker is alive. He feels sick and betrayed which is ironic because he had felt sick and treacherous when punching the living daylights out of Tom and when he had needed and taken Nazir's comfort afterwards.

Standing up suddenly, pacing back and forth, the bile rises in his throat. Nazir had tricked him and he felt like a fucking idiot for not realising it before. He'd been used and deceived and he can't help the laugh that escapes him as the word crosses his mind, because he's become quite good at deceiving people himself in aid of carrying out Nazir's mission.

Carrie Mathison was all over him like a rash. It hadn't been as difficult as he had imagined, the lying and the turning it back on to her. He knows why. Because every lie he told, he wanted to believe himself. He wanted it to be true. That he was a good man and just a victim. Who he wants to be desperately, but not who he is.

Sitting down again, running his hands through his hair and down over his face, his emotions following the same path. The lying had been easy, but the walking away from her not so much. Necessary though it had been to distance himself from her, it had been difficult because he'd felt it too. That part of it had been real and now it just couldn't be.

"Aggghh", Brody lets out a scream of rage and it echoes around the empty house. Standing up, he aims a kick at the couch.

"Fuckkk!", a different scream escapes him. Now he's hopping mad. Laughing in despair at his own terrible joke and the situation he has himself in, he sits down with the toes on his left foot throbbing. He has a decision to make, because it has become abundantly clear to him that he can't cope with being two people. Carrie understands in a way that Jess never will, but she's too close to him, too dangerous and he has the kids to think about as well.

It's all too much for him. The walls are closing in on him. It's hard to breath. He's going to go crazy. He'll destroy everyone he cares about, he'll rip everything to pieces and he doesn't want to be that man. Panic setting in now, taking a hold of him and not letting go. He has to decide now.

"Shit", Brody topples over at the loud banging noise. Soon as he is able, he's on his feet assessing his surroundings. His eyes fall on the TV screen where the volcano has just erupted.

"Fucking Scrat".

Running his hand through his hair again, he's aware of his heart pounding against his chest. It's telling him he's still here. He's alive, but he doesn't feel it. He feels apart from everything and everyone. The double life needs to stop now.

He knows where he's going for the first time since he got home. He's out and he's anxious to get the message across, to make it real and get that weight off his chest. Saying it out loud will make it real and once he's done that he can truly go home and start his life again.

Sitting, waiting for Al-Zahrani to come home, Brody figured he'd make himself comfortable in a chair. The news is all about Tom. Alive, breathing, heart beating and dangerous. Brody balls his fists up. It can't be true. He beat the shit out of him and buried him. But reality liked to kick you in the nuts. It was true. Alive, Tom Walker is alive and they let him think he was dead. So, he waits and eventually he hears the front door. Al-Zahrani is home. Out, he needs out now and he's going to tell them. He's done.